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Pick Me Up
Original Online Version, Prior to Publication
Unwilling to telephone his fiancee, Jane Bennet, for a ride home after spending a night of camaraderie in the company of William Darcy and Richard Fitzwilliam, an inebriated Charles Bingley decides to call his future sister-in-law, Elizabeth Bennet instead. While all three men are in need of some assistance from Elizabeth, Darcy happens to require a bit more from her than she might be prepared to give. Madly in love with her since he'd first laid his dark, penetrating eyes on her many months prior, he is determined to make the most of the awkward situation and win her at last. Hijinxs ensue and in the end, the entire P&P gang ends up getting much, much more than any of them ever bargained for.
Rated MA for Mature Audiences (over 18) Only.
Unwilling to telephone his fiancee, Jane Bennet, for a ride home after spending a night of camaraderie in the company of William Darcy and Richard Fitzwilliam, an inebriated Charles Bingley decides to call his future sister-in-law, Elizabeth Bennet instead. While all three men are in need of some assistance from Elizabeth, Darcy happens to require a bit more from her than she might be prepared to give. Madly in love with her since he'd first laid his dark, penetrating eyes on her many months prior, he is determined to make the most of the awkward situation and win her at last. Hijinxs ensue and in the end, the entire P&P gang ends up getting much, much more than any of them ever bargained for.
Rated MA for Mature Audiences (over 18) Only.
First published January 13, 2009
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
May 31, 2017
This was hilarious...just so very funny and had me laughing out loud over and over again. (About 60 pages long from The Meryton Reading Room.)
Yes, there are some...no...a lot of sex scenes but it was more like an episode of SNL...with all the bawdy innuendos or just outright lewd and over the top comments...talk about how physical attributes and endurance. Really!
Elizabeth gets a call to pick up Richard and Charles who admit to being too drunk to drive and then she finds Darcy fighting off a group of clingy oversexed women in the bar area. She manages to rescue the lot but one of her comments to Darcy leads to him having to prove his own powers.
This comedy has Caroline actually impaling her neon orange nails in a wooden door as she attempts to get at Darcy. Then there are the police with their tazers trying to separate Mary Crawford from Caroline in a mud wrestling match on Darcy's lawn and the little old senior citizen couple, Eugene & Irma Thornebuckle who invite all their friends from the nursing home to watch the brawl.
But the coup d' etat is the photo on page thirty-seven of The National Inquisition which Bill Collins posts...having met the couple while they were on their honeymoon...can you guess what he caught on camera?
Not at all from any part of canon but if you can appreciate good (even though bawdy) humor, Laughter is the Best Medicine.
Yes, there are some...no...a lot of sex scenes but it was more like an episode of SNL...with all the bawdy innuendos or just outright lewd and over the top comments...talk about how physical attributes and endurance. Really!
Elizabeth gets a call to pick up Richard and Charles who admit to being too drunk to drive and then she finds Darcy fighting off a group of clingy oversexed women in the bar area. She manages to rescue the lot but one of her comments to Darcy leads to him having to prove his own powers.
This comedy has Caroline actually impaling her neon orange nails in a wooden door as she attempts to get at Darcy. Then there are the police with their tazers trying to separate Mary Crawford from Caroline in a mud wrestling match on Darcy's lawn and the little old senior citizen couple, Eugene & Irma Thornebuckle who invite all their friends from the nursing home to watch the brawl.
But the coup d' etat is the photo on page thirty-seven of The National Inquisition which Bill Collins posts...having met the couple while they were on their honeymoon...can you guess what he caught on camera?
Not at all from any part of canon but if you can appreciate good (even though bawdy) humor, Laughter is the Best Medicine.
May 27, 2019
This is a filthy, filthy story. It's also hilariously outrageous, with no attempt to be believable or serious. Clearly a farce. Lots of OOC behavior.
Don't care. I loved it. Laughed my whole way through it.
Don't care. I loved it. Laughed my whole way through it.
September 30, 2016
So ridiculous, yet so funny :)
*** Warning: ADULT content - for Mature Audiences (over 18) Only ***
*** Warning: ADULT content - for Mature Audiences (over 18) Only ***
July 20, 2021
Hilariously funny MA novella.
Tried to read this in bed but I laughed so hard it woke mr Darcy ;)
Elizabeth gets a call, late at night, from a distressed and not too sober Bingley, begging her to pick them up after a moist evening in town.
Spotting Charles and Richard easily enough, a rescue mission was necessary to haul Darcy to the car. Pronouncing him "30 seconds man" did the trick though and the gaggle of clawing females released him.
Proving to Elizabeth that he infact was the "4 hours man" started a serie of events including a green with envy Charles, Richard and Jane (yes Jane), a literally insane Caroline (the orange horror) and escalated into some arrests... Even the Crawford's got involved. A saucy honeymoon, a picture of Darcy's "downstairs furniture" in a magazine and a bawdy wedding later, I am practically roling on the floor laughing.
I have never laughed so hard at any written story before this. Highly recommended it when you are in need of some cheering up... Hilarious (still laughing)...
Tried to read this in bed but I laughed so hard it woke mr Darcy ;)
Elizabeth gets a call, late at night, from a distressed and not too sober Bingley, begging her to pick them up after a moist evening in town.
Spotting Charles and Richard easily enough, a rescue mission was necessary to haul Darcy to the car. Pronouncing him "30 seconds man" did the trick though and the gaggle of clawing females released him.
Proving to Elizabeth that he infact was the "4 hours man" started a serie of events including a green with envy Charles, Richard and Jane (yes Jane), a literally insane Caroline (the orange horror) and escalated into some arrests... Even the Crawford's got involved. A saucy honeymoon, a picture of Darcy's "downstairs furniture" in a magazine and a bawdy wedding later, I am practically roling on the floor laughing.
I have never laughed so hard at any written story before this. Highly recommended it when you are in need of some cheering up... Hilarious (still laughing)...
May 31, 2019
4.5 Stars
I have never laughed so much. This is just a delightful MA only tale. The brawl outside of Darcy's house is soo funny. The tabloid pictures . . . it's just too much. This is very raunchy so if that's not your thing, then I'd stay away. But if you want to read a short, hilariously impossible story of Darcy and Elizabeth, this is a perfect quick hilarious treat. BRAVO!
I have never laughed so much. This is just a delightful MA only tale. The brawl outside of Darcy's house is soo funny. The tabloid pictures . . . it's just too much. This is very raunchy so if that's not your thing, then I'd stay away. But if you want to read a short, hilariously impossible story of Darcy and Elizabeth, this is a perfect quick hilarious treat. BRAVO!
April 9, 2016
An excellently funny and sexy romp to bring our favorite characters together! Just don't expect the characters to act like canon. For the purposes of the story, they are far from, and in some cases, like Caroline, wildly exaggerated. But the story wouldn't work half as well if they weren't. And this Darcy once again proves "still waters run deep" - very deep!
April 13, 2023
Definitely bawdy and very silly but for me a bit meh.
January 3, 2012
An absolutely hilarious read. Quite a bit of adult fun throughout, and so many laughable moments you'll get a stitch. Loved it.
January 20, 2015
porn, plain and simple.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews