Sex Longing & Not Belonging : A Gay Muslim's Quest for Love & Meaning

by Badruddin Khan

This is an autobiographical story of a a Muslim man who comes to terms with is sexual orientation. He describes his life in Pakistan and after his emigration to Canada. The book includes an Afterward by Stephen O. Murray, Ph.D.

Genres: LGBT, Islam, Queer

252 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 1997

Reviews

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Published in 1997, this is an interesting memoir by a gay, Muslim, Pakistani man from a socially fairly elite family in Karachi, who moved to live and work in North America. It gives an insight into his struggle to "belong" and to reconcile the different aspects of his life. For his family, although they took part in the cultural rituals of Islam such as Eid, Islam was more about a philosophical world view embracing tolerance and fairness than about religious practice. However the concept of "the family" was particularly important in this socially conservative milieu. The prime duty of a man was to marry and have children, and thus extend the family both sideways (through the marriage ) and forward (through children). Provided one did this, any other sexual activities were of little importance.
Badruddin is very good at conveying the pressure to marry and the process of negotiating (eventually) an arranged marriage - which in the end was pretty disastrous. He also describes well his difficulties with the concept of "coming out", or even embracing a "gay" identity personally.
There are a number of sexually explicit descriptions of encounters with other men at various points in the book which could be a little startling to the unwary reader, but for me the real power of the book lies in his writing about his family, culture and friendships. I am grateful for the insight it gave me into the pressures experienced by South Asian gay men, whether Muslim or not.