How to Say No to Your Toddler: Creating a Safe, Rational, and Effective Discipline Program for Your 9-Month to 3-Year Old

by William G. Wilkoff

Teaching your toddler that “no means no” now can save you both suffering. But how do you say it so that he’ll understand?

For many parents of toddlers, saying “no” over and over becomes a mantra for exhaustion. Why is it so difficult to convey the meaning of this tiny word? Because, says pediatrician Will Wilkoff, when it comes to tots, actions speak louder than words.

Using very direct and simple guidelines, Dr. Wilkoff shows you how to develop a consistent and effective discipline plan. He explains what can go wrong with time-out and how to overcome obstacles, including your child’s rebelliousness, physical space issues, and your own reluctance. He also presents helpful advice for special situations, such as how to say no at meal times, at grandma’s house, and when your child is sick.

Presenting his compassionate and practical approach, Dr. Wilkoff shows how you can respond to the misbehavior of very young children while teaching them self-control that will benefit them throughout their lives. How to Say No to Your Toddler is the ideal guide for any parent who wants to take a more effective approach for raising healthy, happy children.

Genres: Parenting

240 pages, Paperback

First published October 14, 2003

Reviews

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I definitely think this book could work for our family. Interesting, a lot of what needs to change is ME and not the baby! Go figure!

What I learned: I'm too soft on my toddler. Too many chances, too much laziness with the discipline- I'll get it next time, etc. He's learning that I don't mean what I say most of the time. Most of the misbehaving is occurring when he missed a nap or is tired or I haven't given him a lot of attention. My toddler at 18months is way too young to understand sharing. We refer to it as the "s" word in our house because just saying it turns toddler into a boy terrified his toy is being taken away. That is reassuring and there isn't much I can do at this point to teach him to learn to share.

What I'll use: Counting to 5 to stop a behavior. One warning, one threat, Time Out. I should also use one warning, one threat, no more breakfast/lunch/dinner when he throws food on the floor but it will be hard. Hopefully it will only take a few tries!

What I'm not sure about: Time out in his bedroom, which is upstairs and believe it or not it's not baby proofed. Lunch before nap. We aren't having napping issues, but we do an early nap with a snack beforehand and a late lunch after nap. I see the benefits but I think I'll try this once nap moves back a bit further into the day.

I would recommend this to other parents. I'm a big believer of taking what works for your family and leave the rest with no judgement. A lot of this I can take with me.

[Morgan Olson · Rating 4 out of 5]

i also haven't read this entire book, you can get the idea from the first few chapters, and then i skipped around a lot to look at parts that applied to me. but i think the ideas are great and very helpful. it talks about how to use timeout affectively, and limiting the times you say NO to your child. for example, if it is not dangerous for your child, or for the object, then it might be easier to just let it slide. it also says not to be afraid to make changes to your home (ie, locks on the cabinets, on doors, removing a valuable object, etc). anyway, i really like it!

[Morag Heffernan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like my parenting books to be a little more touchy-feely than this (validating your children's emotions, empowering them with the tools they need to express themselves, etc.). This book was good - had some good tips and tricks - but I found that a lot of it was just common sense. Also, the tone was definitely that of a male doctor giving parenting advice. I felt like his experience as a doctor outweighed his experience as a parent. While this may be true, and a postive for some who read the book, for me, it took away from the personal tone I had initially expected.

[Patti · Rating 3 out of 5]

I definitely did not agree with half of what this doctor prescribed as discipline, but the other half I found very useful. I skimmed the parts that annoyed me and took what I could (my usual method with any parenting book!)

[Hafidha]

I borrowed this from the library and I didn't get far into it. I don't remember anything about it, and it made no impression on me that I can recall. My child is now 3yo so I won't be revisiting this one.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good ideas, but a lot of it was common sense.

[Lonnie Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

So far he is a little condescending to anyone that believes in using physical discipline, but has alot of other good stuff too. We will see.