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Getting Free: Women and Psychotherapy
Three women psychotherapists dissect the major crises in the lives of women from a point of view which synthesizes traditional pychoanalytic theory with recent feminist thought
320 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 1982
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August 21, 2025
A COMBINATION OF TRADITIONAL PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORIES AND FEMINIST IDEAS
Authors Ann Hinton, Linda Sherby, and Lynne Tenbusch wrote in the Introduction to this 1982 book, “[This book] is about American women today, women of the eighties who have experienced the impact of contemporary feminism. We have written this book to help you look inside yourself---to help you understand the origin of your pains, conflicts and joys. Our focus is on the universal issues we all share as we journey toward maturity… It is the nature of growth to produce conflicts which peak at specific stages in your life… They are universal conditions with the potential for erupting into problems and concerns. An issue is always there; it may or not materialize into a conflict. These universal issues are: *Separation from mother; *Separation from Father; *Omnipotence and vulnerability; *Anger and sadness; *Intimacy; *Sexuality; *Autonomy.” (Pg. 11-12)
They continue, “Each of the seven issues we discuss in [this book] are universal issues. However, the way in which they are played out and resolved is very much determined by the culture in which you live, and your own personal psychological history. In recent years, the feminist movement has influenced that culture which, in turn, affects the way you can resolve these issues. Feminism has suddenly opened up new vistas to all of you, putting choices within your reach that were never available before…. The women’s movement has also affected the way you can express your anger and sadness. Women traditionally have buried their anger, translating it into sadness. Now women’s anger has been accepted as natural and you may express it more freely.” (Pg. 14-15)
They explain, “[This book] combines traditional psychological theories and contemporary feminist ideas. We are three women psychotherapists who have listened to hundreds of women’s life stories. Our listening has reaped an inheritance of women’s strengths, wisdoms, agonies and joys. We have written this book in an attempt to share this inheritance with other women so that they may better understand women as well as themselves… [The book] is written from the viewpoint of women and women’s psychology, in contrast to the majority of psychological theories which have been written from the perspective of men’s history, development, and issues… [It] also demonstrates how therapy helps you resolve issues which reemerge and stand in the way of further growth… [It] will help you to look at yourself and to understand the origin of your pains, conflicts, and joys.” (Pg. 15-16)
They advise, “Some of your attempts to diminish old pains may not be working for you in your present adult life. If you are unable to resolve your psychic pain alone, this culture gives you permission to seek psychotherapy. Although some of you will still view psychotherapy as a stigma, it continues to become increasingly acceptable and choosing to enter it is a sign of your willingness to grow and change. Choosing psychotherapy as a way of resolving difficulties and conflicts is a product of the present cultural climate.” (Pg. 28)
They explain, “Between six months and three years you increasingly separate from your mother while at the same time developing a stronger sense of yourself… If your mother feels physically competent herself, she is more likely to see you as physically capable as well. However, it your mother has been raised by an overprotective mother herself, she probably has not developed confidence in her own physical ability to deal with the world. Then she is more apt to see the world as physically dangerous and to see you as incapable of dealing with it unscathed. She will be overly protective of you, just as her mother was of her.” (Pg. 51, 53)
They note, “Your father also provides you with the earliest image of what to expect of men in later life. If, for example, your parents are affectionate to each other and to you and your siblings, you learn that men and women can have fun together. On the other hand, if your father comes home and beats your mother, you learn that men can be dangerous. If your father vacillates between warmth and indifference, you learn that men cannot be trusted. By his relationship with both you and your mother, he shows you as a growing girl what you can expect from men in your adult life. Inevitably, when you are a little girl you feel that your house is a microcosm of the whole world. You assume that what is happening in your family happens between men and women everywhere.” (Pg. 83)
They report, “There are, of course, fathers who are able to deal with their own sexual feelings and to help their teenage daughters deal with theirs. For example, a 13-year old girl was watching an arousing scene on television and felt herself becoming excited. The sexual sensations were very pleasurable, and she became aware of her desire to express them. She ran into the next room where she gave her father a rush of kisses. Her father was amazed by this sudden show of affection and responded with delight, saying, ‘Boy, is she gonna be something!’ the message to his daughter was clear: ‘Your sexual feelings are fun and exciting and safe with me.’ The father was able to appreciate his daughter’s feelings and to recognize and reinforce her blossoming sexuality without increasing her sense of danger that those feelings might be acted out between the two of them. This nurtured her acceptance of her developing sexuality and helped her look forward to its expression with other men.” (Pg. 209)
They assert, “The feminist movement has done a great deal to increase your options. Before this movement, not only were you expected to live within rigid roles, but you were also limited in terms of how you could experience and define yourself. Your worth was defined in terms of other people. Were you a wife? Were you a mother?… prior to the feminist movement … your autonomy was defined by the achievements of others… But you cannot be autonomous by giving away your autonomy. You cannot find yourself by giving yourself away.” (Pg. 256)
They continue, “As the caretaker, you were programmed to care for everyone else first and consider your own needs afterwards. When something sent wrong, when someone was not happy, when you felt angry about your own needs being neglected, you felt guilty. This was your trade-off. You were cared for economically but in exchange had to take care of everyone else’s emotional and psychological needs. Then, when you, of necessity, failed in this impossible task, you felt guilty. You felt that you were not a good enough wife and mother, that you were not a good enough woman. You felt like a failure. Thus a woman’s burden was wrapped in guilt. Being a female and feeling guilty became almost synonymous. You could not do enough, you could not be enough to make everything all right.” (Pg. 257)
The ‘psychological theories’ in this book struck me as a bit ‘dated,’ and I was frankly disturbed by their interpretation of the 13-year-old and her father. But this book may appeal to some…
Authors Ann Hinton, Linda Sherby, and Lynne Tenbusch wrote in the Introduction to this 1982 book, “[This book] is about American women today, women of the eighties who have experienced the impact of contemporary feminism. We have written this book to help you look inside yourself---to help you understand the origin of your pains, conflicts and joys. Our focus is on the universal issues we all share as we journey toward maturity… It is the nature of growth to produce conflicts which peak at specific stages in your life… They are universal conditions with the potential for erupting into problems and concerns. An issue is always there; it may or not materialize into a conflict. These universal issues are: *Separation from mother; *Separation from Father; *Omnipotence and vulnerability; *Anger and sadness; *Intimacy; *Sexuality; *Autonomy.” (Pg. 11-12)
They continue, “Each of the seven issues we discuss in [this book] are universal issues. However, the way in which they are played out and resolved is very much determined by the culture in which you live, and your own personal psychological history. In recent years, the feminist movement has influenced that culture which, in turn, affects the way you can resolve these issues. Feminism has suddenly opened up new vistas to all of you, putting choices within your reach that were never available before…. The women’s movement has also affected the way you can express your anger and sadness. Women traditionally have buried their anger, translating it into sadness. Now women’s anger has been accepted as natural and you may express it more freely.” (Pg. 14-15)
They explain, “[This book] combines traditional psychological theories and contemporary feminist ideas. We are three women psychotherapists who have listened to hundreds of women’s life stories. Our listening has reaped an inheritance of women’s strengths, wisdoms, agonies and joys. We have written this book in an attempt to share this inheritance with other women so that they may better understand women as well as themselves… [The book] is written from the viewpoint of women and women’s psychology, in contrast to the majority of psychological theories which have been written from the perspective of men’s history, development, and issues… [It] also demonstrates how therapy helps you resolve issues which reemerge and stand in the way of further growth… [It] will help you to look at yourself and to understand the origin of your pains, conflicts, and joys.” (Pg. 15-16)
They advise, “Some of your attempts to diminish old pains may not be working for you in your present adult life. If you are unable to resolve your psychic pain alone, this culture gives you permission to seek psychotherapy. Although some of you will still view psychotherapy as a stigma, it continues to become increasingly acceptable and choosing to enter it is a sign of your willingness to grow and change. Choosing psychotherapy as a way of resolving difficulties and conflicts is a product of the present cultural climate.” (Pg. 28)
They explain, “Between six months and three years you increasingly separate from your mother while at the same time developing a stronger sense of yourself… If your mother feels physically competent herself, she is more likely to see you as physically capable as well. However, it your mother has been raised by an overprotective mother herself, she probably has not developed confidence in her own physical ability to deal with the world. Then she is more apt to see the world as physically dangerous and to see you as incapable of dealing with it unscathed. She will be overly protective of you, just as her mother was of her.” (Pg. 51, 53)
They note, “Your father also provides you with the earliest image of what to expect of men in later life. If, for example, your parents are affectionate to each other and to you and your siblings, you learn that men and women can have fun together. On the other hand, if your father comes home and beats your mother, you learn that men can be dangerous. If your father vacillates between warmth and indifference, you learn that men cannot be trusted. By his relationship with both you and your mother, he shows you as a growing girl what you can expect from men in your adult life. Inevitably, when you are a little girl you feel that your house is a microcosm of the whole world. You assume that what is happening in your family happens between men and women everywhere.” (Pg. 83)
They report, “There are, of course, fathers who are able to deal with their own sexual feelings and to help their teenage daughters deal with theirs. For example, a 13-year old girl was watching an arousing scene on television and felt herself becoming excited. The sexual sensations were very pleasurable, and she became aware of her desire to express them. She ran into the next room where she gave her father a rush of kisses. Her father was amazed by this sudden show of affection and responded with delight, saying, ‘Boy, is she gonna be something!’ the message to his daughter was clear: ‘Your sexual feelings are fun and exciting and safe with me.’ The father was able to appreciate his daughter’s feelings and to recognize and reinforce her blossoming sexuality without increasing her sense of danger that those feelings might be acted out between the two of them. This nurtured her acceptance of her developing sexuality and helped her look forward to its expression with other men.” (Pg. 209)
They assert, “The feminist movement has done a great deal to increase your options. Before this movement, not only were you expected to live within rigid roles, but you were also limited in terms of how you could experience and define yourself. Your worth was defined in terms of other people. Were you a wife? Were you a mother?… prior to the feminist movement … your autonomy was defined by the achievements of others… But you cannot be autonomous by giving away your autonomy. You cannot find yourself by giving yourself away.” (Pg. 256)
They continue, “As the caretaker, you were programmed to care for everyone else first and consider your own needs afterwards. When something sent wrong, when someone was not happy, when you felt angry about your own needs being neglected, you felt guilty. This was your trade-off. You were cared for economically but in exchange had to take care of everyone else’s emotional and psychological needs. Then, when you, of necessity, failed in this impossible task, you felt guilty. You felt that you were not a good enough wife and mother, that you were not a good enough woman. You felt like a failure. Thus a woman’s burden was wrapped in guilt. Being a female and feeling guilty became almost synonymous. You could not do enough, you could not be enough to make everything all right.” (Pg. 257)
The ‘psychological theories’ in this book struck me as a bit ‘dated,’ and I was frankly disturbed by their interpretation of the 13-year-old and her father. But this book may appeal to some…
Displaying 1 of 1 review