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Stuck in the Passing Lane
Stuck in the Passing Lane is the true story of a man using all the dating tools developed during his twenty-three-year marriage to conduct live experiments on his newly divorced, Baby Boomer heart. To avoid responding to the signals and attractions that produced Jed Ringel’s first marriage, he walls himself out of his interpersonal comfort zone, diving into relationships with women figuratively and literally foreign to his Brooklyn-born, middle-class Jewish origins.
With the unsparing comments of his three teenage daughters as chorus, and his own brutally honest, often self-deprecating self-assessments as narrative, the story follows Jed as he lives everywhere from Russia to Spanish Harlem to New York’s Chinese immigrant community to Singapore, from a relationship with a member of Moscow’s intellectual elite to a barely literate but vastly streetwise Chinatown massage parlor queen, all in his quest for a new “chemistry,” one that doesn’t, in just a matter of time, become, for him, relationship déjà vu.
With stops along the way for a toupee, AA, being robbed outside Lenin’s favorite hotel, a pimping accusation, a life-threatening diagnosis, aging parents, and the death of his rescued Alaskan malamute Kobi who sees him through everything, Stuck in the Passing Lane charts Jed’s struggle to create a new user’s manual for his life.
With the unsparing comments of his three teenage daughters as chorus, and his own brutally honest, often self-deprecating self-assessments as narrative, the story follows Jed as he lives everywhere from Russia to Spanish Harlem to New York’s Chinese immigrant community to Singapore, from a relationship with a member of Moscow’s intellectual elite to a barely literate but vastly streetwise Chinatown massage parlor queen, all in his quest for a new “chemistry,” one that doesn’t, in just a matter of time, become, for him, relationship déjà vu.
With stops along the way for a toupee, AA, being robbed outside Lenin’s favorite hotel, a pimping accusation, a life-threatening diagnosis, aging parents, and the death of his rescued Alaskan malamute Kobi who sees him through everything, Stuck in the Passing Lane charts Jed’s struggle to create a new user’s manual for his life.
288 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2015
About the author
Jed Ringel
1 book2 followersIn prior lives, Jed Ringel has been an Ivy League drop-out, a failed sculptor, a morally impoverished Wall Street lawyer (seeking salvation in chasing fallen dictators to repatriate what they stole), and the founder of an IT company the sale of which allowed him to retire. He’s also a long-time mentor to a child now aging out of the foster care system, and an avid cook, hiker and gardener who splits his time between Montauk and New York City where parts of the story take place.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
June 5, 2015
Review: STUCK IN THE PASSING LANE by Jed Ringel
Jed Ringel is hilarious. In a way, he's a Holden Caulfield for our Baby-Boomer culture. Surely there s nothing humorous about divorce (especially when children are involved) but Mr. Ringel' s recounting of his subsequent joys and tribulations as a "newly single" in the "where do I go from here" stages is vulnerable and touching--and yes, hilarious, because after all, despite all, he has survived the uproar.
Jed Ringel is hilarious. In a way, he's a Holden Caulfield for our Baby-Boomer culture. Surely there s nothing humorous about divorce (especially when children are involved) but Mr. Ringel' s recounting of his subsequent joys and tribulations as a "newly single" in the "where do I go from here" stages is vulnerable and touching--and yes, hilarious, because after all, despite all, he has survived the uproar.
June 10, 2015
I received this book free for review from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Despite the privilege of receiving a free book, I’m absolutely candid about it below because I believe authors and readers will benefit most from honest reviews rather than vacuous 5-star reviews.
I'll admit that when I received this book I looked at the cover and thought... ok... then I looked at the back and suddenly my expectations went straight into the cellar. This isn't really a book that's going to immediately grab you by the hair and make you pay attention to it. In fact, the first 20 pages I kept thinking, "ok, how much of this do I have to read before I can legitimately give up...?" But around page 30 or so, it finally took its hold. The simple nutshell on this book is that it's the intimate no-nonsense view from the inside of the brain of a pretty common everyday guy who finds himself in the online dating world. And it's not one of those in which he blames every woman he breaks up with for this or that. He goes through all the same thoughts that real online daters do (not that I had years of experience with that myself, *ahem*) in which they ask themselves not only what happened but also that most common of repeated mental phrases, "what's wrong with me?"
So to the positive side of things, Jed writes like a man who has really figured himself out. Well, has figured himself out as much as any guy ever really figures himself out. He may not know the answers to the big questions of relationships but he has at least figured out what the questions are. His take on things is completely honest and unassuming and while some readers may find his tendency to jet off to Singapore a bit perturbing, especially if they don't have the assets to jet off to Singapore themselves, I think that anyone who's done the online dating bit will find a lot that's familiar in this book. Lastly on the positive side, the author has a very good balance between too much detail and not enough. I find in many memoirs that the reader is forced to grind away endlessly for hundreds of pages to find the real meat in the proverbial salad but Ringel's all meat, if he will forgive me for the unfortunate analogy. *ahem again*
On the negative side, many readers will be, I think, at least somewhat disappointed that the narrative doesn't really end up anywhere. Essentially, the author starts at his divorce and goes through relationship after relationship in chronological order. There is no grand denouement; there is no final smoking gun or any sudden revelation of truth; there is no shaft of light down from heaven. Things just stop and you're looking at the back page. I'd argue that's OK though because that's the way life is. Until, of course, life isn't. But by that time you've stopped reading.
In summary, if you can relate to this book as a mature dude dating again later in life, it's a real find. If you're a mature lady dating mature dudes and wondering what's going through their puny little brains, it's even more of a find. If you're neither of these things... well, I'm sure you're not still reading this anyway.
PS: I hope my review was helpful. If it was not, then please let me know what I left out that you’d want to know. I always aim to improve.
I'll admit that when I received this book I looked at the cover and thought... ok... then I looked at the back and suddenly my expectations went straight into the cellar. This isn't really a book that's going to immediately grab you by the hair and make you pay attention to it. In fact, the first 20 pages I kept thinking, "ok, how much of this do I have to read before I can legitimately give up...?" But around page 30 or so, it finally took its hold. The simple nutshell on this book is that it's the intimate no-nonsense view from the inside of the brain of a pretty common everyday guy who finds himself in the online dating world. And it's not one of those in which he blames every woman he breaks up with for this or that. He goes through all the same thoughts that real online daters do (not that I had years of experience with that myself, *ahem*) in which they ask themselves not only what happened but also that most common of repeated mental phrases, "what's wrong with me?"
So to the positive side of things, Jed writes like a man who has really figured himself out. Well, has figured himself out as much as any guy ever really figures himself out. He may not know the answers to the big questions of relationships but he has at least figured out what the questions are. His take on things is completely honest and unassuming and while some readers may find his tendency to jet off to Singapore a bit perturbing, especially if they don't have the assets to jet off to Singapore themselves, I think that anyone who's done the online dating bit will find a lot that's familiar in this book. Lastly on the positive side, the author has a very good balance between too much detail and not enough. I find in many memoirs that the reader is forced to grind away endlessly for hundreds of pages to find the real meat in the proverbial salad but Ringel's all meat, if he will forgive me for the unfortunate analogy. *ahem again*
On the negative side, many readers will be, I think, at least somewhat disappointed that the narrative doesn't really end up anywhere. Essentially, the author starts at his divorce and goes through relationship after relationship in chronological order. There is no grand denouement; there is no final smoking gun or any sudden revelation of truth; there is no shaft of light down from heaven. Things just stop and you're looking at the back page. I'd argue that's OK though because that's the way life is. Until, of course, life isn't. But by that time you've stopped reading.
In summary, if you can relate to this book as a mature dude dating again later in life, it's a real find. If you're a mature lady dating mature dudes and wondering what's going through their puny little brains, it's even more of a find. If you're neither of these things... well, I'm sure you're not still reading this anyway.
PS: I hope my review was helpful. If it was not, then please let me know what I left out that you’d want to know. I always aim to improve.
June 10, 2015
This is an easy to read memoir that I sailed through, but it is also a book I’m not sure I needed to read. I received a paperback copy for review. Not to sound harsh – but after finishing the book I wondered why this guy needed to write a memoir. There are no lessons learned, no real clue into much of his life other than what one could glean from the bio and book description.
We are quickly introduces to Jed Ringel, a soon-to-be-divorced, balding, short man with daughters. He was a successful lawyer turned IT business flipper. He apparently has plenty of cash. We see him devolve into alcohol-fueled living for a while, but he cleans his crap up so that made me happy for him. And I congratulate him on staying sober.
This dude has money to burn and he spends a good chunk on dating services, expensive dinners, overseas trips, and various address changes – all in the ultimate pursuit to find his ‘last great love.’ Some of the dates are comical and the book has humor sprinkled through, but overall this is a rich dude that doesn’t work that dates, sleeps with, and updates his dating bio to attract a broader range of gals. He ranges from picky to not picky, from dismissive, to moving to be near women that he does not know to see if things could work.
By the end of the book, you have read a moderate amount of failed dates in different countries and states. He appears to be a vacant father for the most part, a former alcoholic, and takes the reader to all the expensive restaurants. In the end, and this does not spoil the reader’s journey, he has some decent self-reflection, is still sober, and still has plenty of cash. I didn’t see much true transformation and at times it almost appeared Ringel was boasting about his sexual conquests and easy lifestyle.
So, some of the passages were humorous. I enjoyed one date that, to paraphrase – She showed up late and passed the table to say hi to friends, then came back and invited her friends to join them. Jed got up and left. Classic! I rooted for him on this one.
We are quickly introduces to Jed Ringel, a soon-to-be-divorced, balding, short man with daughters. He was a successful lawyer turned IT business flipper. He apparently has plenty of cash. We see him devolve into alcohol-fueled living for a while, but he cleans his crap up so that made me happy for him. And I congratulate him on staying sober.
This dude has money to burn and he spends a good chunk on dating services, expensive dinners, overseas trips, and various address changes – all in the ultimate pursuit to find his ‘last great love.’ Some of the dates are comical and the book has humor sprinkled through, but overall this is a rich dude that doesn’t work that dates, sleeps with, and updates his dating bio to attract a broader range of gals. He ranges from picky to not picky, from dismissive, to moving to be near women that he does not know to see if things could work.
By the end of the book, you have read a moderate amount of failed dates in different countries and states. He appears to be a vacant father for the most part, a former alcoholic, and takes the reader to all the expensive restaurants. In the end, and this does not spoil the reader’s journey, he has some decent self-reflection, is still sober, and still has plenty of cash. I didn’t see much true transformation and at times it almost appeared Ringel was boasting about his sexual conquests and easy lifestyle.
So, some of the passages were humorous. I enjoyed one date that, to paraphrase – She showed up late and passed the table to say hi to friends, then came back and invited her friends to join them. Jed got up and left. Classic! I rooted for him on this one.
October 12, 2017
An Ivy League drop-out, a failed sculptor, and a morally impoverished Wall Street lawyer? That immediately strikes me and I asked myself: What has he got to say? Stuck in the Passing Lane by Jed Ringel, to my utter surprise, is a complete memoir in every aspect, not leaving things to chance and no hiding behind silk curtains. Raw, open, honest and self-deprecating, it is an appealing and side-splittingly amusing story that I couldn't put down.
"Life since divorce has been a Groundhog Day of Road to..movies, me having more sex than Bing Cosby and Bob Hope admit to, but them seemingly having more fun," writes Jed in the chapter A Second Coming. But sex is not everything as he discovered. There's trouble and heartbreak as well. And there's how he tried to reinvent himself again, and again. It's not just about living life the way he wanted but also how life takes him along the rugged road.
Once you get to know the real Jed behind Stuck in the Passing Lane, you will get to like him much more than you are willing to. And in the end, I find the memoir quite an educational journey which teaches me a lot of things which I have not known or explored yet.
"Life since divorce has been a Groundhog Day of Road to..movies, me having more sex than Bing Cosby and Bob Hope admit to, but them seemingly having more fun," writes Jed in the chapter A Second Coming. But sex is not everything as he discovered. There's trouble and heartbreak as well. And there's how he tried to reinvent himself again, and again. It's not just about living life the way he wanted but also how life takes him along the rugged road.
Once you get to know the real Jed behind Stuck in the Passing Lane, you will get to like him much more than you are willing to. And in the end, I find the memoir quite an educational journey which teaches me a lot of things which I have not known or explored yet.
May 6, 2017
Reads like a beta male. He sounds short. I almost fell asleep reading this crap. Avoid unless you just want to hear some useless beta male whining through most of it. I feel sorry for the people in this book that had to meet him and listen to him whine. Can't stand losers like this. Glad I didn't buy this or else I would've gave it to my dog to piss on for potty training.
July 14, 2015
I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
I read half the first night, and finished it the next morning. It was compelling. This is the portrait of a wealthy entrepreneur who, now fifty, is retired and suffering through the end of an unhappy marriage. He’s moved out and is unsure about his relationship with his teenage daughters. He drinks excessively, and basically uses online dating as an escort service. At the beginning of the book, I wondered how anybody could be so clueless. But then he begins to reveal how troubled he is with the way his life is going, and I was hooked.
After a bad drinking scene, he says, “...I wish I had a picture of me. Not of me right now, crying. Of me in my other life, when I had purpose: one hundred and fifty employees, four offices and half a million in monthly payroll...before the woman I took good care of for twenty-plus years started running around trying to make me look dishonest and disloyal and mean and dysfunctional to my children. Now, I’m just another nonworking boozehound.”
And, while waiting at the airport for a surly Russian, he says, “I don’t know what I’m doing bringing this woman and her son here…(I think) this is more about helping someone I feel sorry for than improving my lot...I feel like I’m forcing myself into a shotgun wedding…”
Throughout the memoir, he admits he craves approval from people. Later, when he's finally getting real (and stopped drinking), he tells a woman that his parents had berated him, making him feel unworthy and ashamed, “...which in turn made me a compensating overachiever.” Good introspection and self-knowledge.
Then, finally, he explains his desperate need for sex: “...that sense of approval I falsely infer from the acceptance I read into lovemaking.”
As he begins to accept his failings, he looks into the eyes of a woman who truly cares about him, and says, “It feels how I imagine I would at birth: too new to be accused of doing anything wrong, unarguably clean.”
By the end of the book, Jed Ringel shows he has grown. He’s still making mistakes, but he’s on the right track, and the reader is hopeful. Unfortunately, the book ended too abruptly, as if the author decided he didn’t want to write anymore. But it’s a good memoir, and I enjoyed reading it.
I read half the first night, and finished it the next morning. It was compelling. This is the portrait of a wealthy entrepreneur who, now fifty, is retired and suffering through the end of an unhappy marriage. He’s moved out and is unsure about his relationship with his teenage daughters. He drinks excessively, and basically uses online dating as an escort service. At the beginning of the book, I wondered how anybody could be so clueless. But then he begins to reveal how troubled he is with the way his life is going, and I was hooked.
After a bad drinking scene, he says, “...I wish I had a picture of me. Not of me right now, crying. Of me in my other life, when I had purpose: one hundred and fifty employees, four offices and half a million in monthly payroll...before the woman I took good care of for twenty-plus years started running around trying to make me look dishonest and disloyal and mean and dysfunctional to my children. Now, I’m just another nonworking boozehound.”
And, while waiting at the airport for a surly Russian, he says, “I don’t know what I’m doing bringing this woman and her son here…(I think) this is more about helping someone I feel sorry for than improving my lot...I feel like I’m forcing myself into a shotgun wedding…”
Throughout the memoir, he admits he craves approval from people. Later, when he's finally getting real (and stopped drinking), he tells a woman that his parents had berated him, making him feel unworthy and ashamed, “...which in turn made me a compensating overachiever.” Good introspection and self-knowledge.
Then, finally, he explains his desperate need for sex: “...that sense of approval I falsely infer from the acceptance I read into lovemaking.”
As he begins to accept his failings, he looks into the eyes of a woman who truly cares about him, and says, “It feels how I imagine I would at birth: too new to be accused of doing anything wrong, unarguably clean.”
By the end of the book, Jed Ringel shows he has grown. He’s still making mistakes, but he’s on the right track, and the reader is hopeful. Unfortunately, the book ended too abruptly, as if the author decided he didn’t want to write anymore. But it’s a good memoir, and I enjoyed reading it.
May 16, 2015
Stuck in the Passing Lane by Jed Ringel is an interesting chronicle of Jed's experiences dating and redefining himself after his divorce wiht his wife. This honestly was not one of my favorite books. Ringel's narration can get long and drawn out at points.
But, I began to appreciate Ringel's narration at the end when I read the epilogue. Ringel describes his writing process and how he chose to narrate. After that, I realized that the book wasn't as bad as I thought. I think that maybe I should have read the epilogue before I read the book!
It is a fairly easy read and I finished it pretty quickly. I would recommend it to someone looking for an easy read about a man's failed years in the dating world after 23 years of marriage.
But, I began to appreciate Ringel's narration at the end when I read the epilogue. Ringel describes his writing process and how he chose to narrate. After that, I realized that the book wasn't as bad as I thought. I think that maybe I should have read the epilogue before I read the book!
It is a fairly easy read and I finished it pretty quickly. I would recommend it to someone looking for an easy read about a man's failed years in the dating world after 23 years of marriage.
June 9, 2015
I would like to thank Netgalley and Smith Publicity for the sending me a copy of this book to read and in lieu for my honest opion of this book.
I'll be honest, at first I wasn't sure what the point was. Who was the man and why did we care? Then I started reading it and it was hilarious, I loved the way the Jed Ringel's divorse of course wasn't funny but his quest to find someone to date was just too much. I hope other single middle-aged men haven't had to go through all this to find a date or at least a woman they are compatiable with becasue most be would become flat broke in the process.
I really enjoyed this book and after I got into the book, it was a lot of fun to read.
I'll be honest, at first I wasn't sure what the point was. Who was the man and why did we care? Then I started reading it and it was hilarious, I loved the way the Jed Ringel's divorse of course wasn't funny but his quest to find someone to date was just too much. I hope other single middle-aged men haven't had to go through all this to find a date or at least a woman they are compatiable with becasue most be would become flat broke in the process.
I really enjoyed this book and after I got into the book, it was a lot of fun to read.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews