Not Nebuchadnezzar

by Jenni Calder

I'm not Nebuchadnezzar, and I'm not MacBeth. So who am I? Chicago, Nairobi, Jerusalem, Cambridge, the geography of Jenni Calder's life is as diverse as the ethnic, intellectual and emotional components. Jenni Calder has spent a lifetime in search of her identity, first as a daughter and sister, then as a writer, wife and mother. Not Nebuchadnezzar is a biography of sorts, a chronicle of the consuming search for that elusive concept known as 'identity'. Highly respected biographer of Robert Louis Stevenson, poet and historian, Calder has chosen an intriguingly elliptical, thematic approach to writing her own vividly presented life story. Keenly observed cameos of people and places abound but although this moving book is infused with a sense of mischief and fun, at heart it is a wise contemplation of life. Jenni Calder's retrospect describes a life well-lived, full of event and achievement, love and loss, aspiration and frustration. If you know who you are not, do you then know who you are? Jenni Calder was born Jennifer Rachel Daiches to a Scottish-born mother and English-born Jewish father in Chicago, one of America's great melting-pot cities. Not Nebuchadnezzar traces her journey from then to now. Through this book, Calder discovers that her true sense of identity can only develop from finding out who she is not. Here she balances her multiple identities to throw kaleidoscopic prisms from a single source - herself.

211 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Scottish literary historian and novelist Jenni Calder (née Daiches) was born in Chicago in 1941, but has lived and worked in Scotland since 1971. She was formerly married to Scottish critic Angus Calder, and is the daughter of literary historian David Daiches.

Jenni Calder writes novels and poetry under the name Jenni Daiches.

Reviews

[Nick · Rating 2 out of 5]

The blurb on the back of this book starts: ‘I’m not Nebuchadnezzar and I’m not Macbeth. If you know who you are not, do you know who you are?’ and continues with, ‘. . . Jenni Calder examines the theme of identity through non-identity, determining who she is by exploring who she is not.’
Unfortunately this ‘life study’ is too often not about identity at all. It may well be about external things in the author’s life such as family, places lived, job, husband, etc. But although Jenni Calder is/was an acclaimed academic and writer she describes the world around her but never herself. I soon got frustrated when she would regularly hint at something interesting but then simply veer away from any depth or consideration. An example would be on p 64 is where Jenni, who is Jewish by heritage but largely non-practising, writes: ‘I feel uncomfortable at a church service because I have no way of explaining my presence there . . . On the rare occasions when I have gone to church I have felt alien. Being Jewish, however vestigially, encompasses alienation; a reminder of being alien is, almost inevitably, a reminder of Jewishness.’ In such instances I soon found myself wanting her to say something more. She just will not go there.
On p 55 there is a telling quote about ‘The magic and resonance of lists, especially lists that are meaningless except to me.’ There are lists a-plenty in this book – some short, some long and some are a more complex gathering together of word or thought- associations. They are, however, still lists and often simply gloss over any depth of consideration.
I wonder if this book is more about alienation rather than a recognisable description of self. Alienated from her roots, her religion, her country, her language, her idea of marriage, etc. If you want to read about one person’s experience with alienation then this might interest you but something is missing; it’s the person at the middle of it all and she – and you – are just not going there.