It Takes a Mother to Raise a Village

by Colleen Down

While the old African proverb of 'it takes a village to raise a child' sounds appealing, perhaps the realities of life are more accurately conveyed in the story of The Little Red Hen. 'Who will help me potty train my child?' asks the mother, 'Not I,' says the village. 'Who will help me clean up this third glass of spilt milk?' asks the mother. 'Not I,' says the village. 'Who will help put braces on my child's teeth?' asks the mother. 'Not I,' says the village. 'Who wants to use my child to further their own political agendas?' asks the mother. 'WE DO,' says the village. The irony of motherhood is that there has not been a spokesperson for mothers because those who feel most passionately are simply too busy. They're too busy running the car pools, doing the laundry, shopping for the groceries and the 1,001 other things, which are required to sustain life. Some have tried, but really, when was the last time Oprah plopped down her last ten dollar bill for a bag of Huggies and a gallon of milk? Full time Mom, Colleen Down, has decided to ignore her buzzing dryer and ringing phone long enough to stand up and defend those whose profession it is to rock the cradle, and to remind them once again that they truly do have the power to change the world. It Takes a Mother to Raise a Village is a humorous look at the joys and frustrations of being a mother of seven, ranging from preschool to college. It Takes a Mother to Raise a Village also takes a serious look at how important the role of a mother is in dealing with the problems that face us in the new millennium. If it takes a mother to raise the village it is also going to take all of the mothers to save the village.

Genres: Book Club, Parenting

161 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[Shiloah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a mix of many thoughts and stories from a busy mom who took time to write in between kid chaos and everyday life. I barely put this book down as I enjoyed reading the stories of her large family. One of my favorite quotes is from her book.

[David McAllister · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think pretty much everything this book says is true. She makes very good points about the dangers in our society and the crucial role of mothers in combatting them. I would like all feminist-leaning people to read this and internalize the nobility of motherhood and be able to see through the deception in second-wave feminist doctrine.

Some of her politics in the Freedom chapter are a bit too conspiracy theory-ish for me, but the book was a bit of a time capsule of the social issues of 2001. It's nice to have moved on in the issues, even though for the worse in some respects.

She would've benefitted from a professional editor. The book wasn't as tight or crisp as I would hope for, and had plenty of typos, but that didn't detract substantially from the message or the humor.

[Jocelyn]

I read this book for book club other wise I probably wouldn’t have even picked it up in the first place.

[Lucinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I went to stay with the Down family in Utah on our vacation this May and Colleen gave me her book to read. Knowing their son Andy made me laugh harder than I would in some parts! He is a riot! I especially loved the Anxiety/Love chart. Our goal in our family is to raise our kids with low anxiety and high love. I also wrote down her 5 rules for raising boys to men, chapter 5.

In one part she wrote about her brother-in-law who nearly drowned at the beach because he ignored posted signs warning of dangerous rip tides. I tell people all the time about the time I thought I was going to drown when I got caught up in 16 foot waves in Hawaii on a beach where many signs were posted warning that it was a dangerous beach and only for experienced locals. I was only 18, knew I wasn't a strong swimmer but I went in anyway. Quote from her book on page 108: "It seems that society is on a perpetual holiday and has decided to ignore all the warning signs and take its chances against the powerful undertow that exists in life. God has placed plenty of warning signs on the beach of life starting with "Thou Shalt" and "Thou Shalt Not" to warn us of powerful undercurrents that could drag us down. But most people are too confident in their powerful swimming abilities to give any heed to the signs. We want to be free of restrictions; we want to live our own life. (The very words of our teen daughter when she moved out this month) We want to swim in the ocean and bask in the sun. It is not until we are gasping for air, exhausted, and miles from shore do we realize that perhaps we should have heeded the warning signs. If we had, we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now. The Ten Commandments protect our freedoms rather than restrict them." I can still see myself standing in front of the warning sign, watching a person being loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher with a neck brace on and then walking past and getting into the calm water. In an instant it changed and 4 big locals had to drag me out! Not until I read her book did I see the metaphor. Life teaches so subtely!

This is one of those books that will go next to my bed so I can read it again and again! It is filled with humor and truth! She is a strong voice for the mothers of the world! As I was reading, I kept thinking which of my friends I would want to read it. Basically....all of my friends that are mothers!

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started off reading this book underwhelmed and not sure I'd continue. I thought it was going in a different direction. By chapter 3 I was hooked.

A few of my favorite lines ... "A lazy mother does it all." Brilliant! Sure it'd be easier if I did everything for my kids, but that's the lazy way out. I have to take the time to teach them how to do it.

"Teach your boys to deny themselves." What???? I read on and love her connection. She asked when do you teach your boys about sex? At age two. Not by giving them the play by play, but by teaching them that they don't get everything they want right now. They should not get that candy bar every time or that game or whatever they are screaming for at that exact minute. B/c if we indulge their every whim now, then what will they do when they are 16 and hormonal? They will think that their physical needs must be met immediately too. She was much more eloquent.

A very easy read. And some interesting points to ponder.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like I'm pretty lucky in my life to be surrounded by people and institutions (mainly my church) that put emphasis and value on motherhood. I think because of that this book wasn't as earth-shattering or life-changing as it could be for some.

Motherhood is important and what we do in our families can change the world for the better. I did agree with all or almost all (I can't remember) of what the author had to say. I do think that while the book was ambitiously meant to be a call to arms of how mothers can change the world it really ended up being a collection of musings on the value of motherhood. Which is still good, we can all use the reminder when we're in the trenchs of dirty diapers.

[Lora · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Hillary Clinton siad "It takes a village to raise a child" my maternal hackles went up. I had trouble putting it into words at the time, however. So when I saw this title, I had to have it. This book stands as my shared statement against Clinton's generalization. But then, throughout her years of statements, Clinton has consistently insulted the stay at home mom, and not cared a bit.
This is a good read and supports those who found Clinton's statement simplistic and ignorant of dedicated mothering.
I think it stands well even when the original ploitical statements have years of testing at this point.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one is a must read to anyone that is a mother. It will have you rolling on the floor, but also gives good advice on how to stay sane amongst all your little village people. I felt that I was doing ok after reading this. Having perfect children and a perfect home are not signs of being the perfect mother. Being the perfect mother is trying your best and having happy children. If you're a mom, you have to read this. I've read it twice now and would love to read it at last 50 more times.

[Elissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book kept me saying "exactly right!" from beginning to end. This author made me laugh and cry and most of all, she gave me that "what I do every day really matters" feeling, and what mom doesn't need that?

The title of course is a spin-off of the notion that it "takes a village to raise a child." Just the dilution of responsibility that would occur with that approach has always bothered me. Colleen Down addresses this point and many others superbly and with such honesty and humor that it is easy to identify with her even though I don't--and do not plan to--have seven kids.

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the center of all communities are mothers who love, teach and lead the children of the future. Children learn mostly form their parents and usually mothers are the formost teachers in the family. As children learn from their mothers they in turn have and effect on other children and those children effect other children and so on. Mothers effect other mothers and also effect other mother's children when they come into their homes. This book is filled with great wisdom and insight about children and mothers.

[Jessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It was the perfect time for me to read it. I've been feeling frustrated lately wondering what the point is to all the day-to-day and feeling like I'm under appreciated and never accomplishing anything, (house is still a mess, kids constantly fighting, disobeying etc.) This really put things in perspective for me and made me feel like what I'm doing is worthwhile and oh so very important. The author speaks from great experience (7 kids!) with humor and wit. Overall a very good read.

[Julie King · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the premise of the book and they value she puts on motherhood at a time when we seem to devalue the work of mothering. At times, I found her prose easy to relate to and wondered if she had been peering over my shoulder during those early days of motherhood with lots of little ones, lots of messes, and little to show for it at the end of the day. But I also found her a bit preachy and her review of the Ten Commandments seemed to drag on. I like the idea she had, but found the result lacking.

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will give any book that writes about the importance of mothers and motherhood 5 stars, well okay, maybe not any book but certainly this one. This book made me cry on occasion, laugh a lot, and feel empowered, uplifted and inspired. I read a review that said you won't like this book if you're a Democrat. That's probably true but I'm not and so I did!

[Britta · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful book for mothers to read. It's just a good pat on the back for moms and all that they do. It validates our vital role as mothers and celebrates, and provides encouragement to continue on with our most important job - raising good children. There are also words of advise and stories that I could relate to and learn from. Loved this book!

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

GREAT for any type of motherly figure (stay-at-home, worker, mother of one or 20, aunt, grandparent). I especially loved chapter 5, Boys to Men and the Anxiety/Love chart. I can picture different parents I know in each catagory. Hopefully I am low anxiety/high love! although her husband is right. She does go from subject to subject unorganized.

[Lani · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to get to know me and what my life is like and my opinion on lots of things, read this book. Except for her little tangent towards the end of the book, I felt like this lady put on paper so many of my thoughts and feelings

Kudos to all you mothers out there! You are important, and you should take the time to read this

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Colleen Down's humor, wisdom and perspective on being a mother in today's world. Excellent advise and on being a woman, mother and wife. She feels like I feel that we all need to ban together to have a voice in today's world cheer all of us on...it's not easy but by reading her book you know it is possible.

[Cathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book defends the sacred role of motherhood and defines it as a divine calling. So much of the world no longer views motherhood as sacred and believes it to be a less than satisfying role, but the author clearly points out all the hard work that we as mothers must do to raise righteous children. Yeah!!

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely delightful evaluation of the role of mother and its critical importance, especially now. Real, and fun, and written with great insight and perception. Colleen has raised 7 kids herself so she has a lot of experience from which to draw. Very thought provoking. I'd say it's a must for every mother's library.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really hit home. I too often wonder where all the village people are when I am up all night with a sick baby, or when I have to pay that expensive doctor bill. I agree with the author that the village does not raise the child - it is the mother.

[Abby]

This is our book club book for next month. Apparently I wasn't in charge of picking the book, someone else was. I thought it was my turn! Next month will be me, I guess.

I still have a month to pick an appropriate book with no swearing in it. Phew!

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the author in this book makes a lot of good points. She kind of got on a soap box about being politically active and it's not that I disagree, but I didn't think that fit with the rest of the book. So three stars instead of four.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I'd like to give to new moms. It's also the book I'd like to share with "middle" moms, like me. And I bet a lot of "older" moms and grandmas would love this book. It is very full of wisdom. If you're a mom, I recommend it to you!

[Kendra · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a cute book. I like the author's truthful attitude on motherhood.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I laughed and cried while reading this book! It is written from a very witty and normal mother's perspective about her life and expereince raising children. I really liked it!

[Christin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought that this book was a good reminder to a stay at home moms that our job is important and that the experiences we have are not so unique to us, but that most moms feel the same way.

[Michele · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even though I don't have the "village" she refers to, a good look at the importance of motherhood.

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I figured this would be just a mommy pep talk or a generic self help book but it was wonderful. I enjoyed her anecdotes and advice. It was an easy read and a joy all round.

[Kayelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshing look at the importance of mothers. There are many who discount this.

Every mom needs to read this and begin to feel good about her job and her role in the world.

[Larchip · Rating 4 out of 5]

So funny and worth the read! It has great insights but at the end it did get too political for me but great for any mom who wants to laugh out loud.