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Renegade Grief
From grief quests to altar-making, to dinner parties to Dungeons & Dragons, Renegade Grief is an “offering to the struggle and art of being human” (Krista Tippett, New York Times bestselling author) and a profound, vulnerable exploration of care practices and rituals that empower grievers in a culture that expects us to simply “give it time.”
So, you’ve lost someone. At first, there is an outpour of support and phone calls and care packages. But after the services are done and the phone stops ringing, there is a quiet in the air and an expectation to get on with your life. The problem is that death has a way of making all plans go out the window. Renegade Grief offers the support in this next stage of grieving—when you feel isolated in your loss and are figuring out how to navigate it.
Shaped by her own experience with the death of her father and her time cofounding The Dinner Party, a leading peer-support organization for people who’ve experienced a major loss, Carla Fernandez pushes back on the death-denying culture we live in. For too long, grief has been treated as something pitiable, simply sad, to be gotten over as soon as possible. But after fifteen years of being in a community with fellow grievers, Carla has witnessed a different side of the story. Grieving a significant loss is hardcore, hardly something to be swept under the rug, but an experience to be held with respect, a creative spirit, and with friends. Through inspiring stories of real grievers, patterns from across history, and fresh science, Renegade Grief enlivens you with the permission and possibility to explore your grief in your own unique way and reminds you that you’re not alone in doing it.
Renegade Grief is an indispensable resource for people at any stage of the grieving process and with Carla’s candid and compassionate guidance, you learn that life after loss isn’t about the futile attempt of arriving at some other side. Rather, it’s about building your community, adjusting to change, and finding the way for your grief to become a pathway into your own version of a soulful life.
So, you’ve lost someone. At first, there is an outpour of support and phone calls and care packages. But after the services are done and the phone stops ringing, there is a quiet in the air and an expectation to get on with your life. The problem is that death has a way of making all plans go out the window. Renegade Grief offers the support in this next stage of grieving—when you feel isolated in your loss and are figuring out how to navigate it.
Shaped by her own experience with the death of her father and her time cofounding The Dinner Party, a leading peer-support organization for people who’ve experienced a major loss, Carla Fernandez pushes back on the death-denying culture we live in. For too long, grief has been treated as something pitiable, simply sad, to be gotten over as soon as possible. But after fifteen years of being in a community with fellow grievers, Carla has witnessed a different side of the story. Grieving a significant loss is hardcore, hardly something to be swept under the rug, but an experience to be held with respect, a creative spirit, and with friends. Through inspiring stories of real grievers, patterns from across history, and fresh science, Renegade Grief enlivens you with the permission and possibility to explore your grief in your own unique way and reminds you that you’re not alone in doing it.
Renegade Grief is an indispensable resource for people at any stage of the grieving process and with Carla’s candid and compassionate guidance, you learn that life after loss isn’t about the futile attempt of arriving at some other side. Rather, it’s about building your community, adjusting to change, and finding the way for your grief to become a pathway into your own version of a soulful life.
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Published March 11, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
December 10, 2025
Grateful to this book and the author’s shared confounding experience being surrounded by people not knowing what to do or say when faced with another’s grief and loss. This book was so well researched and organized while also being told with rich stories, deep compassion and curiosity.
I oddly came across this book only because of a passing TikTok reference from the wife of Mandy Patinkin Kathryn… when offering care to a fan of the Princess Bride comfort in her grief, she mentioned a resource called the Dinner Party. So when my Mom passed away six weeks ago, I recalled that recommendation and looked it up stumbling on this book.
Each page and paragraph felt a little like a salve of recognition. Hearing about the parallel stories of coworkers being weird - either greeting me with overbearing hugs and sad eyes or refusing to make eye contact altogether and sticking to email or chat board sympathy spew. It joined me in seeking compassion over anger in the feeling of isolation where I was given the reasons why we are socialized to awkward. It made me share gratitude for those grief allies who showed up with earnestness and warmth, taking me to see the Springsteen biopic to not cancel our plans when the news of death came that day. Or to my best friend who made the heroic offer to join me at the funeral a plane ride away and with awkward sibling stuff baked in.
Even though my life had already brought me to pursue a career in social work and psychology, this provided a parallel entry into attunement, honoring the individual (with a recognition that grief and loss brings weird feelings), and the importance of connection and seeking life again. I laughed out loud with this book, nodded along, and felt less alone as I sought my own table group to join and bought my new favorite awkward shirt from their website, “Ask me about my dead parents.” And while my husband rightly wonders what my response will be when someone actually does ask, I take comfort in knowing that there will at least be one more courage connection made about a topic none of us can avoid.
Thank you Carla.
I oddly came across this book only because of a passing TikTok reference from the wife of Mandy Patinkin Kathryn… when offering care to a fan of the Princess Bride comfort in her grief, she mentioned a resource called the Dinner Party. So when my Mom passed away six weeks ago, I recalled that recommendation and looked it up stumbling on this book.
Each page and paragraph felt a little like a salve of recognition. Hearing about the parallel stories of coworkers being weird - either greeting me with overbearing hugs and sad eyes or refusing to make eye contact altogether and sticking to email or chat board sympathy spew. It joined me in seeking compassion over anger in the feeling of isolation where I was given the reasons why we are socialized to awkward. It made me share gratitude for those grief allies who showed up with earnestness and warmth, taking me to see the Springsteen biopic to not cancel our plans when the news of death came that day. Or to my best friend who made the heroic offer to join me at the funeral a plane ride away and with awkward sibling stuff baked in.
Even though my life had already brought me to pursue a career in social work and psychology, this provided a parallel entry into attunement, honoring the individual (with a recognition that grief and loss brings weird feelings), and the importance of connection and seeking life again. I laughed out loud with this book, nodded along, and felt less alone as I sought my own table group to join and bought my new favorite awkward shirt from their website, “Ask me about my dead parents.” And while my husband rightly wonders what my response will be when someone actually does ask, I take comfort in knowing that there will at least be one more courage connection made about a topic none of us can avoid.
Thank you Carla.
March 25, 2025
In October 2024, my life changed in less than 24 hours. My partner passed away due to respiratory failure and sepsis, which led to cardiac arrest. Although I had some prior experience with grief, this felt entirely different. She was only 52 years old and had so much life left to live.
I had spent my career helping others navigate mental health issues, as well as struggles with alcohol and drugs, but when it came to my pain, I had no idea how to help myself. Then, I came across the book *Renegade Grief*. The cover caught my attention, and when I read the introduction, it resonated with every thought and feeling I was experiencing.
People I thought would be there to support me during this difficult time seemed to vanish. It felt as if they believed my grief was too much and that I should "get over it" after holding a memorial service. However, that was just the beginning for me. I still had to take her ashes to be buried in her hometown, a place I had never visited before.
I felt alone and lost, but this book appeared when needed. I was willing to wait for its release date, March 11, 2025.
This book is helping me process and understand my grief, hurt, anger, unanswered questions, and why. It is helping me understand the thought process of the choices people make when you need them desperately, so they help you through some very dark moments, but they do not come.
I had spent my career helping others navigate mental health issues, as well as struggles with alcohol and drugs, but when it came to my pain, I had no idea how to help myself. Then, I came across the book *Renegade Grief*. The cover caught my attention, and when I read the introduction, it resonated with every thought and feeling I was experiencing.
People I thought would be there to support me during this difficult time seemed to vanish. It felt as if they believed my grief was too much and that I should "get over it" after holding a memorial service. However, that was just the beginning for me. I still had to take her ashes to be buried in her hometown, a place I had never visited before.
I felt alone and lost, but this book appeared when needed. I was willing to wait for its release date, March 11, 2025.
This book is helping me process and understand my grief, hurt, anger, unanswered questions, and why. It is helping me understand the thought process of the choices people make when you need them desperately, so they help you through some very dark moments, but they do not come.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews