The Funeral Portrait

by Vincent Vinas

Guy doesn't smile easily. He could be described as fundamentally glum. Tallulah doesn't die easily. She could be described as annoyingly immortal. What if you wanted to die but were unable to? Such is the case with Guy Edwards and Tallulah Leigh, who want to end their miserable lives for different reasons. The only problem is, she's been stricken with an unexplained (and unwelcome) case of immortality while he lacks that final, sorrowful piece of inspiration he needs to effectively do himself in. What better way to solve this dilemma than to help kill each other. However, a bigger problem has emerged--one of them is falling in love with the other. They'll now have to decide what is a more frightening option--dying or taking one last shot at happiness? The Funeral Portrait is a very dark and comedic (but often horrific) tale about two lost souls who find each other and soon realize the only thing that may be worse than death is commitment.

210 pages, Paperback

First published May 22, 2013

About the author

Born and raised in New York City, Vincent Viñas, has been forcing friends and family to read his writing for years. He did the same thing with his short films and whenever his old band played a show. His collaborative film efforts had the honor of bewildering unsuspecting theater-goers before midnight screenings of the cult classic, Donnie Darko. As a musician, Vincent was lucky enough to take the stage at the famed CBGB’s and considered trashing his drum set to spice things up. However, the drummer in the previous band trashed his drums during their performance and having two consecutive drummers behave in such a manner is just silly.


A short story Vincent wrote once earned him a cheese and wine movie party at Sony’s private screening room for him and fifty friends, which Sony executives no doubt regretted as free alcohol and bad movies don’t make for a civilized theater experience.


He currently lives in the mystical realm of Florida with his wife, Megan, and their small cat who thinks she’s in charge.

Reviews

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigger Warnings:
suicide
depression
murder
sexual assault
physical abuse
verbal/emotional abuse

Tropes:
suicide note/journal
dark romance
dark humor
unable to die FMC
suicidal MMC
Multiple POVs

The Funeral Portrait is not one for the faint of heart. It starts off in a first person narrative of Guy Edwards, who's suffering from severe depression. His girlfriend broke up with him, his brother/roommate is an asshole and treats Guy like shit, and on top of all that, Guy works as a funeral home- which is not helping his out look on life at all. He decides he's going to unalive himself by jumping off the roof of a factory. In doing so, he starts a suicide letter to his family explaining himself.

BUT Guy can't do it. He continues trying every day. And every day he adds to the suicide note- which turns into a suicide journal. Eventually he's stalled on the roof by Tallulah, an equally depressed woman who can't die. She's tried. She just keeps coming back to life! Tallulah and Guy embark on a "death" journey of trying to kill Tallulah, maybe this time will be the trick! They also seemingly fall in love.

Up until this point, the story has the feelings of a dark humor/romance. I have laughed at a few parts. But about 60% through, The Funeral Portrait gets dark dark. No more humor. We are now introduced to Tallulah's point of view, by wait of letters to Guy, and a few other characters. What we get is a heart breaking revelation of what can make a person decide that life isn't worth it any more- even when love is staring you in the face.

While hard to read the 2nd half, I will say, I think it's a beautiful ode to suicide awareness. There's going to be trials in people's lives that we can't fix but we can be there and hold their hands and listen.

[Roz Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is dark humour at its finest, used to deal with some of life's most challenging subjects. Trigger warnings include suicide, child abuse, domestic abuse, addiction, bullying, sexual abuse, and clinical depression. As bleak as all that sounds, the book is written in such a way that it makes these topics digestible. I think sometimes in life we need dark humour to deal with the worst life can throw at us.

The story unfolds as a series of suicide letters that Gus writes to his family. These end up being a journal of his current life as he learns how to deal with his feelings of worthlessness, and he tries to find a reason to live.

I thought the contrast between Guy and Tallulah was written so well. Both wanted to die for very different reasons. It would be easy to dismiss Guy in comparison to the trauma Tallulah has suffered, but the story sensitively gives validity to them both... this is their reality. The characters are nicely developed, and it was important to hear both of their voices. I wanted to hug Tallulah and make all her pain go away. I think a powerful aspect of this book is that sometimes people have suffered too much for such a simplistic fix.

This is such a moving book, and tears were shed, I urge you to give it a go as I feel it has a beautiful and powerful message about trauma and mental health. 

With thanks to the author @vinkneewise, Ink Smith Publishing and Love Books Tours for providing a copy of the book. This is my honest review which I'm leaving voluntarily.

[Veronika Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m still gobsmacked after reading this. It’s not like anything I’ve ever read before (not even Will Carver’s Suicide Thursday). It’s even darker and while there is a lot of humour, I sometimes struggled to find anything funny.

Guy Edwards is annoyingly miserable. His girlfriend of five months, Constance, packed him in and he still can’t get over her, even to the point of stalking her at work. He’s suffering from clinical depression, though I’m not sure he really is. All he wants to do is throw himself off the roof of the glass works factory. And find an excuse not to, and write about it to his parents and brother Bruno in letters. The book is written like a journal. I’m not going to judge, because I can’t pretend to understand him. And then he meets Tallulah Leigh, who can’t die, no matter how hard she tries to end it.

Guy works at a funeral home, where he prepares the bodies and we get a graphic description at one point of what that entails, mainly the embalming for open coffin viewings. He seems to enjoy his job (if you can enjoy cleaning blood, and sewing up and stuffing dead people), as far as he enjoys anything at all. I’m a glass half full kind of person, so Guy’s totally empty glass outlook on life can grate. Old Mr Friar, the peach seller, has the answers.

At one point, the letters are written by others including Tallulah, Bruno, even Constance, and Guy’s psychiatrist. These were all very interesting, especially Tallulah, whose early life was devastatingly sad and you can understand why she wants Guy to help her die. Though I would prefer to see that there is always hope.

Bruno keeps lots of animals as pets (I get that), but he also keeps throwing pies in Guy’s face. If there is something deep and meaningful about that, I didn’t get it.

Did I like Guy – not so much – but I adored Tallulah. She’s funny, warm and exciting. I just wish she could have found a way back from all the trauma.

I don’t know what else to write. It’s easy to think that Guy’s life is not that bad, no abusive childhood, bullying or rapes, so he needs to be thankful, stop feeling sorry for himself, and move on (like Bruno keeps telling him to). But that’s easy for us to say, when it’s not us going through it. Tallulah’s life on the other hand, has been so traumatic that she can’t cope any longer. I cried for her, I really did.

Many thanks to @lovebookstours for inviting me to be part of #TheFuneralPortrait blog tour.

[Bianca Duthie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a dark comedy romance that has a deeply important message behind it.
Firstly, be aware that suicide, murder, rape, and sexual abuse are all mentioned frequently and repeatedly.
The author provides humour in a dark situation. While these topics are hugely serious, it's good to have an outlet for humour. We need to laugh more undoubtedly.
I was totally hooked from the off by the characters and the storyline, I couldn't wait to get back to reading it when I had to take a break.
It had a couple of romantic scenes, and I loved seeing the relationship between Guy and Tallulah.
There were definite emotions that came to the surface towards the end, as the characters realised what they needed to do, and resolutions were made.
I'd have loved a wee epilogue just to see more about Guy's future after his epiphany. That's just my personal preference in a story.
This is a really good story that I think people will really enjoy.

[Shalla · Rating 3 out of 5]

🖤⚰️ The Funeral Portrait ⚰️🖤💜
By Vincent Viñas

Themes: Sucide, Death, Dark, Sexual Abuse, Dark Humour.

One of the most strangest books I've ever read. Definitely not my usual type but I knew this going into. I thought it would be good to try something different. I'll be honest there were a couple of times where I stopped in this book and thought, no I can't read it anymore, that was because of some of the difficult themes in the book. However, I think by then I'd got used to the characters, and in a curious way wanted to know what happened with them. The book is well written and was quite descriptive in parts. Like the detail with what happens to a body in order for it to be prepared for a funeral. The book is written like a journal from main the character's perspective. It's addressed to his family as though he is writing them a sucide note. If you read this quirky book, you will be fine as long as you go in aware of all the themes.

[booksy.tx.ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a dark and twisted tale. 

This was such a captivating narrative. It begins as a letter that kind of evolves into a journal. Everything is told from a first-person pov. It’s so unique and unlike anything I’ve ever read before.

It’s a dark romance, but different than what’s typical for dark romance. Depression and suicide are the overwhelming topics in this. These themes make it dark. (Not the taboo spicy scenes.)

Guy is contemplating his suicide and writes about his struggles in depth. But while trying to end his life, the most unexpected person finds her way into his life and completely turns him upside down.

Following Guy though his story was quite the unexpected, twisted, interesting read. 

Come read with me on instagram @booksy.tx.ana

[Lisa reads alot Hamer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can safely say I’ve never read anything quite like this book before, if you affected by books featuring suicide, death, murder, gore, rape, it would be best to read the trigger warnings prior to reading.

The way the book unfolded through letters was really good, Guy venting against his brother and pie flinging was so humorous even I was wondering where all the pies came from 😂
for a book on a dark subject matter it was very cleverly written in the way it found humour in a dark situation without laughing about it.

When Tallulah came along the relationship between them really turned into something both sweet and heartbreaking along with the various POVs in letters showed the characters growth and strength through their own stories.
A great book I’m so glad I read it.

[Jacqueline Diaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please be aware some trigger warning in this book. What is better for this month than a dark romance. You know when something dark happens and you cope with humor that’s what I do. The author touches on a few heavy subject but the pain and trauma is masked by humor. Definitely my kind of read and method of processing things. The characters all have their own unique personalities and when they are together they are memorable. Guy and Tallulah’s relationship had to runs through a few obstacles but they cared for one another. I was happy to see her help him in his darkest times. When things get hard we all process differently and to see Guy in his process was very emotional. Great read I enjoyed the diary format of this story.

[Layla Penfold · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is hard to explain, but I really loved reading this book. Yes the subject is taboo, but the author has written it absolutely fantastic and with plenty of humour in it.
It was a lovely easy read, the plot kept my interests going.
I just love the cover, it is really artistic and you can actually appreciate the humour that comes from it.
There is more to this book than what you see, you will automatically feel the depressed side, but the further you go, the more emotions you will experience.
I absolutely love this book, really can’t wait to see what you create next.

[Gemma Best · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first thought reading this book is that it’s a bit depressing and negative but bear with it, because if you like dark humour then this book will really grow on you. By about 50 pages in I realised that there is actually something touchingly endearing about Guy and his world and his growing feelings for Tellulah. Tellulah has been through some awful things, you really should check your triggers before reading this if you have any. But this book made me laugh out loud and also gasp in horror. Despite my first impressions I ended up really enjoying it.

[Sue Wallace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good read

The Funeral Portrait by Vincent Viñas.
I loved the cover of this book. That's the reason I signed up. This book was definitely different. It was unique. This was a dark and twisted read. I did not expect that. I did like the characters. I wanted to jump in and hug tallulah. This is a very beautiful and powerful book. This is definitely an emotional read. This is a new author for me. I would recommend this book. But please read the warning. Trigger Warnings: Suicide.

[Mystic KT · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not what I thought it was going to be and it was told in the form of letters which is something that you don't always see. We follow our main characters through letters to their parents with all of the things which they have been going through emotional turmoil. This is something which we can all relate to and there is so much relatable themes through it. The author has definitely done some really good research into the emotional states to make sure that this is accurate that it is not mis-represented.

[Sonja Charters · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was immediately drawn to this read by the fun front cover, which obviously clashes with the title.
The bright and colourful image on the cover contrasts with the darkness portrayed by the words and even parts of that same image - and I was so intrigued and couldnt wait to jump right in.

This was a strange little read which had me totally hooked right from the off.

The characters were relatable in the strangest of ways. Completely different to my own life, but also totally believable and thought-provoking as I saw more and more within them.

I loved the contrasting themes here too. Where there was such darkness in the topics explored - there would be humour and lightness alongside to make sure that this never dragged us down into the depths with the characters.
And as we watched the friendship develop into something more,no couldn't help but root for them and hope for better times and things to plan out well in the end.

The writing style had me racing through this in just a couple of sittings and I was pleasantly surprised by the emotions this brought forth.
I'd love to see more from this author in the future.

[Vivian · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extremely clever twist on a romance novel! This book is a dark, cynical, sarcastic, witty and hilariously morose black comedy/romance about two suicidal people that meet in the throes of their deep despair with life, only to fall in love, then, to their abject horror, have to determine which is worse...an untimely demise or a relationship! Great dialogue! Great debut novel for this author! Loved it!!!