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The Compassionate Family
The book Khanivadeh is a collection of speeches by Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khamenei regarding the concept of family in Islam. The book is made up of Ayatollah Khamenei’s speeches, which have been dissected and sorted according to their topics, such that similar speeches or parts of speeches are grouped together, giving the book the form of a lengthy symposium. Ayatollah Khamenei speaks about the philosophy of marriage and family structures, how they affect various social and spiritual dimensions of humans, and the necessity for family structures to function in a divinely encouraged manner. He speaks about the effects of neglecting the Islamic family structure, as seen throughout the West and various Eastern societies. He focuses on the essential role of women in a non-apologetic manner as being the caretakers of this essential societal unit, and exalts the duty of women as those responsible for the social and academic upbringing of a society. He also focuses on the issue of materialism in wedding ceremonies and the various effects this can have on married couples as well as the rest of society. The book Khānivādih presents an ideal model for the Islamic family and should be studied, analysed, and acted upon by Muslim communities around the world in order to protect the religious upbringing of their children, strengthen their communities, and engage in a journey towards God.
147 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
September 18, 2024
4.5/5 Pretty good! There are some really simple parts and some parts where it gets more complex. Overall he does a pretty good job of making claims and defending them. There were a lot of things that one may call "hard truths" but they were defended very well. I especially liked how he talked about how the West avoids the topic of family.
April 29, 2022
Interesting collection of speeches about the family structure and the role of man and woman in the family and society as according to Islamic values. While some of the speeches expressed beautifully the importance of a woman in society, and how beauty of the soul is more important than beauty of the face, I wasn’t particularly impressed with the emphasis placed on the role of a woman in a family. There seemed like a sense of urgency on part of women that they MUST take up the role of a wife and a mother and some speeches even mention how the mother is more important to the structure of a family than the father is. I don’t think this is a fair judgement to make, while a lot of women already endure having to ‘fill-in’ the gap of a father. I wasn’t keen on the speeches on modesty too, where ‘western society’s regression’ is partly blamed to lack of modesty and implementation of Hijab. The point of a family structure being stronger with the observance of hijab, in this case the physical covering, isn’t fair when plenty of families in which the women do observe hijab are in fact weak at their core and in their structure.
I also didn’t like the whole idea of the east verses west agenda that is mentioned. I don’t think the world is simple enough to compare the family structures in the west to the east, when each cultures have their own faults and neither place has stronger family values. While divorce rates in eastern countries aren’t as high as in european/western countries, the speeches tend to ignore the fact that many Muslim women are shamed into staying in abusive marriages and that divorce is still stigmatised in many Muslim countries. In this sense, how are we meant to evaluate the strength of a structure of a family? Surely if a woman or a man stays in a family structured like that, it can’t be healthy? Divorce isn’t a fair measurement of how strong a family is, and the statistics of domestic violence in western countries being used as an argument against the ‘failing’ family structure was also very weak in my opinion. I think the world is too nuanced to compare east and west like this.
Overall, while some parts were interesting, including the emphasis on the strength of a woman, I’m not impressed overall with the book and the stress it places on women and a woman’s role in a family. I don’t think it is fair to place such responsibility on women, especially when it feels like most of the speeches are directed towards women and barely towards men and what their roles as fathers should be. By mentioning the idea that women are “more emotionally vulnerable”, it simply plays into a bigger problem present in society, where women are used as emotional outlets and are expected to carry the weight of everybody’s emotional burdens, when in fact in a healthy family structure this is meant to be a role that is shared by both the father and the mother. Regarding the background and context of how and when these speeches were given, they make a lot more sense, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this book.
I also didn’t like the whole idea of the east verses west agenda that is mentioned. I don’t think the world is simple enough to compare the family structures in the west to the east, when each cultures have their own faults and neither place has stronger family values. While divorce rates in eastern countries aren’t as high as in european/western countries, the speeches tend to ignore the fact that many Muslim women are shamed into staying in abusive marriages and that divorce is still stigmatised in many Muslim countries. In this sense, how are we meant to evaluate the strength of a structure of a family? Surely if a woman or a man stays in a family structured like that, it can’t be healthy? Divorce isn’t a fair measurement of how strong a family is, and the statistics of domestic violence in western countries being used as an argument against the ‘failing’ family structure was also very weak in my opinion. I think the world is too nuanced to compare east and west like this.
Overall, while some parts were interesting, including the emphasis on the strength of a woman, I’m not impressed overall with the book and the stress it places on women and a woman’s role in a family. I don’t think it is fair to place such responsibility on women, especially when it feels like most of the speeches are directed towards women and barely towards men and what their roles as fathers should be. By mentioning the idea that women are “more emotionally vulnerable”, it simply plays into a bigger problem present in society, where women are used as emotional outlets and are expected to carry the weight of everybody’s emotional burdens, when in fact in a healthy family structure this is meant to be a role that is shared by both the father and the mother. Regarding the background and context of how and when these speeches were given, they make a lot more sense, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this book.
March 13, 2023
"The woman is at home managing and preparing the family environment - that place that will nurture a new sapling, a human being - while the man is tasked to go out and perform his work so that he can bring back the nutriments for this habitat. This is how we should conceive of it.
Or to take another analogy, imagine a room with two people. One is tasked with managing the room, while the other goes out to gather food since they will need food to survive.
Does this division of labour demean either of them? If anything, one who is tasked with the household duties and is responsible for building this habitat would appear to demand greater respect; it is the man that is in her service.
However, when it comes to social responsibilities, resistance, and politics, both men and women need to be present. When the call is made to strive in the way of God, both men and women must do their part."
- Sayyed Ali Khamenei
Or to take another analogy, imagine a room with two people. One is tasked with managing the room, while the other goes out to gather food since they will need food to survive.
Does this division of labour demean either of them? If anything, one who is tasked with the household duties and is responsible for building this habitat would appear to demand greater respect; it is the man that is in her service.
However, when it comes to social responsibilities, resistance, and politics, both men and women need to be present. When the call is made to strive in the way of God, both men and women must do their part."
- Sayyed Ali Khamenei
August 10, 2025
Jumped into this book right after my husband did. It was a calming yet thought-provoking read. I find that some points made in the book are probably not the easiest to immediately agree with, but to be fair it was a really good discussion point. One thing for sure, I feel like I have come to appreciate my husband and our marriage even more after reading this.
May 16, 2019
Ayatollah Khamenei is the Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran, the successor of Ayatollah Khomeini (ra) who enlightened the spirituality of the masses and guided them through their Islamic Revolution against the brutal secular dictatorship of the western puppet, Shah Reza Pahlavi. He is also a scholar, who's rulings and advise are followed by millions of Muslims globally. Ayatollah Khamenei's speeches are fixed upon and his utterances collected by millions of Muslims around the world as a source of guidance and inspiration. This compilation of his lectures, speeches and personal stories elaborate on the physical, emotional, and spiritual responsibilities of spouses, which if diligently exercised, foster a wholesome family environment capable of spring-boarding individuals', and their societies' progression, towards Godliness.
It goes without saying that this book is written from an Islamic view point, and thus subscribes to the traditional gender role model, in that the male and female are seen as primarily having two distinct roles derivable from their innate qualities, which if fulfilled, prove extremely beneficial for the family unit. This has been the approach for millennia. As such, followers of any of the monotheistic faiths would benefit from the guidance contained within the book, considering the similarity in approach to relationships between the religions, and how all Abrahamic communities are being subject to the pressures of a new age secular libertarian movement.
Contrasts are made between Iranian and western societies, and different conditions during the turmoil of the Iranian Revolution, as the population struggle to forge for themselves a new God-oriented way of life, are explored comparatively. However, the difficulties of modern life don't always allow this traditional holistic approach to be applied without for instance, financial difficulty, so stances and efforts that should be made in such instances are also concisely addressed.
Proportionally, the topic of women's responsibilities is covered to greater degree. That's not to say the coverage of men's responsibilities are lacking in the book, or that men generally have less responsibilities- a faulted premise that this books spends considerable time unravelling to highlight equity in its stead. This subtle disparity is probably necessary to counter the rapidly growing modern age movement which seeks to specifically pry women away from what it perceives as a misogynistic outdated relationship model harbouring unfair expectations of her. Naturally, this book requires further elaboration on the woman's role to address this misconception. The topic of children is very briefly touched upon, and although the book rightly prioritizes parents as the primary sources of a healthy family dynamic, I would have like to see the Leader's insight on the child's contribution to this atmosphere covered more comprehensively, which would complete this valuable piece of work.
This work clarifies the application of the framework that the Quran lays out as the ideal relationship between man, wife, and child, occasionally utilising sources from the Quranic verses and ahadith (narrations) of the Prophet and his Family to elaborate and support some of the points made. References to these sources are provided, which is always a plus.
Overall, this short book is a must have for any Muslim seeking to foster an ideal marriage, wherein lies rest and security, and through which emotionally intelligent, spiritually awakened generations can be raised. This book leaves one with a clear sense of what it takes to be a man, or woman, under the sacred bond of marriage. It provides instructions, guidelines, and a clearly mapped out plan to follow to establish a fulfilling family dynamic; crucial to maintain for the health of spouses, children, and society as a whole. Its brevity makes it easy to pick up and read as a reminder a few years down the line which, lets be honest, we'll all have to do at least once or twice. 5 stars.
الحمدلله
It goes without saying that this book is written from an Islamic view point, and thus subscribes to the traditional gender role model, in that the male and female are seen as primarily having two distinct roles derivable from their innate qualities, which if fulfilled, prove extremely beneficial for the family unit. This has been the approach for millennia. As such, followers of any of the monotheistic faiths would benefit from the guidance contained within the book, considering the similarity in approach to relationships between the religions, and how all Abrahamic communities are being subject to the pressures of a new age secular libertarian movement.
Contrasts are made between Iranian and western societies, and different conditions during the turmoil of the Iranian Revolution, as the population struggle to forge for themselves a new God-oriented way of life, are explored comparatively. However, the difficulties of modern life don't always allow this traditional holistic approach to be applied without for instance, financial difficulty, so stances and efforts that should be made in such instances are also concisely addressed.
Proportionally, the topic of women's responsibilities is covered to greater degree. That's not to say the coverage of men's responsibilities are lacking in the book, or that men generally have less responsibilities- a faulted premise that this books spends considerable time unravelling to highlight equity in its stead. This subtle disparity is probably necessary to counter the rapidly growing modern age movement which seeks to specifically pry women away from what it perceives as a misogynistic outdated relationship model harbouring unfair expectations of her. Naturally, this book requires further elaboration on the woman's role to address this misconception. The topic of children is very briefly touched upon, and although the book rightly prioritizes parents as the primary sources of a healthy family dynamic, I would have like to see the Leader's insight on the child's contribution to this atmosphere covered more comprehensively, which would complete this valuable piece of work.
This work clarifies the application of the framework that the Quran lays out as the ideal relationship between man, wife, and child, occasionally utilising sources from the Quranic verses and ahadith (narrations) of the Prophet and his Family to elaborate and support some of the points made. References to these sources are provided, which is always a plus.
Overall, this short book is a must have for any Muslim seeking to foster an ideal marriage, wherein lies rest and security, and through which emotionally intelligent, spiritually awakened generations can be raised. This book leaves one with a clear sense of what it takes to be a man, or woman, under the sacred bond of marriage. It provides instructions, guidelines, and a clearly mapped out plan to follow to establish a fulfilling family dynamic; crucial to maintain for the health of spouses, children, and society as a whole. Its brevity makes it easy to pick up and read as a reminder a few years down the line which, lets be honest, we'll all have to do at least once or twice. 5 stars.
الحمدلله
June 20, 2017
This book, composed of translations of Sayyed Khamenei's speeches/advices, is similar to that of Ayatollah Ibrahimi's "Principles of Marriage and Family Ethics". Although they are quite similar, Sayyed Khamenei's approach is more modernistic (for how it contextualizes the family within our current times) and theoretically based (for how it advises young newly weds to begin their married life). Ayatollah Ibrahimi's book went more into detail about specific instances and how one ought to act here and there. Both are necessary and important in their own right. Would definitely encourage and advise all newly-weds to read both books as the akhlaqi (manner) pointers are crucial. It is a pity to see so many marriages fall apart for problems that could've been prevented if books like these were read.
I especially liked how this book looked at marriage, and the family unit, from the societal point of view. In doing so, it criticized the downfall of the family within the West for particular reasons, particular reasons that are warned of by Islam. The author, Sayyed Khamenei, in being fair, also doesn't deny the weakening of the family unit in the East - though he places the blame on the import of Western cultural and entertainment ideals into the East. The book also gives context to gender roles, gender responsibilities, spousal roles and responsibilities. It defines and interprets women's rights and a woman's dignity and worth much differently than how it is commonly understood in the West. In doing so, he elevates the status of motherhood and the significance of "stay-at-home" mothers, stating their role in the advancement in society being much more crucial than their male counterparts, as they, the stay-at-home mothers, are responsible for nurturing the future members of society.
Overall it was a good book and worth the read, as it isn't too long anyway!
I especially liked how this book looked at marriage, and the family unit, from the societal point of view. In doing so, it criticized the downfall of the family within the West for particular reasons, particular reasons that are warned of by Islam. The author, Sayyed Khamenei, in being fair, also doesn't deny the weakening of the family unit in the East - though he places the blame on the import of Western cultural and entertainment ideals into the East. The book also gives context to gender roles, gender responsibilities, spousal roles and responsibilities. It defines and interprets women's rights and a woman's dignity and worth much differently than how it is commonly understood in the West. In doing so, he elevates the status of motherhood and the significance of "stay-at-home" mothers, stating their role in the advancement in society being much more crucial than their male counterparts, as they, the stay-at-home mothers, are responsible for nurturing the future members of society.
Overall it was a good book and worth the read, as it isn't too long anyway!
June 10, 2022
This book is beautifully assembled.. Hats off to the writer for touching one of the core topic of our society and answering it in fabulous manner.. I like the way the author described the family system and the role of man and woman in it.. Though I have heard many debates who's better man or woman.. And always there were some educated individuals who used to put forward their arguments in this regard.. But the way the author answered one of the most fragile topic of the century especially the era in which there is so much to talk about feminism.. I truly loved the way the author put the Islamic instance into this topic and proved how strong and beautiful our islamic culture is..
I highly recommend this book to each and everyone out there reading my review.. You should definitely give this book a try and give some time and intellect of yours to comprehend the topics being discussed by the author...
I highly recommend this book to each and everyone out there reading my review.. You should definitely give this book a try and give some time and intellect of yours to comprehend the topics being discussed by the author...
October 17, 2020
I read this book in danish and it really caught my interest the first time jeg saw the book and even more when I began reading it...the more you read, the better it gets. I feel like everyone needs to read this book, Muslims as well as non-muslims because it does speak to human nature in general. I will definitely reread this sometime in the future, but I can promise that anyone that picks this book up will definitely learn something that makes you reflect on today's modern society.
p.s. I do kinda give the book 4,5 as there were a lot of mistakes in the language (spelling as well as grammar) and it annoyed me as a reader but besides that, the book was amazing.
p.s. I do kinda give the book 4,5 as there were a lot of mistakes in the language (spelling as well as grammar) and it annoyed me as a reader but besides that, the book was amazing.
July 12, 2025
Would recommend this book to Muslims in general, single, married, even if someone has been wed for 20 or 30 years. A lot to reflect on, I particularly like how Khamenei emphasised how marriage and love should not be viewed through the western conception, cause that is unrealistic. Which is true, anyways, this was my first Islamic book that I actually finished so I’m proud.
Turns out the leader of Iran truly is a wife guy
Turns out the leader of Iran truly is a wife guy
September 22, 2022
For those interested in the Islamic view on marriage and gender roles , this book is an absorbing read. It highlights a number of crucial aspects within Islam such as the importance of a family and the role of both the parents. Significantly, it also highlights the role of a woman in society within an Islamic framework.
July 23, 2023
This book is one of the finest on marriage, written with eloquence that makes it feel like a conversation. It explains everything so concisely. I finished it in just two sittings. It covers crucial aspects of choosing a spouse, marriage, and gender roles. This book is one that I consistently recommend for every adolescent to read. May Allah SWT prolong Sayed Ali Khamenei's life.
May 6, 2021
Cannot recommend this book enough! It’s amazing.
October 29, 2024
Very short book so it was easy to read. Also very beneficial the only thing I would say is that a lot of the time it’s repeating what it just said but in other words so it could be even shorter.
August 3, 2025
Though a little complex, it teaches family values that many people could really use to fix their ways of treating one another
August 25, 2021
If you’re looking for a book that empowers the role of women and family in Islam, then this is it! I love the way this book contrasts the “traditional” roles of people in society with westernised ideologies, and elevates those traditional roles to such great importance. The book helps you look beyond “traditional” or “old” ways of thinking as just “old” ways of thinking and helps you understand the importance of those roles when it comes to marriage, family, house duties, and just functioning in society in general. This book offers such great advice and I look forward to reading it again.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews