Never Say No: Raising Big-Picture Kids

by Mark Foreman, Jan Foreman

The question Mark and Jan Foreman are most often asked How did you raise your kids?

Never Say No takes you on a personal journey to learn first-hand how they raised Jon and Tim of Switchfoot. They share practical advice for instilling wonder in a media-saturated culture, cultivating specific gifts, and balancing structure with individual choice. Our purpose as parents is the same as our child’ to live creatively beyond ourselves, bringing the love, beauty and nature of God to this world. Let the adventure begin.

Genres: Parenting

304 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2015

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I requested this book because the title intrigued me, Never Say No, well how does one do that – as a mom of three children ages 13, 10 and 8 I say no….a lot. While I like the idea of not saying no there are still times that no is appropriate – like when my son thinks he needs a new pair of tennis shoes when he already has a play pair and a good pair. I have to pinch pennies – as a widowed mom I have to be careful so unlike Jan and Mark, I don’t have the means to make everything my children want to do become a reality. My girls are going to Detroit with their Dance Company, and that was a yes, a huge, yes but it also brings with it a HUGE financial commitment and so we’re fundraising for that, if there weren’t fundraising or relatives I would have had to say no.

I get what the Foreman’s are trying to say, they didn’t want to limit their children’s (who are now grown) view of the world – but most parents I know aren’t going to just say hey, you want to do that, go for it – without looking at the cost involved and those may be more than just financial costs. I think the one thing I did glean from this book is I should say yes more – want to go to the park, yes. Can we take a walk? Yes. I do think that we, as parents, do say no too often and too much – saying yes gives us and our children more freedom. If there is a legitimate no, I don’t think giving an explanation of why is a bad thing either. Overall, this book was an interesting look into a new way of parenting – saying yes to our children.

**I was given a copy of this book from Litfuse Publicity in exchange for my honest opinion, no other compensation was given.

[Charity Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book on a topic that I am extremely passionate about (thus the name of my blog!!). Mark and Jan are the parents of Tim and Jon Foreman…You know, from a little band called Switchfoot? In this book they teach about “Transparenting”. (Not sure if I made that word up.) Anyway, looking at the heart of the child and guiding them through love and discernment instead of harshness and discipline. The idea is to “Never Say No” when the child asks if you can play. Enjoying them while you can.

While I absolutely agree with the entire idea of this book, I fear that it may seem overwhelming to some. In parts, it comes across that this is really what you need to do or you will have regrets and the child will stop asking you. I just hope that it isn’t read the wrong way and parents start to feel guilty. I certainly don’t feel like that is their belief.

I hope that what is taken from this book will be to really seek your child’s heart. When they are misbehaving, why? What’s really going on? Also, being able to say “sorry” when we are wrong and being transparent in our lives as we are the model of what they will become.

Thank you, Litfuse, for this WONDERFUL book! As always, this is my honest opinion. Here’s to many more!!

[Heather Fineisen · Rating 4 out of 5]

No means No. Maybe means No. Sometimes Yes turns into No. These are universal rules that most kids know. At least knew. But Mark and Jan Foreman are ushering in the Never Say No era of parenting in their book of the same title and this is not the over-indulgent yes to everything mode of parenting where everyone wins everything. This is parenting where there is always an alternative to NO. Finding alternative choices and paths that work for the individual are stressed over negative reinforcement. I really like the way this reinforces positive self-esteem and enhances problem solving skills. Not just for children but for parents as well. When we know we are being good parents and following our path, what does this teach our children? Simple yet profound, really. AND Never Say No even works on dogs. Instead of No, Don't, Stop we are actually teaching our new dog of two weeks positive reinforcement and watching our eleven-year-old daughter implement these practices with him while we implement them with her. The Foremans CAN teach old dogs and new dogs these tricks!

Provided by publisher/litfuse

[Josh Solar · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite thing about this book was that it wasn't a bunch of do this and do that parenting tips. it was story based, full of what the Foreman family stood for and their values. The book focuses on how they parent d around their family values and it was easily relatable. Loved it.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to say first of all that this isn't a "fast food" type of book. It's more like a full 6 course meal! There's a lot of information to digest, so you shouldn't try to get through it in one quick sitting.

Mark writes a chapter, then Jan writes a chapter, and they continue in that pattern. At the end of each chapter, there are questions for you to ask yourself and your spouse, to get a better idea of what you're currently doing right and wrong in your parenting. Let me tell you, some of the questions are tough. No one likes looking so closely at oneself to see her flaws and failures. But how else can we change for the better if we don't see and accept that something is not working well?

I like how they each have different styles of writing. You can really tell that they both love the Lord so much and they both love their boys fiercely. They don't claim to be perfect parents. Many mistakes were made in their parenting adventure. But the mistakes they made, as well as the successes they had, can help all other parents with their own child-raising.

There's something neat about reading words from the parents of favorites. I have always admired Switchfoot's use of weaving the relevant, the deep and the "cool" all at once. I see now where the guys get it from. :) The book is really well written. I like how they indclude stories of their boys' childhood, and stories of their own lives, in each chapter. The book's like a mix of a parenting help book, a memoir and a devotional. There were so many parts that I had to highlight because they were so good, that I was unable to choose just a few for this review.

I found it neat that a main idea in the book, relationship over behavior, is something that Jerry has been dwelling on. He's working on posts about something he's calling #be2do. You are more important than what you do. What you do is a reflection of who you are. The Foremans touched on this as well, in that what our children do hinges greatly on our relationship with them.

I would suggest that every parent go out and get this book, or download an e-version. There is so much wisdom and love within the pages. I was truly blessed by reading it, and I know my children will be equally blessed because of the change in me. It's one to buy for someone as a baby shower gift. The new parents probably won't realize the relevance at first, but once you read through it, it's pretty obvious that the wise advice is good from birth and beyond.

[Rachel DeVaughn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure what to expect since the title of the book says "Never Say No" but I enjoyed reading this book. Saying NO refers to building a sand castle, taking a walk with your kids, climb a tree-being available to accept your child's invitation and not saying no all the time or not now. Of course it doesn't mean to say yes to every child's wish and demand. "God is one big YES for us, and we want to pay it forward to our own kids."

I liked in chapter 2 that it addressed creating a new family map-taking how you were raised, how your spouse was raised, and piecing those things together to create your own family "map". The author explains that what is familiar is not always best for your home. It takes courage, honestly, and persistence to create a new set of family rules and map for your home.

Another thing the author addresses is TIME. Time spent with your kids is showing how much you love them and want to take care of them. Both the authors believed that if they invested their time heavily in their children it would benefit them in the long run. I truly believe that!

Since I work full time outside the home, I spend the majority of my evenings and weekends doing things for my kids and with my kids. We do workbooks, exercising, crafts, going to the library, going to the park, etc. Yes after a long week at work I would rather stay home and do chores and relax, but spending time with my children and enjoying my time with them is how I show them that I love them.

An important question asked at the end of chapter 3-"Do we enjoy your children? More importantly, do we know the delight of God's love for us so we might purely enjoy our children for who they are?"

I love that at the end of every chapter, there are thought provoking questions that are asked, as well as space to write down your thoughts and answers.

This book was good resource to read! Reading the whole book, or picking and choosing chapters to read will hopefully benefit you and your family.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from LitFuse Publicity in exchange for an honest review on my blog and social media-all opinions are my own.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this life changing book to anyone who is seeking a new book about Christian parenting and raising children. I liked that they covered a wide range of topics that they have learned in raising their two boys. I liked how Mark and Jan shared how it is important to never say no to our children. They strongly believed that always saying no to our children when they ask us to play with them can have such a negative impact on their lives that they will eventually stop asking us to play with them. I also liked how they covered how critical it is to make sure we fill our children’s love tank by speaking their love language. They also noticed that when their children love tank was full, they didn’t act out as much. When I have children, I will be exploring and testing this out and making sure I fill my kids love tanks. I also plan to re-read this book before that time too. I also loved the discussion questions included at the end of each chapter.

I enjoyed the personal stories they shared about their boys. For example, one of my favorite stories was about how they were at a conference and the speaker asked people to come up for prayer and they would pray over them. During this time, he realized that his small son, Jon was missing and they frantically starting searching for him. They eventually found him up near the stage laying hands on a man praying over him to be healed. He was doing what he was taught spiritually. This example is very powerful and it’s vital to always remember our kids are watching everybody’s actions and they learn by our example and others – positively or negatively. If you’re looking for an excellent book on parenting, then check this one out!

“I received a review copy of Never Say No, from Litfuse for this review.”

[Beth-Anne White · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I read a good book, I find myself with my pencil, underlining here and there the little things that stick out, or that I want to remember. I have worn out my pencil on this book. I think I might have underlined more than I didn't. I have stars marking specific sections, I have notes to myself in it. And I have plans to re-read this amazing book as soon as I can with my husband and go through it slowly and digest it even more, and work through each of the questions at the end of each chapter.

In case you couldn't tell. I was blown-away by this book. It is amazing. As a new parent I am eager to learn from those who have gone before me. And this was probably the best parenting book I have ever read. This is a book I want to hand out to all of those who are closest to me as I raise my child. I want them to have the beliefs in this book.

Mark and Jan are richly in love with Christ and their children. This is not about letting your child have everything they want--but about saying yes to being there with your children. To never saying no to the call of your child to come and be with you. You need to read this book. Seriously. I can't do it justice in this review but it is worth the time to read through it and go through the questions at the end of the chapter. You won't regret the time spent reading this book.

Mark and Jan are honest and candid in their mistakes and growth as parents. They are not perfect but they have such an amazing friendship with their children and have given their children such freedom to become who God has designed them to be that it inspires me as a parent. I think it will inspire you as well.

I highly, highly recommend this book.

I received this book free from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

[Nicole Bennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've read a lot of parenting books, but I think what I like most about this book is what its tagline proclaims, it's about "raising big-picture kids." And that's exactly the kind of book it is. This isn't a nitty-gritty how-to-parent book, it's a big-picture look at parenting, and about raising children who love the Lord and who are fully living out who God created them to be.
I didn't agree with all of it but it was still an encouraging read for parenting across the stages.

[Jason Garwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ya know, it's not a theological treatise (in fact, some of the theology was wonky), but it does have some great tips and I believe it to be worth the read for those gems strewn throughout.