Not What I Expected

by Bokara Legendre

Not What I Expected is a beautifully crafted memoir of adventure and seeking, the world crossing journey of an artist and journalist. It is one of those rare documents that emerges only from hard sleuthing through old trunks in storage, file cabinets, photo albums, and yellowing letters. It is also an account of a survivor of being raised during the gilded years of the first half of the 20th Century. At first glance, it is a story of great privilege, partying among the upper levels of New York society, voyaging through the world to exotic places, meetings with spiritual teachers of the highest order like the Dalai Lama, painters, film producers, writers, and other shapers of the world in which we now live. In unique style, Bokara interviewed the famous, barbecued beef for a contingent of Tibetan lamas at her cliffside home in Big Sur, rode elephants and befriended Pandas, brought people together and transformed her own life.
At its heart, Not What I Expected is a story of the world of one who was raised by servants, isolated from her family's plantation, struggling in the midst of ballrooms, meditation centers, and vast wild preserves, learning to find a true home in the world.

278 pages, Hardcover

Published July 24, 2017

Reviews

[V · Rating 3 out of 5]

Years ago, when I was spending my summer vacation working at a movie theater, I overheard an aged but well-preserved customer telling her companion that she had briefly dated a celebrity (I don't remember who but he was big enough that I knew the name five decades later) while they were both working as entertainers in Nuremberg during the international military tribunal. One hears starfucking anecdotes from time to time, but the Nuremberg thing... as my coworker commented, "That's worldly."

This book contains dozens of variations on that anecdote--famous people, famous events--that the author or certain of her family members knew, witnessed, or were part of. So much wealth and privilege that even the author--a black sheep in her family--couldn't help but brush up against fame. All. The. Time.

The second half of the book focuses more on the fits and starts of Legendre's spiritual journey. It is written very much from her later more "enlightened" point of view and she is continually pointing out the error of her thinking at the time. I kept thinking that if the woman hadn't been so wealthy and had so many options, she would have stuck with something and achieved some sort of enlightenment or peace decades earlier.

So, listen, I can't get on board with a lot of the author's schtick. Her mother sounds like she was a piece of work and I feel badly for Legendre for being the victim of some terrible parenting. Legendre's imitation of her mother's socialite lifestyle, however, I found it hard to swallow. Too, her lifelong spiritual journey (going in circles, mostly) and magical thinking were annoying as hell, although perhaps she would have eventually abandoned such foolishness had she not been afflicted with chronic pain. But as many reservations as I have about Bokara Legendre as a person, she led a very interesting life.

[Mike He · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her memoir "Not What I Expected," Bokara Legendre describes her constant search for the true meaning of her life, a life torn between the material world and the spiritual one. The book was published shortly before Bokara Legendre passed away in December 2017. As the obituary says, "Bo possessed the enthusiasm and courage to pursue her dreams. Full of determination, curiosity and will, she undertook and succeeded at a variety of careers." Readers will find in the book colorful details about a legendary life she's lived. May her RIP!

[Maryanne Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bokara was quite a character. I really enjoyed hearing about her life even though it frustrated me at times. She sure knows how to tell a story. I heard her tell one on a podcast called "the Moth". It was very entertaining.

[Bonnie Cassios · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read for sure!! Thank you so much Bokara Legendre.

[Deb Chittick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will have to read and re-read this memoir. Bokara Legendre's voice is not only full of patrician vs new age interest, she is clear in this dichotomy of her life. I love her voice. I adore her stories and her self awareness of the confusion one must suffer when choosing a conscious life when afforded a luxurious life life of party and society. I love this book as she discovers herself within its pages.