Stop I loved that. First time reading this author and her writing was amazing! The book was so easy to get into, making it that much easier to bond with the MMCs. The author may or may not have taken inspiration from heated rivalry, but either way, the book was special on its own. And I for sure had my fair share of tears… at least 5 instances. I liked how we get to see Red and Joel’s lives outside of their relationship, how it impacted them as individuals, and ultimately how it impacted their relationship throughout the years. Reading about Red and his dad made me emotional because of the similar experiences I’ve dealt with in my life. It’s hard having your own life when it’s spent taking care of someone you love, but Red was still able to live his dreams and play hockey because he knew that’s what his dad would’ve wanted for him 🥺
Joel was a special guy. He had been raised with rules and high expectations, making him feel like he had to do everything on his own. Asking for help or letting someone in equaled weakness in his eyes. When he met Red, those things slowly started to fade as he learned that he felt comfortable around him. That he could be himself and not be judged for it. Throughout the 6 years of their relationship there was a lot of push and pull, not only because of their schedules, but of the feelings that Joel was trying to avoid, and the major component of Red feeling afraid to come out. It was as if neither of them had never had anything JUST for themselves and it had always felt impossible.
Eventually, Joel just knew that he wouldn’t want anyone but Red even if he had to wait a little longer (crying). That he wanted more than just days here and there, that he wanted to never let go again. When Red won the Stanley Cup and came out shortly thereafter, it was everything for both of them. Red finally said fuck it to the world and was done letting it stop him for being who he was out in public. He was more than just his sexuality and the work he put in proved it. He wanted to hold hands with his boyfriend and just be allowed to touch him without worrying about people looking. And as for Joel, he was finally able to live the way he never thought he could live, both personally and professionally (fuck his dad fr). He was finally allowed to just to let himself want.
I was definitely emotional when Joel sent a text saying how proud he was of him after the first game post coming out(sobbing). Cried a little more when Joel said he’d loved Red for so long and that he thought he knew 😭 It was amazing for them both to just be together and not caring what anyone thought. That they could finally support each other in their careers and love out loud. 6 years it took them to REALLY be together. But they made it. They didn’t think they were going to, but they did and it was all that mattered. I loved the end where both of them just got to skate normally at rink together, not as hockey player and figure skater, just them 🥹
— quotes
“But the hockey player kept surfacing. I kept seeing the scar on his chin, the freckles scattered across his nose, the way his mouth had fallen open when I landed that triple. He'd looked at me like I'd done something miraculous instead of something I'd done ten thousand times before.”
“You looked at me yesterday,” — “Like you wanted something.” — “Do you still want it?” — “Yeah,” I said. “I still want it.”
“You came to my rink,” he said, and each word was punctuated by a thrust. “Every morning. For weeks. Waiting for me.” — “Yes.” — “You fought a man twice your size because you were angry at me.”— “Yes.” — “All because you couldn’t stop thinking about the way I kiss you. The way I fuck you. Because you’re obsessed with me, Red. And that’s hot as fuck.”
“What’s your favorite color?” — “Red. I closed my eyes and bit my lip to keep from blurting it out. Red was the color of blood. Of his jersey. Of the freckles on his shoulders, of his stupid hair. But if I told him that, I’d never survive what followed.”
“You're the only thing I've wanted for three months. I just didn't think I was allowed to have it.” (Post ex-bf slapping him and showing up at Red’s door and i wanted to cry)
“We were face to face now, his eyes on mine, and there was nowhere to hide. Every other time I'd done this, I'd made sure not to look. Easier that way. But Red was watching me like he wanted to see everything, and I couldn't make myself look away.”
“I wanted him to see it tomorrow and remember this, remember me, remember what it was like when I let myself be something other than sharp edges and control.”
“Say it,” — “Say what?” — “That you're mine.” — “I've been yours since you showed up at my truck after that first game.”
“I’m not a medal, Joel. I'm not something you earn. I'm not a prize for landing your jumps.” — “I'm here because I want to be. Not because you won.” — “I'd be here even if you fell on every jump.” (🥹)
“Joel: youll be great — Red: you dont know that — Joel: i do — Red: how — Joel: I believe in you Red”
“You always have a choice.” “You just keep choosing me.” — "Yeah," he said quietly. “I keep doing that.”
“”When we finally pulled apart, Red was smiling. “What?”” — “”Nothing.” He brushed his thumb across my cheekbone. “I just like you.””— “It was such a simple thing to say, and yet no one had ever said it to me before. "I like you too," I said.”
“I've never done this before,” — “Done what?” — “Wanted something I couldn't train for.”
“”I want more than one day,” he said. His voice was quiet and almost angry.”— “I want more than a week. I want… I want more than this, Red.” (Yeah i was crying)
“I want to tell everyone about you. — “Not your name. But I want to tell them. I want to say, there's this guy, and he's beautiful, and he's mean, and I love him. I love him so much.”(Groggy Red in the hospital 😭😭)
“You make me want to be brave. You make me want to be a lot of things.”
“You looked pretty happy on TV. Lifting that Cup. Smiling for the cameras.” — “I was thinking about you.” — “The whole time. When they handed it to me, I—“ — “was thinking about you.”
“So what are we doing?” — “I don't know,” — “But I'm tired of being without you.”
“Red: I scored the game winner — Red: wish you were here too I stared at the screen for a moment, then added one more. — Red: I love you”
““I've loved you for years,” he said, muffled behind his palm. “I thought you knew.”” — “I didn't know if I was allowed to say it.” — “You're always allowed.” (Yeah sobbing)
“We almost didn't make it.” — “I know.” — “But we did.”
“Six years ago, we'd shared a rink in Rio Rancho. Red had stood in sneakers on my ice, smirking at me before sunrise. Now he was skating beside me, matching my pace.”
“I'm glad you're here. I'm glad we're doing this.” — “I stepped into his space. The sun was warm on my back, his name warm across my shoulders.” — “”Me too," I said, and kissed him.”