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A Pilgrimage Into Letting Go: Helping Parents and Pastors Embrace the Uncontrollable
Andy and Kara were anxious--anxious about their teenaged children approaching adulthood in a tumultuous world. Anxious, too, about their ministries; after all, as America's pews empty, the church depends on its leaders to save it. If only they could control the circumstances faced by those who depended on them, they could ensure their success.
But maybe the solution isn't paving the way for our kids or our congregations. Maybe it's hiking the long road alongside them.
Andy and Kara took this literally. Following the way of Cuthbert, a seventh-century saint, they embarked with their kids on a sixty-three-mile walking pilgrimage in England and Scotland. Over the course of their journey, Andy and Kara learned that when we release control, we can regain connection--with our families, with fellow pilgrims along the road, with nature, and with God.
Thought-provoking and relatable, A Pilgrimage into Letting Go will help parents, pastors, and ministry leaders let go of their anxiety and open themselves up to God's transformative grace.
But maybe the solution isn't paving the way for our kids or our congregations. Maybe it's hiking the long road alongside them.
Andy and Kara took this literally. Following the way of Cuthbert, a seventh-century saint, they embarked with their kids on a sixty-three-mile walking pilgrimage in England and Scotland. Over the course of their journey, Andy and Kara learned that when we release control, we can regain connection--with our families, with fellow pilgrims along the road, with nature, and with God.
Thought-provoking and relatable, A Pilgrimage into Letting Go will help parents, pastors, and ministry leaders let go of their anxiety and open themselves up to God's transformative grace.
- GenresParenting
240 pages, Paperback
Published September 9, 2025
1395 people want to read
About the author
Andrew Root
62 books120 followersAndrew Root joined Luther Seminary in 2005 as assistant professor of youth and family ministry. Previously he was an adjunct professor at Wesley Theological Seminary, Washington D.C., and Princeton Theological Seminary, Princeton, N.J.
Root received his bachelor of arts degree from Bethel College, St. Paul, Minn., in 1997. He earned his master of divinity (2000) and his master of theology (2001) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, Calif. He completed his doctoral degree from Princeton Theological Seminary in 2005.
Root's ministry experience includes being a gang prevention counselor in Los Angeles, youth outreach directed in a congregation, staff member of Young Life, and a confirmation teacher. He has also been a research fellow for Princeton Theological Seminary's Faith Practices Project.
Root has published articles in the Journal of Youth and Theology, The International Journal of Practical Theology, and Word and World.
He is a member of the International Association for the Study of Youth Ministry and the International Bonhoeffer Society.
Root received his bachelor of arts degree from Bethel College, St. Paul, Minn., in 1997. He earned his master of divinity (2000) and his master of theology (2001) degrees from Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena, Calif. He completed his doctoral degree from Princeton Theological Seminary in 2005.
Root's ministry experience includes being a gang prevention counselor in Los Angeles, youth outreach directed in a congregation, staff member of Young Life, and a confirmation teacher. He has also been a research fellow for Princeton Theological Seminary's Faith Practices Project.
Root has published articles in the Journal of Youth and Theology, The International Journal of Practical Theology, and Word and World.
He is a member of the International Association for the Study of Youth Ministry and the International Bonhoeffer Society.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
October 18, 2025
The Roots bring a unique word to pilgrimage. Especially enjoyable since I also walked St. Cuthbert’s trail a few years ago. Fun to reminisce. I thankfully did not have teenage children along. I like the analogy of letting go for both parenting and pastoring. The need for uncontrollability in our spiritual lives as a way of connecting with God is beautiful.
October 18, 2025
We human beings often feel most comfortable when we are in control of our lives and our context. The problem is, too many things and people stand outside our control. That can cause frustration, anxiety, anger, and more. So, if much of life is uncontrollable, how might we let go? Would a pilgrimage be the key?
The book "A Pilgrimage into Letting Go" is subtitled "Helping Parents and Pastors Embrace the Uncontrollable. It is written by Andrew and Kara Root. Andrew Root is well known among pastors for his series of books on ministry, church, and evangelism in a secular age. These books can be rather dense as Root seeks to bring into the conversation leading philosophers and social theorists who write about secularism, such as Charles Taylor and Hartmut Rosa. In this particular book, Andrew and Kara Root draw upon Rosa's book The Uncontrollability of the World, as well as their experiences as a family taking a pilgrimage in the Scottish borderlands and northern England to Lindisfarne, a pilgrimage that traces the steps from Melrose, Scotland to the holy island off the English coast that St. Cuthbert took in the eighth century CE. The message here is that a pilgrimage requires people to let go of their need to control the uncontrollable.
As the subtitle of the book notes, this is a book that figures into the conversation parents and church leaders, especially pastors. Both parents and pastors often feel the need to be in control, either of their children or their congregations. The intentions are good, but the downside is significant because neither children nor congregations are controllable. A theme that runs through this book is one that readers of Andrew Root have already encountered, and that is the concern about the anxiety we feel because of the way life is accelerating and our inability to keep up. Unfortunately, slowing down may not help. At the same time, following Rosa, the Roots speak of the importance of resonance serving as an antidote to acceleration. Yet even here, there are challenges. Resonance, we learn, involves a feeling of being alive, of being awake, of connection. There are, we're told, four traits. First, he writes that "something from outside us 'calls' to us." Secondly, there is the need for a response to that call, what Rosa calls "self-efficacy." Third, he speaks of transformation, which accompanies resonance. Finally, resonant experiences are uncontrollable. That is, these are experiences we can't cause to happen. It is this fourth element that is most important, and is the element that the authors seek to develop in this intriguing book.
That this is a jointly authored book that combines Andrew Roots' understanding of social theory and theology with his spouse's more pastoral experiences, such that she serves as senior pastor of Lake Nokomis Presbyterian Church in Minneapolis. That pastoral element shows through in several places and makes this book a little less dense than others he has written on his own.
The titles of the chapters give us a sense of what we find in this book, which combines social commentary with accounts of the pilgrimage that Andrew and Kara took with their two teenage children, Maisy and Owen. We get to hear about the ups and downs of their journey, which was successful but at times stressful. The stressful parts often emerged when they tried to control the uncontrollable. So, we begin with a conversation about "Control-Freak Parenting," something parents can resonate with. Then we get to "The Thrill of Uncontrollability." It might be thrilling, but again, it is anxiety-producing. The third chapter is titled "Get Aggressive, Get, Get Aggressive." It is in this chapter that the authors begin sharing about the pilgrimage following the path trodden by Cuthbert, a monk and bishop of Lindisfarne, whose story was told by Bede. It is in this chapter that the Roots begin discussing a growth mindset that easily takes hold of our lives. If we don't grow our churches, for example, they will die., So we do all we can to produce growth even though it is uncontrollable. We do the same with our children as we seek to give them all the resources they'll need to succeed in life.
After sharing with us a service of Morning Prayer that Kara developed for their journey, we get to Chapter 4 titled "Grow, Grow, Grow." The authors begin by sharing another element of their journey before getting into the topic at hand, the desire for growth. The term introduced here is "dynamic stabilization," the sense that life is stable only when it is growing. Of course, as we've learned in other Root books, growth requires innovation. Innovation demands that we control the uncontrollable, even if that means controlling God. We do this in several ways. First, we make the world visible, then reachable. From there, we make the world manageable. Of course, management requires control. Finally, we seek to make the world and the church, etc., "useful." Even ritual and worship are defined by their usefulness. Of course, God is uncontrollable, and faith requires that we let go of our need to control God.
As we continue the journey on Day 2, we come to a chapter titled "Losing Grip" (Chapter 5). Here, they remind us that when we try to control the world, it withdraws from us because it is not an object that we can control. He contrasts here being a tourist, which does involve control, with being a pilgrim, something that breaks through one's ability to control. So, the message here is that to be a pilgrim, we need to loosen the grip of control. That is because seeking to control life leads to alienation, which in turn leads to burnout and depression. Moving on to Day 3, we have Chapter 6, "The Longest Mile." You will need to read the chapter to fully understand the context, but here they talk about the problem of "relationless Relating, which emerges from the desire for instrumentalization and optimization, or to borrow from Buber, as they do, this is a question of an "I-It" kind of relationship."
When we arrive at Chapter 7, we hear the story of another day on the path of St. Cuthbert. The title of the Chapter is "Losing What We Never Had." Here, they discuss the sense of control that we desire but never had. They do note that there is room for semicontrollability, but not full control. One example here is prayer, which is semicontrollable because it involves a dialogue. We choose to enter the conversation but not the response. There are, however, barriers that exist to living this way. This chapter ends with the Midday Prayer service that Kara Root developed.
Now we have two more chapters. Chapter 8 is titled "Haunted by the Frame: The Church, the Kids, and the Viking Raiders." The last component, of course, being the Viking raiders that devastated the monastery, driving the monks from the Island. The focus here is on understanding resonance and its relationship to desire or longing. They note, following Rosa, that desire cannot be controlled. Though they are not completely left to chance. Rather, they are shaped by culture, circumstances, and us. The question then is how to shape desires. Parenting and pastoring then involve helping people to shape their desires well. Thus, "to shape our desire toward God is to shape our longings toward that which we cannot attain on our own" (p. 191). The final Chapter is titled "Door-knocking Demons and the End of It All" (Chapter 9). In this chapter about the uncontrollability of uncontrollability, they speak of the monsters we encounter in life, as well as on the pilgrimage. That is, our terror of the uncontrollable. Dealing with this requires trust, something that pilgrims understand because pilgrims do not control what happens along the way. The chapters end with Evening Prayer, another service put together by Kara Root.
In the Epilogue, the authors speak of the relationship of forgiveness to letting go. There is a need for gentleness and acceptance of ourselves and others. They ask whether the journey of a pilgrim might be a "constant journey of forgiveness" (p. 226). That makes sense, but it does mean letting go of our need to control. If you have been reading Andy Root's books, you will want to read this one as well. If you haven't read him, this would be a good place to start. Including this personal story of their pilgrimage as a family draws the reader into the conversation, and the message is an important one for parents and for churches.
The book "A Pilgrimage into Letting Go" is subtitled "Helping Parents and Pastors Embrace the Uncontrollable. It is written by Andrew and Kara Root. Andrew Root is well known among pastors for his series of books on ministry, church, and evangelism in a secular age. These books can be rather dense as Root seeks to bring into the conversation leading philosophers and social theorists who write about secularism, such as Charles Taylor and Hartmut Rosa. In this particular book, Andrew and Kara Root draw upon Rosa's book The Uncontrollability of the World, as well as their experiences as a family taking a pilgrimage in the Scottish borderlands and northern England to Lindisfarne, a pilgrimage that traces the steps from Melrose, Scotland to the holy island off the English coast that St. Cuthbert took in the eighth century CE. The message here is that a pilgrimage requires people to let go of their need to control the uncontrollable.
As the subtitle of the book notes, this is a book that figures into the conversation parents and church leaders, especially pastors. Both parents and pastors often feel the need to be in control, either of their children or their congregations. The intentions are good, but the downside is significant because neither children nor congregations are controllable. A theme that runs through this book is one that readers of Andrew Root have already encountered, and that is the concern about the anxiety we feel because of the way life is accelerating and our inability to keep up. Unfortunately, slowing down may not help. At the same time, following Rosa, the Roots speak of the importance of resonance serving as an antidote to acceleration. Yet even here, there are challenges. Resonance, we learn, involves a feeling of being alive, of being awake, of connection. There are, we're told, four traits. First, he writes that "something from outside us 'calls' to us." Secondly, there is the need for a response to that call, what Rosa calls "self-efficacy." Third, he speaks of transformation, which accompanies resonance. Finally, resonant experiences are uncontrollable. That is, these are experiences we can't cause to happen. It is this fourth element that is most important, and is the element that the authors seek to develop in this intriguing book.
That this is a jointly authored book that combines Andrew Roots' understanding of social theory and theology with his spouse's more pastoral experiences, such that she serves as senior pastor of Lake Nokomis Presbyterian Church in Minneapolis. That pastoral element shows through in several places and makes this book a little less dense than others he has written on his own.
The titles of the chapters give us a sense of what we find in this book, which combines social commentary with accounts of the pilgrimage that Andrew and Kara took with their two teenage children, Maisy and Owen. We get to hear about the ups and downs of their journey, which was successful but at times stressful. The stressful parts often emerged when they tried to control the uncontrollable. So, we begin with a conversation about "Control-Freak Parenting," something parents can resonate with. Then we get to "The Thrill of Uncontrollability." It might be thrilling, but again, it is anxiety-producing. The third chapter is titled "Get Aggressive, Get, Get Aggressive." It is in this chapter that the authors begin sharing about the pilgrimage following the path trodden by Cuthbert, a monk and bishop of Lindisfarne, whose story was told by Bede. It is in this chapter that the Roots begin discussing a growth mindset that easily takes hold of our lives. If we don't grow our churches, for example, they will die., So we do all we can to produce growth even though it is uncontrollable. We do the same with our children as we seek to give them all the resources they'll need to succeed in life.
After sharing with us a service of Morning Prayer that Kara developed for their journey, we get to Chapter 4 titled "Grow, Grow, Grow." The authors begin by sharing another element of their journey before getting into the topic at hand, the desire for growth. The term introduced here is "dynamic stabilization," the sense that life is stable only when it is growing. Of course, as we've learned in other Root books, growth requires innovation. Innovation demands that we control the uncontrollable, even if that means controlling God. We do this in several ways. First, we make the world visible, then reachable. From there, we make the world manageable. Of course, management requires control. Finally, we seek to make the world and the church, etc., "useful." Even ritual and worship are defined by their usefulness. Of course, God is uncontrollable, and faith requires that we let go of our need to control God.
As we continue the journey on Day 2, we come to a chapter titled "Losing Grip" (Chapter 5). Here, they remind us that when we try to control the world, it withdraws from us because it is not an object that we can control. He contrasts here being a tourist, which does involve control, with being a pilgrim, something that breaks through one's ability to control. So, the message here is that to be a pilgrim, we need to loosen the grip of control. That is because seeking to control life leads to alienation, which in turn leads to burnout and depression. Moving on to Day 3, we have Chapter 6, "The Longest Mile." You will need to read the chapter to fully understand the context, but here they talk about the problem of "relationless Relating, which emerges from the desire for instrumentalization and optimization, or to borrow from Buber, as they do, this is a question of an "I-It" kind of relationship."
When we arrive at Chapter 7, we hear the story of another day on the path of St. Cuthbert. The title of the Chapter is "Losing What We Never Had." Here, they discuss the sense of control that we desire but never had. They do note that there is room for semicontrollability, but not full control. One example here is prayer, which is semicontrollable because it involves a dialogue. We choose to enter the conversation but not the response. There are, however, barriers that exist to living this way. This chapter ends with the Midday Prayer service that Kara Root developed.
Now we have two more chapters. Chapter 8 is titled "Haunted by the Frame: The Church, the Kids, and the Viking Raiders." The last component, of course, being the Viking raiders that devastated the monastery, driving the monks from the Island. The focus here is on understanding resonance and its relationship to desire or longing. They note, following Rosa, that desire cannot be controlled. Though they are not completely left to chance. Rather, they are shaped by culture, circumstances, and us. The question then is how to shape desires. Parenting and pastoring then involve helping people to shape their desires well. Thus, "to shape our desire toward God is to shape our longings toward that which we cannot attain on our own" (p. 191). The final Chapter is titled "Door-knocking Demons and the End of It All" (Chapter 9). In this chapter about the uncontrollability of uncontrollability, they speak of the monsters we encounter in life, as well as on the pilgrimage. That is, our terror of the uncontrollable. Dealing with this requires trust, something that pilgrims understand because pilgrims do not control what happens along the way. The chapters end with Evening Prayer, another service put together by Kara Root.
In the Epilogue, the authors speak of the relationship of forgiveness to letting go. There is a need for gentleness and acceptance of ourselves and others. They ask whether the journey of a pilgrim might be a "constant journey of forgiveness" (p. 226). That makes sense, but it does mean letting go of our need to control. If you have been reading Andy Root's books, you will want to read this one as well. If you haven't read him, this would be a good place to start. Including this personal story of their pilgrimage as a family draws the reader into the conversation, and the message is an important one for parents and for churches.
September 30, 2025
This is not what I expected when I chose this, so it was a strange read. However, I persevered and finished it and was rewarded by a series of good insights into other people's experiences of life in the fast lane. Having come through the 'sandwich years' myself, looking back I can relate to much of what is said. It was interesting and well written.
Thank you to the author's for sharing and to netgalley and Baker Academic & Brazos Press | Brazos Press for the ARC. This review was given freely.
Thank you to the author's for sharing and to netgalley and Baker Academic & Brazos Press | Brazos Press for the ARC. This review was given freely.
October 6, 2025
What a fantastic book! I’m a pastor and a parent. My wife is also a pastor. So this book resonated with me on multiple levels. At first the idea of letting go of control felt a bit cliché, but the Root’s story telling and theological depth showed me just how obsessed with control I am and how much that obsession kills resonance in my life. I’m tremendously grateful for this book and highly recommend it to anyone who is overwhelmed by anxiety in leadership or parenting.
October 21, 2025
I’ve read nearly all of both Andy and Kara’s works, and love them dearly. As a pastor but not a parent, I was able to relate to only one half of its perspective, and yet I feel better off for reading it. Not many books tend to blend vocational ministry and parenting, and make so many parallels between the two. Well done!
September 28, 2025
It was pretty boring I wanted to give it the doubt of thought but to be honest I regret just continue reading through it . At first it seemed interesting but into the third chapter I was just not feeling it at all
October 10, 2025
I loved the experience of reading this book. It's a seamless blend of history, personal memoir, and interaction with Hartmut Rosa's social theory, topped off with beautiful prayers and poems. A tremendous read, that is timely and powerful.
Full video review here: https://youtu.be/NjEeJ657IJ0
Full video review here: https://youtu.be/NjEeJ657IJ0
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews