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Whose Life is it Anyway?
Sadly, people living in abusive situations face a shocking reality of life. And these people are people just like you and me.
This is Deborah Thomson’s story. How she can to be in an abusive situation and how she regained her strength and self-confidence to leave the abusive situation.
Abuse may be threefold. Firstly, there is the direct abuse by the perpetrator. Secondly, on another level, the suffering can be intensified when there is no remorse by the abuser. Thirdly, an often ignored area, is the judgment of others. When friends, family or the general public find out about the abuse and judge the sufferer for either staying with the abuser or leaving. Thomson explains how someone can find themself in an abusive situation and then how, with compassion and support from others, they can regain their dignity and life.
This is compelling reading for everyone to understand how vulnerable we all are and the signs to watch for.
This is Deborah Thomson’s story. How she can to be in an abusive situation and how she regained her strength and self-confidence to leave the abusive situation.
Abuse may be threefold. Firstly, there is the direct abuse by the perpetrator. Secondly, on another level, the suffering can be intensified when there is no remorse by the abuser. Thirdly, an often ignored area, is the judgment of others. When friends, family or the general public find out about the abuse and judge the sufferer for either staying with the abuser or leaving. Thomson explains how someone can find themself in an abusive situation and then how, with compassion and support from others, they can regain their dignity and life.
This is compelling reading for everyone to understand how vulnerable we all are and the signs to watch for.
242 pages, Paperback
Published February 1, 2018
2 people are currently reading
17 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
August 30, 2018
Whose Life is it Anyway? by Deborah Thomson is the telling of the heartbreaking reality of her life with domestic violence and how she came to get out of it. This book has serious, dark themes that are not for those who are triggered by the mention of domestic violence, detail of violence, and rape. Thomson details the years of abuse she and her children faced at the hands of her husband until she was able to break from the cycle and leave for the protection and sanity of herself and her children. She also details signs of abuse throughout.
This book is hauntingly gripping. While heartbreaking and graphic in detail the work is important, and I want to thank Thomson for being so courageous in sharing her story. Writing this book had to be difficult. I appreciate her bravery and willingness to share her story with others to show the destruction from domestic violence but also show the signs.
Thomson’s story is unique to her and her family, but it simultaneously echoes the core of abuse people face in relationships. The book details her struggles with her ex-husband through a series of diary entries and the occasional commentary. The diary entries were hard to read and take in because of how painful these moments were for the Thomson. However, some of the entries were followed up with explanations of the entries or information about abuse. Thomson gives a lot of factual information about the cycles of abuse and warning signs of abuse. It is useful information and reflection that is beneficial for the reader.
What I particularly like is the repetition of the cycle of abuse. It can be so easy to forget. Another helpful tool in this book is that fact that she denotes some instances of what a pattern of abuse is with her examples, such as how they have the explosive anger and then acts like nothing happened or blame the victim. Victim blaming is something that is common with abusers and also people on the outside of the relationship, which is something that Thomson also talks about in her book.
Another important aspect of the book is the consequences of abuse that is shown in the book. From the diary entries, we see the children are also affected, sometimes being abusive and violent toward one another or even being abusive toward the mother. These entries show the accuracy of how it can rub off on the children and have them think those behaviors are normalized if children are involved. This behavior should not be normalized. Additionally, she points out how people may explain away the behaviors, as well as the victim. In this particular case of abuse, the mother of the abuser was also abused. We see that abuse can be a pattern, and it seems that the husband was also abused and that behavior was natural and normalized for him. Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who wants personal accounts of abuse.
This book is hauntingly gripping. While heartbreaking and graphic in detail the work is important, and I want to thank Thomson for being so courageous in sharing her story. Writing this book had to be difficult. I appreciate her bravery and willingness to share her story with others to show the destruction from domestic violence but also show the signs.
Thomson’s story is unique to her and her family, but it simultaneously echoes the core of abuse people face in relationships. The book details her struggles with her ex-husband through a series of diary entries and the occasional commentary. The diary entries were hard to read and take in because of how painful these moments were for the Thomson. However, some of the entries were followed up with explanations of the entries or information about abuse. Thomson gives a lot of factual information about the cycles of abuse and warning signs of abuse. It is useful information and reflection that is beneficial for the reader.
What I particularly like is the repetition of the cycle of abuse. It can be so easy to forget. Another helpful tool in this book is that fact that she denotes some instances of what a pattern of abuse is with her examples, such as how they have the explosive anger and then acts like nothing happened or blame the victim. Victim blaming is something that is common with abusers and also people on the outside of the relationship, which is something that Thomson also talks about in her book.
Another important aspect of the book is the consequences of abuse that is shown in the book. From the diary entries, we see the children are also affected, sometimes being abusive and violent toward one another or even being abusive toward the mother. These entries show the accuracy of how it can rub off on the children and have them think those behaviors are normalized if children are involved. This behavior should not be normalized. Additionally, she points out how people may explain away the behaviors, as well as the victim. In this particular case of abuse, the mother of the abuser was also abused. We see that abuse can be a pattern, and it seems that the husband was also abused and that behavior was natural and normalized for him. Overall, I would recommend this book to anyone who wants personal accounts of abuse.
July 22, 2018
An incredible read of survival. The detail of the journal shared by Deborah was intense and very hard to put the book down once started. She certainly gave her readers time to reflect especially other victims of Domestic Violence. And she gives hope to us the other survivors. Congratulations on writing your first book.
October 24, 2019
Incredibly eye opening to the monsters preying out there and of the untold stories men and women harbour about abuse. We must be vigilant with our friends and their partners, always check up on people if you think something isn't right.
August 8, 2018
While struggling to find an answer, even for herself, to that most obvious question "why didn't you leave earlier?" the author describes in detail why that very question is, at best, of secondary importance. The real value of the book is in explaining where the burden truly lies for the damage done to herself and her family: firmly on the shoulders of the perpetrator, who got away with all his violent acts scott-free. And no doubt, to this day, to the last neuron he possesses, still sees himself as having been in the right and having done nothing he wasn't provoked into doing.
The book should be read by all, both young girls and women as well as young boys and men. I am none of these: a 65 year old man but I can see the value of this book and how difficult it must have been to write, but also the impossibility of not writing it.
The book should be read by all, both young girls and women as well as young boys and men. I am none of these: a 65 year old man but I can see the value of this book and how difficult it must have been to write, but also the impossibility of not writing it.
September 11, 2018
Whose Life is it Anyway?, by Deborah Thomson, is a heart-wrenching true story about her life with an abusive husband, Wayne. The author married and stayed with Wayne for 17 years. She had three daughters with him as well. She was horrifically abused the entire time. The book is a collection of her diary entries from the years she was with him. She also offers commentary throughout the book about some of the entries. The author is sharing her story as a way to hopefully help others to recognize they are in a bad situation.
This book is very hard to read for a couple of reasons. The first is that reading about the abusive episodes is truly horrifying. The things her spouse does to her could have resulted in her death several times through the years. The second reason it is hard to read is that it is truly hard to understand how someone stays after the first or second time it happens. For that reason, I think it is an important book to read. As I read, I could see the way her mind let her justify and rationalize it. While it was hard to read, it was also enlightening. I have never been in a domestic violence situation. By trying to put myself in her shoes, I got a better understanding of how it happens.
One of the most important aspects of the book is that the author marks the signs of abuse exhibited through Wayne’s behavior throughout the book. I found this interesting because it allowed me to pause at each one and really consider the episode. I found myself thinking that it would be easy to dismiss many of the signs since things happened a bit gradually at first. I think this could also allow someone who might be at the beginning stages of such a relationship really think about those signs…and perhaps escape much earlier.
One of the things I found most upsetting in the book was how those around her dismissed what was going on, especially Wayne’s family. It almost seemed like they were her abusers as much as he was. There was also the added horror of Wayne and his mother turning the author’s daughters against her as well. This happened to the point where the oldest daughter actually started participating in some of the abuse. It really showed the way constant abuse can affect children and how they develop.
Thomson also goes over and over the cycle of abuse. That is information that everyone should probably be exposed to in order to be able to better spot abuse as it begins. She gives many resources at the end of the book for those who find themselves in the situation.
I won’t say I enjoyed the book. It was quite brutal to read. I will rate it a five though. It was very enlightening. It was also very brave. I don’t know that I would be able to open up in the manner the author did if I had been in her shoes.
This book is very hard to read for a couple of reasons. The first is that reading about the abusive episodes is truly horrifying. The things her spouse does to her could have resulted in her death several times through the years. The second reason it is hard to read is that it is truly hard to understand how someone stays after the first or second time it happens. For that reason, I think it is an important book to read. As I read, I could see the way her mind let her justify and rationalize it. While it was hard to read, it was also enlightening. I have never been in a domestic violence situation. By trying to put myself in her shoes, I got a better understanding of how it happens.
One of the most important aspects of the book is that the author marks the signs of abuse exhibited through Wayne’s behavior throughout the book. I found this interesting because it allowed me to pause at each one and really consider the episode. I found myself thinking that it would be easy to dismiss many of the signs since things happened a bit gradually at first. I think this could also allow someone who might be at the beginning stages of such a relationship really think about those signs…and perhaps escape much earlier.
One of the things I found most upsetting in the book was how those around her dismissed what was going on, especially Wayne’s family. It almost seemed like they were her abusers as much as he was. There was also the added horror of Wayne and his mother turning the author’s daughters against her as well. This happened to the point where the oldest daughter actually started participating in some of the abuse. It really showed the way constant abuse can affect children and how they develop.
Thomson also goes over and over the cycle of abuse. That is information that everyone should probably be exposed to in order to be able to better spot abuse as it begins. She gives many resources at the end of the book for those who find themselves in the situation.
I won’t say I enjoyed the book. It was quite brutal to read. I will rate it a five though. It was very enlightening. It was also very brave. I don’t know that I would be able to open up in the manner the author did if I had been in her shoes.
March 27, 2019
Shockingly raw and gives insight to a life of domestic violence and the effects it has on all those involved, Deborah is a very strong and brave woman for sharing her story, hopefully allowing other women to speak up about their experiences, whether they are past or current experiences
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July 1, 2022DNF. Triggered too much being a true story.
January 25, 2023
I cant say I enjoyed reading this book. How could you? However, I think that it should be read.
April 21, 2020
A deep and emotional book, No sorry , not only a book but ones tragic circumstances laid bare . In the hope it may save victims, or potential victims.
I have read it , Not an easy read , but so so worth the effort. A must read for anyone feeling trapped by not only domestic abuse, but any abuse be it physical or mental and emotional abuse.
Often physical abuse is the main headline, and rightly so.
But emotional abuse is equally as devastating, Probably more, as it leaves no visible scars , to show.
Yes a must read.
By Salvatore Vassallo
I have read it , Not an easy read , but so so worth the effort. A must read for anyone feeling trapped by not only domestic abuse, but any abuse be it physical or mental and emotional abuse.
Often physical abuse is the main headline, and rightly so.
But emotional abuse is equally as devastating, Probably more, as it leaves no visible scars , to show.
Yes a must read.
By Salvatore Vassallo
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews