Make Me Feel Beautiful

by Jason Iannone

Girl Scout cookies aren't made from real Girl Scouts but things that are much worse. Televised dance contests have given way to televised showcases of psychotic stalking skills. Idyllic small towns might not be small towns, but something terribly otherworldly ... and terribly hungry. The Rock rules the world, with a cruel, Macbethian hand none expected from the People's Champion. A distant planet is alive, conscious, self-aware, and incalculably stupid and impatient about creating life. Mario and Luigi have a brother and he's worse than Bowser could ever hope to be. Aliens disguise themselves as celebrity tongues and brainwash us during every performance. John Wilkes Booth wants the denizens of Hell to forget about why he's there and focus on his big acting comeback. These and many other stories of worlds that are thankfully not our own are brought to you by long-time Cracked columnist Jason Iannone. His debut collection of essays, Make Me Feel Beautiful, will make you happy he's not the actual creator of reality. If St. Peter is going to arbitrarily reject people for Heaven for petty reasons he literally made up seconds before, better it happen within pages of a book than at the actual Pearly Gates.

271 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 10, 2019

Reviews

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg! It may have taken me 2 weeks to read but I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. People on the train must have been pissed every single time but I don’t care!

Jason wrote with wit and a sarcasm that oozes through the pages. Some of it was totally outlandish but that’s what made it so fun! Snag this book for a damn good laugh!!