...and Then you Die

by James H. Longmore

Following a drunken, hedonistic night out on the town in New Orleans, successful businesswoman and sexual deviant Claire Jepson accidentally soils herself in her expensive car. The resulting excrement comes to life as a terrifying, sardonic fecal spirit and not only dishes out a particularly gruesome death to Claire’s unfaithful, gold digging fiancé, but also thwarts a kidnap/murder plot by her employees and introduces Claire to a world of depraved pleasures beyond even her depraved imagination.

A year later, the errant spirit has spiraled wildly out of control with its insatiable appetite for perverted sex and human flesh and has destroyed both Claire’s business and life.

To her horror, Claire then discovers that the fecal spirit plans to consume her unborn child in order to attain immortality and she must return to the seedy underbelly of the Big Easy where her nightmare began in a heart-pounding race against time to confront the spirit’s creator; a high priest of a most ancient and deadly order, who is the only one who can put a stop to the spirit’s murderous intentions.

A wicked, fast-paced story laced with tongue-in-cheek, dark humor and which is at the same time incredibly erotic and stomach churning; definitely not one to be read whilst eating!

160 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 19, 2016

Reviews

[Lani · Rating 2 out of 5]

** ***Book free for Honest Review *****

**Trigger Warnings for Everything… This is Extreme Horror/Splatterpunk. It contains Extreme Kinks/Smut/Hedonism/Spice, Excrement (and other bodily fluids), Cheating, Prejudices, Fatphobia, Ableism, Racism, Misogyny, Transphobia, Violent, Emotional and Sexual Assault, Murder, Cannibalism, Animal Cruelty, The Dark Web, and Much, Much More (that I’m either purposely forgetting or deliberately bleaching out of my brain)… *You Have Been Warned***

Foul, disgusting, doesn’t hold back on the gags (literally). IF you can get past the trigger warnings, you can keep your nausea medication handy AND can make it through this book… there’s poop and a LOT of it. It talks, stalks, has a “mind” of its own and commits disgusting acts throughout the book on its own and on the (extremely questionable, depraved antihero of a protagonist’s) behalf. Yet, it is only one of the horrifying things in the hidden underbelly of this book’s world.

Excluding for a moment all of the depravity and trigger warnings, there was decent writing to be found, with some very rare moments of horror elements (that weren’t always overtly shockingly horrific) that still inspired dread, some comedic elements, and a few police procedural / cat and mouse scenes, that I personally much preferred.

This book in all its increasingly disgusting, disturbing, depressing and downright monstrous ways has made me visualise things I don’t think I’ll ever unsee and if that was the expectation the Author set out for with this with book they have succeeded… in a very, very, very wrong way *shudders.*

This book was not for me. In all honesty, I personally cannot recommend this book but, perhaps it is more suited to another person’s… taste? Gah 😩

[Danni Bowen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a TOUGH read. I rarely want to drop a book, but this one had me teetering on the edge with my back foot (I have amazing balance on my tiptoes but shoddy balance on my heels). Not to say the story wasn't good or the writing was terrible. Quite the contrary, both were solid. The gore and details were great.

However, if you're not into scat or emetophilia, then this is NOT the book for you. Unless you want to challenge yourself. Unfortunately, I wasn't the target audience.

I do have to say that the book lost points because I felt like the mythos of the fecal demons wasn't explained enough. I've never seen the point of establishing rules but then not going more into the lore at least enough not to wholly confuse the reader at the end. If there is a sequel that came out going more into the fecal spirits background I MIGHT read it.

This book is a case of traverse at your own peril kind. So, I'll neither recommend nor condemn it.

[Isobel Blackthorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I consumed, no I devoured …and Then You Die, an off-the-wall tale laced with hilarity and an astonishing wit. Longmore does not mince his words, confronting the reader at every turn with the utterly detestable, lifting up the toilet lid on the excrement most prefer to flush away, and bringing it to life in quasi-human form.

…and Then You Die is a sexy, earthy romp of the most deviant order. In protagonist, Claire Jepson, a dot com businesswoman, Longmore makes a not so subtle comment on the debauched perversions of the moneyed classes. Through the protagonist’s initial accidental soiling, Longmore brings to life the shit pile. In an extraordinarily detailed expose, …and Then You Die goes on to explore in depth and in breadth every aspect of living shit.

Longmore’s pacing is excellent, the action never wanes, plot twists driving the tale into greater depths of degradation arriving on cue. The narrative contains a solid, four to the floor rhythm, a forward driving pulse that makes …and Then You Die a delight to read. The author’s wit shines from every page, right down to his shit-in-the-bag entity that morphs into an antagonist with a voice like Russell Brand. Ever since Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis, in which the main character wakes up to find he is a giant bug, authors have played with the grotesque in the paranormal. Longmore has penned a work of excellence, both in the quality of writing and in his ability to sustain a work that pivots on a single metaphor: shit.

…and Then You Die will appeal to lovers of dark comedy. Be warned! This is not a story for those with refined sensibilities easily offended by in-your-face revulsion. Think kinky and twisted Iain Banks.

[Danny (ghoulfriends) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A millionaire business woman had a one night stand with a mysterious man after a night of Indian food, tequila, and clubbing. On her way back home she shits herself while driving on the highway. She stuffs her soiled underpants in a paper bag but begins to notice a strange talking coming seemingly from nowhere. It’s the bag.. it’s her shit… TALKING to her. What follows is a crappy rampage of her sentient defecation eating alive her enemies from the inside out. She embarks on a journey to be rid of her disgusting shadow in the sewers of New Orleans under a scat club, of course.

This book is one of the most depraved, vile, ludicrous, filthy things I have EVER read. This book simply does not take place on the same earth we all know. The characters of this book are all completely morally bankrupt, sexually deviant (shit that might not even be a descriptive enough word), and altogether FUCKED. This story has blood, guts, disintegration, humiliation; you’ll find it all here minus the true blood paranormal phenomena. I honestly cannot believe what it is that I have read within the contents of this book. All that said though, it’s actually written incredibly well and the plot is rock solid.

[John Gibbons · Rating 4 out of 5]

Longmore has a talent for writing "Wtf did I just read?". What makes his talent all that more impressive is the capable way he works with vocabulary, pacing and structure. There's a literary sense to his writing that doesn't come off as snob ish or pretentious.

This tale is about poop. let's just get that out in the open. There's lots of fecal terror in these pages. The story starts off with a business woman crapping her panties, and creating a talking, murderous pile of doo-doo that sounds like Russel Brand. There's so many twists to this story that all I can say is that it spirals from there into a wild ride of underground sex clubs, murder, voodoo shops and the occult. 4 stars.

[Erika Clements · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you're looking for the epitome of disgusting, disturbing, kinky... this is the book for you. James Longmore did not hold back and reached the edges of imagination with this one! The writing was really well done-the content for me was too extreme. Satanic poop & bizarre fetishes are apparently a boundary for me that I never knew I had. I know this will appeal to a very specific reader, and I appreciate the opportunity to read and review. Thank you, Hellhounds Books.

[Skye Myers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I need to preface this by saying, I did NOT finish reading this book, but not because it wasn't good. On the contrary, it was very well written, amusing, intriguing, and gross. The detail was great, and it made me want to keep reading. I put it down because I am a slow as fvck reader and just needed to move on. My rating is given for the part of the book I did read.

[Todd Mitternacht · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diabolically disgusting and naughty—I giggled like Beavis and Butthead while I read and laughed out loud often. A fun read, not for the faint of heart. Highly recommended for true degenerates. I read slow and this was quite a page-turner.