What Mums Want

by Harry Benson, Kate Benson

"The success of a marriage . . . depends primarily on a husband's ability to make his wife feel valued—and as more than just a mother. It may take two to tango: it requires one person to take responsibility. This is not about being a doormat. Nor is it about work and parenting roles . . . it is about human nature. A wife who knows she is loved and cherished cannot help but reflect love back on her husband." —Harry Benson
 
When his own marriage nearly broke up, Harry Benson decided to take responsibility for his wife's happiness—loving her, caring for her, and understanding her. Putting himself and his work second, he put his wife first—and their marriage thrived. Now the research director at The Marriage Foundation in the United Kingdom, Benson has discovered that research supports his decision—and that happy women make for happy children and happy husbands. 

224 pages, Paperback

Published January 20, 2017

About the author

After serving eight years in the Royal Navy as a helicopter pilot - initially on 845/847 naval air commando squadrons flying a Wessex 5, then as flight commander of the frigate HMS Apollo flying a Wasp - Harry spent the next nine years in Asia in the completely different world of stockbroking. Surviving a marital crisis, he and his family moved back to England to help other couples avoid getting into the same mess they did! Armed with a first class degree in psychology, Harry set up a charity in Bristol and ran relationship programmes for thousands of couples, parents and individuals. He also co-wrote some influential policy papers for the Centre for Social Justice. He now works as research director for the charity Marriage Foundation - whose aim is to rebuild confidence in marriage - and appears regularly in the national media, very occasionally on the front page!

Reviews

[Teodora Miceva · Rating 2 out of 5]

The intended audience of this book are men, and it focuses on their part of labor if they want their marriages to work. The writer's warning and encouragement is basically that man carries most of the responsibility for his marriage. The assumption is that a wife's unhappiness or lack of love/ respect is almost without exception a response to something wrong her husband is already doing first. Second, it assumes that after husbands change their approach, and make their wives happy, the wives' happiness will overflow onto the rest of her family. It then gives some basic traits that seem to be important to most women, it summarizes the basic love languages and goes through main mistakes people make in communication, and finishes with the importance of surrounding yourself with wise people to talk to about your marriage. So it's a bit all over the place, definitely not exhaustive, but may be a good place to start for men who are completely clueless about these things. If I had not read many other books on marriage, all better than this one, I might have given this one at least three stars.

[Andy Gilmour-Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really, really good.

The mix of anecdote and personal experience makes it relatable (to men & women), the studies and data make it insightful and interesting.

I recommended it to multiple people even before finishing, due to the multiple light-bulb moments and changes in thinking or doing that were instantly actionable.

The one drawback is the title - while inclined towards men, I think anyone male or female, with or without kids could benefit from reading this book.

[HelenA33 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book if you have young children or if you are struggling in your marriage. How I wish that I'd had this seventeen years ago! Harry and Kate's personal story is inspiring, and it's good to be reminded that any marriage can be restored however long it has been since your anniversary! Recommended.