My Dinner with Andrea

by Jen Durbent

Faith has started dating again - with the blessing of her wife - to find someone to connect with. Andrea seems to be a good match in many ways. The world is a difficult place for two trans women dating, but when you take into account neo-Nazis, a rapist, and some overzealous cops, it can feel downright impossible.

Genres: Transgender

169 pages, Paperback

Published March 6, 2018

About the author

Jen Durbent is a poet, writer, and stand-up comedian who grew up in and is based out of the greater Chicagoland area. She lives with her wife, children, three cats, and a very old dog. She uses “she”, “they”, or “it” pronouns.

She can be found on the web at jendurbent.com or Twitter as @JenDurbent. My Dinner with Andrea is her debut novel, and her poetry collection, Canon contans several works of verse.

Reviews

[Xan · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 stars

Note: I would recommend that disabled readers be cautious in approaching this story (see review for details), and highly recommend that readers who are trauma survivors look at the content warnings. 

This is a riveting, intense novel that goes right for the throat. It is definitely not an easy read, and while it has a central romantic storyline and a fairly hopeful ending, and therefore is technically a romance, it didn't feel like a genre romance to me. Instead, it felt more like trans literary fiction, thematically and style-wise. It ripped me open, and I am still reeling from reading it, a week later, as I'm writing this review. 

Read the rest of my review on my blog.


Content Warnings Detailed description of a violent sexual assault including physical abuse, abuse targeting a disabled character that removes access to mobility devices, that culminates in murder in self defense. Detailed recounting of sexual assault in the past.

References to danger that comes with disclosure of trans identity. References to death threats from former lovers and dates. Threats of physical violence, physical fight with former date who is a Nazi. Nazi character gets a POV, targets trans women characters via police. Two incidents of police violence described in detail. Shooting. Life threatening injury from shooting. Violent police officer gets a POV. Detailed descriptions of minimizing and justifying racism, transmisogyny, using police as a weapon, and police violence.

Death of beloved queer elder chosen family members. Trans woman secondary character who has died is misgendered by family in her death. References to a trans girl being kicked out by her family for being trans. References to queer youth being abused by family and kicked out of families for being queer.

Transmisogyny, institutional, interpersonal, and internalized. Use of transmisogynist slur both in an oppressive way and a self-referential reclaiming way. Deadnaming. Misgendering. Gender and body dysphoria are described in detail; included in those descriptions are descriptions of depersonalization and suicidality. References to self harm in the form of cutting.

POV MC with PTSD, symptoms are described in detail, including flashbacks, intrusive thoughts of the trauma, of doing violence, and transmisogynist intrusive thoughts.

Detailed descriptions of traumatic injury that resulted in disability.

Racism. Ableism, both interpersonal ableism (including use of ableist language even after being asked to stop) and internalized ableism. Fat MC has substantial internalized fat hatred intertwined with gender dysphoria. Casual moments of bodily hatred (e.g. referring to men's genitals as gross).

Alcohol use, including drunkenness. Drug use (marijuana, mushrooms), including hallucinations. Reference to parent being addicted to drugs.

Sex on the page.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, it's 3:30am and I'm still awake because I just couldn't stop until I finished reading this book. It needed more proofreading and more editing, and there were some stylistic choices that I wouldn't have made. I thought I'd wind up giving it four stars, generously, because of those things. But in the end, this story filled me up and made me happy in all the right ways without feeling cheap, and Faith and Andrea and Michelle were wonderfully whole and realized people with strengths and flaws who you just desperately wanted to be okay. I am completely looking forward to reading more from this author and this imprint. Who needs sleep, right?

[Alex Seligsohn · Rating 5 out of 5]

What kind of asshole reads their friends’ book and doesn’t give five stars?

[Jennifer Shields · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book a little after 10pm the day after a 13 hour work day, after our weekly queer potluck and I have never ever felt more seen by a piece of literature. Reading a story written by a trans woman about two trans women falling in love is an experience I've never had before and every single aspect felt so true and real in the ways I've never been able to put into words, especially to cis people. From the descriptions of dysphoria to the way existing partners respond to coming out and transitioning to the specifics of dating other trans people to the little details of the way people you don't know interact with you, it felt real.

It was rough in parts but again, only because these are experiences I'd gamble we've all had. But it's not ever tragiqueer, it's never tragedy or drama or sadness for the sake of the sad trans experience, it's all considered and thought out and most importantly never for the shock factor. The characters' experiences with transmisogyny, even when they come about in ways that are unexpected for the 'twist' narrative feature, are considered and careful and I sincerely appreciate the clear thought for the author's trans readers.

I can't overstate the significance for me of a true to life trans romance that doesn't even consider the typical cis view tropes and the ending had me in tears in ways beyond just the impact of the narrative and the relationship developed between characters and reader. It didn't feel like a happy ending purely for the sake of a happy ending, but I still felt so incredibly grateful for that happy ending.

Jen, thank you so much for this. It's a book I'll recommend whenever I can and will continue coming back to. Truly a hugely life changing experience when it comes to representation of our experiences in fiction. Aroha nui ki a koe x

[Bogi Takács]

I needed this after some very frustrating books in a row. Review coming soon IY"H; the book wasn't perfect, but it was refreshing, and I especially enjoyed the voice and the character interactions. Also that it was very much a trans novel, for a trans audience.

Content notice for a lot of violence, including murder, and attempted rape.
_____
Source of the book: This is a bit convoluted... The author sent me an e-ARC, but I didn't manage to get around to reading it before release, so I just ordered the print book for my local library, and read it that way.

[Chels · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigger warnings: death, murder, hate crimes, police brutality, sexual abuse/assault, transphobia, misgendering, gun violence (sorry if I missed anything but those were the major ones!)

This wasn't a bad book exactly, it was just a not for me book. I try to read things outside my favourite genres and they don't always work out for me which is fine.

I wasn't really a fan of Andrea in this book. Her whole personality was annoying to me. I did really enjoy reading about Faith and even Michelle. I loved their dynamics and how hard they were trying to have this open relationship. I felt so happy for them both!

My other issue with this book was that there wasn't really a climax. The story stayed at the same level for the whole book, which can totally be fine, just not for me. I need the build up!

I do think the author packed a lot of diversity in this book and made it seem so effortless which I was really happy to see. There was nothing forced about writing these characters and it was really nice to see them being represented in a book.

[TransBookReviews · Rating 2 out of 5]

The complexities of coming out as trans within a long-term relationship were wonderfully explored, that struggle between still loving your wife—and her still loving you, to a degree—but sexuality getting in the way. - Matt

This book tries really hard to be a novel with multiple points of view, but the characters’ voices aren’t individual enough to tell them apart. - Amanda

Read our full reviews here

[Madison Scott-Clary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I'm the editor-in-chief of the publisher.

I loved this book, honestly. It follows a convoluted road from first date to marriage, through polyamory, transition, and drastic events. One of my favorite things about it is the growing voice of the narrator, who starts out as a voice in the characters' heads to a character in their own right throughout the novel.

[Josh Fred · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book! It's so hard to find books where the queer characters get to be happy.

[Shell Silvers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Idk how to rate this other than that I want to cry but in a good way

[Trigger Warning Database]

Trigger & Content Warnings

Antisemitism & Nazisim
Ableism
Racism
Misgendering
Sexual assault
Self-harm mentioned
Alcohol consumption
Recreational drug use
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Murder
Police brutality

[asmalldyke · Rating 3 out of 5]

A thoroughly weird poly-ish-focused t4t A Novel joint, featuring bits about police oppression of trans people, chronic pain and disability, smoking weed and playing video games, stuff. It's not that depressing but it is a strange little book.

[Treepunishment · Rating 5 out of 5]

i loved this book. a lot of it felt honest to life. it deals with various forms of loss and grief. enveloping all that is a story of eros and agape. old bonds forming into something new. new love being born over tacos and nintendo and shared life experience.

this is a wonderful book. read it. ♡