Recovering from the Loss of a Sibling

by Katherine Fair Donnelly

An extremely well-written, compassionate guide for the millions of people who come face to face with a death in their own families

When a brother or sister dies, surviving siblings often receive little support or recognition of their pain. But their grief is real, and there is a way to recover from it. Through intimate, true stories and interviews with brothers and sisters who have lost a sibling, expert-on-grief Katherine Fair Donnelly provides valuable insight on how to survive this traumatic experience. Recovering from the Loss of a Sibling is the first guide dedicated to those who have lost a brother or sister, and presents practical ways they can take the necessary steps toward recovering from their devastating loss.

301 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 28, 1988

About the author

Katherine Donnelly was an alumni of Southern Methodist University where she majored in journalism. Author of over nine books published in various languages from "Recovery from the Loss of a Child" to "Is Your Child Psychic?: A Guide to Developing Your Child's Innate Abilities", Katy also co-wrote a "Recovering" column which was syndicated alongside Dear Abbey and Ann Landers in publications such as the Dallas Morning News for over seven years. She appeared on the Today Show, Sally Jessy Raphael show, and Canada AM, as well as lectured at numerous colleges. People Magazine featured her in an article about the grief work she did, and she appeared on the front page of the Wall Street Journal in 2000.

Reviews

[Jenn Oglesbee]

This book was just okay for me. I skimmed many parts of it. It speaks to the loss of a sibling both as a child and as an adult - those are such different experiences, and thus as a reader I found myself skipping many sections that felt irrelevant. Additionally, while I appreciate and value hearing about others’ experiences of sibling loss, this often reads as story after story without much reflection, insight, or perspective from the author which can start to feel draining. If you are looking for a book about the loss of an adult sibling, I would recommend T.J. Wray’s Surviving the Death of a Sibling instead - it was much more helpful for me.

[Reed · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having just lost my older brother three months ago, this book is very helpful in understanding that the pain and misery I am feeling now will not continue forever so long as I seek out ways to cope with my grief. I have learned from the many accounts of surviving siblings that meeting your heartbreak head on is much better than suppressing that hopeless feeling because it just leads to more heartache down the road. I miss my brother, Charlie, like crazy and some days I wonder if I can become dehydrated from all the crying that I do for him but reading these stories gives me hope that eventually I will feel somewhat normal in the future.

I really think this is a very beneficial tool to my healing but I didn't like the flow of the book itself. The reason being, I could not just sit down and read chapter after chapter because it is way too much emotion to take in all at once. Not only can I relate to many of these families, their raw pain just brings everything up to the surface and I find myself a blubbering mess of empathy. So I had to put the book down many times therefore I lost track of who was who and which story correlated to which lost sibling. The narrative then becomes lacking at some points and the direction feels off.

But I am thankful for Donnelly for taking the time to compile these stories of loss and survival, it really opened my eyes to what else I could be doing to help ease the hurt. I know it will never be the same again but time will heal this agony we are currently living and we must keep his memory alive in our hearts and minds by speaking his name and sharing his life with others.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most helpful thing about this book was that it helped me recognize and articulate the big feelings I was having about the very recent and unexpected loss of my sister. I do want to note that the content is about people losing a sibling both as children and as adults-- experiences that are each nuanced, and devastating, but that come with different degrees of emotional impact, as far as I can tell. You can do with that information what you will.

My biggest qualm with this book is that the author/editor of the collected experiences and interviews in this book is rather squeamish about certain things like live-in boyfriends/girlfriends, drug use and addiction, and homosexuality. She tip-toes with her language around these things the way my 85-year-old English nana does. A bit off-putting for this reader, and not *just* because my sister died of an overdose.

I also want to note that while the book does not "sell" itself as being a spiritual or religous guide to dealing with the loss of a sibling, the author/editor does mention Heaven and God as if she's assuming her audience is made up of practicing Christians. I would like to have known this before reading, but I was able to skim through the religious content without being very bothered. Again, do with this information what you will.

Overall, I read this at a time where I was grasping for anything to help orient my feelings, and it did that adequately.

[Lauren Bull]

While I would not suggest this book to any fellow bereaved siblings, thankfully it did not cause more harm than good. My biggest grievance (get it?) with this book is the title. My brother’s passing is something that I can never and will never “recover” from. I will learn to adjust to life without him, but I will never “recover.” One would think that someone who is knowledgeable enough about grief and sibling loss to write a book about it would be aware that the death of a sibling is not a situation that gets “better” for the surviving brother(s) and/or sister(s), that “recovering” is an inappropriate word here, but alas! Any port in a storm.