How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items

by Jason Offutt

The human race is an endangered species. Vampires, werewolves, Bigfoot, and killer robots – they’re all trying to kill us. Killer robots even have the word “killer” in their name. Can it get more obvious? We need to rid the world of these monsters before they rid the world of us. All of them. But these monsters aren’t real, right? Wrong, and you’re dead.These creatures wander the periphery of our reality, waiting for a moment of weakness, and then attack us while we’re home alone in our underwear. “How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a guidebook on how to rid your life of these monsters before they kill you, so sharpen that machete, and gas up the weed whacker, folks. Each chapter •How to identify the Monster•Who’s going to help you kill it•Your arsenal and where to keep it (Kitchen, Bathroom, Living Room, Garage, etc.).•Behavior of the Monster while you’re trying to kill it•Disposing of the body•Monster powers•Monster weaknesses•How to avoid the Monster“How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a must have home defense guide for the do-it-yourself slayer. After using this book, you too can understand that setting gnomes on fire with a Bic lighter and a can of Aqua Net is funny.

150 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 13, 2015

Reviews

[Frank · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jason Offut has penned a book that is something a little different. HOW TO KILL MONSTERS USING COMMON HOUSEHOLD ITEMS puts the content of the book right on Front Street. This reads like a How To book. Inside you'll learn how to off a dozen different beasties along with some further invaluable advice.

This is a fun read. The redundant formula of the chapters can make it feel long and overdone. Fortunatly, Offut's witty writing style saves ot from becoming flat out bland. I'd like to read something more story driven from this writer given his humorous style on display here.

You may read this book and come away entertained. You could read this book and actually find a useful survival tip or two. You hay even get a home run recipie for white bread. One thing is certain: you will walk away from this book as one bad ass monster killer (bad ass factor 10 out of 10)

[Sirah · Rating 3 out of 5]

With a title like this, you'd think this would be either very educational or very funny. I was hoping to like this book a lot more than I did. The first few chapters had me captivated, but it became repetitive after just a short time. There was also the question of why the author was so set on getting me to believe that horror films are real sources of knowledge about monsters. Well, I tried. Like other Offutt books I've read, this one pokes very close to the line of going too far, and sometimes doesn't know when it's crossed it.

[Ben Shepard · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. "Humour" felt forced.

[Michał Kłosowski · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fire! Guns! Murica!

[Keagan Castley · Rating 4 out of 5]

thanks