Get Married, Have Babies, Join a Church: A Pastor's Conversations With a Generation Navigating Love, Life, and God's Timing

by Sean DeMars

Why are so many Christians postponing marriage, delaying children, and drifting away from meaningful commitment to the local church?

In Get Married, Have Babies, Join a Church, Sean DeMars examines a growing pattern among Christians: the tendency to postpone the ordinary callings God has given His people until they have achieved the four "C's" of modern adulthood—credentials, career, cash, and comfort. Drawing from Scripture and pastoral experience, DeMars argues that these priorities often reflect the assumptions of our culture more than the wisdom of God's Word.

This book explores Scripture's teaching on:

· The goodness of marriage and God's design for the family

· Why so many Christians delay marriage and whether they should

· Whether children are blessings or burdens

· The fears surrounding money, careers, and raising a family

· The rare gift of singleness and the ordinary calling of marriage

· Why the local church should be the center of the Christian life

Rather than offering simplistic answers or ignoring difficult situations, DeMars thoughtfully engages common objections, addresses hard cases, and calls believers to evaluate their assumptions in light of God's Word.

Get Married, Have Babies, Join a Church is an invitation to reject fear, embrace God's design, and build a life around the ordinary means of grace.

119 pages, Paperback

Published July 24, 2026

Reviews

[Erin Bova · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very concise and helpful overview on why marriage, parenthood, and church membership are valuable. I thought it was very helpful in a day and age where marriage is viewed as scary, children are viewed as an inconvenience, and church membership is viewed as unnecessary. The book is written as dialogue from past conversations and counseling sessions Sean had with couples and individuals about marriage, parenthood, and church membership. I wasn’t a huge fan of the conversation-based approach to writing for this book and felt like it would have been better written in a different format; however, it did make it an easy read.

“Responsibility and sacrificial commitment has a way of revealing who we really are. More than that, responsibility is one of the tools God uses to change us into the image of Christ.”

“life built primarily around your own comfort and freedom isn’t really the good life, it’s the selfish life."

“most of the genuinely important work we’re called to do in this life feels mundane most of the time we’re doing it. Faithfulness almost always feels invisible in the moment.”

“These are the ordinary means God has given His people, in every generation, for becoming the kind of men and women He's calling us to be. The world will tell you to build a life first, and only add commitments once you’ve made room for them. Scripture, and the lived experience of faithful Christians the world over and down through the ages, suggests something closer to the opposite: build your life through the commitments.”

[Tara DuBose-Schmitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Main takeaway: the main method of building maturity and character is through taking on responsibilities. It’s not by waiting for some nebulous state of maturity or readiness beforehand.

[Aly Plattner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and sweet. Definitely helpful resource for thinking through conversations with friends about marriage, kids, and church!

[Hunter Galemore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve very much enjoyed Sean Demars’ books thus far, and this one was a very good read. I love the conversation style writing, the practical ministry examples, and the solid theology used to address questions about marriage, children, and the church. This book addresses a large need in our culture today, as young adults and youth are influenced more and more by cultural standards rather than Biblical ones. I hope this book finds its way into the hands of many young Christians trying to navigate marriage, babies, and the local church.

[Saolomon Mouacheupao · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sean is quirky and it comes out in this self-published book. But 4 stars for how needed this book is for our time

[Michaela Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource for discipling anyone thinking through these topics!

[Caleb Clayton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource. Every Christian should read this book. And every Christian can read this book because Sean DeMars writes in such an accessible and helpful tone and the book costs all but 4 dollars and some change.

[Alicia Owegi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed both the format and the content of the book. It was a really easy read, and also had great insight on marriage, children and the church. I was encouraged to not think as deeply I as usually do about some decisions and remember part of the maturity comes from making and living out the commitment.

[Sharon Park · Rating 4 out of 5]

“They think maturity is some mystical quality that suddenly appears one day out of the blue. In reality, it's more like the accumulation of a thousand little acts of faithfulness."

“Responsibility and sacrificial commitment has a way of revealing who we really are. More than that, responsibility is one of the tools God uses to change us into the image of Christ.”

“The world will tell you to build a life first, and only add commitments once you've made room for them. Scripture, and the lived experience of faithful Christians the world over and down through the ages, suggests something closer to the opposite: build your life through the commitments.”

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable." - C. S. Lewis

[Lily Stinnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for young adults, and even all ages. It was highly encouraging for me as a single young woman wanting to glorify God, but also feeling this pull for a godly relationship! It taught me that my desire for marriage is godly, and that I should content with this single season I’m in, but also work in growing myself for a relationship centered with Christ. It also discussed children, church, and career choices that changed my point of view for how I think of the future!!

[Adam Kareus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sean Demars addresses a growing problem of young Christians putting off getting married, having kids, or joining a church. He does this through using engaging dialogue or conversations. This is a good resource not only to give to those who might be struggling with these issues, but also for mature Christians so they can see how gentle conversation can be used to help people process what God wants from the normal Christian's life.

[Sarah Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A much needed resource, told in conversation form you get to “sit in” as a pastor gives wise counsel to his people. It’s an easy read, a little funny sometimes and chock full of biblical truth and wisdom. This book has been a providential blessing in our lives. God’s timing is perfect. Can I also add, this book was CHEAP! No excuses…get a copy, read it and grab one to give away while you are at it. I’m excited to see what RFN press publishes next!

[Alex]

Couldn’t finish this book. I read the intro, chapter 1 and the conclusion. Skimmed the rest. I think there is some good stuff here and but I absolutely hated the conversation style of writing. Having one or two stories would have been fine but 11 chapters!? It felt like reading a fiction book and I hate reading fiction.

I would say 1 star for the style and 4 stars for the content.

[Trevor Binkley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderfully helpful little book. I just handed out 20 or so copies at our member meeting this past Sunday. Told the young people it will help them think about these topics, and for parents and grandparents it will help them encourage their kids and grandkids. Grateful to Sean for sharing his wisdom.

[Amberli · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a quick and engaging read. Sean talks through several different topics through the view of having conversations with people. I enjoyed the read and may have shed a few tears in certain chapters.

[Paul Abdallah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, easy to read resource! The conversation framing was a good way to think through communicating the bible’s truth.

[Spencer Craft · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful pushback against the modern “waiting for the right moment” philosophy! Would highly recommend for all ages young and old.

[Andrew Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource. Thankful for Sean’s wit and clarity.

[Turner Hathcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great conversation points that I was edified, informed, and equipped with for immediate conversations with unbelievers.

[Gunter Hollis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful

This will benefit any young couple in your church (or anyone else for that matter). As my wife and I enter our second year of marriage many of these topics are in our conversation regularly, either for ourselves or the young, married couples around us.

[Tim Houston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the uniqueness of this book's style and appreciate the freshness of its directness. Balanced and nuanced without conceding anything to unbiblical presuppositions many have or have had in the past.
These conversations need to happen in all our churches and this quick read provides helpful examples of how to have them in a warm, pastoral manner.
And for $1/77p, what more can you ask for?

[Derek Vickery · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised at how engaging, charitable, and helpful this little book is. As a pastor, I've had these exact conversations before with congregants and this book gave me refreshing answers to questions I am asked regularly. Because of its conversational style, the book is also very didactic in the way it explains these ideas. Recommend!

[Laura K Delgado · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good biblical reasoning for why you should do all these things in the title. It was written in a conversational way to explain it to people who have doubts or “worldly” reasoning apart from the Bible. An easy read but encouraging.

[Luke Roscoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very short and quick read. The dialogue form makes it even easier! Filled with practical shepherding advice and mostly convincing arguments. Highly recommend.