Title: Not Enough
Author: Nikole Bloom
Genre: Romance
Rating: 1 star
Not Enough tells the story of a young woman meeting the perfect man. Kind, generous, with perfectly sculpted muscles, Austin Black could have been the subject of an interesting story. Instead, Not Enough is marred by the highest frequency of basic technical writing errors I have found in any self-published novel. Errors in grammar, usage, verb tense, syntax, and punctuation occur on every page, and usually several times on a single page. Worse, the novel contains stilted language, single-dimensional characters, and worn storytelling tropes. I do not recommend this novel.
Not Enough is the kind of novel I dismissed without comment when I was reviewing for a major review site. Poorly written, it simply isn't worth any reader's time. I hate to be so blunt. But examples drawn from the novel itself will indicate the extent of the problem.
Some errors were so obvious I will attribute them to complete lack of editing. Early on, for instance, we find person and number mismatch between verb and pronoun: "With a nod of his head, he agrees and slowly makes our way through the house." (Location 108) A few pages later we have this one, probably a proofreading error: "I know it boasts and impressive five bedrooms." (Location 177)
But some errors were just plain confusing. Here's one that took me several readings and more than a few seconds to figure out: "Dang it Boss, you no better than that, bad dog." (Location 197) At first I thought maybe it was some variant of Ebonics, perhaps translated to something like 'Dang it, Boss, you're no better than that.' But that didn't make as much sense as 'Dang it, Boss, you KNOW better than that,' and this was the translation I went with as I continued reading. Here is the way I might render the statement: "Dang it, Boss, you know better than that. Bad dog." I inserted the vocative comma before Boss since the speaker is addressing Boss directly, and I made 'Bad dog' a separate sentence, which seems to fit better than including it as a clause in the first sentence.
Unrelated sentences were confused with speech tags. For example: "Well that makes sense, 'Thank you that was very thoughtful.'" In this example, 'Well that makes sense' was probably intended as an internal thought of the speaker, but the statement seemed to be used as a speech marker ('she said', 'he yelled', 'the woman sang', etc.), but 'Well that makes sense' does not describe an action related to speech, is not a speech marker, and therefore cannot be part of the sentence. Also, 'Thank you' and 'that was very thoughtful' are really two separate ideas. Here is one way of rendering the three statements: "Well that makes sense, she thought to herself. 'Thank you. That was very thoughtful.'"
Not Enough was rendered mostly in present tense, which is usually a difficult tense for readers. I have to say I found this aspect of the novel easy to deal with, but I also found relatively frequent verb tense errors, unfortunately common in unedited present-tense novels. Here's an example from near the end of the book: "I am so relieved that J will be here soon I almost forgot to thank Gabe." An argument might be made for retaining the second verb (forgot) in simple past, but context, continuity, and reader understanding almost require present tense: "I'm so relieved J will be here soon I almost forget to thank Gabe."
Commas appeared where they had no business, and disappeared when they became crucial to understanding. Here are two cases of erroneously inserted commas: "So here, I am at 6 a.m. dropping him off." (Location 2328) "If they only knew how much trouble, J and Bode can be." (Location 1711)
One chapter began with this confusing statement containing misplaced commas: "The charity event, Austin and I are attending tonight, will be a test." (Location 455) Just two paragraphs later, though, a comma goes missing, making the sentence almost impossible to understand: "I walk into Fique's a high-end clothing store to pick up my dress for tonight and the only person in fashion I can tolerate, Gabe, greets me." (Location 460)
Word usage was often incorrect. For instance, after a long speech in which the main character provided a passionate laundry list of her family's failings, the character noted "Shock fills the air around us after my omission." (Location 1140) Well, after the very long of sins, I wasn't aware of any particular omission. It struck me that the word 'omission' was out of place. Probably the intention was to use the verb 'admission' or 'confession', as in 'admission of sins', or 'confession of failings'. The word 'omission' simply didn't work in context.
Dialog was unnaturally stilted. I don't think I read a single instance of a character saying anything like 'I'm going home.' Such statements in dialog were invariably rendered without contraction: "I am going home." Even when characters were distraught, when fast action was required, uncontracted statements remained: "She is unconscious for God's sake." (Location 1145)
I received a free copy of Not Enough in exchange for an honest review.
1 star.