Split: A Child, a Priest, and the Catholic Church

by Mary Dispenza

At age seven, Mary Dispenza was raped by her parish priest. The event split Mary in two, then vanished from memory. Carrying an unaccountable sense of shame, Mary clung to Church liturgy and dogma for support and entered the convent, where for 15 years she lived as a nun, separate from the world. Decades later, when a memory of the pedophile priest resurfaced, Mary's will to survive and her quest to understand the unforgivable, led the former nun to join forty-five other men and women abused by priests, in the largest-ever successful lawsuit against the Catholic Church. As scandals involving sexual abuse continue to roil the Catholic Church and survivors of abuse fight to make the Church atone for its sins, each abused person must find a way to mend the schism inside. SPLIT, the story of Mary's journey to wholeness, takes the reader from horrifying scenes of child abuse, inside the unfamiliar world of the novitiate, through the delicate and frightening process of accepting homosexuality, and culminates in epic courtroom battles. Readers seeking to understand how this terrible injustice happens, and how so much has been kept secret for so long will find some answers in this honest memoir. Mary Dispenza, now an activist for ending the epidemic of abuse, speaks passionately about one 'SPLIT' we desperately need - the one that separates the Church from its mantle of secrecy.

242 pages, Paperback

First published September 5, 2014

Reviews

[max theodore]

Little Mary felt that familiar feeling of abandonment and fear. But now we were at least together, my child-self and my woman-self. I took a deep breath and thought, You will be sitting in my lap today, beautiful little girl.

one of the most thoroughly affecting memoirs i've read--not because of any particular breathtaking quality of the prose or structure (it's fine, maybe a little undercooked), but because dispenza is so fearlessly and shamelessly open. which is all the more impressive considering how much of her life she spent consumed by fear and shame, because of the abuse she suffered at the hands of a priest she trusted but also because of the deep sexual shame struck into her by the church as a whole. it's easy (or, at least, it should be) to condemn church coverups of abuse, but dispenza goes further and also condemns the aspects of catholic teaching that encourage self-denial and what often amounts for the passionate to self-harm. and she does this from a place of very clearly loving god, of finding daily comfort in god for all of her life. me being someone whose catholic upbringing mixed with my OCD like bleach and ammonia, i appreciate that to a degree that's maybe a little silly. she didn't write it for me. but nevertheless.

because it's kind of hard to read this book and not come out feeling like mary dispenza is your friend. she's just so earnest, and so good at capturing the headspaces of her former selves--the young girl who was abused (christ, these sections were hard to read), but also the drifting and dissociated teenager, the stringently self-punishing nun, the confused woman bouncing between strangled affairs, the horrifying overthrow of her senses when she remembered her abuse, the incredible giddy freedom of her coming out as a lesbian. i know every memoir is a little bit of a myth; people construct their own stories even when they mean to be as honest as possible, because that's what storytelling is. but as naive or parasocial as it might sound, i put down this book wishing i could, i don't know, give mary dispenza a hug. tell her thank you. tell her she ought to be proud of herself. tell her i'm glad that she's happy.

(yes, the very last page of this book is a picture of dispenza's wedding to her wife when gay marriage was legalized in washington state. yes, i cried a little about this. shut up.)

editing to add: if any of this sounds interesting but you don't have the time for a full book, this article on dispenza's life and work might be of interest! sorry for promoting her like she's sponsoring me but people who work for clergy abuse survivors' rights do not get enough appreciation and i think she's neat :]

[Nancy Bartlett · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very affecting book. An intimate, unflinching look at a hard, harsh subject.

I really wish stories of abuse like Mary's were not needed. But they are, and continue to be. Even as the church finally begins to publicly wrestle with the horrible things going on within it.

Keep your children safe. Keep them away from priests, keep them out of the church.

[Stella Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Enjoyed more than I thought I would.

[Leanne Hunt · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thoughtful, wise and informative memoir, this is a compelling read from start to finish. I found the story of the young girl who was sexually molested and later became a nun extremely poignant. This was a woman who had her carefree childhood stolen from her, resulting in her being unable to experience intimacy and escape her feelings of shame until well into midlife. Mary Dispenza tells of her work in Catholic education until her own life circumstances caused her to be forced out of the Catholic church’s employ, and writes with insight and critical awareness about the crimes committed by pedophile priests against hundreds of young children leading up to the early 2002’s when her own abuser was finally brought to court and stripped of his priesthood. Although the subject matter of the book is deeply disturbing and serious, the actual narrative flows well and is riveting. Recommended for anyone who is awakening to the realisation that not all that is deemed to be holy is necessarily so.

[Rosemary E Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Split is an extremely well-written, engaging, shocking, and informative work of art. It is the story of one person's journey navigating through the horror of abuse as a child and, later, as a nun, and who eventually comes out strong and beautiful and chooses to be an inspiration to all of us who have been victims of clergy abuse and who want to heal and call ourselves "Survivors." I would recommend this book to anyone who has been abused - because it is so honest, and this story is healing; and to anyone whose loved one has been abused - because it gives such a good inside view to aid understanding; and to anyone who is just plain curious - because the author does not shy away from "telling it like it is". Definitely a five-star read!

[Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, but in a good way

I'm one of those lucky former Catholics who was NOT abused by a priest. Still, I connected with Mary's story in many ways. I am so happy that she has found love and peace, and I believe she is a true hero of our times. I heartily recommend this book.

[Lauren Hallal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a disturbing subject. Mary Dispenza writes with honesty and a fearlessness about what happened to her and her journey from being abused, to becoming a nun and working her way toward becoming whole once again.

[Abbaas Jameel · Rating 1 out of 5]

She was abused by a priest when she was a child, then she became a nun (how reliable is that?) and then she left the convent but kept working in the church(!) After that she was convinced by a therapist that she was actually a lesbian(!) and eventually she ended up being a militant lesbian.