Analysis: The State of Affairs: By Esther Perel. an Overview of the Causes of Infidelity and Potential Positive Outcomes.

by James Zimmerhoff

The State Of Affairs Iconic couples' therapist and bestselling writer of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with an intriguing look at relationships through the lens of adultery. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this pervasive human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo, unsuccessfully universally forbidden? Why do people cheat especially those in happy marriages? Why does an infidelity hurt so much? When we declare adultery, what exactly do we mean? Do our unrealistic expectations of marriage direct us to betrayal? Is there such a thing as an infidelity-proof marriage? Is it possible to love several people at once? Can an affair ever improve a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case accounts with intelligent psychological and cultural analysis in this compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it is possible to heal. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage with the same person. With the right strategy, couples can grow and learn from these disturbing experiences, together or apart. Infidelity, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships what we anticipate, what we think we desire, and what we feel like our right. They offer an unprecedented window into our individual and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and involvement. Through examining prohibited love from multiple angles, Perel invites us into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining examination of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely farsighted, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. Perel notes, "Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart." Perel develops 2006's Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence with an exciting study of relations. In this book, she establishes the controversial opinion that infidelity is eventually beneficial to marital bonds, and she successfully explores the ways that infidelity force partners to carefully examine their positions about love, commitment, and sex. But do not misunderstand, Perel does not promote infidelity. She dismisses the frequently used excuse that adultery is due to sex obsession and argues that emotional dishonesty is still cheating. "how are we to know what constitutes an affair?." Perel sensibly makes the case that if the betrayal has already happened, it's imperative that the experience provides a way forward whether that is to stay married or to split up. She bolsters her arguments with real-life examples from both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. The publication is sure to spark intelligent discussions that will have readers everywhere examining their belief systems. This topic is a thought-provoking take on relationships and essential reading for couples dealing with the affair. Infidelity has a lot to teach us about relationships, what we expect, what we think and desire, and what we feel entitled to, records Perel "They offer an unprecedented window into our particular and cultural attitudes regarding love, lust, and commitment." Using research and individual stories from her 30 years as a couples' therapist. The writer dives into the world of affairs: why men and women engage in them, what many consider "innocent" behavior versus flat-out wrongdoing. When the offended part discovers the affair, the rage, jealousy, guilt, and host of other emotions that flare up, and the full healing process, which determines if a couple will remain together or not. Perel reviews each affair with an open attitude, trying to get to the reason of why it happened and how each involved can view the same situation in a different light.

Paperback

Published October 25, 2017