The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman: Wisdom to live the life you crave

by Iris Ruth Pastor

Do you think about food too much? Envy those "skinny bitches" and wonder how they do it? Use the needle on the scale as a measure of your self-worth? Are you "just ten pounds" away from happiness? You are not alone. Iris Ruth Pastor, too, was a weight-obsessed woman who found a way to eat all those tempting goodies--without putting on a pound. At age eighteen, she began bingeing and purging daily and didn't stop for forty-six years. How did she tame the triggers that led to bingeing and purging? Deal with the ravenous monster within? The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman is Iris's story of ripping down the faCade of her "perfect" life and taking steps to break free of her lover ED (Eating Disorder, not Erectile Dysfunction!). If you are grappling with anything that prevents you from operating at full throttle, Iris's bluntly honest, humorous, and inspirational story reminds us all that recovery is within our reach. In this honest, insightful, and inspiring book, Iris Ruth Pastor shares her story of recovery from a decades-long battle with bulimia. She brings a poignant and relatable honesty to this memoir, using both wisdom and humor to bring readers on the journey from despair to healing. Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, PsyD Congratulations on your outstanding book. I have encouraged all my patients to buy it.... You are amazing. Great writer, speaker, and role model for midlife women struggling with eating disorders. Dr. Ann Kearney Cooke, The Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute Iris Ruth Pastor is a writer, speaker, and storyteller whose bedrock belief is that our lives are always a work in progress. After just a few months of blogging for the Huffington Post, her blog was designated one of "The Must-Read Blogs" for those over 50. Her musings, weekly newsletters, social media postings, and speeches underscore her engaging message of the importance of self-care--of Preserving Your Bloom. Iris travels the country both entertaining live audiences and encouraging them to use their talents and resources to be the best they can be. While doing so, she tries not to be judgmental, cloying, hypocritical, whiney, snippy, overly sensitive and over-whelmed. Sometimes, like all of us, she even manages to carry it off.

270 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 30, 2018

About the author

Iris Ruth Pastor is 5’2”—the truth. She weights 115 lbs.—a lie. She’s a baby boomer, author, speaker and story teller. For the past twenty-eight years, she’s written a slice-of-life column entitled “Incidentally, Iris.” In between the unremitting rigors of raising five sons, she hosted a radio program, co-wrote a book with her mother—Slices, Bites and Other Facts of Life—and became the editor of the American Israelite.
Iris entered the social media age kicking and bitching and screaming in order to foster connection and offer tidbits of authenticity to uplift and inspire herself as well as others. She did this as a Huffington Post “Must-Read Blogger of 2015.” She is terrifyingly dipping into the vlogging arena (a combination of video and blogging), publishes a weekly newsletter through her website and travels the country speaking to live audiences about the importance of “Preserving Your Bloom.” using your talents and resources to be the best you can be.

While doing so, Iris tries not to be judgmental, cloying, hypocritical, whiney, snippy, overly sensitive, and overwhelmed. Sometimes she even manages to carry it off!

For a speaker who won’t be boring, go off-topic, or run on too long, or to sign up for Iris’s weekly newsletter, visit www.IrisRuthPastor.com.

Reviews

[Dee/ bookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

#TheSecretLifeOfAweight-obsessedWoman #NetGalley

Publisher synopsis: Do you think about food too much? Envy those “skinny bitches” and wonder how they do it? Use the needle on the scale as a measure of your self-worth? Are you “just ten pounds” away from happiness? You are not alone. Iris Ruth Pastor, too, was a weight-obsessed woman who found a way to eat all those tempting goodies—without putting on a pound. At age eighteen, she began bingeing and purging daily and didn’t stop for forty-six years. How did she tame the triggers that led to bingeing and purging? Deal with the ravenous monster within? The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman is Iris’s story of ripping down the façade of her “perfect” life and taking steps to break free of her lover ED (Eating Disorder, not Erectile Dysfunction!). If you are grappling with anything that prevents you from operating at full throttle, Iris’s bluntly honest, humorous, and inspirational story reminds us all that recovery is within our reach. In this honest, insightful, and inspiring book, Iris Ruth Pastor shares her story of recovery from a decades-long battle with bulimia. She brings a poignant and relatable honesty to this memoir, using both wisdom and humor to bring readers on the journey from despair to healing. ~ Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, PsyD Congratulations on your outstanding book. I have encouraged all my patients to buy it…. You are amazing. Great writer, speaker, and role model for midlife women struggling with eating disorders. ~ Dr. Ann Kearney Cooke, The Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute Iris Ruth Pastor is a writer, speaker, and storyteller whose bedrock belief is that our lives are always a work in progress. After just a few months of blogging for the Huffington Post, her blog was designated one of “The Must-Read Blogs” for those over 50. Her musings, weekly newsletters, social media postings, and speeches underscore her engaging message of the importance of self-care—of Preserving Your Bloom. Iris travels the country both entertaining live audiences and encouraging them to use their talents and resources to be the best they can be. While doing so, she tries not to be judgmental, cloying, hypocritical, whiney, snippy, overly sensitive and over­whelmed. Sometimes, like all of us, she even manages to carry it off.


This book is very raw. I really feel for the author and can relate to her. She hits on a lot of battles that women go through. Very insightful book!

I received an advance reader copy in exchange for a fair review.

[Judith Walls · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most interesting memoirs I've ever read about eating disorders is this one. The author's ability to strike a balance between universal lessons and personal confession is what makes it unique. She leads us from the private world of purging and bingeing to the freeing process of healing and getting back into the swing of things.

The book's three stages, struggle, recovery, and re-engagement reflect the emotional journey that many people go through when overcoming ingrained habits or addictions. It involves more than just food; it involves coping strategies, shame, denial, and ultimately, healing.

Iris doesn't portray herself as a perfect hero, which I found particularly admirable. She talks about her failures, her anxieties, and even her darkest moments of humor. Her victories are all the more potent because of that genuineness.

[Emma Kruse · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a cultural document as well as a memoir.
Iris walks us through the decades-long, hidden battle of bulimia during a period when eating disorders were not even recognized by the general public.
Her stories are vivid; even in the darkest chapters, you can sense her humor and wit, as well as her shame and secrecy.
Her ability to turn a personal suffering into a public gift is what makes it so amazing. She gives readers tools, authenticity, acceptance, and the guts to speak the truth, in addition to understanding.
I've read a lot of memoirs, but this one sticks out to me because it strikes a balance between hope and honesty. It elevates rather than sulks.

[Trent Gunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had no idea what to anticipate, but this memoir blew me away. Iris's writing is so deep and clear that it immerses readers in her world, including the shame, the secrecy, and the eventual healing.
Her resolve to leave a strong legacy for her grandchildren was what most impressed me. That inspiration seemed strong and universal.
The writing is clear, clever, and occasionally surprisingly humorous, which effectively counterbalances the weighty subject matter.
It's the type of book that stays with you long after you've finished reading it.

[Joy Souza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Iris Ruth Pastor's memoir serves as a mirror for anyone who has ever battled with self-worth and is more than just her own story.
I was forced to consider my own coping strategies after reading her accounts of living with eating disorder, in which she personifies it as a toxic partner.
The harmony between wisdom and vulnerability, however, is what I valued most. She shows us the way out of her darkest moments, not just how she got there.
It is equal parts love letter to life, survival manual, and confession.

[Brisa Cassin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir's blend of brutal honesty and practical wisdom sets it apart from others in the genre. Iris Pastor analyzes her struggles with bulimia with perspective, humor, and clarity rather than just retelling them. Her ability to relate her personal experience to more general cultural concerns, such as the fact that eating disorders impact women of all ages, not just teenagers, was particularly noteworthy to me. This book is both readable and helpful because it combines self-help and memoir.

[Lessie Welch · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the few books that remains with you long after you've turned the last page is this one. In a vulnerable, heartbreaking, and ultimately empowering way, Iris Pastor shares her 46-year battle with bulimia. Her stories are memorable because they are vivid, even painful at times. Her ability to help others through her words and her bravery in facing her demons both impressed me. This book is excellent for anyone who has experienced an eating disorder or who simply wants to learn more about the human condition. Strongly advised!

[Fred · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the moment I started reading this book, I was hooked. Iris Ruth Pastor’s voice is authentic, warm, and fearless. She shares her experiences with such honesty that you feel every emotion, every struggle, and every small victory along the way. I loved reading this book and found myself reflecting on my own life throughout. Since Jenna has been bringing books to our community, I’ve found many enjoyable reads, but this one is truly extraordinary. I didn’t regret a single page, and I’ll treasure the insights it gave me.

[Elaria · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are books you read for entertainment, and then there are books that truly change you. This is the latter. Iris Ruth Pastor’s honesty, humor, and courage make this book unforgettable. I loved reading it because it felt like a conversation with someone who truly understands the struggles of life and self-image. Jenna Readers Community has opened my world to so many amazing books, but this one stands out as particularly moving. I enjoyed every page and didn’t regret a single moment of this experience.

[Amara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a member of Jenna’s reader community, and I’ve read many books through her recommendations over time. Some were good, some were memorable, but this one truly stood apart. The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman felt deeply personal from the very first chapter. Iris Ruth Pastor writes with an honesty that doesn’t ask for sympathy or approval; she simply tells the truth. Her story is raw, insightful, and surprisingly comforting. I didn’t feel lectured or “fixed”. I felt understood. This is a book I’m genuinely grateful I read.

[Marjorie Hazel · Rating 5 out of 5]

It takes incredible bravery for Iris Ruth Pastor to write this memoir. In an approachable, poignant, and enlightening manner, she shares the truth about her struggle with bulimia.
She reminds us that recovery is possible at any age by striking a balance between strength and vulnerability, which I find admirable.
Her voice is incredibly human and relatable.
A book that can educate those who wish to learn and assist those who are having difficulty.
Strongly advised.

[Edward Ford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is unique because it combines wisdom and vulnerability. Pastor doesn't minimize the suffering associated with eating disorders, but she also demonstrates how love, humor, and tenacity can coexist with hardship.

I have frequently struggled with issues related to my self-image, so I found this book to be both empowering and relatable. It's not just about bulimia; it's also about growth, resiliency, and having the guts to speak up after years of keeping quiet.

[Marie Shingleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

The timing of Iris's story was ideal. I’ve been silently struggling with binge eating and shame, and reading her journey felt like a hand reaching out to me.
She never loses her sense of humor or her will to live, despite being brutally honest about her struggles, failures, and secrecy.
It's powerful that she used her suffering to convey a message to her kids and grandkids. This is a legacy, not just a book.

[Ibrahim Ahmad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Iris Ruth Pastor writes as though she were having a coffee conversation with you. She does not sugarcoat her decades-long battle with bulimia, but she does manage to incorporate wisdom, humor, and hope. Even though I've never struggled with an eating disorder, I found myself underlining passages that related to my own experience. This is a survival manual encased in a narrative, not just a memoir.

[Susan Freeland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Iris's skill at striking a balance between insight and storytelling is what most impressed me about this book. In addition to discussing her own struggle with bulimia, she delves into the generational, emotional, and cultural factors that contributed to its difficulty. Her writing is incisive, humorous, and incredibly relatable. This is a must-read for anyone interested in resilience, recovery, or just comprehending the complexities of eating disorders.

[Rebekah Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was like being led by the hand through a pitch-black tunnel to emerge into the light together after reading this memoir. Iris is incredibly vulnerable, but she is also incredibly resilient. She shares stories of struggle, shame, and secrecy, but she also shares stories of love, healing, and rebirth. I thought I knew her by the end. It's the kind of book that lingers in your heart rather than merely on your shelf.

[Liora · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a member of Jenna Readers Community, I absolutely loved this book and truly enjoyed reading it. Since Jenna started bringing books to the community, I’ve read many good ones, but I’ve never come across a book as honest, powerful, and relatable as The Secret Life of a Weight-Obsessed Woman.

I loved Iris Ruth Pastor’s work, her voice is real, brave, and deeply inspiring. This book stayed with me, and I can honestly say I didn’t regret reading it at all. Highly recommended.

[Victoria]

Iris Ruth Pastor’s story is authentic, moving, and inspiring. I loved reading this book because it felt like Iris was talking directly to me, sharing her life with honesty and humor. Being part of Jenna Readers Community has given me access to many great books, but I can honestly say I’ve never read anything quite like this. I enjoyed every moment of it, felt deeply touched by her journey, and I didn’t regret picking it up for even a second.

[Helena · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book reached me in a very quiet but powerful way. Iris Ruth Pastor writes with such openness that I felt like I was being trusted with her truth. I loved reading this book because it didn’t rush healing or pretend things were easy. Since being part of Jenna Readers Community, I’ve read many books, but I’ve never connected to one on this level. I truly enjoyed every page and felt grateful I picked it up.

[Jolene Lopez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book struck a deep chord with me. You get the impression that Iris is a wise, kind friend because of the way she blends humor, personal storytelling, and the unvarnished truth.
I liked how she never backs down from a challenge and always offers hope.
It is memorable, authentic, and inspirational.

[John Hays · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this was like having a conversation with a sage, humorous, and brutally honest friend who has finally chosen to reveal her secret. You laugh while feeling sorry for Iris's younger self because she is witty, self-deprecating, and brutally honest. Not only was I inspired by the last page, but I also felt less isolated.

[William Thorson · Rating 5 out of 5]

My heart was broken by this book, but it was then patched back together with hints of hope. The words of Iris Ruth Pastor are courageous, unwavering, and ultimately uplifting. Her story serves as a reminder that the most beautiful kind of freedom is authenticity, that healing is possible, and that demons can be faced.

[Krystal Caldwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whoa. I was surprised at how much I could identify with this. It feels like you're sitting across the table from a friend who is finally telling you the truth when Iris discusses bulimia and weight obsession in such a straightforward and honest manner. Inspiring, messy, humorous, and painful all at once.

[Becky Dowdy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself crying in one chapter and laughing in the next. Iris’s voice is so human, she doesn’t hide the ugly parts, but she also reminds us that healing is possible.
This book was like sitting with someone who understands food issues, as I have personally struggled with them.
Her road to recovery is a living example of how you can take back your life at any time.

[Lucio Mraz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book opened my eyes to a world I was unaware of. Pastor's openness about purging, bingeing, feeling ashamed, and ultimately figuring out how to move on is deeply touching. Her perseverance, how she used her suffering to teach herself, her family, and readers like me, was what most impressed me. By the end, I was supporting her instead of just reading her story.

[Adewale Ahmad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pastor's writing has a cadence that reflects her journey: tumultuous, sensitive, inquisitive, and ultimately steady. She describes suffering so vividly that you can practically feel it, but she also portrays recovery with such optimism that you have to believe it. For anyone who has suffered in silence, this book is a gift.

[Tiara Swaniawski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I don't write reviews very often, this one is deserving. In one chapter, Iris Pastor's story brought me to tears, a nod of recognition, and laughter. She doesn't sugarcoat the most unpleasant facts about bulimia, but she does so with such compassion that you can relate to her. It serves as a reminder that we are all not alone in our difficulties.

[Garcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book makes a significant addition to the body of knowledge regarding eating disorders. It provides a unique viewpoint from a woman who battled bulimia for almost fifty years before finding recovery in her later years. It dispels the misconception that eating disorders exclusively impact young people.

[Peter Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

More than just a tale of an eating disorder, Iris Ruth Pastor's memoir is about finding one's voice, strength, and happiness again. It is brave and therapeutic of her to be so forthright about bulimia, a topic that is far too frequently shrouded in shame. I left with a strong sense of connection, tools, and hope.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had a profound impact on me because I have battled with body image and eating. Iris articulates the feelings that many of us have had but have never dared to express aloud. Her path to recovery served as a reminder to me that no matter how long a struggle has lasted, recovery is always achievable.