What do you think?
Rate this book
Losing and Finding My Father: Seasons of Grief, Healing and Forgiveness
Losing and Finding My Father is an adult daughter's journey of discovery sparked by the illness, coma, and subsequent death of her father. Having struggled for years to come to terms with a childhood marked by his invalidation and abuse, she attends to her ailing father, converses with him even during his coma, and uncovers the love hidden deep within their painful relationship. It is a story of loss--loss of childhood trust, loss of self-esteem and desire for intimacy, loss of the father. Ultimately, it is a story of revelation--about finding one's voice, softening emotional armor, forgiving the past, creating pathways to intimacy, and revising one's life story.
"If you've experienced the loss of a loved one who was a source of pain and challenges throughout your life, reach for Kira Freed's book Losing and Finding My Father. Her poignant stories, processing tools, and personal healing will give you hope, guidance, and a way forward--through and beyond your own grief."
--Carol McClelland, PhD, author of The Seasons of Change: Using Nature’s Wisdom to Grow Through Life’s Inevitable Ups and Downs
"Losing and Finding My Father is Kira Freed's personal story, and this story is a teaching tale. In it, Kira shares her journey of resolving the effects of living with an abusive father whom she also loved deeply. Throughout, we are invited to share in the complex legacy of trauma intertwined with the healing opportunities that Kira courageously engaged. She also includes an appendix filled with a variety of approaches she used to support her healing--powerful resources and practices for anyone taking this journey."
--Nancy J. Napier, LMFT, author of Getting Through the Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children
"Kira has written a poignant and intimate account of her father’s dying and of her grief. In clear language she shares with us the struggles, pain, healings and even transformation that so many of us have experienced with the death of a parent. Reading her book will both comfort and inspire you."
--Alexandra Kennedy, psychotherapist and author of Losing a Parent and The Infinite Thread
"If you've experienced the loss of a loved one who was a source of pain and challenges throughout your life, reach for Kira Freed's book Losing and Finding My Father. Her poignant stories, processing tools, and personal healing will give you hope, guidance, and a way forward--through and beyond your own grief."
--Carol McClelland, PhD, author of The Seasons of Change: Using Nature’s Wisdom to Grow Through Life’s Inevitable Ups and Downs
"Losing and Finding My Father is Kira Freed's personal story, and this story is a teaching tale. In it, Kira shares her journey of resolving the effects of living with an abusive father whom she also loved deeply. Throughout, we are invited to share in the complex legacy of trauma intertwined with the healing opportunities that Kira courageously engaged. She also includes an appendix filled with a variety of approaches she used to support her healing--powerful resources and practices for anyone taking this journey."
--Nancy J. Napier, LMFT, author of Getting Through the Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children
"Kira has written a poignant and intimate account of her father’s dying and of her grief. In clear language she shares with us the struggles, pain, healings and even transformation that so many of us have experienced with the death of a parent. Reading her book will both comfort and inspire you."
--Alexandra Kennedy, psychotherapist and author of Losing a Parent and The Infinite Thread
275 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2015
31 people want to read
About the author
Kira Freed
52 books5 followersKira Freed, MA, LPC, BCC, is a licensed mental health counselor, certified life and wellness coach, and freelance writer who holds two master's degrees, one in integral counseling psychology from California Institute of Integral Studies and the other in anthropology from the University of Colorado-Boulder. She also holds a certificate in nonfiction writing from the University of Washington-Seattle and has completed Levels 1-3 professional trainings in the Internal Family Systems Model.
In addition to doing therapy with individuals and couples, Kira has cofacilitated women's self-discovery groups that combine expressive arts, journaling, and guided imagery. Her current human development work is a blend of life and wellness coaching with the Internal Family Systems Model.
Kira has written more than 300 books for educational publishers, including Learning A-Z, Benchmark Education, Wright Group/McGraw-Hill, Rosen Publishing, and Zaner-Bloser. The books, written at graduated levels of complexity, are used to teach elementary schoolchildren to read while introducing them to high-interest content. Topics range from nonfiction subjects such as history, biography, and life science to a fictionalized third-grade adaptation of her memoir, Losing and Finding My Father, called Losing Grandpa.
Kira lives in Tucson, Arizona, with her husband, Charlie Alolkoy, an artist and nature photographer.
She can be reached at:
http://www.losingandfindingmyfather.com
http://www.kirafreedcoaching.com
http://www.kirafreed.com
In addition to doing therapy with individuals and couples, Kira has cofacilitated women's self-discovery groups that combine expressive arts, journaling, and guided imagery. Her current human development work is a blend of life and wellness coaching with the Internal Family Systems Model.
Kira has written more than 300 books for educational publishers, including Learning A-Z, Benchmark Education, Wright Group/McGraw-Hill, Rosen Publishing, and Zaner-Bloser. The books, written at graduated levels of complexity, are used to teach elementary schoolchildren to read while introducing them to high-interest content. Topics range from nonfiction subjects such as history, biography, and life science to a fictionalized third-grade adaptation of her memoir, Losing and Finding My Father, called Losing Grandpa.
Kira lives in Tucson, Arizona, with her husband, Charlie Alolkoy, an artist and nature photographer.
She can be reached at:
http://www.losingandfindingmyfather.com
http://www.kirafreedcoaching.com
http://www.kirafreed.com
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
August 17, 2018
The author writes her personal journey towards healing and loving her father. Coming to a place of peace and self love. She does not claim this as a guide for others. From her experience I have found my first step toward my own healing. I learned I don’t have to “get over it” I need to look at what is hurting and find healing. She also taught what that healing looks like.
September 1, 2015
Engaging, poignant story of healing around an abusive father
Kira Freed’s Losing and Finding My Father is a beautifully written gem of a book, especially for those seeking to work with ambivalent feelings toward a parent, particularly an abusive parent. It is a deep exploration of Kira’s reactions to her father’s life and death. Kira asked if I would review her book, and after receiving a free review copy, I dove in. I chose to read this book slowly, for it both opens a window into Kira’s process and invites the reader’s self exploration. I wanted to give space to Kira’s insightful exploration of her complicated relationship with her father and also allow room for my own reactions.
Kira brings the reader through her process of healing her feelings toward her father. I found Kira’s description of her path engaging, and I increasingly appreciated the complexity of her healing journey. Although Kira’s relationship with her father is central to her book, she also explores the impact of childhood trauma on her struggle to find meaningful adult relationships.
Kira presents in detail the therapeutic approaches she utilized on her path. She describes different approaches in enough detail that others might examine their reactions to her journey and cull out therapeutic paths with potential in their own healing. In the appendix to her book, Kira lists specific references for the multiple aspects of her healing, giving readers resources for their personal journeys.
As I am a therapist, I am delighted to recommend Kira’s book as a resource for those with complex relationships with and feelings toward an abusive parent. I would hope readers could feel validated in their struggle to manage wide ranging feelings toward that parent; a parent they may both long for and admire and at the same time detest or fear. I hold hope others will be inspired that they, too, and find a meaningful, connected life.
Kira Freed’s Losing and Finding My Father is a beautifully written gem of a book, especially for those seeking to work with ambivalent feelings toward a parent, particularly an abusive parent. It is a deep exploration of Kira’s reactions to her father’s life and death. Kira asked if I would review her book, and after receiving a free review copy, I dove in. I chose to read this book slowly, for it both opens a window into Kira’s process and invites the reader’s self exploration. I wanted to give space to Kira’s insightful exploration of her complicated relationship with her father and also allow room for my own reactions.
Kira brings the reader through her process of healing her feelings toward her father. I found Kira’s description of her path engaging, and I increasingly appreciated the complexity of her healing journey. Although Kira’s relationship with her father is central to her book, she also explores the impact of childhood trauma on her struggle to find meaningful adult relationships.
Kira presents in detail the therapeutic approaches she utilized on her path. She describes different approaches in enough detail that others might examine their reactions to her journey and cull out therapeutic paths with potential in their own healing. In the appendix to her book, Kira lists specific references for the multiple aspects of her healing, giving readers resources for their personal journeys.
As I am a therapist, I am delighted to recommend Kira’s book as a resource for those with complex relationships with and feelings toward an abusive parent. I would hope readers could feel validated in their struggle to manage wide ranging feelings toward that parent; a parent they may both long for and admire and at the same time detest or fear. I hold hope others will be inspired that they, too, and find a meaningful, connected life.
September 1, 2015
Kira gave me a copy of this book as a gift; honestly, I felt somewhat obliged to read it at first rather than gifted. But that changed within a few pages.
Why? Because this story could have so been written from a "victim" perspective. But it's not a grievance story at all. Every place where Kira could have complained about a challenge, she reveals blessings rather than burdens. And does so in a visceral, grounded way.
So as a reader with a sometimes difficult relationship with my own deceased father, I found myself not only lovingly carried along in the flow of Kira's journey, but also healed. I could see my father in a new way, with a more generous perspective...and that shift has been maintained, actually, a month after finishing Kira's work. Last week, for example, on an air flight I could connect with my own Dad's love of flying in a way I probably wouldn't have before the book--just feeling close to him as the plane rose into the air, and recalling times when he'd taken me flying with an unambiguous sense of love and gratitude.
It helps, of course, that Kira's a gifted writer. She connects words in a way that's engaging, clear, and well-paced. Her story was a page-turner...I wanted to see what the next page would bring almost all the way through it. Except, of course, I didn't quite want it to end, either!
As an added bonus, Kira describes some of the tools that helped her heal in detail, so you can apply some of the practices yourself. (I'm going to recommend the book to a few clients just for the appendix, I think.)
Why? Because this story could have so been written from a "victim" perspective. But it's not a grievance story at all. Every place where Kira could have complained about a challenge, she reveals blessings rather than burdens. And does so in a visceral, grounded way.
So as a reader with a sometimes difficult relationship with my own deceased father, I found myself not only lovingly carried along in the flow of Kira's journey, but also healed. I could see my father in a new way, with a more generous perspective...and that shift has been maintained, actually, a month after finishing Kira's work. Last week, for example, on an air flight I could connect with my own Dad's love of flying in a way I probably wouldn't have before the book--just feeling close to him as the plane rose into the air, and recalling times when he'd taken me flying with an unambiguous sense of love and gratitude.
It helps, of course, that Kira's a gifted writer. She connects words in a way that's engaging, clear, and well-paced. Her story was a page-turner...I wanted to see what the next page would bring almost all the way through it. Except, of course, I didn't quite want it to end, either!
As an added bonus, Kira describes some of the tools that helped her heal in detail, so you can apply some of the practices yourself. (I'm going to recommend the book to a few clients just for the appendix, I think.)
Read
August 29, 2015The Adverse Childhood Experiences study showed a connection between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker working with young children in abusive situations, I was very excited to receive a review copy of Ms. Freed’s book Losing and Finding My Father. Ms. Freed offers an insightful and honest look into the life of a child/woman seeking a meaningful relationship with her father. The book shows readers a complex relationship, through her eyes, of a father who was superman, emotional abuser, authoritarian, funny and talented, and who finally became dependent on his daughter’s caregiving. Losing and Finding My Father is an excellent example of how the intergenerational cycle of child maltreatment influences adult relationships. I enjoyed the book and recommend it not only for readers' personal benefit but also as a resource for anyone working in the social work field.
Donna Jean Callis, LCSW, Registered Play Therapist, Certified Trauma Specialist
Donna Jean Callis, LCSW, Registered Play Therapist, Certified Trauma Specialist
August 23, 2015
Losing & Finding My Father provides a thorough exploration of the multifaceted and nuanced relationship between Kira her father. Kira reminds us in her very personal reflections that the journey of healing allows us the possibility to heal the losses and traumas encountered early in our lives in addition to the losses from death.
As a grief therapist and someone who has experienced personal loss recently, this book spoke deeply to the journey. Kira’s story offers a view of the emotional landscape we encounter in the months and years following the loss of a loved one.
Kira courageously takes us to very painful and despairing periods in her life but ultimately offers the reader the blessings, hope and promise of healing and finding one’s self!
I am grateful to this author for the opportunity to read a free copy of this book. Readers will also benefit from the detailed tools for healing and recommended resources the author has included at the end of the book.
As a grief therapist and someone who has experienced personal loss recently, this book spoke deeply to the journey. Kira’s story offers a view of the emotional landscape we encounter in the months and years following the loss of a loved one.
Kira courageously takes us to very painful and despairing periods in her life but ultimately offers the reader the blessings, hope and promise of healing and finding one’s self!
I am grateful to this author for the opportunity to read a free copy of this book. Readers will also benefit from the detailed tools for healing and recommended resources the author has included at the end of the book.
October 11, 2015
Kira Freed’s deeply evocative memoir, Losing and Finding My Father begins with “My father and I were not good friends.” Ensuing chapters take the reader on a fascinating journey as Kira describes with penetrating honesty her process of unraveling his powerful influence on her psyche. She takes the occasion of his death and dying to plumb the depths of her inner world. She explores the inner walls she created to survive his erratic and violent behavior and finds sources of trust and safety within herself. She transforms her relationships as she gains the wisdom to understand her father in all his complexity. The last words of the book describe her father as “a loving presence who will always be with me.” Her courageous commitment to healing her childhood wounds, her fierce determination to be her authentic self, and to finding compassion for all human frailties is an inspiration. I will recommend it to my clients who are following their own organic processes for healing.
August 14, 2015
As a family therapist I thoroughly enjoyed reading Kira's courageous and intimate sharing of her experiences of being a daughter and a woman seeking authenticity in her relationships. I found the book fascinating and inspiring, for it's honesty and for it's vulnerability. Seldom have I experienced in another, such an openness to explore the motivations, thoughts and feelings within and of those we are close to - then to circle back to a place of love and compassion.
Kira's book inspires me to revisit my own ability to live consciously, respectfully and wholly - to circle back to compassion for myself and for those tormentors that are, as the saying goes, my mentors.
I thank the author for the opportunity of readying a free copy of the book and encourage others to read this brave account of Kira's journey to living authentically.
Kira's book inspires me to revisit my own ability to live consciously, respectfully and wholly - to circle back to compassion for myself and for those tormentors that are, as the saying goes, my mentors.
I thank the author for the opportunity of readying a free copy of the book and encourage others to read this brave account of Kira's journey to living authentically.
May 11, 2016
Really great book. It gives you a lot to think about.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews