Very mixed feelings about this. it’s NOT BAD, read review for nuance.
TL:DR - 2.5 overall, but with a solid editorial pass, this could be a 5/5. It a really interesting take on a mythological/theological apocalypse scenario with a solid mix of sci fi technology, mysticism, and geopolitics, which is unfortunately hindered at every pace by slow, ponderous and bloated naval gazing and “tell, don’t show.”
I REALLY like the concepts in the story but the execution of it is really rough.
It’s 13 chapters before we get any real plot, most everything before is worldbuilding. Once you get past that it’s “better” but still ostentatious with the story’s constant need to “inform the reader” instead of just showing us.
One of the minor spoilers is that one of the MMCs is a super soldier prototype. The perspective here is actually a highlight, but we also get a huge amount of infodump that’s all told, not shown. We don’t see him actually use that power until half way through the book, and then we really only see his healing because he keeps getting his ass beat, and his “I can hack computers with my mind” so there no chance of being observed by the bad guys through cameras. Convenient.
First 13 chapters feels like an unnecessary prologue that could be cut down to 4 chapters and not lose anything that makes the story work. Every chapter after is still bloated but less so.
A simple star ranking doesn’t tell the whole story.
With a solid edit to trim away the fat and focus on characters? Could easily be a 4 or 5 star overall. There IS an interesting story here, but you have to be willing to slog through so much unnecessary bloat. I just wish the story getting there was more concise, and better foreshadow who these people are.
Longer review:
I went into this open minded, and by chapter 3 I’d gotten interested hearing about the plot. Amnesia, clandestine operations, a hospital that might not be all it seems…
And then Nate star’s speakin’ wit’ an accent and ‘postraphe e’rry two words which… my brother in Christ no.
I nearly DNFed from that alone because it was so much.
I stayed because the plot seemed like it was going somewhere, and there WAS a solid mystery.
Honestly though it feels like the author isn’t confident in their storytelling. Lots of telling us what’s going on vs letting the reader figure it out. Add in 3rd person omniscient and the only mystery left about characters is what their specific reactions would be. And it’s a SLOG to get there. There’s also a habit of bringing up new character motivation or backstory and then not exploringit.
First 13 chapters are either backstory, characters thinking about their backstories, comparing each others stories, all told in narrative what’s going on with no movement or dynamism to how the story is told. I honestly skimmed most of it because it’s simply BORING. It’s not fun to read a technical manual describing characters or geopolitics, I want to see how it changes how people act and say.
It doesn’t end there though, There’s a scene where Jing Qi Manipulates a weak minded monk to stop other monks from revolting. That was great! The power dynamic was solid, Jing Qi comes off perfectly sociopathic, menacing, but then it’s undercut by these huge swathes of backstory and navel gazing.
It didn’t need 70% of the chapter to be backstory narration. We can tell Jing Qi is a sociopath by his actions, we don’t need to be told verbatim.
You’ve got a solid idea here and interesting geopolitics and even “accurate” mythology, but you’ve wrapped it up in pages and pages of boring filler. You could honestly take chapter 1-12 and condense into 4 chapters.
Honestly, I was on the verge of DNFing, and then the “Angel” showed up to Drake.
Around halfway through the story, the plot finally picks up, and we get a mixture of Constantine and B-Movie contemporary sci-fi Adventure. We could have skipped most of the front half of the book and it wouldn’t harm the story. The second have has better pacing, FAR FAR better story. But it retains its ponderous prose, and even fight scenes include long dialogue that kills the tension. I know these people like dossiers, and only NOW am I starting to get some personality, but it’s still so wordy and telling me what’s going on instead of just showing it.
This is a really well thought out story, but it suffers a lot of cliche, and frustrating moments where you want something cool to happen, and it sorta does, but not in a way that builds the characters or the story overall. We get some “chosen one can do no wrong” moments where one character is praised to the detriment of others and… yeah.
The ending is bittersweet, with a reveal that honestly if you were paying attention and know your mythology it wasn’t a surprise.
There’s an amazing story in this, but it sorely needs editorial work. I’m VERY interested in the next part.