Ethan Hawke & Me: The Before Trilogy

by Andrew Bertaina

When Andrew Bertaina first saw the 1995 Ethan Hawke-Julie Delpy film Before Sunrise—swiping the tape from his sister’s bedroom—he was fifteen, painfully shy, and living a sheltered existence in small-town California. The movie cracked something open in him, with its romantic European setting and its charming, intelligent protagonists, who fall in love with each other over the course of a day spent wandering the streets of Vienna. Within the movie’s story seemed to lie
a promise: that you could truly be known by another person, that a relationship could be a never-ending conversation with someone who was both interested and interesting.

Fast-forward 25 years, and Andrew’s teenaged romanticism has been challenged by life’s realities, which have included a marriage, a child, a move across the country, a divorce. Meanwhile, the film’s central relationship has also been challenged and complicated by two sequels. When Andrew decides to revisit the first film, with a new partner and a bottle of wine—a rare date night for two single parents—he can’t help but wonder: Will he still see himself in the movie? And, perhaps more importantly, will she?

120 pages, Paperback

Published May 6, 2025

About the author

Andrew Bertaina is the author of the essay collection, The Body Is A Temporary Gathering Place (Autofocus Books), and the short story collection One Person Away From You (2021), which won the Moon City Short Fiction Award. His work has appeared in The Threepenny Review, Witness Magazine, Prairie Schooner, Post Road, and The Best American Poetry. He has an MFA from American University in Washington, DC.

Reviews

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author of this 112-page essay/memoir was fifteen when he watched Before Sunrise and became obsessed. The title of this book could be “Jesse & Me,” Jesse being the name of the character Ethan Hawke portrays and that Bertaina connects with. The character and the movie become aspirational, modeling a way out of Bertaina’s small Northern California town and a way of life.

More than anything the portrayal of Jesse is an affirmation that Bertaina’s way of thinking and feeling was valid, that his young yearnings were not something strange and foreign. As the author inevitably experiences life’s disappointments and delusions, he clings to the idea posited by these movies—that having a never-ending conversation with the someone you find perpetually interesting is worth reaching for and attainable.

[Sophie Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite nonfiction of the year. Tender, exacting, a lovely tribute to the uncertainty of relationships. Go indie presses!

[Martin Greenacre · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone who loves the Before trilogy, as I do, but I don’t think that’s a requirement, as the heart of the book concerns the author’s life – from being a shy kid longing for connection, to going through a divorce and starting over. It’s part film criticism, part memoir.

Bertaina perfectly captures the feeling of being young and stuck in a small town, dreaming of what life could be. And then, like Jesse and Céline, he has to come to terms with the truth that things haven’t turned out as he hoped. The reason I enjoyed this book so much is that, ultimately, like Richard Linklater's films, it’s wrestling with the messy, complicated reality of human relationships and how, despite it all, we can find a sort of happiness.

[Mike Walsh]

wonderful and heartfelt. an unblinking look at finding yourself and finding inner peace, and being willing to be your authentic self.

[Jake Varn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not required, but in my opinion, this is best read by watching each of the movies as a companion to each of the three acts.