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How to transcend a happy marriage
“This new play is a subversive enchantment. It is part absurd domestic seriocomedy, part erotic magic realism, unflinching about taboos and about questioning that, just maybe, monogamy isn’t enough.” —Linda Winer, Newsday Over dinner with another married couple, George and her husband grow fascinated by stories of their friends’ new acquaintance—an intriguing younger woman named Pip. What begins as an innocent intellectual discussion turns into a sexually explosive New Year’s Eve party after George extends an invitation to Pip and her two live-in boyfriends, raising the What ultimately binds human beings together?
120 pages, Paperback
Published November 5, 2019
4 people are currently reading
72 people want to read
About the author
Sarah Ruhl
42 books565 followersSarah Ruhl (born 1974) is an American playwright. She is the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship and the PEN/Laura Pels International Foundation for Theater Award for a distinguished American playwright in mid-career.
Originally, she intended to be a poet. However, after she studied under Paula Vogel at Brown University (A.B., 1997; M.F.A., 2001), she was persuaded to switch to playwriting. Her first play was The Dog Play, written in 1995 for one of Vogel's classes. Her roots in poetry can be seen in the way she uses language in her plays. She also did graduate work at Pembroke College, Oxford.
In September 2006, she received a MacArthur Fellowship. The announcement of that award stated: "Sarah Ruhl, 32, playwright, New York City. Playwright creating vivid and adventurous theatrical works that poignantly juxtapose the mundane aspects of daily life with mythic themes of love and war."
Originally, she intended to be a poet. However, after she studied under Paula Vogel at Brown University (A.B., 1997; M.F.A., 2001), she was persuaded to switch to playwriting. Her first play was The Dog Play, written in 1995 for one of Vogel's classes. Her roots in poetry can be seen in the way she uses language in her plays. She also did graduate work at Pembroke College, Oxford.
In September 2006, she received a MacArthur Fellowship. The announcement of that award stated: "Sarah Ruhl, 32, playwright, New York City. Playwright creating vivid and adventurous theatrical works that poignantly juxtapose the mundane aspects of daily life with mythic themes of love and war."
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
November 11, 2022
How To Transcend a Happy Marriage (2017) is one of Sarah Ruhl’s best plays. Ostensibly, or early on, it seems to be a light comedy about polyamory inspired by a book, Ethical Slut, and then it transforms into a meditation on love and relationships and family--and our still narrow conceptions of these things. I see the book is blurbed by someone who is a polyamory writer, but I don’t think it is an endorsement of polyamory, exactly; it just uses that as a starting point for reflecting on love and sex and relationships.
The first act is a dinner conversation between George, Paul, Jane and Michael, two couples. Jane tells them about a woman at work, a temp, Pip, who has two husbands, and they all seem curious about this and invite them to supper. One snag: Pip only eats meat that she has killed, or has been killed by people she knows. All engaging fun in the opening, hilarious, page-turning fun!
In the second part of the first act things get, as they often do in Ruhl, and as we expect from the opening, strange, wild, absurd. Yeah, Pip and the boys cove over and things move from a Karaoke rendition by Pip of Coming ‘Round the Mountain:
George: My God! How many times does she come??!
to an orgy that one teen daughter, Jenna, walks into and then leaves, not surprisingly.
The second act has George and Pip hunting for deer, and George accidentally kills a dog and they are in jail. As things wind down, all get together and reflect on love, sex, relationships.
The play references, besides The Ethical Slut and Coming ‘Round the Mountain, Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak (Let the Wild Rumpus begin!); the passage on love by the Apostle Paul from I Corinthians; a Bach minuet adding--not just two violins, a duet, but violin after violin; some allusions to seventies sex romp comedies, such as Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969); a song Ruhl writes about marriage; the notion of compersion; a bird--is it Pip?--laying eggs in Jane’s palm; Pythagoras (triangles!); the ritual slaughter of animals; communion, hash brownies. It's that kind of play, yup.
The play is an absurd, and yet tender comedy, about the complications of love and relationships and friendships and family. Maybe there’s a little bit of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee in here, too, where things get stripped away so people can really talk with each other. I loved it; no one writes like Sarah Ruhl. I laughed a lot, and thought a lot, and I have yet to see a production of it.
The first act is a dinner conversation between George, Paul, Jane and Michael, two couples. Jane tells them about a woman at work, a temp, Pip, who has two husbands, and they all seem curious about this and invite them to supper. One snag: Pip only eats meat that she has killed, or has been killed by people she knows. All engaging fun in the opening, hilarious, page-turning fun!
In the second part of the first act things get, as they often do in Ruhl, and as we expect from the opening, strange, wild, absurd. Yeah, Pip and the boys cove over and things move from a Karaoke rendition by Pip of Coming ‘Round the Mountain:
George: My God! How many times does she come??!
to an orgy that one teen daughter, Jenna, walks into and then leaves, not surprisingly.
The second act has George and Pip hunting for deer, and George accidentally kills a dog and they are in jail. As things wind down, all get together and reflect on love, sex, relationships.
The play references, besides The Ethical Slut and Coming ‘Round the Mountain, Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak (Let the Wild Rumpus begin!); the passage on love by the Apostle Paul from I Corinthians; a Bach minuet adding--not just two violins, a duet, but violin after violin; some allusions to seventies sex romp comedies, such as Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice (1969); a song Ruhl writes about marriage; the notion of compersion; a bird--is it Pip?--laying eggs in Jane’s palm; Pythagoras (triangles!); the ritual slaughter of animals; communion, hash brownies. It's that kind of play, yup.
The play is an absurd, and yet tender comedy, about the complications of love and relationships and friendships and family. Maybe there’s a little bit of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee in here, too, where things get stripped away so people can really talk with each other. I loved it; no one writes like Sarah Ruhl. I laughed a lot, and thought a lot, and I have yet to see a production of it.
January 5, 2022
Ruhl's How to transcend a happy marriage is an exploration of polyamory as an alternative to the poisonous implications of the nuclear family. What is love, and how do we locate its meaning beyond the cliches of the present--those that so often bear romantic implications?
There is the pervasive belief in Western society that love can only exist in its highest and purest form when it is shared between two people. This belief has ossified the nuclear family's place in society, a system that is classist in its severance of people from a large community that can economically support them. When we choose to extend the family beyond two people--with terms such as godfather, godmother, best man, and maid of honor--we are limiting the types of love that can exist in a nuclear-family society, to ones that merely orbit an elevated relationship shared by two people.
This play is heartfelt and humorous, and I enjoyed reading it a lot. As I'm watching Friends right now, I am also thinking about how the possibility for long-lasting, healthy friend groups are so often torn apart by the possessive feelings of love that we display both romantically and platonically. There are times when the play is a little heavy-handed in its approach, and moments which seemed neither here nor there for me, but. It was fun!
There is the pervasive belief in Western society that love can only exist in its highest and purest form when it is shared between two people. This belief has ossified the nuclear family's place in society, a system that is classist in its severance of people from a large community that can economically support them. When we choose to extend the family beyond two people--with terms such as godfather, godmother, best man, and maid of honor--we are limiting the types of love that can exist in a nuclear-family society, to ones that merely orbit an elevated relationship shared by two people.
This play is heartfelt and humorous, and I enjoyed reading it a lot. As I'm watching Friends right now, I am also thinking about how the possibility for long-lasting, healthy friend groups are so often torn apart by the possessive feelings of love that we display both romantically and platonically. There are times when the play is a little heavy-handed in its approach, and moments which seemed neither here nor there for me, but. It was fun!
November 8, 2020
Sarah Ruhl's plays are so wonderful. Her words are magic. How to Transcend a Happy Marriage was beautiful. The exchange about conjugating love is one of the most romantic things I've ever read and I adored the anecdote about the dying woman teaching her husband to cook all the favorite meals she had made. Reading Sarah Ruhl is like breathing fresh air.
January 12, 2023
Ms. Ruhl has done it again!
Fact: Lena Hall was perfect casting for Pip
Fact: the acknowledgments page makes me a little insane ❤
Fact: Lena Hall was perfect casting for Pip
Fact: the acknowledgments page makes me a little insane ❤
August 23, 2020
What’s interesting to me is, in looking at Ruhl’s work that I’ve read overall, I’ve gone from being “meh” (“Dead Man’s Cellphone,” “Orlando/Three Sisters”) to really loving her attack on a wide variety of stories (the family story in “To Peter Pan...,” the theatrical history of the “Passion Play”). Her artistic curiosity is her brand. And it pays off with heartfelt, funny poetic pieces that engage the audience with her enthusiasm for her characters and their challenges.
And, in turning to the subject of love in the age of sexual positivity and polyamory, she manages to fulfill on the titular verb and create a transcendent experience for the reader, and I would imagine the audience as well.
And, in turning to the subject of love in the age of sexual positivity and polyamory, she manages to fulfill on the titular verb and create a transcendent experience for the reader, and I would imagine the audience as well.
April 21, 2021
Ruhl tackles taboos of exploring sexuality as an adult, and the never ending drive we seem to have to keep moving forward- to ‘trancend’. She does this beautifully with quick and lighthearted comedy, but manages to be sincere when she needs to. When the story takes an absurdist turn, it becomes clear that characters, events and motivations might not have been what they seemed- all of this in parallel with the characters’ realisations about their own lives. In the end, ‘Trancending a Happy Marriage’ is a story about reevaluating ones own expectations of life. Maybe I’ll reread this when I too am “in my late forties or so,” and maybe then it will earn it’s 5th star.
November 25, 2019
A damn-near perfect play. It’s about love, parenting, hunting, and Pythagoras.
February 5, 2021
This play was incredibly funny and thoughtful!
November 9, 2021
One-and-a-half stars. Felt a bit surface-level, like "I just read about this thing. I think I'll write about it!" I can't imagine people who know polyamorous people or polyamorous people themselves finding this particularly representative, even if it is meant to be a comedy (not that the comedy is all at the polyamorous characters' expense).
March 23, 2019
How to Transcend a Happy Marriage was such a joy to read. It pokes fun at suburban propriety as it explores transcendent love. I hope to one day see this play performed.
September 21, 2019
As always Sarah Ruhl has woven a provocative tale about complicated adult relationships in our modern age.
October 26, 2021
Love the concept and the references to The Ethical Slut, but didn't connect with this play as much as a lot of Ruhl's other work. Some really beautiful pieces of dialogue though!
July 11, 2023
I love this play
December 3, 2023
Made me think way more critically about monogamy than almost any text I've read
March 27, 2024
There were some interesting elements in this, but ultimately too trippy and inconsequential for me. I also think it would need to be staged very well to pull it off.
November 9, 2024
It's fine, but I think I needed something more.
January 11, 2023
I cannot believe Sarah Ruhl read the Ethical Slut and then wrote a play
January 10, 2022
Page turner!
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews