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I'm The Guy You Hate
Thirty-eight year old Jonny Ordell is hopelessly in love with his friend Mark Dorsett. There’s just one small problem: Mark Dorsett is insane.
Not a charming, cute, surprisingly insightful kind of insane. The kind of mental illness that rips apart Jonny’s insides and turns otherwise good people into villains. It isn’t Mark’s fault. It’s not like he asked to be sick. At the same time Mark’s erratic behavior and his refusal to get help is destroying everything in his path, including Jonny.
Now Jonny must decide: does he stand by his man and hope loyalty and love are enough to make Mark realize the error of his ways? Or does he abandon Mark to his illness and save himself? Neither choice offers much hope of happiness. As their affair continues Jonny must confront the possibility that his love is not healing Mark, it may actually be making him worse.
75,735 words
Not a charming, cute, surprisingly insightful kind of insane. The kind of mental illness that rips apart Jonny’s insides and turns otherwise good people into villains. It isn’t Mark’s fault. It’s not like he asked to be sick. At the same time Mark’s erratic behavior and his refusal to get help is destroying everything in his path, including Jonny.
Now Jonny must decide: does he stand by his man and hope loyalty and love are enough to make Mark realize the error of his ways? Or does he abandon Mark to his illness and save himself? Neither choice offers much hope of happiness. As their affair continues Jonny must confront the possibility that his love is not healing Mark, it may actually be making him worse.
75,735 words
227 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 25, 2015
1 person is currently reading
121 people want to read
About the author
Isa K.
18 books132 followersIsa K is a writer and techie currently residing in New York. Anything published under 'Isa K' is fantastic smut, anything under 'IsaKFT' is just fantastic ;)
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
November 10, 2015
as fearlessly personal as it is fearsome.
i had this boyfriend one time, see...
[yes, this will, in fact, be one of those reviews]
...who was awesome, but who pretty clearly had some serious mental problems.
i realize this sort of statement is particularly rich coming from a long-since-out-n-proud depressed man, but in this case that context has no bearing on the truth of the matter:
he was most probably bipolar.
what this meant in practical terms was that he'd have these phenomenal stretches of glorious good cheer, characterized by a playfulness and a generosity of spirit i found irresistibly compelling.
i fell hard.
but people who are bipolar are often characterized as well by diametrically opposed states: for every soaring height of boyfriend excellence, he'd have these terrifying dips into an abyss of doubt and cyclical thinking that made it impossible to speak to him or be around him without spending 8 or 9 hours patiently going over the same crisis over and over again.
i didn't mind so much, at first.
in the way of these things, it was miraculously easy for me to diagnose and prescribe solutions to his problems, but not my own, and i was thrilled to be able to so handily ease what troubled him.
i felt powerful, and able to tend to a loved one, and yet...
it didn't matter. nothing i said really penetrated. we'd just go round and round, and nothing i did ever made any difference.
i wasn't helping him at all.
in fact, sometimes i made it even worse.
which... okay.
i'm a hot mess.
and he'd repeatedly put up with all manner of crushing doubt and insecurity from me.
but eventually that dynamic applied to me, and my relationship with him, and it turned out that someone capable of relentlessly thinking a wrong and damaging thing about himself for an entire day's worth of discussion—no matter how many times you grind away at the problem—can as easily spend all day thinking a wrong and damaging thing about you.
it took us a few months, with many bitter conflicts and grateful reconciliations, but eventually it was over.
i cut off all contact, and i was left to reflect on my time with him and every mistake i ever made and all the things i wish i hadn't said or done—and of course all the things i mysteriously put up with.
and then, years later, because life is hilarious like that, i read this book.
***
one of the story's central concerns is the facile vilification of bullying, as if there is such a thing as a bully who is not also bullied.
as if the bullied aren't ever, themselves, the bully.
which is a thing i learned over time, and after shocking new intel, as when at an IKEA i ran into this kid i went to high school with who admitted right there in the textile section that he once had this huge crush on me back when i was cute and clueless and wearing doc maartens, and who i treated pretty badly, all told, for simply having no idea i was walking around with his heart in my pocket.
for him, i was the Bad Guy.
quite explicitly, and more than once.
meanwhile, the whole time i was being a clueless dick to him, i was scraping up the bits of my own heart after someone else entirely had stomped on it.
i mean, i didn't even know he liked boys.
never mind this boy.
ah, yoof.
fuck that shit in the eye.
***
so this idea that there are only ever bullies and those they bully—that you can pick a side and be on the right side comfortably with but a moment's examination of a given situation—
it's bullshit.
and that's partly what this book is about.
because the character of mark dorsett (who i swear has to be modeled after this scrappily cute but massively fucked-up former new york rangers player of a year ago) is mentally ill, and everyone around him—everyone—bullies him.
relentlessly.
without even realizing it.
even the MC. his kinda-boyfriend.
this was, you can imagine, a terribly true and terribly, uh, terrifying thing to reflect on, having come out of a relationship with a mentally ill person while being yourself a product of your own mental illness.
had i bullied my ex, all that time?
had he bullied me?
had he really been the Bad Guy, if there was any chance he didn't have a clue he was doing what he was doing?
...and does it matter now?
the answers:
yes, yes, ohfuckyes, and yes.
because the only way that worked, in my life and in this book, was if my vanity overcame my sense of self-preservation.
i would endure his destructive episodes, because i deserved his love during the wonderful rebounds.
and in that way i would help him, by being steadfast, and noble, and loving him despite catastrophic failure.
***
there are obvious problems with this thinking.
for one, the characters in the book apparently had no idea that mark dorsett was mentally ill, whereas i, having dated a girl in college who was spectacularly bipolar to the point of theatrical madness, knew exactly what i was looking at.
and that's the worst part.
not the girlfriend—she's awesome, just like my exbf is awesome—the people around her. the people around him.
the characters around mark dorsett.
they didn't know, and so their actions and reactions, in their ignorance, amounted to cruel bullying, and which (in real life), i imagine is an easy road to someone committing suicide in some hotel suite somewhere posh.
people get swept up into these anti-bullying campaigns on the internet, right—stickers, badges, widgets, hashtags, button pins if you get down like that—but it's all horseshit.
it's the notion that if only enough people know about it—about how bullying happens, and to whom—it will happen less, because nobody wants to be a bully, right? people are inherently good.
well, fuck that noise.
because people are not inherently anything but people.
the only thing that kind of ostentatious self-valediction is good for is showing-off how progressive and awesome you are.
it's not at all about helping the actual people any particularly noisy rainbow meme campaign is alleged to be benefitting.
...to pull another example from the air completely at random.
because the real fuckery happens right under your nose, without you ever really knowing it, and it's not any one particular person wearing a hood and waving around a flag with I AM A BIG MEAN BULLY on it.
it's you.
and back then, with him, it was me.
***
two weeks passed in silence.
and i remember thinking, you know, what is my silence and my isolation from him really accomplishing?
if he'd wanted to keep in touch, and he had explicitly asked me not to shut him out, and i'd been keeping my distance because i was afraid of him hurting me again because he was the Bad Guy in my own real-life m/m novel—
—what was it all for, if i'd come to understand that he probably didn't even know what he'd been doing and that i'd probably been as damaging to him as he had been to me?
nothing, as it turned out.
because i hit him up again, two weeks after, and it was an epic disaster, and we did not speak again for a very long time.
because in his story—i was the Bad Guy.
i was the guy you hate.
***
and so i was left where i began, on the other side of the mirror, of course, but still the same place.
i'd been as much the bully as the bullied, and everything was utterly fucked, and because life is not at all like incredibly nuanced and redemptive romance novels, there was no HFN for me and my dude.
because...
...because i dunno why because.
because we were people.
and neither one of us, in the end, was ever really the hero more than we were the villain.
at the exact same time.
***
when i was 13 i had a crush on this girl.
her name was ileana, and she was beautiful, and affluent, and popular.
one day she caught me staring at her on the schoolbus, and she gave me a look like i was something disgusting on the sole of her shoe.
"why are you looking at me," she sneered prettily, "with that fat ugly face?"
in an instant, i became the object of her bullying.
every single day.
it went on for so many months i don't even remember the exact number; only that at some point i came home from school crying, and foolishly told my mother what was going on, and the next afternoon she marched up to ileana's mother at the bus stop, and accused her daughter of bullying me, which of course only made it a hundred times worse ever after, as her mother was bewildered and then defensive, and ileana was wide-eyed and innocent while shooting daggered looks at me whenever the adults were occupied shouting at one another because latinas don't give a fuck about big escandalos in the street, obviously.
so that was fun.
eventually, she transferred to another school, and the bullying mantle was taken up by some other (coincidentally female) entity.
but then—plot twist!—twenty years later, me and my boy john drop in on the pub across the street from his house, and naturally the hostess in this random bar is ileana.
she is enraptured.
"oh my god, alexiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
her hand is on my arm.
i've been drinking, so my head drops down to examine it stupidly, before i manage to drag my regard back up to her face, which is of course even more beautiful now, in the fullest bloom of her adulthood. "you look amazing," she says to me.
"you bitch," is my instant reply.
a bubble of stunned silence forms around us.
***
what happened was:
i'd spoken without thinking.
in shock, really.
she'd become a totem of the misery of my childhood, and when suddenly faced with the ancient specter of the ileana again, i reacted as i would have if she'd accosted me in an alley.
but then i watched her face crumple in confusion, and then woundedness, and in that moment my sauced brain arrived at a terrible realization:
she had no memory of bullying me.
she'd probably had a crush on me as fierce as mine on her.
i'd hurt her for nothing.
without even meaning to.
and so i cracked a broad smile, and took her hand, and kissed her cheek, laughing merrily to give her the notion that i'd been joking, and told her she looked amazing too, and how awesome it was to see her, and then she happily led me and john to the special table in the corner, where i chose to get very, very drunk.
——————————————————
join a discussion of this book:
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
read the author's thoughts on the themes in this book:
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog...
resources for people with BPD or who have been/are currently in relationships with people with BPD:
http://www.naminycmetro.org/
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/in...
i had this boyfriend one time, see...
[yes, this will, in fact, be one of those reviews]
...who was awesome, but who pretty clearly had some serious mental problems.
i realize this sort of statement is particularly rich coming from a long-since-out-n-proud depressed man, but in this case that context has no bearing on the truth of the matter:
he was most probably bipolar.
what this meant in practical terms was that he'd have these phenomenal stretches of glorious good cheer, characterized by a playfulness and a generosity of spirit i found irresistibly compelling.
i fell hard.
but people who are bipolar are often characterized as well by diametrically opposed states: for every soaring height of boyfriend excellence, he'd have these terrifying dips into an abyss of doubt and cyclical thinking that made it impossible to speak to him or be around him without spending 8 or 9 hours patiently going over the same crisis over and over again.
i didn't mind so much, at first.
in the way of these things, it was miraculously easy for me to diagnose and prescribe solutions to his problems, but not my own, and i was thrilled to be able to so handily ease what troubled him.
i felt powerful, and able to tend to a loved one, and yet...
it didn't matter. nothing i said really penetrated. we'd just go round and round, and nothing i did ever made any difference.
i wasn't helping him at all.
in fact, sometimes i made it even worse.
which... okay.
i'm a hot mess.
and he'd repeatedly put up with all manner of crushing doubt and insecurity from me.
but eventually that dynamic applied to me, and my relationship with him, and it turned out that someone capable of relentlessly thinking a wrong and damaging thing about himself for an entire day's worth of discussion—no matter how many times you grind away at the problem—can as easily spend all day thinking a wrong and damaging thing about you.
it took us a few months, with many bitter conflicts and grateful reconciliations, but eventually it was over.
i cut off all contact, and i was left to reflect on my time with him and every mistake i ever made and all the things i wish i hadn't said or done—and of course all the things i mysteriously put up with.
and then, years later, because life is hilarious like that, i read this book.
***
one of the story's central concerns is the facile vilification of bullying, as if there is such a thing as a bully who is not also bullied.
as if the bullied aren't ever, themselves, the bully.
which is a thing i learned over time, and after shocking new intel, as when at an IKEA i ran into this kid i went to high school with who admitted right there in the textile section that he once had this huge crush on me back when i was cute and clueless and wearing doc maartens, and who i treated pretty badly, all told, for simply having no idea i was walking around with his heart in my pocket.
for him, i was the Bad Guy.
quite explicitly, and more than once.
meanwhile, the whole time i was being a clueless dick to him, i was scraping up the bits of my own heart after someone else entirely had stomped on it.
i mean, i didn't even know he liked boys.
never mind this boy.
ah, yoof.
fuck that shit in the eye.
***
so this idea that there are only ever bullies and those they bully—that you can pick a side and be on the right side comfortably with but a moment's examination of a given situation—
it's bullshit.
and that's partly what this book is about.
because the character of mark dorsett (who i swear has to be modeled after this scrappily cute but massively fucked-up former new york rangers player of a year ago) is mentally ill, and everyone around him—everyone—bullies him.
relentlessly.
without even realizing it.
even the MC. his kinda-boyfriend.
this was, you can imagine, a terribly true and terribly, uh, terrifying thing to reflect on, having come out of a relationship with a mentally ill person while being yourself a product of your own mental illness.
had i bullied my ex, all that time?
had he bullied me?
had he really been the Bad Guy, if there was any chance he didn't have a clue he was doing what he was doing?
...and does it matter now?
the answers:
yes, yes, ohfuckyes, and yes.
because the only way that worked, in my life and in this book, was if my vanity overcame my sense of self-preservation.
i would endure his destructive episodes, because i deserved his love during the wonderful rebounds.
and in that way i would help him, by being steadfast, and noble, and loving him despite catastrophic failure.
***
there are obvious problems with this thinking.
for one, the characters in the book apparently had no idea that mark dorsett was mentally ill, whereas i, having dated a girl in college who was spectacularly bipolar to the point of theatrical madness, knew exactly what i was looking at.
and that's the worst part.
not the girlfriend—she's awesome, just like my exbf is awesome—the people around her. the people around him.
the characters around mark dorsett.
they didn't know, and so their actions and reactions, in their ignorance, amounted to cruel bullying, and which (in real life), i imagine is an easy road to someone committing suicide in some hotel suite somewhere posh.
people get swept up into these anti-bullying campaigns on the internet, right—stickers, badges, widgets, hashtags, button pins if you get down like that—but it's all horseshit.
it's the notion that if only enough people know about it—about how bullying happens, and to whom—it will happen less, because nobody wants to be a bully, right? people are inherently good.
well, fuck that noise.
because people are not inherently anything but people.
the only thing that kind of ostentatious self-valediction is good for is showing-off how progressive and awesome you are.
it's not at all about helping the actual people any particularly noisy rainbow meme campaign is alleged to be benefitting.
...to pull another example from the air completely at random.
because the real fuckery happens right under your nose, without you ever really knowing it, and it's not any one particular person wearing a hood and waving around a flag with I AM A BIG MEAN BULLY on it.
it's you.
and back then, with him, it was me.
***
two weeks passed in silence.
and i remember thinking, you know, what is my silence and my isolation from him really accomplishing?
if he'd wanted to keep in touch, and he had explicitly asked me not to shut him out, and i'd been keeping my distance because i was afraid of him hurting me again because he was the Bad Guy in my own real-life m/m novel—
—what was it all for, if i'd come to understand that he probably didn't even know what he'd been doing and that i'd probably been as damaging to him as he had been to me?
nothing, as it turned out.
because i hit him up again, two weeks after, and it was an epic disaster, and we did not speak again for a very long time.
because in his story—i was the Bad Guy.
i was the guy you hate.
***
and so i was left where i began, on the other side of the mirror, of course, but still the same place.
i'd been as much the bully as the bullied, and everything was utterly fucked, and because life is not at all like incredibly nuanced and redemptive romance novels, there was no HFN for me and my dude.
because...
...because i dunno why because.
because we were people.
and neither one of us, in the end, was ever really the hero more than we were the villain.
at the exact same time.
***
when i was 13 i had a crush on this girl.
her name was ileana, and she was beautiful, and affluent, and popular.
one day she caught me staring at her on the schoolbus, and she gave me a look like i was something disgusting on the sole of her shoe.
"why are you looking at me," she sneered prettily, "with that fat ugly face?"
in an instant, i became the object of her bullying.
every single day.
it went on for so many months i don't even remember the exact number; only that at some point i came home from school crying, and foolishly told my mother what was going on, and the next afternoon she marched up to ileana's mother at the bus stop, and accused her daughter of bullying me, which of course only made it a hundred times worse ever after, as her mother was bewildered and then defensive, and ileana was wide-eyed and innocent while shooting daggered looks at me whenever the adults were occupied shouting at one another because latinas don't give a fuck about big escandalos in the street, obviously.
so that was fun.
eventually, she transferred to another school, and the bullying mantle was taken up by some other (coincidentally female) entity.
but then—plot twist!—twenty years later, me and my boy john drop in on the pub across the street from his house, and naturally the hostess in this random bar is ileana.
she is enraptured.
"oh my god, alexiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
her hand is on my arm.
i've been drinking, so my head drops down to examine it stupidly, before i manage to drag my regard back up to her face, which is of course even more beautiful now, in the fullest bloom of her adulthood. "you look amazing," she says to me.
"you bitch," is my instant reply.
a bubble of stunned silence forms around us.
***
what happened was:
i'd spoken without thinking.
in shock, really.
she'd become a totem of the misery of my childhood, and when suddenly faced with the ancient specter of the ileana again, i reacted as i would have if she'd accosted me in an alley.
but then i watched her face crumple in confusion, and then woundedness, and in that moment my sauced brain arrived at a terrible realization:
she had no memory of bullying me.
she'd probably had a crush on me as fierce as mine on her.
i'd hurt her for nothing.
without even meaning to.
and so i cracked a broad smile, and took her hand, and kissed her cheek, laughing merrily to give her the notion that i'd been joking, and told her she looked amazing too, and how awesome it was to see her, and then she happily led me and john to the special table in the corner, where i chose to get very, very drunk.
——————————————————
join a discussion of this book:
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
read the author's thoughts on the themes in this book:
https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog...
resources for people with BPD or who have been/are currently in relationships with people with BPD:
http://www.naminycmetro.org/
http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/in...
Read
April 1, 2015Full disclosure: Isa is a GR friend. Oh, also full disclosure, I wrote three of the Fairy Gaymother letters in here! This means that my words have genuinely been published by a fiction press. So Isa has, in fact, just fulfilled my deepest, oldest fantasy for me. There can be no greater incidental gift.
Isa's writing is excellent. Seriously, I loved her writing. It doesn't call attention to itself with a billion florid metaphors per page. Her words are clean and crisp. The book is a walk in a Japanese garden, with the plants artfully assembled and maintained so to look completely natural, and then Isa shakes a single branch to let one very rare piece of loveliness drift onto the page; "It's not the flame's fault that the moth doesn't know it's burning."
Everything feels real; so real that I wanted to kick Jonny's arse twelve ways from Sunday. Especially at 36%, when I was shouting at him to CLOSE THE DOOR. JUST SLAM IT SHUT. GODDAMN YOU FOR NOT LISTENING.
Any similarity to an m/m romance is abandoned after 7%. This won't surprise people who have read Isa's Guttersnipe, where she supplemented the slave-fic box kit with found objects, and assembled it by referring to color reproductions of Lucian Freud paintings.
Isa's produced a very good work of gay fiction, about the impossibility and pain of being fully human. It is not a romance. I really can't impress that on potential readers enough. (Also, that cheery cover perplexes me. In happy orange & red the book appears to be called "I'm the guy you hate . . . nah, not really *kisses and noogies*"). But ohh no, you'll hate him. You don't hate him yet because you haven't started the book, but trust me: You. Will. Learn. To. Hate.
So as you might imagine, this is a very difficult book to read. And oh my god, if you're, you know, prone to spending days at a time lying in bed because depression fucking sucks, then maybe . . . don't read it? unless you're in tip-top shape?
I actually painted a completely different ending for the book in my head than the one we got, so I have to let my rating percolate for a bit. I expected, wanted, .
So, as always with Isa's books, I finish feeling somewhat twisted and bent inside, and thinking a lot.
Isa's writing is excellent. Seriously, I loved her writing. It doesn't call attention to itself with a billion florid metaphors per page. Her words are clean and crisp. The book is a walk in a Japanese garden, with the plants artfully assembled and maintained so to look completely natural, and then Isa shakes a single branch to let one very rare piece of loveliness drift onto the page; "It's not the flame's fault that the moth doesn't know it's burning."
Everything feels real; so real that I wanted to kick Jonny's arse twelve ways from Sunday. Especially at 36%, when I was shouting at him to CLOSE THE DOOR. JUST SLAM IT SHUT. GODDAMN YOU FOR NOT LISTENING.
Any similarity to an m/m romance is abandoned after 7%. This won't surprise people who have read Isa's Guttersnipe, where she supplemented the slave-fic box kit with found objects, and assembled it by referring to color reproductions of Lucian Freud paintings.
Isa's produced a very good work of gay fiction, about the impossibility and pain of being fully human. It is not a romance. I really can't impress that on potential readers enough. (Also, that cheery cover perplexes me. In happy orange & red the book appears to be called "I'm the guy you hate . . . nah, not really *kisses and noogies*"). But ohh no, you'll hate him. You don't hate him yet because you haven't started the book, but trust me: You. Will. Learn. To. Hate.
So as you might imagine, this is a very difficult book to read. And oh my god, if you're, you know, prone to spending days at a time lying in bed because depression fucking sucks, then maybe . . . don't read it? unless you're in tip-top shape?
I actually painted a completely different ending for the book in my head than the one we got, so I have to let my rating percolate for a bit. I expected, wanted, .
So, as always with Isa's books, I finish feeling somewhat twisted and bent inside, and thinking a lot.
October 6, 2015
I am so damn glad I decided to read this book. Definitely not your typical romance, but imo that's a good thing. I'm so bored of the same ole same ole found in mm romances. This story felt so real and it was wildly entertaining. Some might even say this isn't a romance book but I disagree. I found the romance here to be very moving and memorable.
May 4, 2015
First off, this is not a romance. It's very important that any potential reader knows that before opening this book, so expectations are clearly set from the start.
But it's sort of a romance, because while our unreliable narrator, the guy who writes an advice column as "Fairy Gaymother", doesn't get a HEA, the book does end on a hopeful note.
What's happening until then though - that's why I want you to read it.
It's not a romance.
But it is.
Isa K. delivers with blunt frankness, and a complete lack of fear, a character study of two men, one who suffers from an unspecified but rather obvious mental illness, and one who thinks that his love and perseverance can save the other. Neither is faithful in body, and if books with cheaters aren't your thing, I want you to read this anyway. See, it's not cheating, to me, if the MCs aren't in a committed relationship. And for the length of this book, they aren't. Even if Jonny wishes it wasn't so. They aren't. So, if that's not your thing either, I want you to read this anyway.
I have no personal (to my knowledge) experience with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), nor have I directly been in a relationship with someone who's bipolar, but it is very clear from this book that a relationship like that is no cakewalk. And while there may be chemical help available, and psychotherapy, both people in the relationship need help.
What stood out for me is that unless someone KNOWS the other person is suffering from this disorder, the actions of the sufferer can easily be mistaken for mood swings, which then confounds the friends and leads to whispers and ultimately disregard and cruelties in word and action. It's one of those invisible illnesses, one that we don't like to talk about, and one that most of us surely don't even begin to comprehend.
The hardest part, the biggest lesson, in this book is the one that Jonny has to learn, no matter how hard he fights to avoid it. It's only when he forces himself to let go of Mark that Mark has the chance to work on himself. For a lot of the book, we see Jonny retreat after a particularly cruel action by Mark, only to have Mark pursue Jonny again, until Jonny relents and the cycle begins anew.
Which brings me to the part about hope I mentioned earlier. The love story between Mark and Jonny, as difficult and painful as it is for them both (and though we only see Jonny's POV, there is sufficient evidence that Mark is also affected just the same), is actually quite profound and hits hard once you grasp it. Because not only does Jonny love Mark - Mark also loves Jonny.
Sometimes love just isn't enough.
The writing is superb. Clean and crisp, without any purplish language, and direct and unapologetic. The author takes no prisoner on the journey for Jonny and Mark, but she sure as hell made me care about her characters. Not only for the long-suffering Jonny, but also for Mark.
This is not a romance.
But it is.
And I'll say it again - if none of the things I've talked about in my review are your thing, I want you to read this anyway. Keep an open mind, and read this for what it is - a story that could be cut from real life. Where not everything is coming up roses, and where people are flawed and needlessly cruel, making mistakes left and right, and somehow still live to tell the tale, profoundly changed.
** I received a free ARC of this book from the publisher. A positive review was not promised in return. **
But it's sort of a romance, because while our unreliable narrator, the guy who writes an advice column as "Fairy Gaymother", doesn't get a HEA, the book does end on a hopeful note.
What's happening until then though - that's why I want you to read it.
It's not a romance.
But it is.
Isa K. delivers with blunt frankness, and a complete lack of fear, a character study of two men, one who suffers from an unspecified but rather obvious mental illness, and one who thinks that his love and perseverance can save the other. Neither is faithful in body, and if books with cheaters aren't your thing, I want you to read this anyway. See, it's not cheating, to me, if the MCs aren't in a committed relationship. And for the length of this book, they aren't. Even if Jonny wishes it wasn't so. They aren't. So, if that's not your thing either, I want you to read this anyway.
I have no personal (to my knowledge) experience with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), nor have I directly been in a relationship with someone who's bipolar, but it is very clear from this book that a relationship like that is no cakewalk. And while there may be chemical help available, and psychotherapy, both people in the relationship need help.
What stood out for me is that unless someone KNOWS the other person is suffering from this disorder, the actions of the sufferer can easily be mistaken for mood swings, which then confounds the friends and leads to whispers and ultimately disregard and cruelties in word and action. It's one of those invisible illnesses, one that we don't like to talk about, and one that most of us surely don't even begin to comprehend.
The hardest part, the biggest lesson, in this book is the one that Jonny has to learn, no matter how hard he fights to avoid it. It's only when he forces himself to let go of Mark that Mark has the chance to work on himself. For a lot of the book, we see Jonny retreat after a particularly cruel action by Mark, only to have Mark pursue Jonny again, until Jonny relents and the cycle begins anew.
Which brings me to the part about hope I mentioned earlier. The love story between Mark and Jonny, as difficult and painful as it is for them both (and though we only see Jonny's POV, there is sufficient evidence that Mark is also affected just the same), is actually quite profound and hits hard once you grasp it. Because not only does Jonny love Mark - Mark also loves Jonny.
Sometimes love just isn't enough.
The writing is superb. Clean and crisp, without any purplish language, and direct and unapologetic. The author takes no prisoner on the journey for Jonny and Mark, but she sure as hell made me care about her characters. Not only for the long-suffering Jonny, but also for Mark.
This is not a romance.
But it is.
And I'll say it again - if none of the things I've talked about in my review are your thing, I want you to read this anyway. Keep an open mind, and read this for what it is - a story that could be cut from real life. Where not everything is coming up roses, and where people are flawed and needlessly cruel, making mistakes left and right, and somehow still live to tell the tale, profoundly changed.
** I received a free ARC of this book from the publisher. A positive review was not promised in return. **
June 25, 2016
Im going to love/hate this, which is why I CANNOT WAIT to read it. I'm craving some more real world fucked up-ness in me reading material. It's probably a dumb idea to even start this at 1:29 am. Damn you, Emma, for posting about it so late (I'm kidding. I'm so happy you did).
April 22, 2015
The moral to this story is....
Desperately searching for a moral, begging "please just tell me what it is?????"
Suck it up. There is no freaking moral to the story here! It's just a story; Jonny's.
It's manic, depressing, delusional. Not a romance, not even a love story. Obsession? Yes, full of that, among other sordid things.
Picture a giant, leather bound book.
Open the book.
On one side there's a magnifying mirror. The other, a stone tablet with the words "Who will cast the first stone?". In the middle are pages and pages of agonizing, honest, mental gymnastics.
"Thinking you can control and fix everything will turn you into that guy you hate"
If you want some "group therapy" over this, here go.
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
;P
Desperately searching for a moral, begging "please just tell me what it is?????"
Suck it up. There is no freaking moral to the story here! It's just a story; Jonny's.
It's manic, depressing, delusional. Not a romance, not even a love story. Obsession? Yes, full of that, among other sordid things.
Picture a giant, leather bound book.
Open the book.
On one side there's a magnifying mirror. The other, a stone tablet with the words "Who will cast the first stone?". In the middle are pages and pages of agonizing, honest, mental gymnastics.
"Thinking you can control and fix everything will turn you into that guy you hate"
If you want some "group therapy" over this, here go.
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
;P
December 13, 2015
A nontraditional romance involving what seems to be bipolar disorder.
The entire story is told through Jonny's POV, wherein he must juggle between his love for Mark and his hate for the hoops to jump through for Mark to reciprocate. What it really feels like is a string of relatable Tumblr posts that you want to reblog for how relatable they are. Because as frustrating and stubborn and infuriating as the dynamic between Jonny and Mark gets, there's a self-awareness to it. Everything you want to yell at Jonny for is addressed, from his own hypocrisy to his self-destructive obsession-- which, YES, thank you. I would be so pissed at all of this if Jonny was dense on top of foolish.
The main conflict is Jonny wants to save Mark, but Mark isn't asking to be saved. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. It doesn't take mental illness to facepalm so hard at the mirror in front of you, where you've been a Jonny and a Mark. A person who wants to help and a person who's not ready for help. Needing to cut off people who bring you to a dark place and needing to learn your lesson the hard way to find a healthier solution.
And there is a healthier solution for Mark, even with his condition. The ending is HFN because the conflict can never be solved for good, but the conflict is manageable, it's possible to rise above it. But only after Mark takes responsibility for his instability.
If you're looking for a book with dark themes, a hot-and-cold dynamic, and just so. much. unrequited. love. then I totally recommend this.
The entire story is told through Jonny's POV, wherein he must juggle between his love for Mark and his hate for the hoops to jump through for Mark to reciprocate. What it really feels like is a string of relatable Tumblr posts that you want to reblog for how relatable they are. Because as frustrating and stubborn and infuriating as the dynamic between Jonny and Mark gets, there's a self-awareness to it. Everything you want to yell at Jonny for is addressed, from his own hypocrisy to his self-destructive obsession-- which, YES, thank you. I would be so pissed at all of this if Jonny was dense on top of foolish.
The main conflict is Jonny wants to save Mark, but Mark isn't asking to be saved. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. It doesn't take mental illness to facepalm so hard at the mirror in front of you, where you've been a Jonny and a Mark. A person who wants to help and a person who's not ready for help. Needing to cut off people who bring you to a dark place and needing to learn your lesson the hard way to find a healthier solution.
And there is a healthier solution for Mark, even with his condition. The ending is HFN because the conflict can never be solved for good, but the conflict is manageable, it's possible to rise above it. But only after Mark takes responsibility for his instability.
If you're looking for a book with dark themes, a hot-and-cold dynamic, and just so. much. unrequited. love. then I totally recommend this.
December 2, 2015
Recently I was watching “The Affair” and one of the characters commented about how in reality we spend most of our life alone. Even if you’re in a relationship, even if you have tons of friends, you’re sitting in a room surrounded by people yet mostly you play life out in your thoughts. Relationships are like that, barely anytime is spent verbalizing your thoughts and emotions, nope all that shit goes on solo in your own mind, giving importance or lack of importance to thoughts and actions by yourself and others. That is this book…Jonny’s relationship with Mark as it appears to Jonny.
Everyone has had or should have one of these relationships. The all-important, obsessively consuming, non-relationship. You should unknowingly be (or have probably been) the object of someone’s obsessive internal one sided adoration AND you have probably had someone be yours. I’ve been and have had the pleasure of this experience. And make no mistake, it is a pleasure, even in all its self-loathing glory….oh the feels.
I enjoyed this book immensely because it was like hearing the internal ramblings of that friend that you keep telling to get over it because everyone on the sidelines knew the self-sabotage would lead nowhere good. I’ve tried to be that voice of reason & could not understand what the hell said friend was thinking ignoring my perfectly logical well-meant advice. Jonny proved that while it was heard, absorbed, pondered….it was unnecessary to say as he knew all too well what was going on. It’s just that sometimes one just can’t save themselves from themselves. Because that was the issue here….Jonny was involved with Jonny, working out a Jonny issue that he conveniently labeled “Mark”.
It takes a certain type of masochist to play this out with someone as obviously dysfunctional as Mark. This too is where Jonny won me over. Like Jonny my saga played out with a person who couldn’t possibly love me back as they didn’t even love themselves. Also like Jonny it all worked out perfectly because seriously I didn’t really want someone to love me just be a constant reminder that I was unlovable. Looking back this is glaringly obvious as at the time I was knowingly the star of someone else’s unconditional, relentless love….their Mark, as they played out our nonrelationship. Being that persons Mark I played out similar sagas, wallowing in their affection, allowing them to bask in my attention while providing comfort while I sulked endlessly about how I was unloved. Oh as a species we are endlessly predictable.
At the time I hadn’t gotten clean, so this little saga helped with the soap opera of destruction I wanted to be on at the time. Allowed me to make my Mark an unknowing participant in my right to self-destruct and over medicate. But that’s life & almost 20 years later I look back at my all-encompassing non-relationship quite fondly. Helped me to work out my shit.
That’s this book…Jonny, working out his shit.
Everyone has had or should have one of these relationships. The all-important, obsessively consuming, non-relationship. You should unknowingly be (or have probably been) the object of someone’s obsessive internal one sided adoration AND you have probably had someone be yours. I’ve been and have had the pleasure of this experience. And make no mistake, it is a pleasure, even in all its self-loathing glory….oh the feels.
I enjoyed this book immensely because it was like hearing the internal ramblings of that friend that you keep telling to get over it because everyone on the sidelines knew the self-sabotage would lead nowhere good. I’ve tried to be that voice of reason & could not understand what the hell said friend was thinking ignoring my perfectly logical well-meant advice. Jonny proved that while it was heard, absorbed, pondered….it was unnecessary to say as he knew all too well what was going on. It’s just that sometimes one just can’t save themselves from themselves. Because that was the issue here….Jonny was involved with Jonny, working out a Jonny issue that he conveniently labeled “Mark”.
It takes a certain type of masochist to play this out with someone as obviously dysfunctional as Mark. This too is where Jonny won me over. Like Jonny my saga played out with a person who couldn’t possibly love me back as they didn’t even love themselves. Also like Jonny it all worked out perfectly because seriously I didn’t really want someone to love me just be a constant reminder that I was unlovable. Looking back this is glaringly obvious as at the time I was knowingly the star of someone else’s unconditional, relentless love….their Mark, as they played out our nonrelationship. Being that persons Mark I played out similar sagas, wallowing in their affection, allowing them to bask in my attention while providing comfort while I sulked endlessly about how I was unloved. Oh as a species we are endlessly predictable.
At the time I hadn’t gotten clean, so this little saga helped with the soap opera of destruction I wanted to be on at the time. Allowed me to make my Mark an unknowing participant in my right to self-destruct and over medicate. But that’s life & almost 20 years later I look back at my all-encompassing non-relationship quite fondly. Helped me to work out my shit.
That’s this book…Jonny, working out his shit.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 3, 2015
There's no damsel in distress here. He may be tragic, I'll give you that, but he's a willing participant in his own destruction and there's nothing you can do about that.
Rating Understanding: 3 stars for the writing
1 star for the actual story
That might the sanest thing said throughout this entire tragedy.It was train wreck from beginning to end. The 1 star is for the writing. It wasn't bad at all, and this is a new author to me. The story itself was depressing, sad and just frustrating. I hope that if this was real for anyone, anywhere that they would have the strength to walk away. The two guys, were bad for each other. Nobody can dispute that. Mark is sick, he's alcholic, had mental illness issues that I felt like the author should have told us which disease. He might be the most unstable person I've ever read about. He's selfish, rude, sexist, inappropriate, and sick. First and foremost enabling a sick person with any kind of addiction is wrong. I have no sympathy for Johnny, he put himself in the worst positions ever. I honestly felt like he forced Mark's hand on the sexuality issue. I want people to know it's not romance so don't go in thinking it's going to be a person who is sick then magically gets help and fall in love.
It's destruction from page 1. I kept getting so frustrated because Johnny felt the need to validate Mark's behavior to everyone. I hated it, Mark is a grown ass man who didn't need anyone to stand up for him. It kept pissing me off because in the novel Johnny keeps making references to Mark being a good guy. When is Mark a good guy? I haven't seen anything selfless he's ever done for no one in the entire book. I'm trying to understand what the author wants us to realize while reading it. Honestly if Johnny was suppose to be the sane person in this story, how come no one pointed that out. He's so pathetic how he reacts to Mark. It's a slap in the face the entire book involving other relationships.
The author explained that is more based on the illness in the request than the actual romance, and I'm okay with that. I'm just not happy with what was on the page. The author wrote well enough, and if that's the case then it's a 3 for writing, but I can't give more than 1 star for the story, plot or characters. I want to know Why to everything? The main character that was gay who wasn't sick almost devoted his life to Mark in a worship sense. It was horrible the treatment of him and no one in this book acknowledge that Mark had any time of mental illness. I guess I'm just upset that I read this, and I might be feeling a certain type of way for actual people that go through things like this in real life. It sucks. Honestly I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. If you can feel my anger at this book, then you'll understand. Maybe I'll go email the author and get some questions answered.
Rating Understanding: 3 stars for the writing
1 star for the actual story
That might the sanest thing said throughout this entire tragedy.It was train wreck from beginning to end. The 1 star is for the writing. It wasn't bad at all, and this is a new author to me. The story itself was depressing, sad and just frustrating. I hope that if this was real for anyone, anywhere that they would have the strength to walk away. The two guys, were bad for each other. Nobody can dispute that. Mark is sick, he's alcholic, had mental illness issues that I felt like the author should have told us which disease. He might be the most unstable person I've ever read about. He's selfish, rude, sexist, inappropriate, and sick. First and foremost enabling a sick person with any kind of addiction is wrong. I have no sympathy for Johnny, he put himself in the worst positions ever. I honestly felt like he forced Mark's hand on the sexuality issue. I want people to know it's not romance so don't go in thinking it's going to be a person who is sick then magically gets help and fall in love.
It's destruction from page 1. I kept getting so frustrated because Johnny felt the need to validate Mark's behavior to everyone. I hated it, Mark is a grown ass man who didn't need anyone to stand up for him. It kept pissing me off because in the novel Johnny keeps making references to Mark being a good guy. When is Mark a good guy? I haven't seen anything selfless he's ever done for no one in the entire book. I'm trying to understand what the author wants us to realize while reading it. Honestly if Johnny was suppose to be the sane person in this story, how come no one pointed that out. He's so pathetic how he reacts to Mark. It's a slap in the face the entire book involving other relationships.
The author explained that is more based on the illness in the request than the actual romance, and I'm okay with that. I'm just not happy with what was on the page. The author wrote well enough, and if that's the case then it's a 3 for writing, but I can't give more than 1 star for the story, plot or characters. I want to know Why to everything? The main character that was gay who wasn't sick almost devoted his life to Mark in a worship sense. It was horrible the treatment of him and no one in this book acknowledge that Mark had any time of mental illness. I guess I'm just upset that I read this, and I might be feeling a certain type of way for actual people that go through things like this in real life. It sucks. Honestly I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone. If you can feel my anger at this book, then you'll understand. Maybe I'll go email the author and get some questions answered.
April 8, 2015
K, Isa. “I’m the Guy You Hate”, Wilde City Press, 2015.
Are We Moving Backwards in Time?
Amos Lassen
Jonny Ordell is 38 years old and in love with Mark Dorsett, his friend. However, (there is usually a “however”), Mark is mentally ill. (The author, Isa K uses the word “insane”). Mark’s illness is the kind that makes good people evil and Mark really has no control over his illness. (I am not sure that this is true—rather, it seems that mark wants no control over it and is very happy being the miserable person that he is). The real problem is that he wants no help to make himself better and he destroys all that comes his way and this includes Jonny. This forces Jonny to make a decision—does he stay with Mark in the hope that he will change or does he walk away and let Mark succumb to his own anger. Either way, Jonny loses but as the two continue to see each other, Jonny begins to realize that he is not helping Mark and, in effect, he is damaging himself and perhaps making Mark worse.
The book deals with the idea of one reaching his full potential but I felt that the author did not reach her full potential in writing it. Depression and mental illness are very difficult to write about unless someone has actually been there and that was what was missing here. All of us can imagine insanity but none of us want to experience it and I find it very difficult for someone to be able to put those feelings into words. It is obvious that author, Isa K, tried very hard but something just did not ring true and I am not really sure what that was. I also do not think that any of us want to be reminded of that time when homosexuality was considered a mental illness and we were looked at as being mentally ill. Those days are gone and over and that is one part of our history that we can do without remembering.
I am well aware that depression is a part of life but I am not sure that there is a big enough audience for depressing literature these days. I was totally frustrated by what I read and I do not think that this is the kind of book I would recommend to others. We cannot miss the fact that Jonny and Mark were not good for each other and that was established early on yet for some reason the author felt she had to prove that again and again. From the descriptions that we get of Mark, I cannot understand why anyone would want to be with him. As if it was not enough for him to be unstable mentally, he was self-centered, egotistical, rude and selfish. Why anyone would want anything to do with him is beyond me and we never really learn what the attraction was for Jonny. We saw no affection and no romance. I just cannot understand why anyone would even want to write a book like this or what are we supposed to take away from it. There is nothing-new here and nothing that we do not already know. Mark does not have one redeeming characteristic and I lost patience with Jonny’s defense of him because it was dishonest. I fail to see what attracted Jonny to Mark anyway. I just wonder if he is also mentally deficient.
Granted, the author told us that this was a book about illness and not romance but does that make it any way acceptable? As gay people have we not gone through enough that we do not have to read about something like this? I do realize that I am being cruel in my remarks but this book just set me going and I see no reason to go backwards in time to when this kind of behavior was used to characterize our community.
Perhaps if the book had been well written, I could find something good to say about it but it just made me angry to see something like this in print. I know nothing about the writer and therefore will say nothing other than perhaps a new profession might not be a bad idea.
Let me just add that this was a painful review to write. I usually am able to find something good to say about a book. That just did not happen here.
Are We Moving Backwards in Time?
Amos Lassen
Jonny Ordell is 38 years old and in love with Mark Dorsett, his friend. However, (there is usually a “however”), Mark is mentally ill. (The author, Isa K uses the word “insane”). Mark’s illness is the kind that makes good people evil and Mark really has no control over his illness. (I am not sure that this is true—rather, it seems that mark wants no control over it and is very happy being the miserable person that he is). The real problem is that he wants no help to make himself better and he destroys all that comes his way and this includes Jonny. This forces Jonny to make a decision—does he stay with Mark in the hope that he will change or does he walk away and let Mark succumb to his own anger. Either way, Jonny loses but as the two continue to see each other, Jonny begins to realize that he is not helping Mark and, in effect, he is damaging himself and perhaps making Mark worse.
The book deals with the idea of one reaching his full potential but I felt that the author did not reach her full potential in writing it. Depression and mental illness are very difficult to write about unless someone has actually been there and that was what was missing here. All of us can imagine insanity but none of us want to experience it and I find it very difficult for someone to be able to put those feelings into words. It is obvious that author, Isa K, tried very hard but something just did not ring true and I am not really sure what that was. I also do not think that any of us want to be reminded of that time when homosexuality was considered a mental illness and we were looked at as being mentally ill. Those days are gone and over and that is one part of our history that we can do without remembering.
I am well aware that depression is a part of life but I am not sure that there is a big enough audience for depressing literature these days. I was totally frustrated by what I read and I do not think that this is the kind of book I would recommend to others. We cannot miss the fact that Jonny and Mark were not good for each other and that was established early on yet for some reason the author felt she had to prove that again and again. From the descriptions that we get of Mark, I cannot understand why anyone would want to be with him. As if it was not enough for him to be unstable mentally, he was self-centered, egotistical, rude and selfish. Why anyone would want anything to do with him is beyond me and we never really learn what the attraction was for Jonny. We saw no affection and no romance. I just cannot understand why anyone would even want to write a book like this or what are we supposed to take away from it. There is nothing-new here and nothing that we do not already know. Mark does not have one redeeming characteristic and I lost patience with Jonny’s defense of him because it was dishonest. I fail to see what attracted Jonny to Mark anyway. I just wonder if he is also mentally deficient.
Granted, the author told us that this was a book about illness and not romance but does that make it any way acceptable? As gay people have we not gone through enough that we do not have to read about something like this? I do realize that I am being cruel in my remarks but this book just set me going and I see no reason to go backwards in time to when this kind of behavior was used to characterize our community.
Perhaps if the book had been well written, I could find something good to say about it but it just made me angry to see something like this in print. I know nothing about the writer and therefore will say nothing other than perhaps a new profession might not be a bad idea.
Let me just add that this was a painful review to write. I usually am able to find something good to say about a book. That just did not happen here.
April 9, 2015
I read this for Boys In Our Books. This was a really challenging read. You can see my review here.
December 15, 2015
4,5
Great.
Better than I expected, and not as depressing & angsty as I feared.
Great.
Better than I expected, and not as depressing & angsty as I feared.
May 18, 2015
A Joyfully Jay review.
4 stars
This book is either a genius idea or a disturbing concept. There will be readers who think this book is amazing, just as there will be readers who will probably toss this book into their DNF pile before reaching the halfway point. This is because this book doesn’t take us away to a pleasurable place that we often want to go to when we escape in our reading. Instead, this book takes us to the place that many of us tend to shy away from even in our real lives.
Mental illness pervades our society, yet no one talks about it. We pretend it isn’t there. Yet, in this book we can’t pretend because it keeps staring us in the face and makes us cringe at the thought that this is happening all around us on a day in and day out basis, but we choose not to look at it. Add in emotions and romantic elements and you have the makings of a Hollywood horror flick based on real life. I should note that the author doesn’t ever really tell us what mental illness Mark suffers from, which makes it even more “scary” because it throws in another element of the unknown.
The chapters of the book start off with letters to Dear Fairy Grandmother, the advice column Jonny writes. In each of these letters, we begin to see a pattern of how his readers’ letters relate to his own life. While initially these were “cute,, as the book goes on, we realize how sad it all is. We can see the struggle in Jonny as he is capable of detaching himself away from readers with these problems, yet when it is him with the same problem, he can’t step away because he is emotionally involved. The conflict going on within Jonny is there for all to see…its raw, its ugly, and its real.
Read Wendy’s review in its entirety here.
4 stars
This book is either a genius idea or a disturbing concept. There will be readers who think this book is amazing, just as there will be readers who will probably toss this book into their DNF pile before reaching the halfway point. This is because this book doesn’t take us away to a pleasurable place that we often want to go to when we escape in our reading. Instead, this book takes us to the place that many of us tend to shy away from even in our real lives.
Mental illness pervades our society, yet no one talks about it. We pretend it isn’t there. Yet, in this book we can’t pretend because it keeps staring us in the face and makes us cringe at the thought that this is happening all around us on a day in and day out basis, but we choose not to look at it. Add in emotions and romantic elements and you have the makings of a Hollywood horror flick based on real life. I should note that the author doesn’t ever really tell us what mental illness Mark suffers from, which makes it even more “scary” because it throws in another element of the unknown.
The chapters of the book start off with letters to Dear Fairy Grandmother, the advice column Jonny writes. In each of these letters, we begin to see a pattern of how his readers’ letters relate to his own life. While initially these were “cute,, as the book goes on, we realize how sad it all is. We can see the struggle in Jonny as he is capable of detaching himself away from readers with these problems, yet when it is him with the same problem, he can’t step away because he is emotionally involved. The conflict going on within Jonny is there for all to see…its raw, its ugly, and its real.
Read Wendy’s review in its entirety here.
April 27, 2015
3.5 heart review by Tidal
I love reviewing books particularly those with flawed and fragmented inhabitants. I love angst, and gritty character study pieces that send many running and shrieking in terror. I like to know what makes people tick. “I am the Guy You Hate,” offers much opportunity to do this. It is raw,
In addition to his other work Jonny writes a column “Dear Fairy Gaymother.” Jonny dispenses great advice with insight and compassion. Often time’s people who give the best advice fail to make use of it. Jonny is in love with his friend Mark Dorsett. Mark is unpredictable and we see him treat Jonny badly without seeming provocation. As in life often the people we feel the most free to hurt are those we love the most because we know that they will not throw us away. Mark does this often and this confuses Jonny even more because he cannot find a lucid way to connect the dots.
Both Jonny and Mark are strong personalities. I lose patience with Jonny because as he is sucked into Mark’s world he spirals as well and loses himself and seems to become pathologically obsessed. Jonny is really self-absorbed and this relationship is toxic for him. I want to stop him and arm him with books on recovery, get him to a 12-step program, and throw him an intervention. On the surface to many Jonny may seem like a self-indulgent drama queen motivated by love, but there is more to him than that. Jonny quickly loses clarity of where he ends and Mark begins. Healing is a slow process that is never pretty and certainly does not go in a straight line.
Mark is a likable character and is consistent when we learn his condition and at times quite vulnerable. Being a longtime self-help book junkie, I get him. My heart breaks for him. Jonny sometime leaves me bewildered as if I am reading the diary of a teenager who just singlehandedly invented human suffering. There is a dance of disease that goes on when you love someone with mental illness and that is what makes this book is important. Jonny is faced with the decision to break the cycle in hopes they both can become healthy. I like how the book ends. The subject matter is very important and rarely talked about but may be uncomfortable for some people. I believe this book may help people to realize that they are not alone and find courage to consider options available to them.
A copy of this book was provided in exchange for an honest review. Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, author interviews, guestposts and giveaways!
I love reviewing books particularly those with flawed and fragmented inhabitants. I love angst, and gritty character study pieces that send many running and shrieking in terror. I like to know what makes people tick. “I am the Guy You Hate,” offers much opportunity to do this. It is raw,
In addition to his other work Jonny writes a column “Dear Fairy Gaymother.” Jonny dispenses great advice with insight and compassion. Often time’s people who give the best advice fail to make use of it. Jonny is in love with his friend Mark Dorsett. Mark is unpredictable and we see him treat Jonny badly without seeming provocation. As in life often the people we feel the most free to hurt are those we love the most because we know that they will not throw us away. Mark does this often and this confuses Jonny even more because he cannot find a lucid way to connect the dots.
Both Jonny and Mark are strong personalities. I lose patience with Jonny because as he is sucked into Mark’s world he spirals as well and loses himself and seems to become pathologically obsessed. Jonny is really self-absorbed and this relationship is toxic for him. I want to stop him and arm him with books on recovery, get him to a 12-step program, and throw him an intervention. On the surface to many Jonny may seem like a self-indulgent drama queen motivated by love, but there is more to him than that. Jonny quickly loses clarity of where he ends and Mark begins. Healing is a slow process that is never pretty and certainly does not go in a straight line.
Mark is a likable character and is consistent when we learn his condition and at times quite vulnerable. Being a longtime self-help book junkie, I get him. My heart breaks for him. Jonny sometime leaves me bewildered as if I am reading the diary of a teenager who just singlehandedly invented human suffering. There is a dance of disease that goes on when you love someone with mental illness and that is what makes this book is important. Jonny is faced with the decision to break the cycle in hopes they both can become healthy. I like how the book ends. The subject matter is very important and rarely talked about but may be uncomfortable for some people. I believe this book may help people to realize that they are not alone and find courage to consider options available to them.
A copy of this book was provided in exchange for an honest review. Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, author interviews, guestposts and giveaways!
June 16, 2015
What was that? It’s been a long time since I finished a book and looked at the end and said just wow, what the heck….. Still days later, sitting here trying to write this review with my nook open to the book to reference back I’m still a little confused. So I’ve poured myself scotch and I’m diving in, Hope Mark and Jonathan will understand?
So obviously this is my first and probably last book by this author, sorry. Its Jonathan speaking to us most of the time (I think) and it’s his life, friendship, love, sex, career and pain we see firsthand. Mark is his best friend and the only person that treats Jonny like a person. Even though Jonny doesn’t always treat Mark the way he should be treated, if ever. This gets explained off as Jonny being sick, but to me it’s boarding on an almost mentally abusive relationship at worst and best very unhealthy. And yet Mark keeps taking it? We never really get confirmation that Jonny is ill, he may just by a class one A** hole? I understand now (not before) that this is not a romance so I kept expecting a connection of some type between these two when none came I felt disappointed. They have such a strong history, I wanted to feel something, a spark something, nope, just sex between strangers almost. I did like the ‘Dear Fairy Gaymother’ letters that was a cute touch. I also liked how Marks friends always rallied around Mark but overall I found too many issues for the characters themselves to really enjoy this story. I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review by crystals Many reviews
So obviously this is my first and probably last book by this author, sorry. Its Jonathan speaking to us most of the time (I think) and it’s his life, friendship, love, sex, career and pain we see firsthand. Mark is his best friend and the only person that treats Jonny like a person. Even though Jonny doesn’t always treat Mark the way he should be treated, if ever. This gets explained off as Jonny being sick, but to me it’s boarding on an almost mentally abusive relationship at worst and best very unhealthy. And yet Mark keeps taking it? We never really get confirmation that Jonny is ill, he may just by a class one A** hole? I understand now (not before) that this is not a romance so I kept expecting a connection of some type between these two when none came I felt disappointed. They have such a strong history, I wanted to feel something, a spark something, nope, just sex between strangers almost. I did like the ‘Dear Fairy Gaymother’ letters that was a cute touch. I also liked how Marks friends always rallied around Mark but overall I found too many issues for the characters themselves to really enjoy this story. I was given a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review by crystals Many reviews
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