Not Coming Soon to a Theater Near You

by Neal Pollack

In a portrait of the author as a Hollywood dad, semi-legendary writer Neal Pollack humorously recounts his failed attempts to transform his family into a multi-platform media brand.

After an encouraging call from a film and TV agent in Los Angeles, happily married and once-almost-bestselling author Neal Pollack plunges through the slightest of openings to pursue the modern American dream: fame. He uproots his family—including his wife, Regina, a painter with whom he shares a pact to always honor each other’s artistic pursuits—and moves to California.

What follows is a funny and ultimately moving account of ridiculous bad timing and luck. In a monumental first step, Pollack accidentally options his life rights to a major film studio. From afar he watches as his new hipster-parenting memoir, Alternadad, garners actual vitriol from the national press. The Writer’s Guild goes on strike as soon as Pollack becomes a member, and—in his breakthrough moment—he stands before the head of comedy development at HBO to deliver his pitch…and forgets what he has to say.

Not Coming Soon to a Theater Near You is a lighthearted look at one man’s ill-fated worming into the heart of Hollywood, the Silver Lake School District, and Los Angeles at large, but it also reveals a darn good marriage under significant duress.

63 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 16, 2016

About the author

Neal Pollack’s first book, The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature, was published in 2000, becoming an (almost) instant cult classic. His debut novel, Never Mind the Pollacks, hit shelves in 2003, and was shamelessly promoted by his band, The Neal Pollack Invasion. In 2007, he published Alternadad, a best-selling memoir. In 2010, Pollack became a certified yoga teacher and published Stretch, a nonfiction account of his adventures in American yoga culture. He has contributed to The New York Times, Wired, Slate, Yoga Journal, and Vanity Fair, among many other publications. Thomas & Mercer published his historical noir novel Jewball in March 2012, and debuted his "yoga detective" novel, Downward-Facing Death, in serialized fiction form in September, 2012. His latest book, a time-traveling romantic comedy called Repeat, will be published in March 2015. He and his wife, the painter Regina Allen, live with their son in Austin, Texas.

Reviews

[Janna Gaines · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, but

I liked the story and felt compelled to read the entire book in one sitting but I, along with many others, like a longer ending. I just wanted the ending of well at least I'm happy where I'm at now.

[Donna Maguire · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hadn't heard of Neal Pollock before I picked up this book but after reading the blurb I wanted to give it a go. I thought that it was a fun, quick read about Pollack trying to break in to Hollywood following interest in his book Alternadad, it details the ups and downs that he encounters. 3 stars from me.

[Lea Topliff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unfinished

It is an honest look at what not to do but I wish it had some inkling of hope or redemption at the end.

[natasa · Rating 2 out of 5]

édes jó istenem, ez az ember... nem olvastam tőle semmit ezen kívül, de nem is igazán jött meg a kedvem ettől a pdf-be rendezett borzasztó hosszú blogposzt jellegű irománytól. jó, az valahol tiszteletreméltó, hogy kiállt a sikertelensége történetével a nyilvánosság elé, de süt a lapokról a megkeseredett rosszindulat, ráadásul egy meglehetősen ellenszenves, felszínes, arrogáns, buta faszkalap képét tárja elénk, aki hollywoodot hibáztatja az álmai összetöréséért, holott ő volt az ostoba tök. és bár a körülmények valóban betettek neki, de saját maga dobta el a legnagyobb lehetőségét azzal, hogy nem volt hajlandó fölkészülni egy nyamvadt meetingre. hát erre szokás azt mondani, hogy aki hülye, haljon meg. egyáltalán nem csodálom, hogy végül nem vitte semmire.
egyébként a jópofa cím alapján azt hittem, hogy ez valami vicces kis sztori lesz, de nem elég, hogy az írás is egy nagy kalap hevenyészet, még ráadásul sorra leszól mindenkit, akinek több esze volt és az övéhez hasonló témát sikerrel vitt képernyőre. hát humor az nem volt, csak ez a számomra teljességgel érthetetlen és irtó gyerekes kérkedés a füvezéssel.
komolyan, annyira antipatikus, önző embernek tűnik ebből a kevésből, amit ő talán őszinte kitárulkozásnak szánt, de igazából csak szánalmas fröcsögés lett belőle, hogy én érzem magam kellemetlenül, amiért képes volt kiadni.

csak azért nem egy csillagot adtam rá, mert elrettentő példának speciel kiváló.

[Matthew Budman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brisk and concise, Not Coming Soon… chronicles Pollack's failed sojourn in Hollywood, attempting to turn his book Alternadad into a feature film or sitcom or, well, something. There's a writer's strike, incompetent agents, unimaginative studio reps, lazy writers, and generally bad timing, and the project doesn't get far off the ground. What distinguishes Pollack's tale from that of hundreds of other aborted adaptations is that the author changes his life and jeopardizes his marriage on the assumption that everything will work out, so the fall is harder. The writing is invariably lively, and there's a welcome melancholy undercurrent. But it's a little . . . small, and not only because of the brief length. What one wants is more about how it feels to go from being the nation's literary It Boy—based on Pollack's first book, an utterly brilliant satire—to one of any number of struggling novelists and freelance writers, still remarkably talented (just check out his Facebook posts!) but barely scraping by in a world that neither pays much for writing nor values original literary voices. I hope we'll get to read that book—or even another Kindle single—at some point.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting but short chronicle of how the pursuit of fame doesn't always work out and the impact the writers strike had on individuals. It is a short work (14000 words), and as such, there are places I wish the author had pushed further and been more reflective to universalize the experience and to connect with others who have had to give up on dreams, make hard choices, and face failure.

[Tom Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Compelling but Undercooked Memoir

Pollack is a great writer, but this short, bloggy story of his time in Hollywood was kind of a bummer. It wasn't boring as much as it was an accurate chronicle of nothing really happening. An epilogue about his recent success as a genre novelist would have been a welcome addition. The story needed a closer.

[Mark Hanner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Preach.

I like Neal Pollack. He always cracks me up. I think its because everything I read by him is the truth. Even if he is just high and making it up as he goes along. (Aka. Being a writer) In his small story, he was non-narcissistically exposed and I feel privileged to have read it. He's a good guy.

[Emily Grosvenor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short memoir is an endearing balm for anyone who's ever died a little trying to make something happen. It's devastating, funny at times, and a potent wake-up call for what dreams may never come (and perhaps why they shouldn't). Would recommend to any creative person who dreams big but likes to keep things in perspective.

[Jeff Raymond]

A fun, quick read about Pollack navigating Hollywood following interest in a production of sorts of his book Alternadad, it jumps around a little too much and sounds a little too out there in the short form to even be believable (I wasn't sure how much was fact and how much was fiction until I was long finished). It's fine, but not essential by any means.

[Lynn Richardson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Totally disappointed.

I was totally disappointed in this book. Not well written. Not interesting and a waste of my time. It w as rated a 4 one of the reasons I read it. I was hopeful it your get better. Never did.

[Brad Wojak · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick, and well written read.