Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace

by Marge Fenelon

Forgiving Mother offers you practical guidance and spiritual wisdom to begin your journey to wholeness of spirit. Highly recommended! — Lisa M. Hendey , author, The Grace of Yes

Marge Steinhage Fenelon knows the pain, fear, hopelessness, insecurity, resentment and anger of being raised by a troubled mother. She also knows the way Mary.

In Forgiving Mother , Fenelon deftly explores the ways the Blessed Virgin can provide comfort and healing if you truly desire it. Drawing from personal experience as well as wisdom from Church documents, Scripture, and the saints, Fenelon sketches a path from despair to peace. She offers concrete steps and prayers to help you deal with the painful memories, emotions and fears that are rooted in your past.

Part memoir, part spiritual guide, Forgiving Mother is a workbook for healing even the most deeply rooted pain. It also includes a novena, which you can pray alongside each chapter or as a final step in the healing process. You will likely find solace from going through the novena again and again, as you’ll find healing is a cyclical process—not a linear one.

You are a child of Mary and she loves you tenderly. She really, truly is your mother—given to you by our Lord as he hung dying on the cross. Jesus wants you to accept his mother as your own and to develop a deepening relationship with her so that she can fill the void that the past has left inside of you. And in her kind, motherly way, she will. What’s more, she will lead you to her son who, as God, is the ultimate source of all healing and peace.

Pray through it, meditate on it, and let Mary’s love sink into your heart and soul. Above all, be gentle with yourself. This is your healing process, and no one else’s. With the Blessed Mother’s help, you can become the whole, healed and truly cherished person you were meant to be.

The audio edition of this book can be downloaded via

168 pages, Paperback

Published November 28, 2017

About the author

Marge Fenelon is an award-winning Catholic author and journalist, internationally-known speaker, and popular radio and television personality.

She's the author of several books on Marian devotion and Catholic spirituality including "My Queen, My Mother: A Living Novena, (A Marian Pilgrimage Across America)" "10 Promises of Jesus: Stories and Scripture Reflections about Suffering and Joy," "Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace," and "Our Lady, Undoer of Knots: A Living Novena."

Marge's media appearances include EWTN Television and Radio, Relevant Radio, Spirit Radio, Ave Maria Radio, Iowa Catholic Radio, Sacred Heart Radio, and more. She's known for her warmth and genuineness and has spoken to audiences across the US and in Europe and South America.

Marge is a life-long Catholic and an instructor for the Archdiocese of Milwaukee Deacon Wives Program.

Reviews

[Steven R. McEvoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read this book through and am already reading it a second time. When I was reading My Queen, My Mother, by Fenelon I came across this book and immediately bought it. I kept it toward the top of my screen on my Kindle but was hesitant to open the book. I debated starting it several times, and yet could not bring myself to flip open the cover. But once I started reading, I could not put it down. The first time through the book I highlighted 27 passages before getting to part 2 of the book, the novena, which is about a third of the book. This is a book that anyone who had a less than perfect relationship with their parent could read and benefit from. The sections in this book are:

Introduction - Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle
Preface
Introduction
Part One: Learning to Forgive
Yes, You Can Heal
Why Is Mary the Answer?
It’s Okay to Look Back
You Are a Child of God
She Is a Child of God
You’re Just Like Your Mother
Mom! I Need You!
Who Will Be a Mother to Me Now?
I Forgive You
Part Two: Novena
Lord, Give Me the Grace to Want to Heal
Mary, Let Me Grow Closer to You
Mary, Help Me Look Back
Mary, Let Me See Myself as a Child of God
Mary, Let Me See My Mother as a Child of God
Mary, Let Me Be Transformed in the Spirit
Mary, Draw Me into Your Heart
Mary, Let Me Grow
Mary, Let Me Be Healed
Acknowledgements
Notes

In the introduction Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle states:

“I can guarantee it. I also believe that Forgiving Mother will edify any reader, helping them to understand the need to love and nurture one another as well as learn more about Mary’s essential role in our lives.”

And the book lives up to that prediction. This book spoke directly to my heart, and to my experience. Even in my years away from the Catholic church, I maintained a devotion to Holy Mary, always kept Rosaries and often prayed to Mary. And I had many issues with my earthly mother. We were estranged for a few periods in our life. And my children do not even know her name. But being inspired by this book, I have not only started praying for the repose of my mother’s soul, have had mass intentions offered for her. But back to this amazing book.

Fenelon states in the preface:

“Perhaps you see my dilemma. I am sure beyond doubt that I’ve been called by God to share with you my childhood in light of healing from the effects of an abusive mother and about the miracles Mary has done in my life and will do in yours.”

And also:

“More than anything else, I hope and pray that, by daring to share my story, I will be helping you to open up channels of forgiveness, healing, and peace for you as well as for your mom. May our Mother Mary bless, guide, and comfort you!”

Marge writes this story from a very transparent and vulnerable place. She is open and honest with us about some of the abuse and mistreatment she received at her mothers’ hands. She shares her journey to healing and eventually forgiveness. It is a powerful read. But the book is also much more then biography both family and spiritual. It is an example that can offer tools for those of us who need to heal from our relationships with our mothers, or grandmothers. It does an incredible job of showing the love and protection of Mary. About the relationship you can have with Mary and through that healing and growth in your personal spiritual life.

I will share a few random quotes from the sections I highlighted:

“In spite of the difficulties, I was brought up in what I consider a fairly Catholic home, and my three siblings and I all received a Catholic education.”

“I want you to know and feel that you are a child of Mary and that she loves you tenderly. She really, truly is your mother—given to you by our Lord as he hung dying on the cross. Jesus wants you to accept his mother as your own and to develop a deepening relationship with her so that she can fill the void that the past has left inside of you. And in her kind, motherly way, she will. What’s more, she will lead you to her son, who, as God, is the ultimate source of all healing and peace.”

“Healing is a process, not a project, and you must, through prayer, allow God’s grace to work in you.”

“Do you want to be well? Do you really want to be well? Are you ready to go through the work of affecting that healing? I think you are; otherwise, you never would have picked up this book.”

“As our mother, she cares about every aspect of our lives, past, present, and future. She cares about our joys and sorrows, successes and failures, dreams and desires. She cares about where we have been and where we are going. She cares about who we are and who we would like to become. She cares about the seemingly insignificant details of our daily routines and the huge life events. She cares about all that is important to us and even about what is not so important. She cares about everything.”

“No matter what you lack from your childhood, it can be recovered with the Blessed Virgin’s help. Mary is the answer.”

In the last few weeks I have read two books by this author. Both were excellent reads. And before I had even finished this volume, I picked up two others by this author to read. This is an amazing read and I highly recommend it.

Read the review on my blog Book Reviews and More and reviews of other books by Marge.

Note: This book is part of a series of reviews: 2019 Catholic Reading Plan!

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

In her book Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace, Marge Steinhage Fenelon provides us with a powerful testimony for devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, who is not only the Mother of God, but our Mother, as well. As our Mother, Mary is our advocate in difficult situations. Marge discovered this as a young child, when she was abused by her biological mother and sought refuge from the cruelty she faced in the loving, tender heart of Mary. She shares the insights that she was given by her spiritual director, who counseled and encouraged her to go to Our Lady with her struggles and needs. Through her own journey of forgiveness and healing, Marge guides all those who suffer from the “mother wound” and have been hurt by the neglect, abuse, or failures of their own mothers.

The first nine chapters of the book are devoted to Marge’s own poignant personal account of the painful relationship she endured with her now deceased mother, with whom she ultimately reconciled. The first section of the book also consists of her practical advice to those who experience similar problems. The second section of the book contains nine days of prayer in a beautiful novena for peace and healing.

Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace offers a way out of the cycle of abuse and neglect for those who have been wounded by an abusive parent. It provides a spiritual solution to the problem that is so rampant in our society today. In addition to seeing a professional counselor and going to Confession, those who have been mistreated and need to forgive, would benefit from seeking this pathway to forgiveness, healing, and peace. In fact, anyone who is bound up by unforgiveness in their heart would profit from reading this book and praying the novena. Forgiving Mother is a great book for spiritual directors, Catholic counselors and psychologists, parish and diocesan libraries, abuse support groups, and for all Catholic adults.

Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace is packed with spiritual wisdom and offers excellent practical advice for the walking wounded. It is a wonderful book for all who are seeking an intimate, loving relationship with a Mother, who deeply cares for them and who will bring them comfort, hope and peace through her heart and healing through the merciful heart of her Son, Jesus.

~ copyright Jean M. Heimann 2017

[K Kriesel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of this book I really appreciated. It's been a decade since I cut contact with my extremely abusive mother and I have turned to Mother Mary to give me the maternal love that I never got as a child. Marge's story closely resembles my own and her encouragement, care, and support make this an excellent book for someone who's recovering from the same abuse. She presents her healing as a challenging process that's taken a lot of time and looks different at different parts of life.

Parts of this book make it difficult for me to recommend to others. If you aren't a well-catechized Catholic you probably won't understand a lot of her references. Her strict adherence to Church teachings would probably make this a painful read for someone recovering from spiritual abuse - 10 years ago I wouldn't have made it past the first few pages as I was still too hurt by the Church.
Something that really sticks out as both divisive and unnecessary was Marge's repetitive references to the Milwaukee race riots. She writes several times that she admires her mother for supporting the police at that time. Why write about this so often?? It clearly means a lot to her, but I've lived in Milwaukee too and I can't help but wonder if Marge intends this book solely for a white audience. Her ongoing praise for both the police during the race riots & her mother's support of those police assume that the reader agrees, does she assume that the reader praises the extreme segregation of that city?

If I hadn't gone through much of the healing Marge describes in this book, I wouldn't have gotten to a place of questioning racial injustice. Ordinarily I would give a much lower rating for a book with so many compliments of the historically racist Milwaukee police department. My hope is that any white person who was raised & abused by someone like Marge's & my mothers will heal enough through this book to be able to question that racism.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Born of a mother-daughter relationship that goes way beyond "it's complicated," Marge Steinhage Fenelon's Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace (new from Servant Books) speaks to the heart of those who carry the burden of wounds from the past. Marge's honesty and courage in sharing the harrowing details of the abuse she suffered from her mother as well as the redeeming power of the relationship she developed with Mary, Mother of God and Mother to us all, will encourage any reader who needs to find healing, forgiveness and hope in a difficult relationship.
(Netgalley review)

[Kate Hendrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will add the quick disclaimer that I completely missed the part about it being for healing specifically with a relationship with our earthly mother. Thanks be to God I am not the target audience of this book, but I still feel that I can provide my opinion on the book.

Overall, I thought this book was good. It was a vulnerable and personal reflection on Marge Steinhage Fenelon’s life and the ways Mary had been continually present. I thought she shared some beautiful insights, and though it was a difficult topic, she expressed it in a great way. The novena at the end was excellent. It provides a solid balance between Scripture, prayer, and personal reflection. I felt this final section of the book really tied the book together and even helped me see threads that I didn’t catch when I was reading the first nine chapters.

I do have a few criticisms of the book. I was disappointed that one of the chapters glossed over Mary. I understand that there is more discussion than just Mary when it comes to this topic, but I felt like she should’ve been central to every chapter in a book that has her namesake. I also felt like sometimes in an effort to connect with readers, it almost felt like she was telling readers how to feel rather than showing empathy. Ultimately, I just didn’t connect with the book, but that makes a lot of sense seeing as I am not the intended audience for it.

I was uncertain how to rate this book. On one hand, there is a lot of good. I think it is a very theologically sound book, and I think the writing was well-done and insightful. Though there were some things I didn’t enjoy about the book, I felt like most of my disinterest stemmed from the fact that I couldn’t relate to the material. Though I would rate this book lower for my own reading pleasure, I am happy to rate this higher as I do believe this would be a great resource for both men and women who have been hurt greatly by their earthly mother.

Note: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wonder, how many others began reading this book thinking it was another Marian theology study? While Forgiving Mother: A Marian Novena of Healing and Peace is an extremely well-written Marian theological resource, it is much more. Yes, Steinhage-Fenelon explores the role of Mary in our personal lives for the purpose of teaching us about charity and forgiveness. Yes, she offers plenty of solid, supporting content, both biblical and Church doctrinal, to illustrate each of her ideas. Yes, she provides us with a beautiful Marian novena to pray as a part of the enlightenment brought forth by her thesis statement.

What I didn’t realize is that the title is missing an “A.”

This book isn’t about how Mary, Mother of God, is a forgiving mother. This book, while remaining a beautiful treatise on Mary’s forgiving nature, is the tale of how the author came to forgive her mother. It is a sort of self-help book for anyone who has suffered abuse, of any kind, at the hand of someone who was supposed to be a provider of love and instiller of trust. While there is a lot of literature out there about surviving child or partner abuse, I know of no other source as powerful as this one, because Steinhage-Fenelon has meticulously provided very practical, step-by-step advice, along with the logic of Marian theology and the power of prayer, to bring her readers to begin the process of healing. I would venture to say that Forgiving Mother can even serve as a source of healing for the repentant abuser, as well.

Forgiving is hard. Even forgiving little stuff is hard if you don’t know how. We none of us can accrue enough tools to help us get better at forgiveness. I highly recommend Forgiving Mother not only for people who are looking for help working through past trauma, but for EVERYONE, because we can all use some help learning how to truly “forgive those who trespass against us.”

[Janka H. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Firstly, I wish to thank you to the authoress for her honesty in telling (some parts, I presume, as I suppose there are still some matters private) her story with her abusive mother precisely as a means to show that she very well knows what is to suffer such a pain caused by mother, who should bring only love their child/children. I think this must be very hard for her to bring much very personal issues into the light, and I see that she did it out of kindness and sincere wishes to help the others. Thank you deeply.

This guide and novena aim to reach to the heart suffering from the abuse of their mother and to guide them to healing (including forgiveness) with the mighty help of another mother figure - Mary, the Mother of God. She gently leads her readers, while fully acknowledging their pain, to shift their attention and their heart unto Mary's loving, ever-willing-to-help presence.
I find this little book both impressive (for the gift of authoress's honesty and for the gentle, yet very well working shift to Mary's motherly love) and simple (in the good meaning). This is not a tractate (even if I love these and I would love for this book to go deeper into both the theology and psychology), because the authoress does not aim to that. I think that she wishes to show her readers another, more meaningful perspective - and she does that while gently embracing her readers in spirit, with prayer. This is a little, simple book - yet it might become a big gift on your journeying towards healing.

[Derya Little · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you, like countless others, had a less than perfect relationship with your mother, do yourself a favor and read this book in 2018 with the resolution that you will cut open that infection and heal that wound. It will be painful, but Forgiving Mother is the perfect book to guide you in this journey to forgiveness. If you are blessed enough to have grown up in a loving home, Fenelon’s book will provide invaluable insight to what it means to be scarred by a troubled mother, thus helping you better understand those around you who still suffer.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was exactly the right time to come upon this book. The scripture, the personal story and the novena all combine to make a beautiful narrative of healing that is available to all of us who need it.
The use of mindfulness combined with a focus on God is a great way to transcend your bad memories and overcome them – and something I’d like to put into practice.

[Maurisa Mayerle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is really a wonderful book for anyone struggling with their relationship with their mother. While my own relationship is no where near the abusive relationship Marge Fenelon had with with her mom, I really found comfort and healing in the reflections on the Blessed Mother she wrote for the book.

[Fr. Edward Looney · Rating 5 out of 5]

You must read this book! If you are seeking healing around a parent wound this book is for you. Even if you want to forgive someone else, this book is for you. Marge relates her story in a personable way and helps us see how Mary, our mother, can help us arrive at a point to forgive others.

[JR Eftink · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved reading this novena about the Blessed Virgin Mary!!!

[Don Watkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't have the experiences that she had but it was a good book about forgiveness and healing and I think it's a good read.