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Finding Love Through Female Domination
Dominatrix Renee Lane and her submissive husband live in Memphis, Tennessee, disguised as an average married couple. In private life, they are mistress and slave. For the last ten years, Ms. Renee has employed erotic S&M, mind control, and brainwashing techniques to forge an intimate and loving bond with her submissive partner. They consider themselves explorers of the boundaries of consensual female domination. Ms. Renee's intense and radical approach to their relationship will challenge the reader who merely dabbles in BDSM. The book is a collection of e-mails between Renee and a close friend, as well as Butler's journal detailing his ever deepening submission to his true love. We follow the story as Renee continually challenges him to give up control and abandon his own agency. All the while she urged on by her lover and confidant, Heather, who acts as both observer and accomplice to his total enslavement. Make no mistake, this is a love story. A story of unrelenting faith, trust, and devotion, and a couple's willingness to cross boundaries and take things to the limit together in their own special world. Mind-bendingly erotic, and heart-wrenchingly romantic. An answer to the misconceptions of BDSM and Total Power Exchange portrayed in popular media.
294 pages, Paperback
Published February 24, 2016
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173 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
July 22, 2019
I recently ordered this after coming across the author's fetlife profile. The book is about a hardcore and intense femdom relationship. According to one review I read, these people are real and they are known on the scene in the town where they live.
The main point of this review is to show how a book like this can enable self-reflection in an online world somewhat starved of thoughtful, hardcore and non-commercial femdom content. I'm really grateful to the author and her sub for having given me a powerful insight into what the day-to-day life of a femdom lifestyle can entail, helping me to better know where I stand on the kink spectrum.
The book is organised into themes (philosophy, service, discipline, blackmail, psychological control, humiliation, practical matters, sexuality, spirituality), showing the development of a really hardcore and intense femdom relationship between the author and 'Butler'. The friend Heather is another recurring character, a domme who encourages the author in her ruthlessness. It's well written, easy to read and hot. The format uses emails sent between the author and Heather, and journal entries by Butler, to recount events and express thoughts.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants a vivid picture of what a femdom lifestyle can look like. The world of femdom is heavily influenced by commercial fantasy content designed for a quick release. This book describes a what a real-life, non-commercial arrangement can entail. I'll describe three of the things the book has taught me about myself. These three points are not criticisms of the book, the relationship or those involved. It is a credit to the book that it enables such self-reflection.
One striking aspect of the relationship is the strict heirarchy, authority and control depicted in the book. The relationship has a large - huge - D&S component to it, as well as a large S&M component (both physical and psychological). This reinforced to me that I may just be more oriented around S&M than D&S (which goes for my switching, too). It is not so much the service component of the relationship that doesn't resonate; I can be service-oriented. But, although there have been times when subspace have given me feelings of complete freedom, now the idea of complete and total ownership seems a bit oppressive. I value my own autonomy, I think, and the idea of submitting my entire being to someone who is more than a little sadistic seems a bit much for me. It may be more common for female subs to provide their service 'in the bedroom', and for the rest of a relationship to be a bit more flexible and open-ended. However, it seems many mistresses that I've come across aspire to a different kind of ownership which extends to the male sub being controlled to a greater extent in other areas of their life. Perhaps this is because the sexual play / bedroom component of the relationship alone is not really sufficient on its own, and male subs need to be useful in some other practical or financial way. As the author's fetlife comments attest, many men claim to be subs but few actually want to follow her orders when it comes to it - or when they have come. So the author and Butler have actually done quite a service to the community in laying out clearly what such an arrangement really entails, and highlighting what may be a bit of a delusion that many guys may have about how sub they are vis-a-vis what dommes may wish from them.
Another thing I was able to reflect on was the role of gender in femdom. In many ways the author's attitude to gender challenges gender norms, for obvious reasons. There is also a sexual element to the author's relationship with her friend, Heather, so there is an LGBT component to the book. However, the gender binary remains to an extent. There are references to the "humiliation of his manhood", "taking away his manhood" and "stripping him of his manhood", etc. Playing with gender in this way can be very powerful for many people, but in my case these ideas have started to feel a bit alien. Whilst the book is radical in re-shaping what it might mean to be a man or a woman, the way others play with these categories may not align completely with my own queerness and love of fluidity.
A final observation is that the book brings home the sheer day-to-day grind of the life of this male sub. The thing that seems to excite them is really to turn the sub into a housework slave with few friends etc. There is clearly a very powerful, deep psychological interaction going on which stimulates and excites both of them, and the service and isolation has a worshipful quality to it which for them elevates it from banality. However, for a restless hedonist like me, the lifestyle looks like it could be a bit under-stimulating and heavy.
Much femdom material online gives the viewer a quick buzz but does not really illustrate in a detailed way what a femdom lifestyle can mean in practice. There is something extremely grounding about seeing it written out. I'm very thankful that others have trodden this path, pushed the boundaries of the lifestyle, and written about it engagingly and eloquently, to help people like me understand the lifestyle and be able to reflect on themselves better.
The main point of this review is to show how a book like this can enable self-reflection in an online world somewhat starved of thoughtful, hardcore and non-commercial femdom content. I'm really grateful to the author and her sub for having given me a powerful insight into what the day-to-day life of a femdom lifestyle can entail, helping me to better know where I stand on the kink spectrum.
The book is organised into themes (philosophy, service, discipline, blackmail, psychological control, humiliation, practical matters, sexuality, spirituality), showing the development of a really hardcore and intense femdom relationship between the author and 'Butler'. The friend Heather is another recurring character, a domme who encourages the author in her ruthlessness. It's well written, easy to read and hot. The format uses emails sent between the author and Heather, and journal entries by Butler, to recount events and express thoughts.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants a vivid picture of what a femdom lifestyle can look like. The world of femdom is heavily influenced by commercial fantasy content designed for a quick release. This book describes a what a real-life, non-commercial arrangement can entail. I'll describe three of the things the book has taught me about myself. These three points are not criticisms of the book, the relationship or those involved. It is a credit to the book that it enables such self-reflection.
One striking aspect of the relationship is the strict heirarchy, authority and control depicted in the book. The relationship has a large - huge - D&S component to it, as well as a large S&M component (both physical and psychological). This reinforced to me that I may just be more oriented around S&M than D&S (which goes for my switching, too). It is not so much the service component of the relationship that doesn't resonate; I can be service-oriented. But, although there have been times when subspace have given me feelings of complete freedom, now the idea of complete and total ownership seems a bit oppressive. I value my own autonomy, I think, and the idea of submitting my entire being to someone who is more than a little sadistic seems a bit much for me. It may be more common for female subs to provide their service 'in the bedroom', and for the rest of a relationship to be a bit more flexible and open-ended. However, it seems many mistresses that I've come across aspire to a different kind of ownership which extends to the male sub being controlled to a greater extent in other areas of their life. Perhaps this is because the sexual play / bedroom component of the relationship alone is not really sufficient on its own, and male subs need to be useful in some other practical or financial way. As the author's fetlife comments attest, many men claim to be subs but few actually want to follow her orders when it comes to it - or when they have come. So the author and Butler have actually done quite a service to the community in laying out clearly what such an arrangement really entails, and highlighting what may be a bit of a delusion that many guys may have about how sub they are vis-a-vis what dommes may wish from them.
Another thing I was able to reflect on was the role of gender in femdom. In many ways the author's attitude to gender challenges gender norms, for obvious reasons. There is also a sexual element to the author's relationship with her friend, Heather, so there is an LGBT component to the book. However, the gender binary remains to an extent. There are references to the "humiliation of his manhood", "taking away his manhood" and "stripping him of his manhood", etc. Playing with gender in this way can be very powerful for many people, but in my case these ideas have started to feel a bit alien. Whilst the book is radical in re-shaping what it might mean to be a man or a woman, the way others play with these categories may not align completely with my own queerness and love of fluidity.
A final observation is that the book brings home the sheer day-to-day grind of the life of this male sub. The thing that seems to excite them is really to turn the sub into a housework slave with few friends etc. There is clearly a very powerful, deep psychological interaction going on which stimulates and excites both of them, and the service and isolation has a worshipful quality to it which for them elevates it from banality. However, for a restless hedonist like me, the lifestyle looks like it could be a bit under-stimulating and heavy.
Much femdom material online gives the viewer a quick buzz but does not really illustrate in a detailed way what a femdom lifestyle can mean in practice. There is something extremely grounding about seeing it written out. I'm very thankful that others have trodden this path, pushed the boundaries of the lifestyle, and written about it engagingly and eloquently, to help people like me understand the lifestyle and be able to reflect on themselves better.
June 28, 2019
I have to say I cannot remember the last time a erotic book has had such a profound effect on me.
The book tells the true story of a Female-led relationship as Butler submits to Renee Lane throughout the course of the book until, by the books end, he has achieved complete submission to his Mistress. In terms of structure, I thought the novel was very similar to Melissa Cohen's 'Collared: The Story of a Sir and Her Priest' as both novels are structured with journal extracts from the submissive and email exchanges. In 'Finding Love...' the email exchanges are between Mistress Renee Lane and Mistress Heather, a friend from university who conspires with Mistress Renee Lane to transform Butler into slavery.
I considered the D/s relationship that exists between Mistress Renee Lane and Butler to be a extreme form of Female Domination - extreme by my standards as Butler forsakes his job as an Attorney moves into Mistress Renee Lane's house to become a maid, a gardener, a slave. Mistress Renee Lane has very exacting demands of Butler and if his services are not up to Her very high standards he is brutually punished by Her whip at the end of the week where the number of whippings are determined by the entries made throughout the week of Butler's failings are recorded within a small black book.
The two marry only to later divorce so that Mistress Renee Lane can lay claim to everything that was previously owned by Butler - his birth name is re-registered with the authorities to be Butler, his money, his personal belongings. Butler loses everything material that existed before becoming Mistress Renee Lane's slave as the book progresses and whilst nothing is done without his consent there is a use of blackmail as acts of humiliation and degradation are recorded and are threatened to be circulated amongst his friends and family if he does not fully embrace his submission.
Some of the books sees Butler loaned to Mistress Heather who Butler admits within his journal entry to not being overly keen on yet he overcomes his feelings to address Heather as Mistress Heather and serve her as if she was his own Mistress.
What I enjoyed most about the book was how much it challenged my own ideas of Female Domination. The book did arouse me as much as it offended me, shocked me. There were moments where I felt proud of how much Butler was able to commit to his slavery to Mistress Renee Lane, other times I felt emphatic for his situation particularly towards the end of the book and after the divorce. On a few ocassions I genuinely felt afraid and intimidated by Mistress Renee Lane's extreme standards of Female Domination. However, on completing the book it is clear all has been achieved in the name of love which should be the bedrock to any D/s relationship. The book has made me reconsider my own Female-Led relationships and whether I need to commit more. The book focuses a lot on the wearing of chastity device by Butler and through the torment of his denial he finds himself more willing to advance to the next step of his submission to the extent that he will beg and grovel for Mistress Renee Lane to advance with the application of Her philosophy. In light of reading this book I have agreed with my Owner to start wearing a cock cage in the hope that it too advances my commitment and level of submission.
I don't think I could or would commit to the level of Female Domination that Mistress Renee Lane and Butler have achieved but I admire the love that flows between them and applaud Butler for being able to submit to the level that he does and Mistress Renee Lane's genius for achieving Her ambition of finding love through Female Domination.
I would recommend the book but not to anyone new to the lifestyle as some passages are very challenging to read, a erotic book not for the faint hearted. That being said I found it a life-changing read as it has encouraged me to re-evaluate my own D/s relationship.
The book tells the true story of a Female-led relationship as Butler submits to Renee Lane throughout the course of the book until, by the books end, he has achieved complete submission to his Mistress. In terms of structure, I thought the novel was very similar to Melissa Cohen's 'Collared: The Story of a Sir and Her Priest' as both novels are structured with journal extracts from the submissive and email exchanges. In 'Finding Love...' the email exchanges are between Mistress Renee Lane and Mistress Heather, a friend from university who conspires with Mistress Renee Lane to transform Butler into slavery.
I considered the D/s relationship that exists between Mistress Renee Lane and Butler to be a extreme form of Female Domination - extreme by my standards as Butler forsakes his job as an Attorney moves into Mistress Renee Lane's house to become a maid, a gardener, a slave. Mistress Renee Lane has very exacting demands of Butler and if his services are not up to Her very high standards he is brutually punished by Her whip at the end of the week where the number of whippings are determined by the entries made throughout the week of Butler's failings are recorded within a small black book.
The two marry only to later divorce so that Mistress Renee Lane can lay claim to everything that was previously owned by Butler - his birth name is re-registered with the authorities to be Butler, his money, his personal belongings. Butler loses everything material that existed before becoming Mistress Renee Lane's slave as the book progresses and whilst nothing is done without his consent there is a use of blackmail as acts of humiliation and degradation are recorded and are threatened to be circulated amongst his friends and family if he does not fully embrace his submission.
Some of the books sees Butler loaned to Mistress Heather who Butler admits within his journal entry to not being overly keen on yet he overcomes his feelings to address Heather as Mistress Heather and serve her as if she was his own Mistress.
What I enjoyed most about the book was how much it challenged my own ideas of Female Domination. The book did arouse me as much as it offended me, shocked me. There were moments where I felt proud of how much Butler was able to commit to his slavery to Mistress Renee Lane, other times I felt emphatic for his situation particularly towards the end of the book and after the divorce. On a few ocassions I genuinely felt afraid and intimidated by Mistress Renee Lane's extreme standards of Female Domination. However, on completing the book it is clear all has been achieved in the name of love which should be the bedrock to any D/s relationship. The book has made me reconsider my own Female-Led relationships and whether I need to commit more. The book focuses a lot on the wearing of chastity device by Butler and through the torment of his denial he finds himself more willing to advance to the next step of his submission to the extent that he will beg and grovel for Mistress Renee Lane to advance with the application of Her philosophy. In light of reading this book I have agreed with my Owner to start wearing a cock cage in the hope that it too advances my commitment and level of submission.
I don't think I could or would commit to the level of Female Domination that Mistress Renee Lane and Butler have achieved but I admire the love that flows between them and applaud Butler for being able to submit to the level that he does and Mistress Renee Lane's genius for achieving Her ambition of finding love through Female Domination.
I would recommend the book but not to anyone new to the lifestyle as some passages are very challenging to read, a erotic book not for the faint hearted. That being said I found it a life-changing read as it has encouraged me to re-evaluate my own D/s relationship.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 1, 2019
Finding Love Through Female Domination by Ms Renee Lane is probably the best femdom book I've ever read. It's a true story of the relationship between the author Miss Renee Lane and her husband Butler as she leads him further and further into a life of slavery and submission to her. The story is told through emails between Ms Renee and a good friend of hers, Heather, and journal entries written by Butler. Ms Renee uses Heather to help with Butler's training and to further his submission. Butler has to serve Heather quite a lot in the book and the relationship between Butler and Heather is as integral to the plot as the relationship between Ms Renee and Butler and for me was the best part of the book.
This is an intense read, as Ms Renee uses some extreme measures to completely enslave Butler. Most of what you find in any femdom book is here, including corporal punishment, chastity, domestic servitude, verbal humiliation, cuckolding, and oral worship. In addition to this, Ms Renee also extensively blackmails Butler, makes him relinquish all his property and money to her, thoroughly publicly humiliates him during their honeymoon, and makes him go a month without talking to her. Heather is quite mean to Butler for most of the book and crosses the line at times between being mean to make him a better slave and being mean because she enjoys being cruel to him. Having said all of that, it's clear throughout the book just how much Ms Renee and Butler love each other and it's clear from Butler's journal entries that he's very happy with the relationship and that he's perfectly fine with and has consented to most of what Ms Renee does to him. It's also clear that everything Ms Renee does to Butler has its intended effect and both Butler and Ms Renee fall deeper and deeper into love as the book progresses. The book is more then just a femdom book, it's also a riveting love story, albeit a very different type of love story.
Anyone who has an interest in femdom or is generally kinky will really like this book. Even people who aren't into femdom or kink still might enjoy this book as it's very well written and has three very interesting characters who have a unique dynamic between themselves. I would not recommend this book as an introduction to femdom or female led relationships, however. While there are parts of the book that people new to the lifestyle would probably find intriguing, there are other parts of the book that are a little too extreme and might turn them off.
This is an intense read, as Ms Renee uses some extreme measures to completely enslave Butler. Most of what you find in any femdom book is here, including corporal punishment, chastity, domestic servitude, verbal humiliation, cuckolding, and oral worship. In addition to this, Ms Renee also extensively blackmails Butler, makes him relinquish all his property and money to her, thoroughly publicly humiliates him during their honeymoon, and makes him go a month without talking to her. Heather is quite mean to Butler for most of the book and crosses the line at times between being mean to make him a better slave and being mean because she enjoys being cruel to him. Having said all of that, it's clear throughout the book just how much Ms Renee and Butler love each other and it's clear from Butler's journal entries that he's very happy with the relationship and that he's perfectly fine with and has consented to most of what Ms Renee does to him. It's also clear that everything Ms Renee does to Butler has its intended effect and both Butler and Ms Renee fall deeper and deeper into love as the book progresses. The book is more then just a femdom book, it's also a riveting love story, albeit a very different type of love story.
Anyone who has an interest in femdom or is generally kinky will really like this book. Even people who aren't into femdom or kink still might enjoy this book as it's very well written and has three very interesting characters who have a unique dynamic between themselves. I would not recommend this book as an introduction to femdom or female led relationships, however. While there are parts of the book that people new to the lifestyle would probably find intriguing, there are other parts of the book that are a little too extreme and might turn them off.
September 3, 2019
This book spans a ten-year period of time as Renee takes Butler through a process of ego-destruction that is truly mind-blowing. The author suggests this book is non-fiction. I am not sure.
Renee writes Heather, her former college roommate, also a dominant woman, and these letters back and forth describe Renee’s progress with Butler, as do his journal entries. Heather responds. She wants to protect Renee. She doesn’t trust men. She has has two divorces in ten years.
Renee describes herself as a female supremacist. The interaction between Renee and Heather shows an eagerness in Heather to break Butler. Heather has a submissive woman, Suzy, who works for her. Heather moves from Atlanta to Memphis to open a second shoe store and the two dominant women become occasional lovers. They cannot live together, because they are both dominant.
But I suspect that Heather is, secretly, submissive to Renee. Renee gives Heather pointers in making Suzy a better submissive, but Suzy is a bit-player in this story.
The overall goal here is to so completely overwhelm Butler that his ego is completely subsumed to Renee’s will, that he has no sense of self, that his pride is only in serving Renee’s will. Each step the two women enact is with that goal. The psychological torment they put Butler through is pretty extreme.
I have a few issues.
Renee, at Heather’s suggestion, places Butler in a chastity cage. He writes, in his journal, that it chafes. This is bad. Good devices are fitted so that they do not. I fear that he is failing to report something important to Renee. This is a problem in the story.
Butler describes Heather as dressed like she is wealthy, but her speech does not match her attire. I see no attempt by the author to write her dialogue with any difference between hers, Renee’s or Butler’s. Later on, the speech is described as profane. Again, there is nothing in the emails from Heather that indicate this.
This book is very highly recommended. But it has to be fictional, despite the author’s statements otherwise. Well-written.
Renee writes Heather, her former college roommate, also a dominant woman, and these letters back and forth describe Renee’s progress with Butler, as do his journal entries. Heather responds. She wants to protect Renee. She doesn’t trust men. She has has two divorces in ten years.
Renee describes herself as a female supremacist. The interaction between Renee and Heather shows an eagerness in Heather to break Butler. Heather has a submissive woman, Suzy, who works for her. Heather moves from Atlanta to Memphis to open a second shoe store and the two dominant women become occasional lovers. They cannot live together, because they are both dominant.
But I suspect that Heather is, secretly, submissive to Renee. Renee gives Heather pointers in making Suzy a better submissive, but Suzy is a bit-player in this story.
The overall goal here is to so completely overwhelm Butler that his ego is completely subsumed to Renee’s will, that he has no sense of self, that his pride is only in serving Renee’s will. Each step the two women enact is with that goal. The psychological torment they put Butler through is pretty extreme.
I have a few issues.
Renee, at Heather’s suggestion, places Butler in a chastity cage. He writes, in his journal, that it chafes. This is bad. Good devices are fitted so that they do not. I fear that he is failing to report something important to Renee. This is a problem in the story.
Butler describes Heather as dressed like she is wealthy, but her speech does not match her attire. I see no attempt by the author to write her dialogue with any difference between hers, Renee’s or Butler’s. Later on, the speech is described as profane. Again, there is nothing in the emails from Heather that indicate this.
This book is very highly recommended. But it has to be fictional, despite the author’s statements otherwise. Well-written.
January 4, 2020
If ever you wondered if Female Led Relationships were possible, this is the book to read. I came across this book thanks to my Fetlife account. I read MsReneeLane's profile before the great picture purge occurred and was following her commands. I didn't get far, only about 200 or so, before all her pictures disappeared due to copyright issues. When it returned, the pictures no longer had commands, so I missed out on seeing if I would be compatible with Female Led Relationship.. However, I did downloaded and read her book, so not all was lost. Spoilers ahead
There is a concept to keep in mind that will help you keep from losing your credulity: This is all consensual. Why, you ask? Well, because her victim/lover/slave endures much more than most males or females who are submissive/slaves. He changes his name to "Butler". He lives a life privation while she lives a life of luxury. He gives up all of his wealth and career to be her servant full time. They marry, divorce, and he loses all but her. There is so much sacrifice, but none of it seems to satiate her need to be utterly worshiped (Did I mention she is a founding member of a goddess cult?) by her Butler. It is all unbelievable except that this occurs over a long period of time. It is an ever evolving relationship. Aided by another sadist and lover, Heather, Butler keeps pace with Ms. Lane's needs, which makes him a better match that despite his suffering, is a loving consensual one.
What I didn't like about this book is that it was edited by the author, which makes what should be three distinct voices indistinguishable in words used and phrases. This isn't a novel or fiction, but I found it all to be monotone in tone. I thought briefly that this was the work of a fantasist. However, I sense that there is a real relationship. Despite the subject, it is short on orgasms and erotica except in passing. This is a book about the logistics and real life, which Ms. Lane reminds us a slave's life is mostly a boring one for the male. She on the other hand is leading a fulfilling, well rounded life both socially and career wise. This brings me to the second disappointment: You have to be financially comfortable to live an FLR at this level. Most of this is out of reach for those with children, underpaid jobs, and heavy debt. It is never explained how much wealth either of them had before and after this relationship, but there was mentioning in passing of him being a successful attorney and her being well educated. This doesn't mean that an FLR is impossible for us, just the total dedication without work or children interfering presents different obstacles.
On the positives, which outweigh the negatives by a clear majority, Ms Lane and her friend Heather have creative and inventive means to break Butler's ego and turn him into a hundred percent devotee to her needs. Their is a bit of a cliff hanger at the end that hints at body modification about to occur. There are moments I would have failed and be sent packing, but Butler continues to pass with flying marks. The book does give the dabblers or those at the beginning of a FLR what the future might hold. IT is important to reiterate that there must be a consensual compatibility between partners. Mistakes will be made but they can be overcome.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this, I followed the online commands but was cut short. It was difficult, but I could feel myself become more submissive. I still resisted, but that resistance was being overcome. Who knows how far I would have gone, but what I experienced made me more circumspect of trying that kind of relationship or becoming a dark goddess worshiper. It is so easy to see myself in this kind of relationship fantasy wise, but not yet real life. Maybe with time, it would be possible, but thanks to this book, I have more than an ideal of what it means.
Ms Lane is trying to get her book turned into a movie to help inspire more FLR's with the help of crowd sourcing. If you are interested, join fetlife and look for her under the name of MsReneeLane.
There is a concept to keep in mind that will help you keep from losing your credulity: This is all consensual. Why, you ask? Well, because her victim/lover/slave endures much more than most males or females who are submissive/slaves. He changes his name to "Butler". He lives a life privation while she lives a life of luxury. He gives up all of his wealth and career to be her servant full time. They marry, divorce, and he loses all but her. There is so much sacrifice, but none of it seems to satiate her need to be utterly worshiped (Did I mention she is a founding member of a goddess cult?) by her Butler. It is all unbelievable except that this occurs over a long period of time. It is an ever evolving relationship. Aided by another sadist and lover, Heather, Butler keeps pace with Ms. Lane's needs, which makes him a better match that despite his suffering, is a loving consensual one.
What I didn't like about this book is that it was edited by the author, which makes what should be three distinct voices indistinguishable in words used and phrases. This isn't a novel or fiction, but I found it all to be monotone in tone. I thought briefly that this was the work of a fantasist. However, I sense that there is a real relationship. Despite the subject, it is short on orgasms and erotica except in passing. This is a book about the logistics and real life, which Ms. Lane reminds us a slave's life is mostly a boring one for the male. She on the other hand is leading a fulfilling, well rounded life both socially and career wise. This brings me to the second disappointment: You have to be financially comfortable to live an FLR at this level. Most of this is out of reach for those with children, underpaid jobs, and heavy debt. It is never explained how much wealth either of them had before and after this relationship, but there was mentioning in passing of him being a successful attorney and her being well educated. This doesn't mean that an FLR is impossible for us, just the total dedication without work or children interfering presents different obstacles.
On the positives, which outweigh the negatives by a clear majority, Ms Lane and her friend Heather have creative and inventive means to break Butler's ego and turn him into a hundred percent devotee to her needs. Their is a bit of a cliff hanger at the end that hints at body modification about to occur. There are moments I would have failed and be sent packing, but Butler continues to pass with flying marks. The book does give the dabblers or those at the beginning of a FLR what the future might hold. IT is important to reiterate that there must be a consensual compatibility between partners. Mistakes will be made but they can be overcome.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this, I followed the online commands but was cut short. It was difficult, but I could feel myself become more submissive. I still resisted, but that resistance was being overcome. Who knows how far I would have gone, but what I experienced made me more circumspect of trying that kind of relationship or becoming a dark goddess worshiper. It is so easy to see myself in this kind of relationship fantasy wise, but not yet real life. Maybe with time, it would be possible, but thanks to this book, I have more than an ideal of what it means.
Ms Lane is trying to get her book turned into a movie to help inspire more FLR's with the help of crowd sourcing. If you are interested, join fetlife and look for her under the name of MsReneeLane.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 15, 2021
Good reading but sometimes seems obtuse
This book gets very intense at times. Being a description of how a female dominant relationship develops. I think Butler is the most interesting as he is so cooperative in his demotion and slavery. He wants it to be full on real. So did Ms. Renee. They love each other intensely, but Butler shows a devotion to her that defies logic. His infatuation allows no room for serious reflection on his status. Even after the deepest betrayal of his devotion, he stays faithful.
Ms Renee goes into her thoughts deeply as she corresponds with Ms. Heather. They have a strong lesbian relationship
This book gets very intense at times. Being a description of how a female dominant relationship develops. I think Butler is the most interesting as he is so cooperative in his demotion and slavery. He wants it to be full on real. So did Ms. Renee. They love each other intensely, but Butler shows a devotion to her that defies logic. His infatuation allows no room for serious reflection on his status. Even after the deepest betrayal of his devotion, he stays faithful.
Ms Renee goes into her thoughts deeply as she corresponds with Ms. Heather. They have a strong lesbian relationship
March 10, 2021
A exploration of the limits of FLR and lifestyle FemDom that may seem shocking to some but will appeal to the fan of real life stories of TPE and total surrender. [P.S. I've had the opportunity to meet Renee and Butler, and don't worry, he is thriving.]
March 30, 2021
An Expose of a Female-led BDSM Relationship - an Epic Story of Love between Domme and sub
Finding Love through Female Domination is a superb read. It brings a microscope to peer into unconventional power dynamics between a man and woman. It is first and foremost a love story, as told though letters shared between Ms Renee Lane and her lesbian lover Heather, supported by the journal entries of Butler, Ms Lane's boyfriend, and later husband. This is the story of a domestic female-led relationship, featuring Ms Lane as a sadistic Domme, and Butler her addicted submissive other half. It traces their decade long journey from a relatively playful beginning to one of total power exchange. Their story describes the dance between a dominatrix and her submissive... one of adrenaline, emotion, twists, turns, highs, lows, agony and exquisite exhilaration. Ms Lane enthusiastically molds Butler into the perfect servant, using physical discipline and emotional sadism to crush his ego time and time again, stripping away from him all sense of self, until all that is left is his complete and total adoration and egoless subjugation to the woman he loves. Through it all, Butler is her enthusiastic accomplice in his own self-destruction, as he descends from a powerful attorney to the invisible chauffeur, gardener and butler banned from the house, sleeping in a small structure by the pool. If anything he needs this... a humiliation addict that wants it more than his Mistress. It is an easy, yet breathtaking read... once engaged, found it could not be put down. And then after a short break had to return for a second reading. Theirs is not a lifestyle for everyone, but their love and commitment to each other jumps out of every page and is at a level few conventional relationships are ever likely to attain. They meet each others needs perfectly, and though unconventional, the strength of their relationship and the trust they share is something to be admired. It leaves one pondering and dare I say reconsidering traditional views of how happiness between two loving people can be found. Societal barriers have come down in recent years around same sex relations and marriages... perhaps its time for matriarchical dynamics to come out of the closet as well. Female-led relationship practitioners have found their champion in this book, which bears reading time and again. Sure to become a classic of the genre, it is highly recommended.
Finding Love through Female Domination is a superb read. It brings a microscope to peer into unconventional power dynamics between a man and woman. It is first and foremost a love story, as told though letters shared between Ms Renee Lane and her lesbian lover Heather, supported by the journal entries of Butler, Ms Lane's boyfriend, and later husband. This is the story of a domestic female-led relationship, featuring Ms Lane as a sadistic Domme, and Butler her addicted submissive other half. It traces their decade long journey from a relatively playful beginning to one of total power exchange. Their story describes the dance between a dominatrix and her submissive... one of adrenaline, emotion, twists, turns, highs, lows, agony and exquisite exhilaration. Ms Lane enthusiastically molds Butler into the perfect servant, using physical discipline and emotional sadism to crush his ego time and time again, stripping away from him all sense of self, until all that is left is his complete and total adoration and egoless subjugation to the woman he loves. Through it all, Butler is her enthusiastic accomplice in his own self-destruction, as he descends from a powerful attorney to the invisible chauffeur, gardener and butler banned from the house, sleeping in a small structure by the pool. If anything he needs this... a humiliation addict that wants it more than his Mistress. It is an easy, yet breathtaking read... once engaged, found it could not be put down. And then after a short break had to return for a second reading. Theirs is not a lifestyle for everyone, but their love and commitment to each other jumps out of every page and is at a level few conventional relationships are ever likely to attain. They meet each others needs perfectly, and though unconventional, the strength of their relationship and the trust they share is something to be admired. It leaves one pondering and dare I say reconsidering traditional views of how happiness between two loving people can be found. Societal barriers have come down in recent years around same sex relations and marriages... perhaps its time for matriarchical dynamics to come out of the closet as well. Female-led relationship practitioners have found their champion in this book, which bears reading time and again. Sure to become a classic of the genre, it is highly recommended.
April 21, 2021
This is a different kind of romance story. Imagine "The Story of O" and "Fifty Shades of Grey" only this time the woman is in charge.
It's a love story about what a submissive man is willing endure to please his dominant wife.
The protagonist, Ms. Renee Lane, is a glamorous dominatrix who has a talent for concocting darkly creative challenges designed to bring her slave, aptly named "Butler," deeper and deeper into submission.
In every chapter, his humiliation and suffering grows more and more intense. Ms. Lane's devious friend Heather is a major thorn in Butler's side, always trying to push him past the breaking point.
At times he wavers. Will his love hold strong? Will he walk away? Will he turn the tables on his wife?
I don't want to give too much away, but I will say that the book moved me emotionally, which is very hard to do. The characters are interesting and complex, and the storyline, which is purportedly based on real events, has so many unexpected twists and turns you'll feel like you're on a high-speed kinky roller coaster hurtling off the rails.
The writing is superb and makes you feel like you're actually in the story yourself. This one of those books you'll probably stay up all night to read. I found it almost impossible to put down.
Don't expect a fantasy "whips and chains" tale. This book depicts a real life female-led relationship of a modern couple living in Memphis, Tennessee, who push their D/s lifestyle to the limit.
If you've ever engaged in kinky bedroom sex, or have an interest in doing so, this is almost like an entertaining training manual to dominant/submissive relationships.
Warning: If you're easily offended, you should probably stay away. However, if you enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey, you'll love this book.
By the way, I saw that "Finding Love Through Female Domination" is now being made into a film that is advertised as the first mainstream femdom movie. Sounds like times are changing.
It's a love story about what a submissive man is willing endure to please his dominant wife.
The protagonist, Ms. Renee Lane, is a glamorous dominatrix who has a talent for concocting darkly creative challenges designed to bring her slave, aptly named "Butler," deeper and deeper into submission.
In every chapter, his humiliation and suffering grows more and more intense. Ms. Lane's devious friend Heather is a major thorn in Butler's side, always trying to push him past the breaking point.
At times he wavers. Will his love hold strong? Will he walk away? Will he turn the tables on his wife?
I don't want to give too much away, but I will say that the book moved me emotionally, which is very hard to do. The characters are interesting and complex, and the storyline, which is purportedly based on real events, has so many unexpected twists and turns you'll feel like you're on a high-speed kinky roller coaster hurtling off the rails.
The writing is superb and makes you feel like you're actually in the story yourself. This one of those books you'll probably stay up all night to read. I found it almost impossible to put down.
Don't expect a fantasy "whips and chains" tale. This book depicts a real life female-led relationship of a modern couple living in Memphis, Tennessee, who push their D/s lifestyle to the limit.
If you've ever engaged in kinky bedroom sex, or have an interest in doing so, this is almost like an entertaining training manual to dominant/submissive relationships.
Warning: If you're easily offended, you should probably stay away. However, if you enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey, you'll love this book.
By the way, I saw that "Finding Love Through Female Domination" is now being made into a film that is advertised as the first mainstream femdom movie. Sounds like times are changing.
April 9, 2020
BSDM has come out of the closet over the years. From Madonna wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier fashions to 50 Shades of Grey, kink is becoming more and more accepted as mainstream.
BDSM as a lifestyle is also finding a wider audience. With the publication of “Finding Love Through Female Domination” (FLTFD) by Miss Renee Lane, it is likely that BDSM will find its widest audience yet. The book, which is well written and very readable, is also being made into a film produced by Netflix. Assuming the film is successful, which it is expected to be, there is even talk of a possible follow-on TV series on Netflix.
FLTFD centers on three characters: Ms Renee Lane, who is a Dominant; Her sub, Butler; and Her friend, Heather. The story is told through a series of emails between Ms Renee and Heather interspersed with snippets from Butler’s journals. Butler willingly enters into a Dominant/submissive relationship with Ms Renee and finds love in the process.
What I find most significant is Butler’s spiritual journey as he becomes Ms Renee’s abject slave. He finds that by submitting to the whims, will, and wisdom of Ms Renee, his life greatly improves: His health is better, he is more disciplined in body and mind, and he has learned to put Ms Renee first, even anticipating Her needs before She expresses them.
The book is available on Amazon in a variety of formats.
Obviously BDSM isn’t for everyone. But for those who would like to spice up their relationship and explore aspects of BDSM, FLTFD is a wonderful place to start.
BDSM as a lifestyle is also finding a wider audience. With the publication of “Finding Love Through Female Domination” (FLTFD) by Miss Renee Lane, it is likely that BDSM will find its widest audience yet. The book, which is well written and very readable, is also being made into a film produced by Netflix. Assuming the film is successful, which it is expected to be, there is even talk of a possible follow-on TV series on Netflix.
FLTFD centers on three characters: Ms Renee Lane, who is a Dominant; Her sub, Butler; and Her friend, Heather. The story is told through a series of emails between Ms Renee and Heather interspersed with snippets from Butler’s journals. Butler willingly enters into a Dominant/submissive relationship with Ms Renee and finds love in the process.
What I find most significant is Butler’s spiritual journey as he becomes Ms Renee’s abject slave. He finds that by submitting to the whims, will, and wisdom of Ms Renee, his life greatly improves: His health is better, he is more disciplined in body and mind, and he has learned to put Ms Renee first, even anticipating Her needs before She expresses them.
The book is available on Amazon in a variety of formats.
Obviously BDSM isn’t for everyone. But for those who would like to spice up their relationship and explore aspects of BDSM, FLTFD is a wonderful place to start.
August 21, 2018
I just read Finding Love Through Female Dominaition by Renee Lane. You can read it on Amazon Books for three bucks. Well worth it. It was brilliant, crazy, intense, and a must have for anyone who is genuinely kinky. It's like reading "Venus in Furs" but as told from Wanda's perspective. Renee Lane does not write with quite the introspective elegance of Sacher-Masoch, but she writes well enough, and she definitely gets her point across. If Masoch is a crop, Ms. Lane is a cane. The scenes with her and Butler are the high points, and that rabbit hole just gets deeper and longer. Ms. Lane is a renegade, an outlaw, and this book isn't for the rule-book waving scolds who endlessly chant their "Safe-Sane-Consensual" mantra; but it deserves to be read. Ms.Lane is earnest in her pursuit of her goal--and Butler always has a choice--even is we all know what he's going to choose. It's consensual, broadly. And mostly safe. I say sane, but that's up for grabs. She is all over the boundary lines, and that's what makes it a fine and fun read. Careful what you wish for, boys, you might just get it. I tumbler of whiskey to you and your slave. Ms. Lane, you have told a dark and little understood truth about who we are.
March 14, 2020
Renee Lane and her illustrator, Amitabha Naskar, have managed to produce a work that is both intense BDSM and a remarkable love story at the same time. This is no easy task to pull off, especially given that the typical S&M mantra of 'Safe, Sane, and Consensual' falls by the wayside as the journey progresses. Both Mistress and her servant, Butler, learn just how far boundaries can be pushed in modern society, all the while living quiet, tranquil lives in the heart of a city.
Reading this book, I felt my emotions tugged first one way and then another. At times I felt my lip curl in delight, wanting Butler to feel the experience deeply - yet at other times I was angry at her on his behalf. As I'm sure most readers do, I imagined myself as the bottom and from the outset I felt the onset of discomfort that comes from knowing it is unlikely I would ever measure up.
The text is well written, the illustrations are both apt and wonderfully done, and it offers a glimpse into an aspect of life many people fantasize about yet few get to experience. I understand there is a movie being made, so Ms Renee's story can be told in yet another medium. I can't wait, and this book is highly recommended.
Reading this book, I felt my emotions tugged first one way and then another. At times I felt my lip curl in delight, wanting Butler to feel the experience deeply - yet at other times I was angry at her on his behalf. As I'm sure most readers do, I imagined myself as the bottom and from the outset I felt the onset of discomfort that comes from knowing it is unlikely I would ever measure up.
The text is well written, the illustrations are both apt and wonderfully done, and it offers a glimpse into an aspect of life many people fantasize about yet few get to experience. I understand there is a movie being made, so Ms Renee's story can be told in yet another medium. I can't wait, and this book is highly recommended.
March 3, 2025
Not sure how many stars to give this. It’s well written and very entrancing. It’s also clear that, unlike so many books these days, someone actually did a nice job of proofreading. All that said, I find it a struggle to read. I’m drawn back to it time and again but after reading some I find myself really not liking the author, Ms. Renee and her friend, Ms. Heather. I find them to be extremely cold and beyond cruel. I finally have to put it away for a while.
The title is “Finding Love Through Female Domination” but try as I might I can’t find any love in Ms. Renee. She occasionally tells her slave Butler that she loves him but then turns around and dreams up the most psychologically cruel, demeaning, and abusive ways she can think of to “take our relationship to the next level.” There’s no doubt in my mind that Butler loves, adores, obsesses on and craves her. He would and does do anything she demands of him. I’ve tried hard to find any love on her part but so far it has eluded me. Mostly it seems that Butler is there to feed her ego, get stomped on psychologically and endure whatever cruelty she and Heather can devise next.
Somebody please tell me I’m wrong.
The title is “Finding Love Through Female Domination” but try as I might I can’t find any love in Ms. Renee. She occasionally tells her slave Butler that she loves him but then turns around and dreams up the most psychologically cruel, demeaning, and abusive ways she can think of to “take our relationship to the next level.” There’s no doubt in my mind that Butler loves, adores, obsesses on and craves her. He would and does do anything she demands of him. I’ve tried hard to find any love on her part but so far it has eluded me. Mostly it seems that Butler is there to feed her ego, get stomped on psychologically and endure whatever cruelty she and Heather can devise next.
Somebody please tell me I’m wrong.
May 3, 2020
I am reading Finding Love Through Female Domination, it is a pure pleasure reading it. Ms Renee Lane stands for female led relationships, the love and the fulfilment the couple would experience.
FLR relationships have been stigmatized by society for a long time, leaving men who genuinely want to serve a woman desperate, afraid of showing their desires to submit to a woman they truly love. Those man had to show their submissive desires to other women outside the couple, hiding them from their spouses or girlfriends. Women also who desire to be in control of the man they love see their aspiration repressed by society.
But Ms Renee Lane is pushing society standards to change and the futur of FLR is bright, where couples will share their desires with true love.
Ms Renee Lane is actually working to release a movie inspired from her book, we are waiting for this movie with no patience.
FLR relationships have been stigmatized by society for a long time, leaving men who genuinely want to serve a woman desperate, afraid of showing their desires to submit to a woman they truly love. Those man had to show their submissive desires to other women outside the couple, hiding them from their spouses or girlfriends. Women also who desire to be in control of the man they love see their aspiration repressed by society.
But Ms Renee Lane is pushing society standards to change and the futur of FLR is bright, where couples will share their desires with true love.
Ms Renee Lane is actually working to release a movie inspired from her book, we are waiting for this movie with no patience.
December 3, 2017
Men, brace yourselves.
It took me 3 weeks to finish this book because I could only do short stretches at a time, and definitely not on a treadmill at the gym. I seem to recall being promised that it would make me uncomfortable and it lived up to that. In a good way.
Whether this is a faithful reselling of history or just a good story loosely based on this "couple's" experience, this is thoughtful (and hot!) Femdom. Ms. Renee is a brilliant dominant, owning every shred of her submissive (ex)husband's soul.
I admit to doubting her love for him at times, but, I comfort myself by remembering that it is classified as fiction.
It took me 3 weeks to finish this book because I could only do short stretches at a time, and definitely not on a treadmill at the gym. I seem to recall being promised that it would make me uncomfortable and it lived up to that. In a good way.
Whether this is a faithful reselling of history or just a good story loosely based on this "couple's" experience, this is thoughtful (and hot!) Femdom. Ms. Renee is a brilliant dominant, owning every shred of her submissive (ex)husband's soul.
I admit to doubting her love for him at times, but, I comfort myself by remembering that it is classified as fiction.
May 10, 2020
I have always known I was a submissive male from my teen years and have read many books on the subject. When I saw Ms Renee's book I had to read it so immediately bought it and have just finished reading from cover to cover. What a joy it is to read, how delightful it is to be able to relate to the intensity of her relationship with Butler, and how heart warming it is to read of the love they share! This book is a MUST read for anybody who has an interest in the Mistress slave RELATIONSHIP as opposed to dabbling and "playing". If like me you believe women are superior and men exist to serve then this book is for you!
May 28, 2023
I think this book was carefully written to try to capture what is really at the heart of a real life femdom relationship in a way so few books can manage. I liked that the protagonist, as she crossed the line into total power exchange, acknowledged right where many of her "peers" see problems with what she was doing. Yet she was very comfortable going where few dare to tread and didn't necessarily seem like a demon for doing so. It is outlining what for most will ever only be a fantasy scenario, yet I found it compelling, very erotic and somehow believable at the same time, which I think is a rare feat.
October 21, 2020
As female lead relationships become more and more mainstream, here is a true accounting of one such relationship. Written as a series of correspondences, she details the growth of her fulfillment as a physical and psychological sadist with her husband, Bishop, a masochist who adores and worships her more and more with each new torture she devises. Make no mistake, this is an intimate love story between two deeply devoted lovers who reach heights that many male submissives will ever only dream of. A must read!
September 4, 2019
I love this book.
It is not only very erotic, it is also an inspiration.
I now realize how important love is, relative to kink.
The book also opened my eyes that I seek excitement of being dominated by the woman of my life.
Ms Renee Lane illustrates with a tender real life story how being dominated by your love can be an incredibly rewarding thrill.
Every woman should read it.
Every man should seek it
It is not only very erotic, it is also an inspiration.
I now realize how important love is, relative to kink.
The book also opened my eyes that I seek excitement of being dominated by the woman of my life.
Ms Renee Lane illustrates with a tender real life story how being dominated by your love can be an incredibly rewarding thrill.
Every woman should read it.
Every man should seek it
May 7, 2020
This book had me so emotionally wound up I couldn't think straight. One moment I was in disbelief feeling such empathy, solidarity and true concern for Butler. The next minute I found myself flushed and unable to stop reading as the story whipped by Ms. Rene's words kept pulling me further and further in and down. For me this book was like a seduction that I wanted more and more of, while it simultaneously awakened me to the realization of how much of my aching need it revealed.
May 19, 2020
I purchased this book while doing research into pursuing the FLR lifestyle. This is a very interesting and captivating look into to the truly lived FLR lifestyle.
A lot of the content of this book fundamentally changed my perspective on the approach to entering the lifestyle. If you are entering this lifestyle, then reading this book is a must. Do your self a favor. Purchase the book and take the time to read it with an open mind.
A lot of the content of this book fundamentally changed my perspective on the approach to entering the lifestyle. If you are entering this lifestyle, then reading this book is a must. Do your self a favor. Purchase the book and take the time to read it with an open mind.
May 27, 2020
Have you ever wonder what a real relationship between a Dominant woman and a submissive men looks like?
Then this is the book for you, the author, a convinced Female Supremacist, invite you to explore the depths of a relationship where a men becomes slave to the woman he adores.A slave in every sense of the word...
This is a look into a forgotten form of sexuality and what will be the world like the day is accepted the same way gay community is accepted today.
Then this is the book for you, the author, a convinced Female Supremacist, invite you to explore the depths of a relationship where a men becomes slave to the woman he adores.A slave in every sense of the word...
This is a look into a forgotten form of sexuality and what will be the world like the day is accepted the same way gay community is accepted today.
March 10, 2020
This is an excellent book for anyone who seeks sincerely to live within an authentic Female Led Relationship. The writer and her slave husband are pioneers in forming a modern relationship on female supremacist principles. Within the pages of this book are significant lessons to assist readers in entering and maintaining such relationships. A must have for any FLR relationship!
July 22, 2019
I recently ordered this after coming across the author's fetlife profile. The book is about a hardcore and intense femdom relationship. According to one review I read, these people are real and they are known on the scene in the town where they live.
The main point of this review is to show how a book like this can enable self-reflection in an online world somewhat starved of thoughtful, hardcore and non-commercial femdom content. I'm really grateful to the author and her sub for having given me a powerful insight into what the day-to-day life of a femdom lifestyle can entail, helping me to better know where I stand on the kink spectrum.
The book is organised into themes (philosophy, service, discipline, blackmail, psychological control, humiliation, practical matters, sexuality, spirituality), showing the development of a really hardcore and intense femdom relationship between the author and 'Butler'. The friend Heather is another recurring character, a domme who encourages the author in her ruthlessness. It's well written, easy to read and hot. The format uses emails sent between the author and Heather, and journal entries by Butler, to recount events and express thoughts.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants a vivid picture of what a femdom lifestyle can look like. The world of femdom is heavily influenced by commercial fantasy content designed for a quick release. This book describes a what a real-life, non-commercial arrangement can entail. I'll describe three of the things the book has taught me about myself. These three points are not criticisms of the book, the relationship or those involved. It is a credit to the book that it enables such self-reflection.
One striking aspect of the relationship is the strict heirarchy, authority and control depicted in the book. The relationship has a large - huge - D&S component to it, as well as a large S&M component (both physical and psychological). This reinforced to me that I may just be more oriented around S&M than D&S (which goes for my switching, too). It is not so much the service component of the relationship that doesn't resonate; I can be service-oriented. But, although there have been times when subspace have given me feelings of complete freedom, now the idea of complete and total ownership seems a bit oppressive. I value my own autonomy, I think, and the idea of submitting my entire being to someone who is more than a little sadistic seems a bit much for me. It may be more common for female subs to provide their service 'in the bedroom', and for the rest of a relationship to be a bit more flexible and open-ended. However, it seems many mistresses that I've come across aspire to a different kind of ownership which extends to the male sub being controlled to a greater extent in other areas of their life. Perhaps this is because the sexual play / bedroom component of the relationship alone is not really sufficient on its own, and male subs need to be useful in some other practical or financial way. As the author's fetlife comments attest, many men claim to be subs but few actually want to follow her orders when it comes to it - or when they have come. So the author and Butler have actually done quite a service to the community in laying out clearly what such an arrangement really entails, and highlighting what may be a bit of a delusion that many guys may have about how sub they are vis-a-vis what dommes may wish from them.
Another thing I was able to reflect on was the role of gender in femdom. In many ways the author's attitude to gender challenges gender norms, for obvious reasons. There is also a sexual element to the author's relationship with her friend, Heather, so there is an LGBT component to the book. However, the gender binary remains to an extent. There are references to the "humiliation of his manhood", "taking away his manhood" and "stripping him of his manhood", etc. Playing with gender in this way can be very powerful for many people, but in my case these ideas have started to feel a bit alien. Whilst the book is radical in re-shaping what it might mean to be a man or a woman, the way others play with these categories may not align completely with my own queerness and love of fluidity.
A final observation is that the book brings home the sheer day-to-day grind of the life of this male sub. The thing that seems to excite them is really to turn the sub into a housework slave with few friends etc. There is clearly a very powerful, deep psychological interaction going on which stimulates and excites both of them, and the service and isolation has a worshipful quality to it which for them elevates it from banality. However, for a restless hedonist like me, the lifestyle looks like it could be a bit under-stimulating and heavy.
Much femdom material online gives the viewer a quick buzz but does not really illustrate in a detailed way what a femdom lifestyle can mean in practice. There is something extremely grounding about seeing it written out. I'm very thankful that others have trodden this path, pushed the boundaries of the lifestyle, and written about it engagingly and eloquently, to help people like me understand the lifestyle and be able to reflect on themselves better.
The main point of this review is to show how a book like this can enable self-reflection in an online world somewhat starved of thoughtful, hardcore and non-commercial femdom content. I'm really grateful to the author and her sub for having given me a powerful insight into what the day-to-day life of a femdom lifestyle can entail, helping me to better know where I stand on the kink spectrum.
The book is organised into themes (philosophy, service, discipline, blackmail, psychological control, humiliation, practical matters, sexuality, spirituality), showing the development of a really hardcore and intense femdom relationship between the author and 'Butler'. The friend Heather is another recurring character, a domme who encourages the author in her ruthlessness. It's well written, easy to read and hot. The format uses emails sent between the author and Heather, and journal entries by Butler, to recount events and express thoughts.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants a vivid picture of what a femdom lifestyle can look like. The world of femdom is heavily influenced by commercial fantasy content designed for a quick release. This book describes a what a real-life, non-commercial arrangement can entail. I'll describe three of the things the book has taught me about myself. These three points are not criticisms of the book, the relationship or those involved. It is a credit to the book that it enables such self-reflection.
One striking aspect of the relationship is the strict heirarchy, authority and control depicted in the book. The relationship has a large - huge - D&S component to it, as well as a large S&M component (both physical and psychological). This reinforced to me that I may just be more oriented around S&M than D&S (which goes for my switching, too). It is not so much the service component of the relationship that doesn't resonate; I can be service-oriented. But, although there have been times when subspace have given me feelings of complete freedom, now the idea of complete and total ownership seems a bit oppressive. I value my own autonomy, I think, and the idea of submitting my entire being to someone who is more than a little sadistic seems a bit much for me. It may be more common for female subs to provide their service 'in the bedroom', and for the rest of a relationship to be a bit more flexible and open-ended. However, it seems many mistresses that I've come across aspire to a different kind of ownership which extends to the male sub being controlled to a greater extent in other areas of their life. Perhaps this is because the sexual play / bedroom component of the relationship alone is not really sufficient on its own, and male subs need to be useful in some other practical or financial way. As the author's fetlife comments attest, many men claim to be subs but few actually want to follow her orders when it comes to it - or when they have come. So the author and Butler have actually done quite a service to the community in laying out clearly what such an arrangement really entails, and highlighting what may be a bit of a delusion that many guys may have about how sub they are vis-a-vis what dommes may wish from them.
Another thing I was able to reflect on was the role of gender in femdom. In many ways the author's attitude to gender challenges gender norms, for obvious reasons. There is also a sexual element to the author's relationship with her friend, Heather, so there is an LGBT component to the book. However, the gender binary remains to an extent. There are references to the "humiliation of his manhood", "taking away his manhood" and "stripping him of his manhood", etc. Playing with gender in this way can be very powerful for many people, but in my case these ideas have started to feel a bit alien. Whilst the book is radical in re-shaping what it might mean to be a man or a woman, the way others play with these categories may not align completely with my own queerness and love of fluidity.
A final observation is that the book brings home the sheer day-to-day grind of the life of this male sub. The thing that seems to excite them is really to turn the sub into a housework slave with few friends etc. There is clearly a very powerful, deep psychological interaction going on which stimulates and excites both of them, and the service and isolation has a worshipful quality to it which for them elevates it from banality. However, for a restless hedonist like me, the lifestyle looks like it could be a bit under-stimulating and heavy.
Much femdom material online gives the viewer a quick buzz but does not really illustrate in a detailed way what a femdom lifestyle can mean in practice. There is something extremely grounding about seeing it written out. I'm very thankful that others have trodden this path, pushed the boundaries of the lifestyle, and written about it engagingly and eloquently, to help people like me understand the lifestyle and be able to reflect on themselves better.
August 21, 2019
Absolutly amazing. As a male submissive myself, it was a life changing experience to read this jewel. i recommend it to everyone who actually understand that Women should rule the world if we want to survive as a specie.
April 20, 2020
This is one of the harsh histories I ever read, it's so painful and hard to read sometimes... But it is a love story, a love story who only the ones that live the BDSM and the FLR will understand. thank you for this masterpiece Miss Renee
Chris Meier.
Chris Meier.
January 15, 2021
Trial and Error at Work
It has taken me several months to finish this book. I sought to nibble away it and savor each meal. Love and devotion has been on display through out the book!
It has taken me several months to finish this book. I sought to nibble away it and savor each meal. Love and devotion has been on display through out the book!
May 3, 2020
Ms Renee Lane has a passion for BDSM. I have ordered this book and I am excited to read it. She is an excellent writer, very eloquent with her words.
October 6, 2018
Finding Love Through Female Domination is an intimate and exciting, if in places darkly spellbinding, portrait of an couple exploring the outer boundaries of a femdom relationship. If the psychology of being taken to the edge to see what lies beyond intrigues you, Ms. Lane is the writer to guide you there.
April 16, 2020
This very well written work of literature is the type of book those that like to end their days with a fascinating story of love ,devotion and betrayal. there's torture blackmail ropes and whips .
This is the true account of events over a span of several years through the eyes of the author Ms Renee Lane and her husband and submissive Husband .
You won't want to put this down.....
This is the true account of events over a span of several years through the eyes of the author Ms Renee Lane and her husband and submissive Husband .
You won't want to put this down.....
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