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Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship
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Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship

3.48  ·  Rating details ·  7,487 ratings  ·  982 reviews
From Girls to Parks and Recreation to Bridesmaids, the female friendship has taken an undeniable front seat in pop culture. Text Me When You Get Home is a personal and sociological perspective - and ultimately a celebration - of the evolution of the modern female friendship.

Kayleen Schaefer has experienced (and occasionally, narrowly survived) most every iteration of the m
Audiobook, 288 pages
Published February 6th 2018 by Penguin Audio
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Average rating 3.48  · 
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 ·  7,487 ratings  ·  982 reviews

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Start your review of Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship
This book is just a buzzfeed article about 20 reasons Your Galentine's Day Gal is More than Your BFF She's Your LITERAL SOUL MATE (no homo). But instead of Galentine's Day GIFs the author writes things like "'Galentine's Day' was introduced to the world by Leslie Knope, a fictional midlevel bureaucrat in an Indiana parks and recreation department on the NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation."

The real question this book-shaped listicle poses is - who, or WHAT, wrote it??? Was it written by a real human
Dec 22, 2017 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Ugh. This book was a complete waste of time. The author is self indulgent and weaves her fantastic state of friendship affairs in and out of historic discusssion of the evolution of feminine friendship as represented on television. I read to avoid television and reading this book is like watching all the television shows I’ve avoided (sans Sex In The City). The author replays way too much of mentioned show episodes, and as a premise this hardly reads as a sociological analysis but more as a bunc ...more
Mar 26, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I couldn't figure out what about this book rubbed me the wrong way until after I finished it.

The (incredibly patronizing) author really doesn't have a clue.

There were parts that resonated and made sense, but the author kept going on and on about how she shunned female friendships her whole life, how she looked down on women who had "squads," and how she was more of a "man's girl" and related to men more than to women. Then one day, she meets a girl in her office that (*GASP*) likes beer and yoga
Apr 01, 2018 rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I wanted to like this book but I just.... didn’t. It was too chatty, anecdotal, heavy on pop culture references and felt very specific to young, white privileged middle or upper middle class women’s experiences. I don’t know, I’m not sure what I wanted from this book but I didn’t get it. Like, obviously female friendship is extremely powerful and rewarding and my best friend is basically like my life partner but this book didn’t really illuminate anything for me and I just didn’t care for the st ...more
Hello, and welcome to my latest longass bitchy tirade. Pour yourself some tea and we'll get started.

I'm not going to say anything that hasn't been said in all the other one- and two-star reviews but I really want to complain about this book so I'm simply going to repeat everything else those other reviewers have already said only with more pictures.

Let's begin with the blurb for this title. It says:
Text Me When You Get Home is a personal and sociological perspective - and ultimately a celebr
Danielle H
I feel it's appropriate to say that I texted one of my friends while reading, "I am legit holding back tears reading this book at work because a girl's best friend died and I can't process the idea of you being dead". She is a person I text when I get home. There are so many more of her and I am so incredibly lucky to have all of these women in my life who support me and love me and get me and let me tell them in so many ways, "Let's keep talking". Would really recommend to anyone who has ever l ...more
Stacey Kimmel
Feb 18, 2018 rated it it was ok
I wanted to like this book, but I was hoping for something well-researched and thoughtful. Instead I found it repetitive and sophomoric. I returned after the second chapter, which focused on, of all things, the movie Beaches. I would not have thought this movie worthy of more than a paragraph, but she spends a CHAPTER on it, recounting the plot, how it differs from the book, and actor/actress reminiscences of its making. She claims that there are no movies about female friendship, and no literat ...more
Jun 04, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: girl-power
I enjoyed Text Me When You Get Home, but I also wanted it to go deeper. At times, it felt more like a memoir than a nonfiction piece exploring female friendship. Often some of the most compelling arguments Kathleen Schaefer presented were quotes from other people's works. For instance, I immediately went out and bought All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister after reading the excerpt Schaefer chose to include.

I think positive female friendship is an incredible worthy subject to dissect and di
Meredith B.  (readingwithmere)
Jun 13, 2018 marked it as did-not-finish

First, I hate not finishing books. I have the personality that I like to see something all the way through to the end but I just couldn't spend my time on this one. This was our June book club pick and I really wanted to like it but I just didn't.

This book is all about the female friendship and how it's evolved over time. Honestly, I think the biggest issue I had with this book is that it's simply not relate-able to me in the least. Do I have close female friends? Yes. Do I cherish their frie
Feb 13, 2018 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Perfect Galentine’s Day reading! This book makes you want to grab your gal gang and hug them hard. Female friendship is a force and I don’t know where I’d be without the ladies in my life. I love how this book celebrates everything that female friendship is and the love we have for one another. As Keira Knightley put it, ‘Female friendships are fucking extraordinary.’
This book was a 288 pages long version of a BuzzFeed article on friendship. Actually, BuzzFeed was often mentioned in the book itself.
This book was a white, middle-class account on having friends during your twenties or thirties.

The author somehow realized she was talking about white people too much and remembered to mention intersectional feminism before the end of the book but I think she completely forgot that trans people exists, too.

Oh I'm sure all the women who lived together for years dur
Apr 15, 2018 rated it it was ok
I was really excited to read this because it’s such an important topic, but I quickly found myself disappointed. This book reads like a series of very long blog posts by a college freshman. (And if it were, I might’ve liked it more.) The writing just isn’t very good and seems unedited. It’s repetitive and full of tedious plot summaries of various movies and TV shows, along with overly specific details about what the author and her friends (or other women she interviews) do together. There’s even ...more
Barbara (The Bibliophage)
Kayleen Schaefer explores twenty-first century female friendships with gusto in Text Me When You Get Home. Like a great coffee date with your bestie, it’s the perfect blend of research, analysis, and real-life stories. By the end I was eyeing up that woman in the next lane and thinking, “I wonder what we have in common besides swimming?”

Text Me When You Get Home is a tribute and celebration of being a woman today, from work friendships to the fifth grade BFF that we still call every day.

Mar 11, 2018 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: 2018-read
I had really high hopes for this book and I was so looking forward to reading it. I think it was a case of the subtitle overselling whatever the book was attempting to do. Instead, the book reminded me a lot of Life Moves Pretty Fast: The Lessons We Learned from Eighties Movies and not in a good way?

For one, she seemingly implies that female friendships didn't exist before the 1980s, or maybe the 1950s? Or at least she starts the book talking about how women in her mother's generation didn't h
Feb 24, 2020 rated it it was amazing
I read this interesting title because I wanted a change of pace, and I'm curious about how people use texting in their daily lives. The broader theme is female friendships, both short term and long term. The author brings in a lot of pop culture references, including movies, books, and TV shows, some of which I've watched or read. She also discusses the close friendships in her own life. So, I gained some new insights and found her argument convincing. ...more
Olivia Henry
Mar 16, 2018 rated it did not like it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
A mix of memoir (Schaefer's personal friendships as well as those of friends she knows), some discussions about recent friendships in pop culture (Parks & Rec, Insecure, Broad City, Big Little Lies), and some history/biology on female friendships. It was a charming book that related the importance of female friendships and made me think of my own friendships. There is nothing mind-blowing here though, but the audiobook was a nice listen. ...more
Kathy Denker
Jun 27, 2018 rated it liked it
I'm not sure if my moments of enjoying the book were the text itself, or the opportunity to reflect on my friendships. The premise is solid, but I'm not sure it needed the length that it took. ...more
Madalyn (Novel Ink)
*2.5 stars*

The premise of this book is excellent, but the execution felt one-note. It was all pretty surface-level stuff. Plus, even though it was published this year, it felt a little... dated? Like, some of the references weren't super relevant, and I think the way the author views female friendship is vastly different in some ways than the way my friends and I-- and other younger Millenials(TM)-- view it. For me, the book could have benefited from more structure, because the ideas felt disorg
Leigh Kramer
Jan 01, 2018 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
An examination of the importance of female friendship, Text Me When You Get Home is sure to inspire a reflection about the role of female friendship in your life. Part memoir and part social history, Schaefer's stories and illustrations show the many ways female friendship has evolved over the years.

"Text me when you get home" is a statement women use for many reasons. It's to make sure our friend is safe or because we want an update on the cute guy they met at the bar or because we simply don't
Marjorie Elwood
Oct 22, 2018 rated it it was ok
Shelves: relationships
This started out promisingly, celebrating the benefits of friendships between women and the love and affection that women can have for each other. “Our friendships – the ones we’re living every day – can stand on their own. They are supportive, enthralling, entirely wonderful, and, often, all we need.” Schaefer relates her personal history of female friendships and also discusses – using mostly pop culture examples – the history of friendships between women.

Where things got a little problematic
Jan 11, 2018 rated it really liked it
Rarely in recent memory have I had such strong feelings about a book, both positive and negative. While reading, I kept texting a friend of mine to tell her about the various anecdotes and stories laid out in this book, sometimes in frustration, and sometimes in joy. If nothing else, this book is compelling.

The author, Kayleen Schaefer, does an excellent job of weaving her own memories and stories of her friends in with an exploration of female friendship in the 20th century (although shoehorned
Jul 01, 2018 rated it it was ok
This a blog series. This is a woman who did exactly the kind of shallow research that a journalist would do.

What is this meant to be? Is it a memoir? No, not really, although we hear allllll about Schaefer's sorority days, her boyfriend, and her friends she watches Scandal with. I'm pretty sure that at least 65% of the sources quoted in here are her friends, too. This is augmented by some stunningly ahistorical research that is mainly about pop culture (Beaches, Gone Girl, Mean Girls, Sex and t
Feb 27, 2018 rated it it was amazing
Pretty excellent meditation on female friendships and how they should be just as important as marriages and children and cats. I especially liked the early chapters that talked about being a young woman in high school and college and how a lot of us are taught that our female friends are just stand-ins while we wait for marriage. Oh holy hell, I was guilty of this. This book doesn't aim to bash marriage or say that friendships should replace it (if marriage is your jam), but it says that women a ...more
Roni Loren
Enjoyed this one so much. It will make you want to call your friends and will leave you with a warm and fuzzy feeling about how fantastic female friendships are.
May 11, 2020 rated it did not like it
I wanted to like this book but sadly it missed the mark in so many ways. Text Me When You Get Home makes the argument that female friendships are not just important but vital to women. While I agree with this point of view, the book started to bother me around 25%. I loved that Schaefer starts but showcasing that female generations before us did not have many friends since the emphasis was on the nuclear family but fails to recognize that this might just apply to certain races, socioeconomic bra ...more
Oct 22, 2020 rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Disappointing read given the promising title and synopsis of this book. Very surface-level collection of anecdotes largely revolving around white popular culture and the author's personal experiences. I kind of chuckle at her attempts to bring in race:
1. her rebuttal to a widespread complaint about a Texas sorority being overly white - "sororities were just very white back then"
2. thinking that quoting a couple of women of color about their female friendships would do the trick
3. acknowledging t
Mar 07, 2018 rated it it was ok
I won this book in a raffle and read it quickly. I like the premise of this book (YES to female friendships!) but it was a huge missed opportunity to go much deeper in many parts. I feel like more than half of it is a recap of movies and TV shows (many of which are very white and I have not seen so it was wholly unrelateable), with the other half personal anecdotes. It is very repetitive, and could have been condensed to a longform think piece. This book is good to introduce the "concept" of fem ...more
May 31, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
4.5 stars but I’m rounding up.

I loved this so much - I teared up approximately 9,347 times, and for someone who hates feelings, this is a lot and I still loved it.

Though the author does a good job of showcasing women of color in the pop culture friendships she highlights, I worry a little about calling this a book about modern female friendship - it feels just a little bit too broad, especially since the author draws on her own experience so much. I really liked that she did draw on her own exp
This was just a lovely, reassuring look at how important female friendships are. I loved the anecdotes from women about how much they relied on their lady friends, and it generally made me feel really good about the friends that I have. I don't know that I learned anything I didn't already know, but I'm glad that this is a conversation that is becoming more mainstream. Ladies are great, y'all. ...more
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Kayleen Schaefer is a journalist whose work has appeared in The New York Times, Vogue, The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, and many other publications.

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It’s hard to believe the year 2022 is already coming to an end. That went fast, didn’t it? Still, there’s just enough time to wedge in a...
44 likes · 9 comments
“My people push me to do better. They listen, but not in a quiet, passive way. They’re always on point for correcting me when I put myself down or fall into the trap of thinking things are my fault when they aren’t. My friends are brilliant, funny, fearless, wise, and generous. We champion each other in e-mails, in texts, in congratulatory flowers, or simply by saying how much we trust each other.” 7 likes
“In going back and thinking about my friendships and hearing about other women's, I see this: Our friends are not our second choices. They are our dates for Friday nights and for ex-boyfriends' weddings. They are the visitors to our hometowns and hospital rooms. They are the first people we tell about any news, whether it's good, terrible, or mundane. They are our plus ones at office parties. They are the people we're raising children with. They are our advocates, who, no matter what, make us feel like we won't fail. They are the people who will struggle with us and who will stay with us. They are who we text when we get home.” 6 likes
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