Relatable: Exploring God, Love & Connection in the Age of Choice

by Vicky Walker

Relationships are changing, and the church is struggling to keep up. Many Christians are adrift, faced with a faith culture far removed from their experiences and a faith that finds itself in interesting diverging theologies, reports of a shrinking church, and unequal numbers of women and men. Add to that the effect of technology on how people meet and match, the growing problem of loneliness, and changing norms of dating, family, sex, marriage, work, and life. What is the future for relationships between men and women? What will singleness and marriage look like? Relatable hopes to provide answers and start conversations.Exploring science, sociology, history, theology, and the many, many messages circulating in society and church culture about men, women and relationships ( some of them are pretty wild…), Relatable looks at the history of marriage ( even wilder), and why Christians are prone to promote coupling up as the ultimate achievement. From Old Testament polygamy to Samantha the sex robot, changing perceptions of singleness, sexual hang ups and celibacy, why dating looks different when it happens through a screen, whether women and men really are so different, who doesn’t go to church and why, and whether churches can be part of the answer in creating supportive communities.Almost 1500 people contributed, sharing experiences and opinions with the Real Life Love survey and they’re a core part of the book. From teens to over sixties, stories from all stages of life and love bring into focus the challenges of navigating faith and relationships.Relatable is a brilliant, encouraging, revealing, informative and fascinating look at the history up to current times of relationships between men and women in church. I love Vicky's humour, which brings a lightness to what can be a very intense subject. I will be referring back to it as on a first read there is simply too much to take it all in. Very excited to see this book out there and cannot recommend it strongly enough!Katharine Welby-Roberts, speaker and author of 'I thought there would be cake' So many books about Christian dating paint a simplistic, narrow and formulaic fairy tale of what love and life are supposed to be. But Real Life Love does the opposite - and that's what makes this book so remarkably refreshing. In portraying the messiness of people's vast and varied stories and experiences of singleness, dating, marriage and beyond, Vicky shows that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. This is a story the Church needs to be telling, and in so doing, liberating people from the pain that can often arise from unrealistic relationship expectations. This is more than a dating manual, but a deep dive into the history, sociology and story of real-life love."Chine McDonald, Writer, broadcaster, and speaker

319 pages, Paperback

Published November 2, 2021

Reviews

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vicky Walker's book unpacks some of the issues in churches regarding sex, relationships and dating. The core of the book is a survey that Walker conducted with over 1000 participants, which she weaves into chapters discussing a variety of issues including singleness, dating, relationships with non-Christians, and gender roles. The survey makes the difference between that which is sometimes taught and the lived experience of people clear. She also draws out the perception amongst many people that church leaders are often (wilfully?) out of touch with the realities of dating in 2019.

The book is an anthem for the many people whose dating and relationship lives don't match the sepia tinged Christian fairytale of effortlessly finding the right person, getting married and having a wonderful, sex-filled, problem free life - and draws out the cognitive dissonance that the 'official' narratives sometimes create in.

Walker is good at parsing some of the questions implicit within some controversial issues whilst not being prescriptive with the answers she gives: her writing encourages the mature wisdom of the individual reader in his or her concrete context. There are some particularly strong chapters for church leaders, including the final chapter ('take me to church?') on how churches can both better support singles and more healthily walk alongside those starting relationships in ways which don't induce pressure and allow space for the relationship to find its own feet. The chapter on meeting someone at the end of the book also includes a lot of common sense wisdom for those who are trying to find their feet for the first time in the world of dating after a sheltered upbringing. Particularly noteworthy are also the remarks on healthy relationships, boundaries and emotional health - all aspects of relationships that often get whitewashed in the Christian fairytale version.

I would recommend this book both to Christians (especially, I suspect, those who grew up in more conservative evangelical and charismatic contexts) who are trying to parse some of the relationship advice they were given growing up, and also to church leaders. Good pastoral care begins with a knowledge of the situations of those in our churches - Walker introduces many of these situations, biographies and issues in an accessible, lively and funny way.

[David Marcus · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've just finished reading "Relatable" - I enjoyed it so much. The author's research and insight have resulted in a book which not only describes the cognitive dissonance (her words) felt by many of us but also gets to places that no other Christian resource ever has!
I'm a divorced man and I must say that my church has been very supportive, but I do recognise the limited nature of what Christian groups have offered in terms of relationship awareness and guidance hitherto.
Beyond the scholarship, I loved the prose - I couldn't put the book down. Well done!

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Walker makes an important contribution to the very limited scholarship (vs. advice) on this topic. View my full review here: https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/...