How to Be a Help instead of a Nuisance: Practical Approaches to Giving Support, Service, and Encouragement to Others

by Karen Kissel Wegela

Despite our good intentions to help others, we often hold back because we don't know what to do or are afraid to intrude. Even when we overcome our hesitations, we sometimes find that we have made things worse with our attempts to help. Karen Kissel Wegela combines the insights of traditional meditative practices and modern psychology to address these problems, concluding that the most important thing we can offer to anyone in distress is our mindful presence, without agendas or expectations. When we learn to cultivate this ability to be open-heartedly, compassionately present, we find that we can intelligently apply a variety of skills and techniques, including listening, being mindful companions, and forming supportive teams for individuals and families. We may find that our actions benefit us as much as they do the people we seek to help.

This books provides concrete practical advice, with techniques and exercises for developing the capacity to serve, support, and encourage those in need—for people in the helping professions as well as for everybody else who wants to provide genuine help to others.

239 pages, Paperback

First published September 24, 1996

Reviews

[Rona Roberts · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book offered me about seven specifically useful pieces of advice, even though I have read a good bit of the content in other books by people connected to Shambhala or Naropa. I fault the publisher for making the book seem to be a general use how-to. In fact, it seems aimed more at therapists or others who are helpers by profession. Worth reading in any case.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gives an overview of some very basic Tibetan Buddhist concepts and practices, and then discusses mindful approaches to supporting or helping others. A worthwhile book for anyone unfamiliar with those concepts/practices, but otherwise rather bland.

[Paula · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wegela writes about generating compassion as a prerequisite for offering meaningful help to people who are struggling. Her writing hews pretty closely to the Shambhala style: mild-mannered, humble, pro-meditation and mindfulness.