What do you think?
Rate this book
One Heart Too Many: Facing the Challenges of Loving a Widower
Do you secretly berate yourself over a lack of patience and compassion for your widower's heartache? Are you ashamed of your insensitivity toward the surviving loved ones? Do you go to great lengths to help facilitate the grieving process? Do you feel rejected by the children, former in-laws, or others who are not ready to see the surviving husband move on? If so, you aren’t alone. Denise Medany's One Heart Too Many offers a pragmatic “take no prisoners” approach to dealing with the challenges of loving a widower. This no-nonsense guide reveals the struggle to move on and how you may be contributing to or even prolonging the problem.
Each chapter offers a detailed account of actual situations experienced by different women who are in love with a widower. In her tough, uncompromising style, the author provides thought-provoking perspectives on the questions that plague many
• Am I “Plan B”?
• How can I get his children or others to accept me?
• Was he happier with his late wife?
• When will he stop hiding our relationship from his friends and family?
• What can I do about people posting memories of the late wife on social media?
• Why can’t he take down her photos?
• Does he miss her more than he loves me?
Full of suggestions, real-life relationship scenarios, “Guidelines at a Glance,” and an open letter to the widower, One Heart Too Many helps you to determine and set your boundaries, deal with difficult relationship issues, and relate to them on an entirely different level.
Each chapter offers a detailed account of actual situations experienced by different women who are in love with a widower. In her tough, uncompromising style, the author provides thought-provoking perspectives on the questions that plague many
• Am I “Plan B”?
• How can I get his children or others to accept me?
• Was he happier with his late wife?
• When will he stop hiding our relationship from his friends and family?
• What can I do about people posting memories of the late wife on social media?
• Why can’t he take down her photos?
• Does he miss her more than he loves me?
Full of suggestions, real-life relationship scenarios, “Guidelines at a Glance,” and an open letter to the widower, One Heart Too Many helps you to determine and set your boundaries, deal with difficult relationship issues, and relate to them on an entirely different level.
157 pages, Paperback
Published June 1, 2018
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
December 20, 2019
This is a no-nonsense guide to navigating life with a widower. I wish I had this book at the beginning of my relationship. I remember feeling like I must be crazy. It was such a comfort to find out that my feelings were normal. I don't think people understand what it's like to be in a relationship like this until they experience it for themselves. Denise gives helpful advice with lots of understanding and compassion. She's also a former widow herself so she really does understand both sides. If you need guidance setting boundaries this is your book. If you want validation of your feelings and confirmation that you deserve to be number one in the present, you've come to the right place. The best part is that Denise gives you the tools to successfully deal with this very complicated situation. I've been with my former widower/husband for 7 years now, married for 4. I highly recommend "One Heart Too Many"
March 1, 2020
For anyone considering marriage (or in a marriage) to a Widow or Widower this is a must read! Denise challenges her readers to reconsider societal norms which embrace a culture of complicity, compassion and cooperation which enable the grieving to embrace the status quo and maintain deferential status in the partnership. Many of us march blindly into a relationship with a Widow or Widower believing we need to support the grief stricken and their needs which often supersedes our own. We inadvertently place a greater emphasis on the challenging aspects of their journey which, in turn, invalidates our own. Denise challenges the reader to be mindful of the legitimacy of one's feelings and to carefully balance those of the grieving spouse. An insightful, practical and thoughtful guide into the delicate nature of loving someone who has experienced the pain of an untimely loss of a spouse and how to navigate the sometimes treacherous waters of feeling like a consolation prize or an acceptable alternative. While appropriately paying homage to the the seemingly random nature of fate's cruelty that results in untimely death Denise invites the Widow or Widower to reject the romantic pervasive ideology of a "three hearts relationship" and to fully love and embrace to person before you who is alive.
February 21, 2020
I’ve been dating a widower for almost a year now, and after 6 or so months in, I started feeling...weird, uncomfortable, unsure, insecure, and not sure if I should mention any of my feelings to my guy because he has already been through so much, and I felt like I would possibly be adding to his stress and/or maybe grief. So, I felt so alone with these “weird” feelings I’ve never felt before...I thought to myself, there has to someone, something out there to help me through Regis and not feeling like a crazy person.
Well, I stumbled across this amazing book. It validated all of my feelings, and the tools that author recommends to use (if you are having issues with your widower) WORK! It’s hard work, but the reward is unbelievable! I regained my confidence, I feel comfortable within my relationship, and I feel more knowledgeable in approaching awkward, uncomfortable, situations and know how to handle it!
This book saved me, my sanity, and my relationship. It feels so good to know that I’m not the only one out there. I’ve read at least three times so far.
I highly recommend this book if you are dating a widower and struggling in your relationship. You won’t be disappointed
Well, I stumbled across this amazing book. It validated all of my feelings, and the tools that author recommends to use (if you are having issues with your widower) WORK! It’s hard work, but the reward is unbelievable! I regained my confidence, I feel comfortable within my relationship, and I feel more knowledgeable in approaching awkward, uncomfortable, situations and know how to handle it!
This book saved me, my sanity, and my relationship. It feels so good to know that I’m not the only one out there. I’ve read at least three times so far.
I highly recommend this book if you are dating a widower and struggling in your relationship. You won’t be disappointed
February 15, 2020
I would have given anything to have had this insightful book BEFORE I got involved with a widower. Society expects women that are coupled with widowers to be placed on the back burner of the relationship while the late wife stays front and centered. Denise's book helps women to understand their feelings are normal and how to keep their self respect by setting the same boundaries as if involved with a single or divorced man.
Bravo Denise Medany!!
Bravo Denise Medany!!
July 20, 2020
Each pages of this book will help you understand what you feel it’s totally normal!
I wish I had this book six years ago to avoid the 3 hearts relationship! Thank you Denise!
I wish I had this book six years ago to avoid the 3 hearts relationship! Thank you Denise!
March 25, 2020
A book that should be essential reading for anyone considering or in a relationship with a widower. So much practical wisdom from an author who is both widowed and engaged to a widower. No nonsense, down to earth advice that will give you the power and knowledge to have the relationship you desire without losing your own identity and sense of self esteem. By following the advice in this book you can learn to handle any situation that arises without letting your emotions cloud your judgment. This book is not one to buy, read and put on a shelf but is instead a guidebook that I continue to refer to again and again. The author’s guidance works for any relationship but is geared specifically to women dating or married to a widower. By implementing the tools given, I was able to refocus from being frustrated and resentful, not understanding why certain things kept happening again and again, into truly understanding the dynamics behind what was occurring and how my actions played a critical role in them. I feel like I have been given a clarity that I wish I’d had years ago to save myself from heartache. I can’t thank the author enough and am looking forward to her next book!
May 12, 2020
Where was this book 7 years ago!!! Denise gives incredible confidence to women involved with widowers. It was such a revelation to learn that I was not crazy. This book is a no-nonsense, blunt but respectful analysis of most of the typical challenges and pitfalls that go along with navigating this most difficult of relationships. She offers effective coping mechanisms and tips for successfully keeping your sanity and your self respect. I shared parts of it with my husband of 3 years and it was almost an epiphany for him. This book really helped him understand my perspective where nothing else ever has.
June 4, 2023
This is the best book I’ve read that helped me navigate dating a widower. It has everything in it to help you understand what it takes to make this type of relationship work. It can be confusing when dating a widower because if you haven’t before, you are not sure what is normal and what isn’t. This book lays it all out for you with plenty of examples from people with experience. It’s a must read!
February 13, 2020
This book has been God sent for me. The advice and suggestions have been remarkable in dealing with the challenges I was facing in my relationship. I constantly read and re read it to refresh. It works not only in relationships with a widow but in any relationship.
March 28, 2020
This is a must read book for anyone involved with a widower or former widower. The book provides practical advice for navigating this unconventional type of relationship across a variety of circumstances. Nothing else like it!
February 15, 2023
Very relatable
This book was very helpful in dealing with all the crazy feelings that come up in a relationship with a widower. I would suggest reading this before getting too involved with a widower. It’s one of the hardest relationships I’ve ever had.
This book was very helpful in dealing with all the crazy feelings that come up in a relationship with a widower. I would suggest reading this before getting too involved with a widower. It’s one of the hardest relationships I’ve ever had.
May 18, 2020
This book saved my relationship and sanity!
July 26, 2020
This book has helped me deal with my widower situation . I am so happy this book came to me I am very blessed that I found it. I highly recommend this book to anyone dating a widower . This has changed my life and am great full to get my power back .
July 20, 2020
This down to earth book was a marriage saver. I found it months into my marriage to a former widower. There are issues unique to a relationship with a widower and a certain amount of "survivors guilt" that comes with it. The guilt was lifted and my attitude and response to my husband was kinder and healthier. I have experience with counseling from both sides having worked in mental health. Her advice is on target for healthy relationships. I believe that codependants behavior attracts problems and Denise Medany's advice is real help in maintaining self esteem in any relationship, particularly in one with a widower and the additional concerns that come with it. It even has a chapter for the widower to read so he can understand what might be going on in his partner's mind.
July 22, 2020
This book literally saved my relationship with a Widower. It is a MUST read for anyone embarking on this journey where there is literally no other navigational aid. Highly recommend!
October 9, 2021
One Heart Too Many is a must-read for anyone loving a widower! In my case, loving a widower has been the most difficult relationship that I've ever been in! In her book, Denise cites various stories that people dating/loving/marrying widowers encounter, and some "hit home" for me...some chapters even THREW BRICKS AT ME!
Although I don't believe anyone's life should ever be forgotten, whether it's your Mother, Father, child, spouse, other relative or friend, if a widower is not ready to be in a relationship with a new person, he should not be involved with you, as she points out. We don't love a widower just to fill a void; we grew to love them and want to be loved in return. If he is still grieving and his heart aches for his late wife, he is not ready to be in a relationship with you!
Although you cannot erase the memories he has for his late wife, the late wife is no longer here, and you are! I did not cause her death, and he did not either! Unfortunately, she and any deceased person is not able to come back and be in the present. Only if he is truly ready to be in a relationship with you should you be involved with a widower; he cannot continue to live in the past if you want to live in the present. As Denise points out, if he is not ready for a relationship with you, he needs to have the decency to be honest with you; otherwise, you need to have your self-respect and leave the relationship for your mental health.
There were a few chapters that did not apply to me/us, but the key chapter that applies to all of us who love a widower is "Unresolved Grief"; unless he is able to fully give himself to you - his new love - the relationship will be rocky. There were several other chapters no doubt that we all have related to at some point in our relationships: "The Shrine" (all her stuff, pictures of her all over the place), "The Widower Halo" (when he loves the attention of "being a widower") and being "The Placeholder" (no, I'm not here to just fill the void in his life) really touched me. The book addresses so many issues and difficulties that we face when loving a widower, and although we are all on different journeys and stages in our relationship with our widowers, the book is a great source of information to help us on our journey, not to mention help us realize that others face some of the same issues that we do in loving a widower! This book has been so helpful to me, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves a widower! I wish I would have read it sooner!
Although I don't believe anyone's life should ever be forgotten, whether it's your Mother, Father, child, spouse, other relative or friend, if a widower is not ready to be in a relationship with a new person, he should not be involved with you, as she points out. We don't love a widower just to fill a void; we grew to love them and want to be loved in return. If he is still grieving and his heart aches for his late wife, he is not ready to be in a relationship with you!
Although you cannot erase the memories he has for his late wife, the late wife is no longer here, and you are! I did not cause her death, and he did not either! Unfortunately, she and any deceased person is not able to come back and be in the present. Only if he is truly ready to be in a relationship with you should you be involved with a widower; he cannot continue to live in the past if you want to live in the present. As Denise points out, if he is not ready for a relationship with you, he needs to have the decency to be honest with you; otherwise, you need to have your self-respect and leave the relationship for your mental health.
There were a few chapters that did not apply to me/us, but the key chapter that applies to all of us who love a widower is "Unresolved Grief"; unless he is able to fully give himself to you - his new love - the relationship will be rocky. There were several other chapters no doubt that we all have related to at some point in our relationships: "The Shrine" (all her stuff, pictures of her all over the place), "The Widower Halo" (when he loves the attention of "being a widower") and being "The Placeholder" (no, I'm not here to just fill the void in his life) really touched me. The book addresses so many issues and difficulties that we face when loving a widower, and although we are all on different journeys and stages in our relationship with our widowers, the book is a great source of information to help us on our journey, not to mention help us realize that others face some of the same issues that we do in loving a widower! This book has been so helpful to me, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves a widower! I wish I would have read it sooner!
September 10, 2023
Not many books on jumping into a relationship with a widower. This book was insightful, validating and had helpful advice.
March 29, 2025
Hit all the sweet spots of being a widowers signif...
Read
August 3, 2020This Book Restored My Sanity
Dating a widower isn't for the feint hearted. I didn't know that when I fell in love with one. I met the most incredible man and as our relationship developed into something special, my insecurities did too. They were alien feelings for me as I'm a strong capable woman. So I fought them. I felt bad for feeling the way I did. I didn't know if I was being unreasonable, I felt uncomfortable in m own skin sometimes. Then I found Denise's FB group and subsequently read her book.
This quote at the start of the book gave me goosebumps, "There is no other relationship where a woman is expected to embrace a large part of her partner's history with another woman or accept conditions that would be considered deal breakers in other relationships."
That was a lights on moment for me. It validated my feelings and I read the book in one sitting. I then read it again. It gave me the insights, the strength, the voice and the words to express myself to my lovely W constructively and with kindness.
We still have a few hurdles to get over but we will do them together. If I hadn't found Denise's FB group and her book I personally think my feelings would have festered and our relationship would have ultimately met its demise. The book is tough, hard hitting but gives those of us a calming voice of reason to set reasonable boundaries. It's a must read for any woman who is in love with a Widower.
Dating a widower isn't for the feint hearted. I didn't know that when I fell in love with one. I met the most incredible man and as our relationship developed into something special, my insecurities did too. They were alien feelings for me as I'm a strong capable woman. So I fought them. I felt bad for feeling the way I did. I didn't know if I was being unreasonable, I felt uncomfortable in m own skin sometimes. Then I found Denise's FB group and subsequently read her book.
This quote at the start of the book gave me goosebumps, "There is no other relationship where a woman is expected to embrace a large part of her partner's history with another woman or accept conditions that would be considered deal breakers in other relationships."
That was a lights on moment for me. It validated my feelings and I read the book in one sitting. I then read it again. It gave me the insights, the strength, the voice and the words to express myself to my lovely W constructively and with kindness.
We still have a few hurdles to get over but we will do them together. If I hadn't found Denise's FB group and her book I personally think my feelings would have festered and our relationship would have ultimately met its demise. The book is tough, hard hitting but gives those of us a calming voice of reason to set reasonable boundaries. It's a must read for any woman who is in love with a Widower.
Read
August 14, 2020This book has literally saved my sanity as getting romantically involved with a widowed person is not for the faint hearted . Before reading Denises book I was constantly second guessing my feelings , thoughts etc within my relationship as there is no other romantic relationship dynamic quite like it . One has to balance being a compassionate, loving kind person who empathises with a partners great loss , with the need to be in a relationship of two people not three .
The book gives very good real life examples of scenarios typical to relationships with widowers and most importantly , how to handle them . Bascially its a book for people dating widowers and all the challenges this entails ( there's a lot ladies ) , but the suggestions would be used in any relationship . .
The book gives very good real life examples of scenarios typical to relationships with widowers and most importantly , how to handle them . Bascially its a book for people dating widowers and all the challenges this entails ( there's a lot ladies ) , but the suggestions would be used in any relationship . .
October 27, 2020
Very informative
I have to admit that before being placed in my particular situation and having to look for resources for coping, I didn't know that the was a difference between a widow and a widower. I was able to take a few things from this book but not as much and I had hoped for. I am dealing with a widow and our situation couldn't be any different. I highly doubt I'll find a book on our situation so, I'm using the available sources there are and pulling from then what applies. I'm grateful for what I was able to take away from this book and I hope my continued efforts to find more help eventually presents itself.
I have to admit that before being placed in my particular situation and having to look for resources for coping, I didn't know that the was a difference between a widow and a widower. I was able to take a few things from this book but not as much and I had hoped for. I am dealing with a widow and our situation couldn't be any different. I highly doubt I'll find a book on our situation so, I'm using the available sources there are and pulling from then what applies. I'm grateful for what I was able to take away from this book and I hope my continued efforts to find more help eventually presents itself.
August 28, 2023
I am only 2 mo into a committed relationship with a widower and I’m glad I got my hands on this book early. It has validated my feelings and gave me the courage and words to set needed boundaries now. I started at chapter 28 for the quick guide info. I LOVE chapter 29- the letter to the widower. Now I’m starting at chapter 1 to get the supporting details. It’s straight forward, to the point, and easy to read. I’m already seeing results from the strategies learned from this book. My widower boyfriend has now taken some pictures down and removed the late wife’s rings from his neck. I’m filled with hope. Read It.
August 19, 2022
Best book I’ve read so far regarding relationships withWidowers. It validated EVERYTHING I was feeling about my relationship. I STRONGLY Recommend it to anyone in a relationship with a widower or had a relationship fail with a widower. It helped me heal tremendously. The last chapter is directed to widowers themselves and should be read by every widower!
Fantastic book. Have a highlighter handy. You’ll want to look back and re-read many sentences/chapters.
Fantastic book. Have a highlighter handy. You’ll want to look back and re-read many sentences/chapters.
June 9, 2021
Validation
This book validated my perceptions surrounding the fine nuances of dating a widower. I had become so frustrated thinking I was wrong in my views of issues associated with dating a widower (i.e., the shrine, the, dirty little secret, playing the widower card frequently).
This book validated my perceptions surrounding the fine nuances of dating a widower. I had become so frustrated thinking I was wrong in my views of issues associated with dating a widower (i.e., the shrine, the, dirty little secret, playing the widower card frequently).
July 29, 2021
For anyone navigating the world of loving a man who lost his spouse, this is a MUST READ! Written by a woman (who is both widowed herself and is in a relationship with a widower), for women - Denise nails it with every page and helps bring validation and empowerment to women in this unique and underserved position.
June 19, 2021
Widowed and loving again
If there is going to be a relationship that has a solid chance there are many situations a widow/widower and the new love will need to rise above. This book covers many experiences that people will find challenging moving forward.
If there is going to be a relationship that has a solid chance there are many situations a widow/widower and the new love will need to rise above. This book covers many experiences that people will find challenging moving forward.
April 5, 2021
A must read for anyone dating a widower.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews