Fifty Shades of They: Insights That Bring Life to Your Relationships

by Ed Young

You’re only as great as your relationships. Show me your friends and I will show you your future. There is immeasurable growth and success to be found when you’re surrounded with the right “they”.

Do you have the right they in your life? Fifty Shades of They gives you fifty simple, yet profound insights that will help any relationship thrive, from friendships to business partnerships to marriages. Based on biblical standards and the teaching of Ed Young, this book is written for anyone who is looking to give new life to their relationships.

Genres: Relationships

168 pages, Paperback

First published February 11, 2015

About the author

Ed Young is the founding pastor of Fellowship Church and a New York Times bestselling author. Ed and his wife Lisa have been married for over 40 years and have four children, one who is in Heaven. Fellowship Church is known for creatively and boldly communicating the Bible and equipping people for the challenges of everyday life.



Through his leadership as founding and Lead Pastor of Fellowship Church, the church has been consistently ranked as one of the most attended churches in North America over the past decade. Since 1990, Fellowship has grown from 30 families to multiple campuses in Dallas/Fort Worth (TX) and an online campus as well.



With a passion to equip and train leaders in the church, Ed began C3 Global, CreativePastors.com and the Creative Church Conference (C3) in order to provide resources to thousands of pastors and leaders around the world.



Ed has also had the opportunity to publish several books on the topics of leadership, Christian living, marriage and parenting.

Ed is a New York Times best-selling author and his books include: Sexperiment: 7 Days to Lasting Intimacy with Your Spouse. His other books include: The Marriage Mirror; The Creative Leader; and Outrageous, Contagious Joy, The Fear Virus.

Reviews

[Roman Spear · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book designed for the Christian looking to strengthen their relationship with Christ. A guideline to help us on our journey to a mature relationship with god. The primary focus is on the people we surround ourselves with, which can have applications in our life reaching beyond just finding maturity with god. I would say following these biblically based principles are a great recipe to healthier relationships and a happier life.

[V.K. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this so much more impactful than I thought I would! There are some beautiful and impactful insights in these bite sized “shades.” Filtered with goofy lines, Young gives you the truth in an accessible, joyful way.

[Debi Stout · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was recently contacted about a new book, FIFTY SHADES OF THEY: Insights That Bring Life to Your Relationships. At first, I thought it was a book about marriage given the title, but when I read more, I learned that this book was about relationships generally. Fifty Shades of They is authored by Pastor Ed Young, senior pastor of Dallas-based mega-church, Fellowship Church (Creality Publishing, Feb. 2105).

Based on biblical standards and the teachings of Young, Fifty Shades of They is written for anyone who is looking to give new life to their relationships from marriage, to friendships, to business. The book shares 50 bite-sized, yet profound insights, that will help any relationship thrive.

Pastor Young says if you look at your friends, you will see your future. Fifty Shades of They encourages readers to ask, "Who are their 'they'?" and to take an honest inventory of which relationships may be causing harm and which should be fostered. He goes on to say that here is immeasurable growth and success to be found when you’re surrounded with the right “they”.

To wrap up the first chapter, Young reminds us of Proverbs 12:26 - "The righteous choose their friends carefully. . . ." Great finish to a great chapter.

Next is chapter two - discussion on what he calls the Relational Noun, and he defines that as people, places and things. If we hang around with the wrong people, we will end up going to the wrong places and we'll wind up doing the wrong things. I say a very loud "AMEN" to that. For instance, I have a very dear Christian friend who I believe thrives on gossip. Unfortunately, I found myself looking forward to getting together with her and traveling down the path of gossip with her. Afterward Later I would feel horrible and surprised at my own behavior, somewhat embarrassed to admit what I can be capable of. As time went on, I realized my wrongs and started to back away from the gossip aspect of our friendship, and guess what happened? The friendship wasn't as strong as it used to be and we barely visit anymore. Sad that the friendship died, but also realized it wasn't the friendship I wanted to have.

Chapter three talks defines the right kind of "they" as tough, honest, encouraging and yielded. The chapter then goes on to discuss "tough". Chapter four discusses "honest" and ends with Colossians 3:9-10, which says "Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator."

Chapter five discusses "encouraging" and ends with Hebrews 10:24, "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Chapter six discusses "yielded", and ends with the well known verse, Proverbs 3:5-6, which says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Interestingly, our church is doing a series on guardrails right now - putting guardrails in place so that you don't end up in the ditch of life making poor choices. As I read this book, I saw glaring similarities to the lessons of the guardrail series at church and Pastor Young's "fences" discussed in chapters nine and ten.

The chapter dealing with unforgiveness was a big pill that I continue to swallow. It talked about allowing a past hurt to damage my current life, and wrapped up the chapter with Matthew 18:21-22 - "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.' Ugh, okay, I'll continue working in this area.

I loved learned about the three types of people, and using the friendventory to determine which category these people fall into - the "for you," the "use you," and the "with you" types. In case I hadn't learned enough in this short book, I got to chapter sixteen and learned about the "Crazy Pill". This chapter is about the crazy people in our lives and how to look out for them. Young lists 10 different descriptions of those crazy people to help us recognize them! (Crazy people - aka the "cray they").

Contrary to some people's opinions, life is not a solo sport. We are all created to be relational beings. We need those healthy relationships in life, and we need to be those healthy relationships for others. I need to re-read the book as it pertains to me being the "they" in someone else's life. From casual acquaintances to our closest friends, the people in our lives affect where we go and impact who we become. But great relationships don’t just happen. To get the most out of them, we must be intentional.

"Finding the right 'they' in life is important. But equally important is becoming the right 'they," Young says. "To have a friend you have to be a friend. And the kind of friend you are is the kind of friend you will attract."

When I then reflect on the people I consider real friends, I think about these descriptions and see how they compare in this light. Admittedly, my friends are a little better in the "they" category than some of my co-workers and business associates.

Fifty Shades of They is a great book and while it is a quick read, it provides so much insight of growing, nurturing and having great relationships with others. #fiftyshadesofthey

[Cassie Gray-horton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read. Read in 24 hours. A great discussion point for pre teen and teenagers. Who they pick as their circle of influence are a mirror to who they are.

[Tamika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye Opening

Completely changed my way of thinking about the people in my life. And will continue to help me choose more wisely going forward

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good thoughts after assessing a crazy time in my life

[Mathiasherm · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the overall message. Took some interesting notes.

[Dana Easley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely recommend your teenager to read this book. Its about friendships.

[Oak · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are many choices we make in life, and choosing our friends is one of them. In the book 50 Shades of They: Insights That Bring Life to Your Relationships, Ed Young discusses how our friends shape our future. Young starts and ends the book with the question, “Do you have the right ‘they’ in your life?” And by they, Young is referring to an individual’s friends.

50 Shades of They is written in a pleasant conversational style, and the chapters are filled with great advice. Young is a pastor, and the chapters somewhat resemble sermons, with major discussion points complemented with Scripture references and relevant anecdotes and examples. It’s a handy, useful book, and though it’s Christian-based, the lessons on friendship are applicable to a secular audience.

Two of my favorite parts of the book were the chapters discussing secrets in relationships and “true hospitality.” I also really liked Young’s commentary on social media and narcissim; Young points out that the “they” in our life can also include public figures we admire. The book is thought-provoking, and it would be interesting to discuss in a book club.

There are many books on the market directed towards engaged couples; they are filled with questions that fiancés should ask each other (and themselves) before they marry. Yet there are fewer books focusing on how people should choose their friends, which is why books like 50 Shades of They are so important. Sometimes individuals, especially youth and young adults, are not careful when choosing friends, and these friendships can lead them down a painful road. But 50 Shades of They shows what healthy, supportive friendships look like, and provides the reader invaluable advice. I highly recommend reading it.

I received a review copy from Shelton Interactive.

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I appreciate the need for a deep community based on shared beliefs and experiences, the idea of grouping the world into the "right they" and the "wrong they" made me very uncomfortable. Young does spend one chapter talking about the need for Christians to not just surround themselves with other Christians, but this was more in a conversion context rather than a relational context. Often we learn from and grow with people who may not look like the "right they."

The style of this book is much like a buffet. Each chapter is 2-3 pages - a "sushi sized" bite - and gives a bit of advice about all sorts of relationships, from friendships to marriage. In some ways, I appreciated this format. Young is able to cover a lot of ground without needing to go too deep. Overall, though, I vacillated between feeling confused by a generalization that wasn't explained and wanting to know more and for Young to expand on his ideas.

I feel like this book was a good starting place, but would have been much stronger if Young had chosen a few main ideas and written longer, more in depth chapters about those ideas. Because I'm not familiar with Young's past work, I finished the book feeling like I had some generalizations about him and his beliefs, but nothing meaty.

**I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest opinion.**

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay. Slightly repetitive, and leaned a lot on metaphors and cliches- sadly pretty normal for a Christian self-help style book (I say this a Christian). I appreciate and underlined many points in this book, so it's definitely something I would recommend at least for discussion purposes. At the end he does speak about Christ, and how he is the ultimate guidance which is important. Also he mentioned how Christ hung out with "sinners" and that we can be the right "they" for others, which I appreciate. Too often, especially with a book like this, it can seem as though we are supposed to live in our little Christian bubbles. So even though it didn't come up until the end of the list, I am grateful that he states while it is important to surround ourselves with those who build us up, it's also our job to build others and be an example- which only happens if we talk to those outside the bubble.

[BookeryBliss · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in a day and quickly told my teenager to read it too! As the title indicates, it offers a biblical (and moral) alternative to the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' hype that's somehow taken hold lately by glorifying sexual immorality and glamorizing abusive relationships. As a parent, I greatly appreciate using this book as a resource to help guide my children to lead their own path instead of following many on this subject. This book discusses various types of relationships and how to recognize the right "they" in your life, including co-workers, friends, marriage, ect. This isn't a study guide so it isn't very detailed, but each chapter gives a great overview of what the author is trying to say while also making a great conversation starter with your teenagers.

[Jackie P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

For being only ~150 pages long, 50 Shades of They packs a mighty big punch. It's not often I stop and think about the quality of relationships in my life. Pastor Ed Young's book had me re-evaluating the current relationships I have and taught me how to recognize the positive/negative traits in each. I really liked that Pastor Young didn't focus solely on one type of relationship. He shows us the importance of each one and how big of an impact they can have on us even when we aren't expecting it. This is a book I will read over and over and share with friends and family. Such an eye-opening read!

[Shaniqua Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Because HE is the right THEY.

Though it took me some time to finish this short book ( laziness smh ), it surely did not disappoint. Will definitely recommend to others. Very appreciative of the jewels of knowledge dropped in this book. The last two sentences made me feel so much joy. Thank you Ed Young.

[Theron Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read. It gives great insight on the type of people you need in your life to grow as a person, and more importantly, as a Christian. "The right THEY will keep you above the fray." Who are the THEY in your life?

[Kimberly Simpson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. My favorite quote is "Prayer is not just about getting what we want. Prayer is getting to a point where we want what God wants"

[Nicole Garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good, good, good book! This book opened my eyes to the right "THEY" in my life. I look forward to my walk with God. READ THIS BOOK PEOPLE.

[Corrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book and reminder on which people you should surround yourself with to better yourself and to achieve more out of life.