The Two Sides of Love: The Secret to Valuing Differences

by Gary Smalley, John Trent

Find the balance between tough love and tender love. In The Two Sides of Love , best-selling authors John Trent and Gary Smalley explain how to find a healthy balance between the protective, consistent, “hard side” of love and the tender, understanding, “soft side” of love.

This is the groundbreaking book that introduced the four “animal” personality types (Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, and Beaver) and it will show you how to best demonstrate both sides of love in all your relationships―with your spouse, children, and friends. Included in this thoroughly updated edition is a free online assessment of your core personality type.

This updated edition is a helpful tool for personal growth, small group studies, and couples’ classes.

288 pages, Paperback

Published November 5, 2019

About the author

Gary Smalley was one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He was the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Silver Medallions. His national infomercial Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.

Dr. Greg Smalley graduated with his doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Rosemead School of Psychology at Biola University in Southern California. He also holds master's degrees in counseling psychology (Denver Seminary) and clinical psychology (Rosemead). Dr. Smalley is the director of research and development at Smalley Relationship Center in Branson, Missouri. He lives in Ozark, Missouri with his wife, Erin, and their two daughters, Taylor and Madalyn.

Reviews

[Janae Zacharias · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book - I only started learning new things in the last 25%, which is why it’s not getting five stars - but its take on strengths and weaknesses in personality types was interesting. Most personality tests aren’t geared towards how you show balanced love to others, and this book gave some great tools for that.

My very first impression was that they do a lot of story telling and took a while to get to the point. The story telling does help contextualize the advice they give later. If you start this book and are getting a bit impatient (like I was - I’ve done a lot of academic reading in the last three years and am used to faster pace), know that this book progresses at a relaxed pace and the ending chapters are worth it.

Some takeaways:
- “There is no way overcome a weakness without first knowing our strengths… often our weaknesses are simply a reflection of our strengths being pushed to an extreme”(83). Consider that balance can be found in our weaknesses; Jesus held all the strengths of each of the personality types in this book in balance, and this example should draw us closer to him.
- The book gave some biblical examples of Jesus saying no: Matthew 21:23-27; Mark 1:32-39; 10:35-40; 14:53-61; John 6:15
- Fear is at the heart of procrastination, and it can freeze us in sin. The next step they gave was to avoid the trap of instant change. Conviction may be a common occurrence for us, but conviction itself doesn’t guarantee will be moved to action. Expecting immediate success is a recipe for staying trapped.

Those are my brief thoughts! Good book.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book at analyzing strengths and weaknesses of various personality types. While the authors settle on four types, I think most people are a blend of all the types to some degree. I appreciated the explanations of soft side and hard side love, and how both are important. These men expound principles that are very necessary and also very readable.

[Marcy Kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really easy-to-understand description of personality types and the importance in finding balance in how you show love. I'm definitely beaver-Golden Retriever in my typing.

I listened to this as an audiobook.

[Scott Brady · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good concept and a good reminder to show both "hard" and "soft" types of love in relationships, as well as appreciate how difficult it can be for certain personality types to show both types.

[Rachelle Lavergne · Rating 5 out of 5]

À part le dernier chapitre, un des meilleurs livres que j’ai jamais lus.