What do you think?
Rate this book
I'll Have It My Way: Taking Control of End of Life Decisions: a Book about Freedom & Peace
Few people choose to contemplate critical illness or the inevitability of death until their time comes. Because possibilities are rarely discussed, many people are unprepared or unable to make critical end-of-life decisions and spend their last days in over-medicalized and unnecessarily painful and protracted situations. Breaking frankly through the taboo of discussing death, Hattie Bryant shows that we have a choice. Inspired by the peaceful death her mother was almost denied, Bryant began gathering information from national experts in palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, bio-ethics, psychology, and spirituality. I’ll Have It My Way credibly and passionately presents the case for personal responsibility in the healthcare, legal, and procedural decisions that all of us must make―if they are not to be made for us. By making our wishes known and communicating them effectively, we remove the burden from our loved ones of making the deeply personal choices that will enable us to live our lives more fully to the end. I’ll Have It My Way provides useful information from experts throughout healthcare, real-life examples that illustrate the consequences of decisions made or not made, and a thought-provoking guide that takes the reader on a journey of discovery to learn what a life well lived means to them. Spoiler we will all die. But if we follow Hattie Bryant’s sound advice, our story can have the ending that we believe is best.
216 pages, Paperback
First published November 30, 2015
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
December 30, 2017
If you have never thought much about dying or the deliberate choices that can be made for end of life, this book could provide a place to start.
Advance care planning, advance directive, physician order for life - sustaining treatment, agent, proxy, durable power of attorney for healthcare, are some of the tools we need to know about prior to coming face to face with dying and death.
However, if you have all your end of life decisions made, with documents in place, there is little need for you to read this book. Still, it is a reminder that we each have a choice as to whether we choose quantity (the number of days), or quality (the stuff of our day). Additionally, Ms. Bryant contends that with the right documents in place we can expect a gentle death experience. I'm guessing many in the healthcare community would not make such a bold prediction.
The glossary provides definitions for healthcare and end of life terms. Ms. Bryant includes a bibliography of sorts which she titles 'Endnotes'. Several graphs and charts are provided. I had difficulty differentiating the color coding, as they are a blue - gray color scale, and some graphs I simply could not understand. Yet, most annoying for me was Ms. Bryant's penchant to habitually overstate and exaggerate, i.e., all, every, none, etc. Call it overgeneralizing or catastrophizing, rather than strengthening her message, the use of absolutes weakened her credibility.
Advance care planning, advance directive, physician order for life - sustaining treatment, agent, proxy, durable power of attorney for healthcare, are some of the tools we need to know about prior to coming face to face with dying and death.
However, if you have all your end of life decisions made, with documents in place, there is little need for you to read this book. Still, it is a reminder that we each have a choice as to whether we choose quantity (the number of days), or quality (the stuff of our day). Additionally, Ms. Bryant contends that with the right documents in place we can expect a gentle death experience. I'm guessing many in the healthcare community would not make such a bold prediction.
The glossary provides definitions for healthcare and end of life terms. Ms. Bryant includes a bibliography of sorts which she titles 'Endnotes'. Several graphs and charts are provided. I had difficulty differentiating the color coding, as they are a blue - gray color scale, and some graphs I simply could not understand. Yet, most annoying for me was Ms. Bryant's penchant to habitually overstate and exaggerate, i.e., all, every, none, etc. Call it overgeneralizing or catastrophizing, rather than strengthening her message, the use of absolutes weakened her credibility.
September 2, 2018
Most fast food places will allow you to have it your way. Our youngest daughter always asks for her burger without a bun. She gets it the way she wants it.
In the book I'll Have It My Way: Taking Control of End of Life Decisions: a Book about Freedom & Peace by Hattie Bryant, our author tells us that the law says we can have our medical treatment our way, as well.
If we are diagnosed with a terminal illness, there is no law that requires us to accept any treatment at all. But, what if we are unable to speak for ourselves at that time? What happens then?
We are often sent books on the end of life. Some are on how our loved ones can adapt their homes to better care for us. Some have been about how healthcare workers can be better able to take care of the terminally ill person’s needs.
This book tells us about the many things we need to think about now, while we can speak for ourselves, and how to choose a person to stand up for us when the time comes. No one wants to think about death and dying. It is, however, a fact of life.
I'll Have It My Way is very well-written and thought-provoking. We give it all five stars. We could choose to bury our heads in the sand, or we could be proactive about our deaths. This book can help.
We were sent a complimentary copy of this book. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.
We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
In the book I'll Have It My Way: Taking Control of End of Life Decisions: a Book about Freedom & Peace by Hattie Bryant, our author tells us that the law says we can have our medical treatment our way, as well.
If we are diagnosed with a terminal illness, there is no law that requires us to accept any treatment at all. But, what if we are unable to speak for ourselves at that time? What happens then?
We are often sent books on the end of life. Some are on how our loved ones can adapt their homes to better care for us. Some have been about how healthcare workers can be better able to take care of the terminally ill person’s needs.
This book tells us about the many things we need to think about now, while we can speak for ourselves, and how to choose a person to stand up for us when the time comes. No one wants to think about death and dying. It is, however, a fact of life.
I'll Have It My Way is very well-written and thought-provoking. We give it all five stars. We could choose to bury our heads in the sand, or we could be proactive about our deaths. This book can help.
We were sent a complimentary copy of this book. We are under no obligation to write any review, positive or negative.
We are disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
December 23, 2023
Preparing for the last chapter of our lives is vital no matter what our age is. The truth is we never know when the end might come.
This is a brief but excellent look at the many things to consider when we are nearing the end of life. What can be and should be prepare ahead of time? Who should know our wishes?
This is excellent material including how to speak with doctors, nurses and other care providers that we have the opportunity to interact with is an important plan to have. Especially if you are not wanting to have extraordinary attempts to save your live.
Looking at the many challenges and decision that may have to be made in those last months or days it is helpful to have a well thought out plan. Communicating that plan and naming a proxy to make sure your wishes are carried out is essential.
This is a brief but excellent look at the many things to consider when we are nearing the end of life. What can be and should be prepare ahead of time? Who should know our wishes?
This is excellent material including how to speak with doctors, nurses and other care providers that we have the opportunity to interact with is an important plan to have. Especially if you are not wanting to have extraordinary attempts to save your live.
Looking at the many challenges and decision that may have to be made in those last months or days it is helpful to have a well thought out plan. Communicating that plan and naming a proxy to make sure your wishes are carried out is essential.
October 25, 2018
A must for everyone, 75% of the population have not prepared important legal papers for End of Life or being incapable of making decisions for themselves. Give those who love you the GREATEST Gift in their hour of grieve. Be Prepared.
February 2, 2016
Funny that Goodreads lets me review my own book. I won't review myself. I'll give you what the experts in the field have said.
"Hattie Bryant has written and important has written an important and timely book that approaches a difficult topic with sensitivity born out of her own experience. This isn't just a book to read but one to use to guide discussion and planning. Everyone with an interest in living life to the fullest should read and use this book."
Joseph J. Gallo, MD, MPH, Professor, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health
"Hattie Bryant has written and important has written an important and timely book that approaches a difficult topic with sensitivity born out of her own experience. This isn't just a book to read but one to use to guide discussion and planning. Everyone with an interest in living life to the fullest should read and use this book."
Joseph J. Gallo, MD, MPH, Professor, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health
"We live in a death-denying society. No one wants to talk or think about, and certainly not make plans for it. So it makes sense that when it is our turn to die (and we all have an appointment), we are many times not prepared. Hattie Bryant candidly and compellingly confronts this issue in I’ll Have it My Way. While it is vital for people to think about and make plans for what they want before they have been diagnosed with a serious, possibly life-threatening illness, human nature all too often works against our better self. The trend of adult children also caring for aging parents compounds the issue, but Hattie provides a powerful and encouraging companion guide for decision-making that will equip the reader with both a sense of freedom and great peace, too.
Pam Malloy, RN, MN, FPCN Director and Co-Investigator of the ELNEC Project
American Association of Colleges of Nursing (AACN)
"Finding a way to motivate people like us to think about the choices and decisions that need to be made when we are confronted with a serious life-threatening illness has always been difficult, because it raises the possibility or even probability of dying and death. We would prefer not to think about it, much less talk about it with family, friends, and our physicians. This is painful, emotional stuff.
"Knowledge is power. Knowing the flaws and gaps in care that currently exist in modern medical care for the chronically ill, the fragile elderly, and those with incurable disease helps us develop a plan to have a voice in the care we receive in the future, when it’s our turn. It is important to make a plan now, before we get too ill to make good decisions.
"Hattie Bryant, determined to help others avoid the difficulties she and her mother endured as her mother died, has used her communication and organization skills to provide the steps to guide you in this process. An experienced educator, she has had the advice and counsel of many national experts in palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, bioethics, psychology, and spirituality in writing this book for you. Have it your way."
John P. (Jack) Mc Nulty, MD, FACP, FAAHPM
"For thirty years I've worked in a hospital setting, including the first twenty as a social worker in ICU. In that time, I've counseled hundreds of patients and their families as they struggled with decisions concerning their loved one's serious illness or end-of-life care without the benefit of previous planning and communication. Hattie Bryant's own experience as an advocate for her dying mother affords her the opportunity to credibly and passionately present the case for personal responsibility in the healthcare and end-of-life decisions that await us all. Using the valuable thought processes and exercises in this book to guide our personal plans, we can remove the burden of difficult decision-making from our loved ones and focus instead on living our lives fully to the end."
Elizabeth Chaitin, DHCE, MA, MSW
Director of Quality and Ethics,
University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Palliative and Supportive Institute
"In our fast moving culture, people want control over everything. Yet, the one thing people decline to take control of is their death. We have a society that refuses to admit it is the one thing we all have in common. Therefore empowering people in the process is critical. I’ll Have It My Way is a tool to guide people to considering one’s values, priorities, and preferences for life and death. With the input of experts from all disciplines and specialties, the book reflects the most current literature. Written in a familiar tone, it is as if Hattie is sitting beside the reader and her voice offers support and encouragement. The result is an advance care plan that includes a designation of a trusted person to speak for someone when they can't, instructions for the type of care a person wants, and a description of what is important. And when someone dies, their friends and family will be able to say it was done their way."
Constance Dahlin, ANP-BC, ACHPN, FPCN, FAAN
Faculty, Harvard Medical School Center for Palliative Care
"Hattie Bryant has written and important has written an important and timely book that approaches a difficult topic with sensitivity born out of her own experience. This isn't just a book to read but one to use to guide discussion and planning. Everyone with an interest in living life to the fullest should read and use this book."
Joseph J. Gallo, MD, MPH, Professor, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health
"Hattie Bryant has written and important has written an important and timely book that approaches a difficult topic with sensitivity born out of her own experience. This isn't just a book to read but one to use to guide discussion and planning. Everyone with an interest in living life to the fullest should read and use this book."
Joseph J. Gallo, MD, MPH, Professor, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health
"We live in a death-denying society. No one wants to talk or think about, and certainly not make plans for it. So it makes sense that when it is our turn to die (and we all have an appointment), we are many times not prepared. Hattie Bryant candidly and compellingly confronts this issue in I’ll Have it My Way. While it is vital for people to think about and make plans for what they want before they have been diagnosed with a serious, possibly life-threatening illness, human nature all too often works against our better self. The trend of adult children also caring for aging parents compounds the issue, but Hattie provides a powerful and encouraging companion guide for decision-making that will equip the reader with both a sense of freedom and great peace, too.
Pam Malloy, RN, MN, FPCN Director and Co-Investigator of the ELNEC Project
American Association of Colleges of Nursing (AACN)
"Finding a way to motivate people like us to think about the choices and decisions that need to be made when we are confronted with a serious life-threatening illness has always been difficult, because it raises the possibility or even probability of dying and death. We would prefer not to think about it, much less talk about it with family, friends, and our physicians. This is painful, emotional stuff.
"Knowledge is power. Knowing the flaws and gaps in care that currently exist in modern medical care for the chronically ill, the fragile elderly, and those with incurable disease helps us develop a plan to have a voice in the care we receive in the future, when it’s our turn. It is important to make a plan now, before we get too ill to make good decisions.
"Hattie Bryant, determined to help others avoid the difficulties she and her mother endured as her mother died, has used her communication and organization skills to provide the steps to guide you in this process. An experienced educator, she has had the advice and counsel of many national experts in palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, bioethics, psychology, and spirituality in writing this book for you. Have it your way."
John P. (Jack) Mc Nulty, MD, FACP, FAAHPM
"For thirty years I've worked in a hospital setting, including the first twenty as a social worker in ICU. In that time, I've counseled hundreds of patients and their families as they struggled with decisions concerning their loved one's serious illness or end-of-life care without the benefit of previous planning and communication. Hattie Bryant's own experience as an advocate for her dying mother affords her the opportunity to credibly and passionately present the case for personal responsibility in the healthcare and end-of-life decisions that await us all. Using the valuable thought processes and exercises in this book to guide our personal plans, we can remove the burden of difficult decision-making from our loved ones and focus instead on living our lives fully to the end."
Elizabeth Chaitin, DHCE, MA, MSW
Director of Quality and Ethics,
University of Pittsburgh Medical Center Palliative and Supportive Institute
"In our fast moving culture, people want control over everything. Yet, the one thing people decline to take control of is their death. We have a society that refuses to admit it is the one thing we all have in common. Therefore empowering people in the process is critical. I’ll Have It My Way is a tool to guide people to considering one’s values, priorities, and preferences for life and death. With the input of experts from all disciplines and specialties, the book reflects the most current literature. Written in a familiar tone, it is as if Hattie is sitting beside the reader and her voice offers support and encouragement. The result is an advance care plan that includes a designation of a trusted person to speak for someone when they can't, instructions for the type of care a person wants, and a description of what is important. And when someone dies, their friends and family will be able to say it was done their way."
Constance Dahlin, ANP-BC, ACHPN, FPCN, FAAN
Faculty, Harvard Medical School Center for Palliative Care
May 13, 2019
This is a must read and must take action no matter how old you are. You will die and if you want it done how you want and not be a burden to your family take action.
February 3, 2016
As a child I remember hearing another Hattie say, “I don’t have to do anything but die.” That Hattie was my grandmother who left this world in 1954. This Hattie, my friend Hattie Bryant sent me an advanced copy of her latest book to read. “I’ll Have It My Way” is more than a book. It’s a wonderful guide to sparing all of us from a world of hurt in our final days on earth.
Perhaps I’m being presumptuous, but I believe that most of us really don’t fear death. What we really fear is the pain and suffering involved in getting there. Clearly, we all want to live as long and well as we possibly can, but there comes a time when going on simply isn’t worth it. That time will come for all.
The good news is that a painless exit from this life is not only possible but also readily attainable. What it requires is taking the time to plan for it and make our wishes known to doctors, family and friends if we are not able to speak for ourselves. And that’s what "I’ll Have It My Way" teaches us how to do in a rational, clear and well thought out manner. In one sense, the book is a guide to a special form of preventive medicine - the kind that prevents modern medicine from making our final chapter on earth one filled with pain, suffering and indignity.
Modern medicine is fantastic. In 1900, life expectancy for Americans was 45 for men and 47 for women. Life expectancy today is at least 30 years more. Yet, modern medicine like any other great innovation can be carried to a fault. All to often it’s used to keep people alive and in a condition that they don’t want to be in when there is no hope for recovery.
If you don’t want to find yourself in that condition some day, read and follow the advice in "I’ll Have It My Way." Hattie Bryant did extensive research to make this book a gem. She interviewed numerous specialists from the medical community, Hospice and others who provide palliative care. Her list of footnotes is more extensive than most doctoral dissertations. She did it her way, and I’m very grateful she did.
Perhaps I’m being presumptuous, but I believe that most of us really don’t fear death. What we really fear is the pain and suffering involved in getting there. Clearly, we all want to live as long and well as we possibly can, but there comes a time when going on simply isn’t worth it. That time will come for all.
The good news is that a painless exit from this life is not only possible but also readily attainable. What it requires is taking the time to plan for it and make our wishes known to doctors, family and friends if we are not able to speak for ourselves. And that’s what "I’ll Have It My Way" teaches us how to do in a rational, clear and well thought out manner. In one sense, the book is a guide to a special form of preventive medicine - the kind that prevents modern medicine from making our final chapter on earth one filled with pain, suffering and indignity.
Modern medicine is fantastic. In 1900, life expectancy for Americans was 45 for men and 47 for women. Life expectancy today is at least 30 years more. Yet, modern medicine like any other great innovation can be carried to a fault. All to often it’s used to keep people alive and in a condition that they don’t want to be in when there is no hope for recovery.
If you don’t want to find yourself in that condition some day, read and follow the advice in "I’ll Have It My Way." Hattie Bryant did extensive research to make this book a gem. She interviewed numerous specialists from the medical community, Hospice and others who provide palliative care. Her list of footnotes is more extensive than most doctoral dissertations. She did it her way, and I’m very grateful she did.
February 2, 2016
"I'll Have It My Way: Taking Control of End of Life Decisions" is a life saver.
This book is also a kick in the butt with facts, figures and case studies that'll make you laugh and cry, then it shakes you awake-awake. We are all living in such deep denial. We really need to wake up.
This book has been touted as "the last self-help book you'll need" and that's true. I completed the POLST* (it works; living wills do not) I have chosen my proxy and now I am going about living the rest of my life with a real sense of freedom and peace of mind.
Nobody wants to talk about "Death and Dying." The professionals even avoid it. This book turns that around.
Nobody has said, "You better take charge now or you'll end up in the ICU with tubes running everywhere until you loose your decisional capacity." This book not only says it, it teaches us all how to avoid it.
It is a must read if you truly want to take charge of your life.
*Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment
This book is also a kick in the butt with facts, figures and case studies that'll make you laugh and cry, then it shakes you awake-awake. We are all living in such deep denial. We really need to wake up.
This book has been touted as "the last self-help book you'll need" and that's true. I completed the POLST* (it works; living wills do not) I have chosen my proxy and now I am going about living the rest of my life with a real sense of freedom and peace of mind.
Nobody wants to talk about "Death and Dying." The professionals even avoid it. This book turns that around.
Nobody has said, "You better take charge now or you'll end up in the ICU with tubes running everywhere until you loose your decisional capacity." This book not only says it, it teaches us all how to avoid it.
It is a must read if you truly want to take charge of your life.
*Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment
February 10, 2016
I didn't know what I didn't know about what lies ahead if I become chronically or terminally ill--until I read I'll Have It My Way. For such a grave topic, the book is an easy read, humorous at times but ultimately deadly serious as the author leads us to understand that the choices we face as we age and/or become ill must be addressed now while we are healthy. I found the workbook at the back to be particularly helpful. The questions are thought-provoking but non-threatening, and my answers at times surprised even me. I look forward to sharing my wishes with my proxy, family and friends so that I can rest easy and live fully to the end.
February 4, 2016
Before reading this book my husband and I both had an Advanced Directive which I thought was all I needed
to ensure that our wishes are respected when we do become frail or seriously ill. Now I know that these
forms created by attorneys are not the solution. I learned that naming the right person for my proxy is the
key to me having what I want as my life unfolds at the end. The book made me think, caused me to change
what I had already put in place and it gave me a sense of peace. For sure my sons will not have to stress over
what to do! Also, the book was not heavy but a light easy read even if about a topic that might scare
some people. Read it to find out for yourself.
to ensure that our wishes are respected when we do become frail or seriously ill. Now I know that these
forms created by attorneys are not the solution. I learned that naming the right person for my proxy is the
key to me having what I want as my life unfolds at the end. The book made me think, caused me to change
what I had already put in place and it gave me a sense of peace. For sure my sons will not have to stress over
what to do! Also, the book was not heavy but a light easy read even if about a topic that might scare
some people. Read it to find out for yourself.
February 2, 2016
This book is very necessary for anyone who is going to die. As for me, I'm happy I have it now before it's too late for me as I passed my 83rd birthday already. I spent much of my life writing marketing materials and travel books so I am not easy to please. I enjoy reading and especially if both funny and informative which this is. As a writer I know how hard this is to accomplish and should be impossible when writing about how to get a good death. Hattie has done it. Stop what you're doing now and get this book.
February 5, 2016
I can hardly wait to get this book in the hands of all of those in my age group that I care about!! This author has taken a tough task and made it palatable. She guides you through the process with knowledge and comfort and in the end you feel strong and confident and at peace. Thank you, Hattie, for giving us a beautiful guide to peace and freedom....
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews