Hope During Heartache: True Stories of Emotional Healing from Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Death of a Child

by Cheri Swalwell

Have you ever dealt with the pain of infertility? Heard the devastating words, "I'm so sorry but your child is no longer alive?" Lived with a heartache so deep it feels as though there will never be any relief? By answering yes to any of these questions, you know how it feels to belong to an exclusive club. This group is designated for men and women who have had to learn how to live with the pain of either the lost dream of a child through infertility or the crushing reality that a child you love is no longer with you - the result of miscarriage, stillbirth, or death. It's a group to which no one wants to belong, but nevertheless, the list of members of this group is long. If you find yourself enrolled in this membership, know that you aren't alone. There are many who have walked this road that are waiting to come alongside and help. Just as the picture on the cover shows the reality of a fierce storm with the hope of bright skies, there is Hope for the storm you are currently facing as well. Step inside this book to hear from thirteen different men and women, through their own words, how they were able to find hope during their heartache. Let them offer you a chance to experience that hope for yourself.

220 pages, Paperback

First published September 25, 2014

About the author

Cheri Swalwell is a Christ follower who thoroughly enjoys her calling to be a wife, mother, writer, podcaster, and speaker, in that order. Cheri loves to encourage people through her fiction series and many nonfiction books including devotionals, Bible studies, and compilation books.

Interested in receiving encouragement 365 days a year right in your inbox? Then the JESUS in the EVERYDAY monthly membership is for you! For a full list of books visit www.cheriswalwell.com.

Do you like YouTube? Head to JESUS in the EVERYDAY for 5 to 7 minutes of encouragement weekly.

Join host Kara Hunt, and co-host Cheri at the Cheer UP Podcast, where they offer encouragement and hope amidst a lot of laughter. They don’t pretend to have all the answers, but they will point you to the One who does!

If you want to sign up to her newsletter to stay updated on all the latest news, you will also receive a free gift as her way of saying thanks for joining!

To find the latest Christian fiction or nonfiction review and other fun stuff, visit her blog at www.cheriswalwell.com.

She loves to interact with her readers, so send her an email at clSwalwell99@gmail.com.

You can join JESUS in the EVERYDAY, a Facebook group where we encourage each other and share life together.

Reviews

[Rose Dee]

The content of this book sang to my heart. It's pages literally spoke to me. If you have ever experienced the loss of a loved one this book shares the journey with you. Especially wonderful if you have suffered miscarriage, or the loss of a child. Also a valuable read for anyone seeking to understand this loss. Words cannot describe how much I have gained from these stories. I just wish I had read it sooner.

[Sharon Paavola]

Cheri Swalwell has collected poignant accounts from people who have suffered different kinds of losses, losses unimaginable as a parent. She shares her own story and that makes her collection real because she has had similar heartache. She writes from what she knows and has experienced. Just reading the book gives healing because you can identify your own life to the ones in the book even if not the same. It helps to know you are not alone in your pain, grief, and sadness. I ached for those who have lost children through any kind of tragedy no matter how old the child or baby at the time. Hope is found in the accounts and suggestions. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for assistance in healing, for those who counsel them, and for those who want to be prepared to support family members or friends.

I received an e-copy of this book from The Book Club Network in exchange for my honest review.

[Daphne Self]

This small book is filled with stories of those who have weathered the storms of miscarriage, stillbirth, death of a child, and infertility. While I have suffered through two of these, and one most recently, this book had healing impact on me emotional. Even though I know there are others out there who have undergone the same as I have, it is nice to read about their stories and relate.

These words in the book issue a healing balm on the heart. It's not a quick fix band-aid read, but it's a read that allows you to grieve with others and journey that road to healing.

A definite recommend for those who could use a reminder that You Are Not Alone.

[Alycia Morales]

This book is filled with testimony after testimony of the hope we have in the Lord when suffering the grief of child loss or infertility. I love that we hear from each individual - sometimes dad, sometimes mom - and get to experience their stories of how they found hope. It's always nice to know we're not alone in our pain. And that God can meet us there, if we allow Him to do so.

Some of the parents who shared their stories go deeper into their experiences than others, but all are worth reading. Would recommend this book to anyone walking out the journey of child loss, no matter the age of the child.

[Holly Jo Morris]

If you have experienced infertility or the loss of a child, you are not alone. Hope During Heartache by Cheri Swalwell is a collection of stories shared by others who have suffered as well. In the book, they share the hope that they found through emotional healing. When hurting from a loss of this magnitude we all need an “aha moment” when our perspective changes and we are able to find hope. Let this book be your moment.

[Shannon]

What a great book. How I wish it had been around years ago, but thankful that we have this as a resource now. My mother, from the old school of share not, miscarried twins, had a stillbirth baby boy at home, and not only cleaned up after but washed and dressed baby before calling for his pick up, and after all this arrived home from hospital with one child, to find her house burning to the ground, with another son, 4 yrs, inside. My mom faced a lot and I have no idea how she made it through, but know that she held tight to her Lord and Saviour through it all.

I have a sister, whom 28 years or so, also had a miscarriage but even then it wasn't something we knew how to discuss or deal with. Thankfully, she too had His hand to hold through it all.

It was very good to read some of the common things heard when someone faces a loss of a child, and to find out, even as a Christian not really helpful to hear.

"Mistaken words of comfort we may hear can include:
“It’s probably for the best anyway.”
“Don’t be sad. You have other healthy children. You should be thankful and focus on them.”
“God had other plans, you know.”
“Aren’t you over it by now?”
“Maybe Heaven needed another angel.”

pg. 7

One of the stories that really touched my heart was by Peter Wiebe. You can not read this one without tears, both of sadness but more importantly with rejoicing.

" In this life, you will never be complete. Your hope lies in the next world—a world the King has promised to all of His children. Armed with this hope, you move forward in this life. You seek to love and follow Jesus and teach your remaining children to do the same. The day you make this decision is the day you realize that you are closer to your child going forward than looking back.
In conclusion, there is no “back to normal” or “after grief” in my opinion. You pack up your grief and carry it with you for the rest of your life. The weight of it is always there—the scars a constant reminder. You would not have it any other way. Your child is worth nothing less."

I know that from watching my mom over the years, she never forgot, especially with our brother Shawn whom died in the fire. She would always be more quiet on both the day of his death in March and his birthday in May. And this with the birthdays of her other children, grandchildren as well as the 29 foster children she welcomed into her home.

"The common denominator throughout each journey is the hope offered through a personal relationship with the only One capable of truly turning our pain into a promise. This promise doesn’t guarantee life will be easy or free from heartache, pain, or tragedy. However, this promise offers us the assurance that whatever challenges await us in this life, we don’t have to go through them alone. We have the certainty that Jesus will walk through life's difficulties with us - weeping at our hurts, comforting through the pain, and finally rejoicing in our blessings." pg. 117

The author gives her email, with the offering to readers wanting to have a relationship with Jesus, to contact her. What a great way to reach out in His name.

The contributors are all listed in the back along with where they are today, which makes them more real. There are also many emails included so you can contact them directly.

I was given this book by bookfun.org in exchange for an honest review.

[ChrisGA]

I have not personally experienced the heartache described in this book, but I chose to read it out of respect for the author. I found myself instantly drawn into the intimate stories of thirteen real people and their struggles with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth or loss of an older child. Each shared their private thoughts and emotions as they dealt with their situation, often feeling alone in their grief and without the support of people who really understood what they were going through. They varied widely in their reaction to the pain and the resources they had to help them through it. It was interesting to see how much a difference faith made in their struggles, even when they felt angry at God. How lonely to feel that not only doctors and friends and family might not know how to help them, but that they also lacked a divine comforter.

I would think these sharings would help others in the similar losses find someone else who felt their confusion and mix of feelings of guilt, anger, loss and abandonment. No one can truly understand without walking through the same valley, but I feel I have had my eyes opened to the pain of my sisters in Christ. Perhaps I will be able to avoid the terribly hurtful though well-meant comments the author lists in her introduction made as we humans try to put into words our empathy but often end up causing more pain. I applaud the author’s and the contributors’ efforts to use their own loss to reach out to others who may feel they are alone and validate their feelings—positive and negative. We all need to feel someone understands . I received this book through The Book Club Network, but the opinions expressed are solely my own.

[Anne Rightler]

Hope During Heartache is such an apt name for this collection of intimate accounts from individuals who have suffered infertility or the loss of a child. Ms Swalwell has compiled thirteen narratives dealing with these heartbreaking issues, including miscarriage and stillbirth, that families often suffer through alone. Each of these accounts are poignant and powerful, often bringing the reader to tears and yet they speak of the hope they found to work through these struggles. Hope that is found in having a personal relationship with Jesus. Never having had personal experience with any of these sad and painful situations, this book gave good insight into the myriad of emotions evoked when living through those situations. Hope During Heartache is a book to share with those going through the loss of a child, as well as with those who know people going through these crises. The reader will note common phrases NOT to say and will find more empathetic ways to minister to their loved ones and friends. The book will bring comfort and strength as the reader gets a glimpse of hope for the hurt and to know there is strength to endure. In the conclusion of the book the author gives an invitation for those who may want a personal relationship with Jesus to contact her. There is also an acknowledgment to each of the contributors, giving a short update on their "after grief" lives, making their accounts even more personal and relative. An excellent book to read and share.
I received a copy of this book through The Book Club Network (bookfun.org) in exchange for my honest review. I have posted reviews on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Deepershopping.com, Bookfun.org and GoodReads.

[Becky Lewis]

A Powerful Book That Should be a Must Read...

Cheri Swalwell tenderly gathers several stories of grief due to infertility, miscarriage, and early child loss. Many people are awkward around someone who has lost a child in these circumstances. I always wondered why a particular person didn't "just get over it." She had 6 other children and I didn't want our holiday ruined by her grief. How I wish I could have read this book years ago! What a different perspective this book causes me to have!

Each story is different, and each contributor found their way to peace by a different path. Yet all had this in common: a solid faith in God, that He would see them through this hard time and walk beside them. I love that Ms. Swalwell includes a wrap-up that invites the reader to discover her source of strength.

Some shareable nuggets: "Our healing took unity."
"We can't hide our pain from Him. In fact, He doesn't want us to. He is relentless with His love, but He sometimes lets us have our way as we wander into painful territory."
"There is no 'back to normal.' In this life, you will never be complete. Your hope lies in the next world--a world the King has promised to all His children."

A powerful book that should be a must for those in grief and for those around them. For the bereaved, to see you're not alone, how to make it through. For the surrounding people--to better understand the thoughts and feelings your loved one or friend may be experiencing.

I received this book from bookfun.org in exchange for an honest review.

[Heather Bireley]

I loved this book. I too have experienced loss during pregnancy twice. I thought that I would have a hard time reading this book because of the losses I had experienced but I didn't. I could understand and empathize with the people who wrote the stories featured in this book. Their faith was amazing and it lifted me to see that they stayed true to God during the trying times. I suffered through a tubal pregnancy with my first marriage and unfortunately it was the last straw in a struggling time. I struggled through the surgery and recovery on my own. I also lost a son at 25 weeks. After carrying two children to term I couldn't understand why my body had betrayed me and I couldn't carry the boy we so desperately wanted. I was able to finally carry a boy a few years later but it was a hard pregnancy and he came early. This book with its stories of others who have experienced loss helped me work through my losses also.

I truly appreciate Cheri Swalwell for writing this book. I think that this is a book for everyone, no matter if you have experienced a loss or not.

I received a free copy of this book for my honest review from The Book Club Network. I was not paid for my positive review.

[Marianne]

Cheri encourages me to try a new book, something I would never pick up any where else but at The Book Club Network, so I chose this book. Although my mother had several miscarriages, it was before I was born. The only time anything of this sort has touched my life has been when acquaintances lost their babies, or as with my best friend, they just could not conceive. My parents were funeral directors, and as such I was aware of the loss of children from a young age. The only thing I am disappointed in is that this book is only available as an Ebook. I would love to buy it as a paperback, and then give instead of a card. There was one instance which Cheri did not cover, and that was death of a child through accident.
I felt that the testimonial of parents (yes, it does not just include mothers, but one father was willing to give his very moving perspective) was timely, and well done. Although it is a time of grief, darkness, a time of isolation, there is in each story a ray of hope that there is a God who loves and who is carrying you.
Thank you to Cheri and Fred at The Book Club Network, and author Cheri Swalwell for the opportunity to read this book. I was given a free Ebook in exchange for an honest review. A positive critique was not required. The opinions are my own.

[Cindy Augustine]

I read this book at a time of loss in my own life. The author, Cheri Swalwell, does a wonderful job of showing you that you can have hope when it seems - or even in spite of - your heart breaking. Each chapter shows the life of a family and their struggle to find hope in the midst of different heartache.
There are seven different chapters, seven different stories, seven different triumphs over heartache, including the author herself.

The heartaches include infertility, miscarriage, the death of an infant, stillbirth and even the death of an older child. The latter was amazingly executed in the way they make you really feel and think about that sort of pain. All the collaborators poured their (literal) heartaches out for us the readers to see, learn and grow from.

The miscarriage one was so powerful. I myself have gone through a miscarriage. I know the pain and loss the authors spoke of. It was so nice to know that my feelings were not foreign and that God can heal and mend a heartsick heart. The book helped me see how God works in different people, in different ways in their different hurts.

I highly recommend reading this book or giving it to those you know who are hurting themselves.

[Bethany Marks]

If you've had the heartache of miscarriage, infertility or death of a child--pain and grief, plain and simple, this book is a must read. In it men and women share their stories with the perspective of God woven through their tradegy.

I had a miscarriage and my biggest regret was that I didn't even realize it. It should've been so clear looking back, but at the time we were juggling so many big changes and neither of us stopped to think it through. We didn't even grieve.

I can't say how much I savored people vulnerably and candidly sharing their stories, each one completely unique with various God endings. Each of our journeys in grief are as unique as we are. These short stories help you process your pain. Not to mention, the courage of each one of these people (especially the men) was truly moving to me.

I think Hope During Heartache would encourage you if you have anything resonating while reading this review.

God weaves the tapestry of our lives. On the back it doesn't look like a masterpiece but on the front it's incredible. The God factor! :) He IS hope! ‪

[Becky of Becky's Bookshelves]

Hope During Heartache shares the story of thirteen families and their journey through the loss of a child. The book shares the story of losing a child by miscarriage, stillbirth, losing an older child, and infertility. Each family tells their own story and how their heart changed along the way.
I really enjoyed reading this book as it touched my heart. I was not sure what to expect when I began reading it, but hoped it would touch the hurt places in my own heart. I have lost babies through miscarriage and through an adoption. Hope During Heartache ministered to me. I felt like I was sitting down to coffee with each of the families as they told their story, opening up their heart. I loved the honesty of how they shared their feelings.
I feel this an excellent book for anyone who has lost a child, or knows someone who has. The book was a gentle reminder to me that when God is in the midst of our story He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. Even during our darkest hours.
I give the book 5 stars. I was given this book for my honest review from bookfun.org.

[Nana]

Countless couples struggle with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of a child. In this nonfiction narrative of the couples who have experienced such pain Cheri Swalwell demonstrates how God's plan and His blessings abound even through extreme loss. Personal testimonies by both men and women, and their firsthand accounts of the struggles of the above-mentioned situations are heartbreaking but hope-filled, poignant and honest.

As I read each of the stories of the individuals featured in this book my heart broke as they described the losses they encountered. For anyone who has suffered the heartbreak of infertility or the loss of a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or illness this book is an encouragement that life does go on, although grief should not be diminished. This book would make an excellent gift to someone suffering with any of the situations described above.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author and Book Fun in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own, and no monetary compensation was received for this review.

[Kimberly]

Waiting for the sun to come out
The cover of this book is exactly what I found inside – sunshine peeking out from the storm clouds. This book is specifically for people who have experienced the loss of a child – from infertility, miscarriage, stillborn, or death. The individual chapters are one person’s account of what they experienced and although everyone’s experience is unique, the reader will find comfort in what is the same – the heartache that comes from such trials. It was hard to read some of the stories because there is so much sorrow, but it is uplifting to read how the individuals learned from their sorrow and have begun to heal. It is easy to read a little at a time and reflect before going on to another person’s story. The stories will help anyone better understand what it is like to lose a child and even if you haven’t experienced it for yourself, you probably know someone who has. This would be a wonderful gift for anyone feeling the heartache of losing a child.
I received this book from BookFun.org in exchange for my honest review.

[Diana Montgomery]

Hope During Heartache
By Cheri Swalwell

A very heartfelt book. This book really touched my heart. I to lived this story of heart break. I am not sure you ever forget it. Like a piece of the puzzle in my life is missing. I felt what each lady felt. To hear each of their intimate story's and what they went through was very close to my heart. Like them I was told to go home and it would all take care of its self. I was scared to death. Like these couples in the book they share their experience the pain and the hope in the end. Cheri did a great job with this book with her story and others and in some way I think reading this would help someone else going through it. Wish I had read something like this when I had mine many years ago. I wasn't sure I wanted to read this book and changed my mind glad I did.

[Sonnetta]

I received the book through Bookfun.org. I found myself relating to the women and men in this book. When someone loses a child we tend to focus on how the loss affects the mother. I actually liked that I got to hear from the father's perspective what it means to lose a child. I have never lost a child but going through cancer for myself, then with my brother-in-law and twin sister I have found that only relying on God's word brings me peace. Thank you Cheri for sharing these stories with us. As a single women it has helped me to see that I have to be very careful in the questions I asked women concerning children. A great reminder that God is always aware of what is happening in our lives and that he is always there for us.

[Kris]

Although this book is about hope, don’t plan on reading it in public (like I did) and make sure you have tissues on hand. Although all the stories end with the hope that others are inspired by the telling of their stories, they are sad.

This is a compilation of stories of people who have lost children through miscarriage, still birth and even later. Most of the stories are told by women but a few by men. Although I have never lost a child, we came very close so I am aware of the need to cling to our Hope, Jesus Christ. This book opened my eyes to how different people grieve differently. The stories were very well told. Thanks for writing this, Cheri, to help those who mourn to know they are not alone. I received this book from bookfun.org in return for my honest opinion.

[Joan]

This is an excellent book for those who have lost a child, for whatever reasons, or those who want to understand such an experience. These stories are heart breaking, yet have hope as the contributors are Christian. You will read about the pain and grief and sometimes feelings of guilt. Some wonder if God is punishing them, if they have done something wrong. Even though they know life will never be the same, they have hope of the resurrection and a united family in heaven.
See my complete review at http://bit.ly/1K4xaV6.
I received a complimentary digital copy of this book through The Book Club Network for the purpose of an independent and honest review.

[Robbi Bourne]

When I read this book, my heart broke for these real people who have suffered the loss of a child. I couldn't help but feel their pain through my tears.

These stories helped me to understand so much better what my own daughter suffered in her miscarriage and why it took so long for her to find joy again. Although this book shows real pain and grieving, it gives hope and is about healing.

I highly recommend it for anyone who has suffered the loss of a child, anyone who knows someone who has suffered this loss, as well as all professionals who work with grief and loss.

[Debora Wilder]

This is a heart breaking book to read.

I don’t read very many non-fiction books. I’m very glad that I read this one though. I know a number of people who have had problems with infertility, miscarriages, or the death of a child. This book helped me to understand more fully the heartache that they have gone through. Each person’s story is different just like each person is different. There is no “proper” way to deal with the pain. I feel that with this added level of understanding I may better be able to love and support someone going through one of these situations.

[Lori Weller]

Hope During Heartache shares the stories of loss. Loss due to infertility, miscarriage or having a stillborn delivery. Each story in their own way demonstrates how they have processed and dealt with the grief. It is an excellent book for anyone even if they are not in the child-bearing age. I wish it would have been there when I had my miscarriages and stillbirths. I know it would have brought me some guidance and help at those times.
I received the book from the Book Club Network in exchange for my honest opinion

[Virginia Winfield]

This is a beautifully written book of testimonials about the loss of a child from miscarriage or disease. I am lucky that my two boys are 20 and 26 and are fairly healthy. I have never lost a child in any way but I loved to read these stories and you could feel their pain and how they came back to God. I received an ebook copy of this from book fun.org for a fair and honest opinion.

[Kevin Troupe]

A very powerful compilation of stories with the same theme of the pain and grieving processes of families who have dealt with the pain of a miscarriage, stillborn or the death of a child.