What do you think?
Rate this book
PDA by PDAers: From Anxiety to Avoidance and Masking to Meltdowns
"To think of PDA as merely involving demand avoidance is to me akin to thinking of tigers as merely having stripes."This book is a unique window into adult Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), exploring the diversity of distinct PDA traits through the voices of over 70 people living with and affected by the condition.Sally Cat, an adult with PDA, has successfully captured the essence of a popular online support group in book form, making the valuable insights available to a wider audience, and creating a much-needed resource for individuals and professionals. Candid discussions cover issues ranging from overload and meltdowns, to work, relationships and parenting. This is a fascinating and sometimes very moving read.
362 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 21, 2018
118 people are currently reading
427 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
June 24, 2022
While I appreciate the work that went into collecting the responses, it was hard for me to get through this book, which is basically like reading through a bunch of FB posts. There are some good nuggets, to be sure, but I really struggled to glean them.
July 24, 2018
I found the format challenging, yet useful.
November 14, 2023
I was intrigued the unique approach of this book as a compilation of online conversations from a community of individuals with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), and I wasn't sure how I'd get on with it even though it was highly recommended (I should say, in spite of the PDA trait of avoiding the books one is recommended). But it offers a refreshing perspective that deeply resonated with me.
The threaded conversations on specific themes allow for a rich expression of voices and experiences. This approach not only broadened my understanding but also challenged the conventional, one-size-fits-all diagnostic categories that can dominate in this field. It was enlightening to see the range of coping mechanisms and experiences, highlighting how each individual's journey is unique.
It was, by turns, discouraging to see how hard it is and encouraging to see how others cope. There was some great advice to take forward and some bits that didn't resonate to just leave for someone else. You do get a sense of there being a community and I like the way they respectfully communicate with each other. Again, the word I'd use there is refreshing. The experience of PDA is typically pretty isolating and lonely, so, again, the communal format hits the mark for me. It's not just a collection of experiences; it's a testament to the power of understanding and solidarity.
I was especially struck by the diversity within the PDA community. The book showcases a broad array of experiences: each person's story is distinct - often painful, always amazing.
Sally Cat has not only provided insight into the world of PDA but has also created a space that validates and empowers its readers. For anyone seeking a deeper understanding of PDA, or for those who live with it, this book is a heartfelt and invaluable resource. It's a reminder that even in our individual struggles, we are not alone.
The threaded conversations on specific themes allow for a rich expression of voices and experiences. This approach not only broadened my understanding but also challenged the conventional, one-size-fits-all diagnostic categories that can dominate in this field. It was enlightening to see the range of coping mechanisms and experiences, highlighting how each individual's journey is unique.
It was, by turns, discouraging to see how hard it is and encouraging to see how others cope. There was some great advice to take forward and some bits that didn't resonate to just leave for someone else. You do get a sense of there being a community and I like the way they respectfully communicate with each other. Again, the word I'd use there is refreshing. The experience of PDA is typically pretty isolating and lonely, so, again, the communal format hits the mark for me. It's not just a collection of experiences; it's a testament to the power of understanding and solidarity.
I was especially struck by the diversity within the PDA community. The book showcases a broad array of experiences: each person's story is distinct - often painful, always amazing.
Sally Cat has not only provided insight into the world of PDA but has also created a space that validates and empowers its readers. For anyone seeking a deeper understanding of PDA, or for those who live with it, this book is a heartfelt and invaluable resource. It's a reminder that even in our individual struggles, we are not alone.
April 28, 2024
Some great insights into PDA. The most valuable parts were the blog excerpts. The rest of the book though was so challenging. It was just a printed version of a Facebook thread and some of the content was not on topic. I’ve read better books on PDA, I don’t recommend.
November 13, 2024
I could relate a lot to of different things in this book and it has helped me on my journey to get to know myself better. But the formating is really weird. The book is a complilation of Facebook messages and blog posts. The information could have been presented in a much clearer and useful way.
June 18, 2022
This had a lot of helpful information about Pathological Demand Avoidance, presented by people who experience the condition first-hand. Each chapter is an edited thread from an online group--Sally Cat gives a prompting question, and the group discusses how each topic (work, school, family, etc.) has impacted their lives and the role PDA has played.
The format is nice because it gives first-hand information, which is often more valuable than the pronouncements of the "experts," and there is a variety of responses to each topic. It can make it difficult to follow at times, as it took a while to get through it and I forgot some of the names along the way.
The contributors seem to be a close-knit group, which left me feeling at times like I was sitting outside of a conversation, while everyone else knew each other and was familiar with people's family situations, work history, etc. I also found that the book could use some more editing, as it got off-topic at times. The family chapter was particularly hard to read, as it had long sections of people complaining about decisions made by extended family, but it didn't tie it to PDA--it was just more of a venting session.
The sections on school felt the same way at times--a lot of negative comments about teachers who didn't give students what they needed, but sometimes unclear about what was needed, or how the teacher could have anticipated these needs based on a condition that wasn't yet diagnosed. I'm not saying that the teacher bears no responsibility, and certainly some of the teachers discussed were way out of line, but perhaps a discussion of appropriate accommodations while removed from past emotions could be beneficial.
Like I said, I learned a lot from the book. I may also read a book by one of those "experts" to see if it gives a clear discussion of diagnostic criteria and to what extent it needs to be present. The book often portrays PDA as all-or-nothing (you can either do things, or you can do nothing at all), which may be the case. I just want to learn more, but this book was a good start on that journey.
The format is nice because it gives first-hand information, which is often more valuable than the pronouncements of the "experts," and there is a variety of responses to each topic. It can make it difficult to follow at times, as it took a while to get through it and I forgot some of the names along the way.
The contributors seem to be a close-knit group, which left me feeling at times like I was sitting outside of a conversation, while everyone else knew each other and was familiar with people's family situations, work history, etc. I also found that the book could use some more editing, as it got off-topic at times. The family chapter was particularly hard to read, as it had long sections of people complaining about decisions made by extended family, but it didn't tie it to PDA--it was just more of a venting session.
The sections on school felt the same way at times--a lot of negative comments about teachers who didn't give students what they needed, but sometimes unclear about what was needed, or how the teacher could have anticipated these needs based on a condition that wasn't yet diagnosed. I'm not saying that the teacher bears no responsibility, and certainly some of the teachers discussed were way out of line, but perhaps a discussion of appropriate accommodations while removed from past emotions could be beneficial.
Like I said, I learned a lot from the book. I may also read a book by one of those "experts" to see if it gives a clear discussion of diagnostic criteria and to what extent it needs to be present. The book often portrays PDA as all-or-nothing (you can either do things, or you can do nothing at all), which may be the case. I just want to learn more, but this book was a good start on that journey.
February 10, 2025
This took me 5 months to get through. The style was not enticing and it was a struggle, but when I got into it, I forgot I was reading a book and started to respond/comment before realizing it.
The graphs were very hard to understand and not helpful, while the memes were. I saved a few to my phone for future reference.
The graphs were very hard to understand and not helpful, while the memes were. I saved a few to my phone for future reference.
February 6, 2025
It's a compilation of facebook comments and posts-- so it's like reading several monologues about people's experiences on different matters. Not clinical at all, but useful in its own right certainly.
September 30, 2024
It's really just a summary of an Internet message board conversation, it seems. Given the unusual format, I felt like I could relate with many of the comments.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews