"I don't have time for this!" A Compassionate Guide to Caring for Your Parents and Yourself

by Katherine Arnup

“I don’t have time for this!” provides a roadmap for the journey into aging, illness, and dying that we will all travel—ourselves and the people we love. With gentle persuasion and moving stories from her family, her clients, and her years as a hospice volunteer, Dr. Katherine Arnup shows how to overcome the fear of aging and loss so we can show up for the challenges in our lives. You will discover: • the ways to begin essential conversations with your parents—before it’s too late! • the tools you need to survive and thrive as a caregiver • the keys to releasing guilt and regret • the joy that’s possible when you stop running from your life • the secret to asking for and receiving help • the rewards of being present with the people you love during the final chapter of their lives.

202 pages, Paperback

First published April 9, 2015

About the author

Katherine's newest book, "I don't have time for this! A compassionate guide to caring for your parents and yourself" was published in April 2015.

She is a passionate advocate for hospice palliative care and has been a hospice volunteer for more than a decade.
Her favourite place in the world is Provincetown (specifically, Room 2 at the Cape Codder!) Her favourite activities are writing and being silly with her grandchildren.

Reviews

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. The author writes in a very comforting style. The book certainly gives you a lot to think about but doesn't overwhelm or scare you about what might be coming up in the future. Instead, the book and the author make you feel like you can do this.

[Lisa J Shultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many books on the subject matter of caregiving for elderly parents and supporting their exit from the living world. I am not new to the role of caregiving and managing care. I read the book as part of a book group and found it to be comprehensive. I appreciated hearing stories by the author and others she references who feel frustration, guilt, overwhelm and even moments of joy during this often difficult journey. I felt supported that I was not alone in a plethora of emotions. 
I loved this reminder, "Whenever you catch yourself saying something like, 'Oh my God, this could go on for years! I can't handle it!' just bring yourself back to the present. What can I do today? What do I need today? What do my parents need right now?"

The author suggests tools for caregiving elderly parents: slow down, be present (stop multitasking), don't assume you know everything, ask open-ended questions and wait for a response, be patient, show compassion and accept what is. Self-care for the caregiver, how to have difficult conversations with your parents, and the final dying stages were all presented well.

I could relate to this passage, "It is painful to watch our parent's health and independence diminish with each new day. It is a struggle to maintain a calm, patient outlook when our lives feel overburdened and crazy. Yet it's essential that we don't let their situation overwhelm us. Though there will be times when we feel as if we can't go on, there are also moments of pure joy and delight, moments of tremendous meaning and poignancy that remind us of why we are doing all this in the first place."
I recommend this book to those currently caregiving and those who anticipate that role in their future. 

[Katie Arnup · Rating 5 out of 5]

I admit I am biased but this book blew me away. It is approachable, it is hard, it is funny, it is poignant. So many people need a book like this as our parents, grandparents, and friends face sudden or not-so-sudden illnesses. Filled with personal and relatable stories, this book gently guides you through a journey, one you realize you are already on yourself. Beautiful.