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Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny: Book One of The Elderly Chronicles
PRAISE FOR THE ELDERLY
- "I literally farted in laughter!"
- "I couldn't stop reading! Hilarious AND so action-packed!"
- "If everyone's grandma was as awesome as Dorothy, the world would be a safer place."
As a teenager, Dorothy was bestowed one of the legendary Powers of Destiny and told she was meant to save the world. But fifty-seven years later, she's still waiting. Now retired and suffering from the ailments of age, Dorothy and her band of cranky superhero friends will have to finally live up to their destiny and save the world from the evil Master and his underlings.
Join Dorothy, Ferdinand, Forrest and Walter on their quest to save Earth from a tyrant bent on the destruction and enslavement of humankind. The only question that remains is...did they remember their diapers?
- "I literally farted in laughter!"
- "I couldn't stop reading! Hilarious AND so action-packed!"
- "If everyone's grandma was as awesome as Dorothy, the world would be a safer place."
As a teenager, Dorothy was bestowed one of the legendary Powers of Destiny and told she was meant to save the world. But fifty-seven years later, she's still waiting. Now retired and suffering from the ailments of age, Dorothy and her band of cranky superhero friends will have to finally live up to their destiny and save the world from the evil Master and his underlings.
Join Dorothy, Ferdinand, Forrest and Walter on their quest to save Earth from a tyrant bent on the destruction and enslavement of humankind. The only question that remains is...did they remember their diapers?
110 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 2, 2018
13 people are currently reading
43 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
January 10, 2019
I have a hard time giving any book a bad review because just because it didn’t work for me, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work for someone else. I’ve LOVED books that have received terrible ratings, and hated others with sparkling reviews. So keep that in mind as you read this review.
If you’re a snob for prose *raises hand*, then Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny is a letdown. Within the prologue alone, the writing itself bored me enough that I nearly stopped reading. The wording was clunky and unedited (misspellings, sentence structure errors), like I was reading from a first draft, not a published novel. I can forgive some mistakes if the rest of the writing is otherwise exciting or interesting. But this wasn’t. Take for example the lines, “The warm southern air was damp, but comfortably still. It was nearly always nice and warm down in Florida...” If a writer has to use the descriptor “warm” twice within a two sentence span, it makes me question their skills as a writer, but more importantly, neither of these sentences do much for the imagination. I literally felt like a drooling baby while reading most of this book because it took no brainpower to do so. ”He was naked as the day he was born, and using his hands to wash under his armpits. Like he was taking a bath.” Ugh! There’s so much hand-holding and “telling”, it hurts!
Granted, with a title like Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny, you aren’t selecting this read for the intellectual challenge, but rather because you’re looking to have a mindlessly silly time. And if you have the sense of humor of a fourteen-year-old boy, it delivers.
All of the elderly in Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny are portrayed as crotchety trickster caricatures who think poop jokes are hilarious. They’re not given any humility or wisdom, making them very one-dimensional and reinforcing stereotypes of “senile” or “angry” or “clueless” old people. It’s offensive to those of us who have watched loved ones deteriorate or be shamed for a variety of aging related experiences, but again, to people with the humor of a teenage boy, maybe it’s hilarious?
More specifically, let’s look at Dorothy and Walt. Cue the old-couple-that-bickers trope. Not just “bickers”, but Dorothy and Walter downright put each other down on a regular basis. Calling each other fat, wrinkly, and deaf. Some might argue, “People do that when they’re older though. They take cheap shots because it doesn’t actually offend them anymore.” I know what you’re talking about, and this wasn’t that. Both Walter and Dorothy were offended by each other’s constant criticisms, and if they’ve been together for 57 years, then this might just be the most toxic and dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever seen.
Not much can be said about the other two characters, Ferdinand and Forrest. Although Forrest was likable, his interactions and dialogue always felt like an afterthought. And Ferdinand? About 99% of his contributions to the story were fart or poop related. ”Ferdinand farted, which ended in a few wet bubbly sounds. He smiled.” Yup, you read that right! And you can look forward to about a dozen other gems like this...
The things I did like: 1.) The cover!; 2.) That the book began at a drive-in movie when the main characters were all teenagers. That scene was relatable, nostalgic, and fast-paced enough that I was moderately interested; 3.) That Dorothy’s super power is strategy—how cool is that?! And that she can use it for anything recruiting strategical thought, such as board games, breaking out of a retirement home, or solving wars; and 4.) That the main story was about elderly superheroes!
But sadly, even the things I enjoyed were poorly executed. For a half second, I thought I’d be giving this book 2 stars because I like the concept of four elderly people fulfilling their lifelong destinies. Until I reached about 80% of the book and realized there wasn’t enough time for Dorothy and her crew to defeat all the lieutenants and the Master, which is when I remembered this was supposed to be a series. Oh boy. One book was bad enough. And honestly, it would’ve been better as one book. But a series? I couldn’t do it.
If you’re a snob for prose *raises hand*, then Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny is a letdown. Within the prologue alone, the writing itself bored me enough that I nearly stopped reading. The wording was clunky and unedited (misspellings, sentence structure errors), like I was reading from a first draft, not a published novel. I can forgive some mistakes if the rest of the writing is otherwise exciting or interesting. But this wasn’t. Take for example the lines, “The warm southern air was damp, but comfortably still. It was nearly always nice and warm down in Florida...” If a writer has to use the descriptor “warm” twice within a two sentence span, it makes me question their skills as a writer, but more importantly, neither of these sentences do much for the imagination. I literally felt like a drooling baby while reading most of this book because it took no brainpower to do so. ”He was naked as the day he was born, and using his hands to wash under his armpits. Like he was taking a bath.” Ugh! There’s so much hand-holding and “telling”, it hurts!
Granted, with a title like Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny, you aren’t selecting this read for the intellectual challenge, but rather because you’re looking to have a mindlessly silly time. And if you have the sense of humor of a fourteen-year-old boy, it delivers.
All of the elderly in Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny are portrayed as crotchety trickster caricatures who think poop jokes are hilarious. They’re not given any humility or wisdom, making them very one-dimensional and reinforcing stereotypes of “senile” or “angry” or “clueless” old people. It’s offensive to those of us who have watched loved ones deteriorate or be shamed for a variety of aging related experiences, but again, to people with the humor of a teenage boy, maybe it’s hilarious?
More specifically, let’s look at Dorothy and Walt. Cue the old-couple-that-bickers trope. Not just “bickers”, but Dorothy and Walter downright put each other down on a regular basis. Calling each other fat, wrinkly, and deaf. Some might argue, “People do that when they’re older though. They take cheap shots because it doesn’t actually offend them anymore.” I know what you’re talking about, and this wasn’t that. Both Walter and Dorothy were offended by each other’s constant criticisms, and if they’ve been together for 57 years, then this might just be the most toxic and dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever seen.
Not much can be said about the other two characters, Ferdinand and Forrest. Although Forrest was likable, his interactions and dialogue always felt like an afterthought. And Ferdinand? About 99% of his contributions to the story were fart or poop related. ”Ferdinand farted, which ended in a few wet bubbly sounds. He smiled.” Yup, you read that right! And you can look forward to about a dozen other gems like this...
The things I did like: 1.) The cover!; 2.) That the book began at a drive-in movie when the main characters were all teenagers. That scene was relatable, nostalgic, and fast-paced enough that I was moderately interested; 3.) That Dorothy’s super power is strategy—how cool is that?! And that she can use it for anything recruiting strategical thought, such as board games, breaking out of a retirement home, or solving wars; and 4.) That the main story was about elderly superheroes!
But sadly, even the things I enjoyed were poorly executed. For a half second, I thought I’d be giving this book 2 stars because I like the concept of four elderly people fulfilling their lifelong destinies. Until I reached about 80% of the book and realized there wasn’t enough time for Dorothy and her crew to defeat all the lieutenants and the Master, which is when I remembered this was supposed to be a series. Oh boy. One book was bad enough. And honestly, it would’ve been better as one book. But a series? I couldn’t do it.
February 9, 2018
This was a hilarious book. The premise is great. Dorothy, Walt, Ferdy, and Forest make a great team. The story is fun and light-hearted. This is well worth the read. I was laughing out loud. I'm looking forward to more of these geriatric adventures.
August 31, 2018
One star off because I was told I could get this book for free on instafreebie and then it was only the first chapter. Which is quite short.
But since I would have bought it anyway (I absolutely adore the title, and cover and blurb totally sold me) I bought it anyway and it's hilarious. A mean old lady and her three companions have waited their whole lifes for their destiny... and find it when they are too old to do much about it. But are they?
Oh no, they aren't. You are never too old to be the Chosen One and they are chosen, they are kick-ass as old bats and I enjoyed their hilarious (and crazy, sometimes disgusting, sometimes sad) shenanigans.
And yes, I will read more!
But since I would have bought it anyway (I absolutely adore the title, and cover and blurb totally sold me) I bought it anyway and it's hilarious. A mean old lady and her three companions have waited their whole lifes for their destiny... and find it when they are too old to do much about it. But are they?
Oh no, they aren't. You are never too old to be the Chosen One and they are chosen, they are kick-ass as old bats and I enjoyed their hilarious (and crazy, sometimes disgusting, sometimes sad) shenanigans.
And yes, I will read more!
February 12, 2020
I love the premise in this fun short read. It was a great break from the usual. I enjoyed the antics but would have enjoyed a deeper back story to make the goofy characters real. This is creative and unique, but I finished wanting to more know about the main characters other than the quirks, snipes and farts.
May 14, 2018
The first thing to know about Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny is that it is a superhero novel. The second thing to know is that these are not your average superheroes.
As teenagers, four friends are bestowed great powers by a magic being that comes out of a pond. They're told they will use these powers to one day save the world.
Fast forward a half-dozen decades of mostly wasted life and the being appears again, finally calling on his chosen, only to find they're all geriatric, living in a nursing home. One is ornery, one is narcoleptic, one is incontinent and absent, and one is living happily in the nearby penitentiary.
It doesn't take him too long to convince them to leave because, well, the nursery home is boring anyway. Once the trio free their incarcerated friend, the group embarks on a trip to stop one of four henchmen of the big bad. This one, the technomancer, is the billionaire head of a tech conglomerate and owns the market in electric cars.
What made Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny a fun read was less the plot than the characters and their interactions. It's hilarious reading of these ornery septuagenarians ripping into each other, or complaining they have to stop for bathroom breaks, or falling asleep in the middle of a battle. The only part that was a bit over the top for me was the poop-flinging, especially because the character never seemed to wash his hands. The Elderly Chronicles is clearly intended to be a 4-5 book series (at least) and it will be interesting to see if the humour can be maintained throughout the series.
If you like superhero stories, and are looking for something a little different, you might want to give Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny a read.
**I received this book for free from Authors Marketing Club in exchange for a fair and honest review.**
As teenagers, four friends are bestowed great powers by a magic being that comes out of a pond. They're told they will use these powers to one day save the world.
Fast forward a half-dozen decades of mostly wasted life and the being appears again, finally calling on his chosen, only to find they're all geriatric, living in a nursing home. One is ornery, one is narcoleptic, one is incontinent and absent, and one is living happily in the nearby penitentiary.
It doesn't take him too long to convince them to leave because, well, the nursery home is boring anyway. Once the trio free their incarcerated friend, the group embarks on a trip to stop one of four henchmen of the big bad. This one, the technomancer, is the billionaire head of a tech conglomerate and owns the market in electric cars.
What made Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny a fun read was less the plot than the characters and their interactions. It's hilarious reading of these ornery septuagenarians ripping into each other, or complaining they have to stop for bathroom breaks, or falling asleep in the middle of a battle. The only part that was a bit over the top for me was the poop-flinging, especially because the character never seemed to wash his hands. The Elderly Chronicles is clearly intended to be a 4-5 book series (at least) and it will be interesting to see if the humour can be maintained throughout the series.
If you like superhero stories, and are looking for something a little different, you might want to give Dorothy and the Cane of Destiny a read.
**I received this book for free from Authors Marketing Club in exchange for a fair and honest review.**
November 24, 2018
A fantastic read of geriatric superheroes
I loved the book and look forward to reading the rest on Kindle Unlimited. If you ever wanted to read about an older woman as the main protagonist, then Dorothy is your girl. I really don't have anything bad to say. If you're easily offended (deep down, you know if you are), then you may not like some of the elderly stereotypes of poopy pants, narcolepsy, and bingo, but I thought they were great elements. The bingo intro, mastery of strategy games, and cantankerous nature of Dorothy were a delight. I also got a kick out of majestic Tulsa.
I loved the book and look forward to reading the rest on Kindle Unlimited. If you ever wanted to read about an older woman as the main protagonist, then Dorothy is your girl. I really don't have anything bad to say. If you're easily offended (deep down, you know if you are), then you may not like some of the elderly stereotypes of poopy pants, narcolepsy, and bingo, but I thought they were great elements. The bingo intro, mastery of strategy games, and cantankerous nature of Dorothy were a delight. I also got a kick out of majestic Tulsa.
February 20, 2018
Good start to interesting series
This book was funny but I think it may have been over-hyped for me. I liked the idea of aging heroes. I liked the cast but it felt like their whole lives were put on hold because of their powers. No loved ones or children. All they have is each other after 57 years.
I am interested in learning more about the guy that gave them their powers. This is a good start to an interesting series.
With the fair amount of fart jokes, I'd recommend this book to middle schoolers. I'm sure they'd get a kick out of Ferdinand.
This book was funny but I think it may have been over-hyped for me. I liked the idea of aging heroes. I liked the cast but it felt like their whole lives were put on hold because of their powers. No loved ones or children. All they have is each other after 57 years.
I am interested in learning more about the guy that gave them their powers. This is a good start to an interesting series.
With the fair amount of fart jokes, I'd recommend this book to middle schoolers. I'm sure they'd get a kick out of Ferdinand.
February 8, 2018
kindle unlimited, interesting premise that failed almost from the beginning, how can someone write the word dentures so many times and not know it's NOT spelled denchers. Half of it didn't make sense, and what little did wasn't funny to me. Good premise/idea, not good execution of that. I read quite a bit of different type superhero books, but this one eh. The 2 is to match amazon 2.
May 22, 2020
Kinda fun
This was a fun story, but I'm a bit confused about how having a cane that can 'do anything' and not once has Dorothy tried to make any of them younger? That would be the first thing I tried. I get that it's kinda amusing having old people with various ailments trying to be superheroes, but surely she'd at least try and make her hip stop hurting?
This was a fun story, but I'm a bit confused about how having a cane that can 'do anything' and not once has Dorothy tried to make any of them younger? That would be the first thing I tried. I get that it's kinda amusing having old people with various ailments trying to be superheroes, but surely she'd at least try and make her hip stop hurting?
October 5, 2023
Four seventy-somethings in a retirement home are called up by the alien who gave them special powers - and then never came back to signal the time to save the world. Now relatively infirm, they must find four lieutenants of "the Master". Ingenious scenarios ... not quite my sense of humor, but amusing.
February 24, 2019
Fun read!
This book has a very clever unique storyline. The characters are believable, likeable personalities. This moved along at a great pace. Loved it! Can't wait to read the nd,t one.
This book has a very clever unique storyline. The characters are believable, likeable personalities. This moved along at a great pace. Loved it! Can't wait to read the nd,t one.
March 23, 2022
Not what I expected
I loved the title and the cover. I was expecting something really funny. It was just not that at all. The first chapter was great but it went down hill from there.
I loved the title and the cover. I was expecting something really funny. It was just not that at all. The first chapter was great but it went down hill from there.
August 4, 2018
Really funny
Elderly superheros, with all the problems you might think of, and some you might never have considered. Just don't know why Dorothy is sooo damn mean.
Elderly superheros, with all the problems you might think of, and some you might never have considered. Just don't know why Dorothy is sooo damn mean.
June 8, 2022
Full of flatulance
A fun and cranky book filled with the problems of age mixed with saving the world. As a medic my brain saw the joys and felt the pains whilst the premise was intriguing. Full of jokes (mostly bad) and a lot of anger at the situation (very apt). I loved the characters and their unique situations that really make the read fun and engrossing. A worthwhile read as long as you like a few poo jokes thrown in.
A fun and cranky book filled with the problems of age mixed with saving the world. As a medic my brain saw the joys and felt the pains whilst the premise was intriguing. Full of jokes (mostly bad) and a lot of anger at the situation (very apt). I loved the characters and their unique situations that really make the read fun and engrossing. A worthwhile read as long as you like a few poo jokes thrown in.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews