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Deaf and Dumb Danny Does Christmas
Deaf and Dumb Danny loves to spread Christmas cheer.
His sack is so big 'cause he comes once a year.
His sack is so full that it drags on the ground.
He has a rock-hard surprise for every girl in town.
Deaf and Dumb Danny comes down the chimney and fills stockings with his load.
Gives the girls a white Christmas, it looks like it snowed.
While the kids sleep, he leaves them a special surprise. When they wake up, they can't believe their eyes.
It's all over their room, in their bed, on the floor. Candies, treats, and gore galore.
Soon, he'll be visiting every girl around.
It's time to start running 'cause Deaf and Dumb Danny is coming to town!
His sack is so big 'cause he comes once a year.
His sack is so full that it drags on the ground.
He has a rock-hard surprise for every girl in town.
Deaf and Dumb Danny comes down the chimney and fills stockings with his load.
Gives the girls a white Christmas, it looks like it snowed.
While the kids sleep, he leaves them a special surprise. When they wake up, they can't believe their eyes.
It's all over their room, in their bed, on the floor. Candies, treats, and gore galore.
Soon, he'll be visiting every girl around.
It's time to start running 'cause Deaf and Dumb Danny is coming to town!
206 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 28, 2024
5 people are currently reading
18 people want to read
About the author
David Irons
31 books120 followersDavid Irons was the kid who went to his room to watch and read horror when his relatives came round. It paid off. When he left his room, he became an award-winning filmmaker and writer living on the south coast of England. His films, colourful and stylish in design, have won awards at the Cambridge Film festival, Las Vegas VIFF festival, and LA Independent Festival for cinematography, editing, writing, and directing. '7 Winters Alone' - a sci-fi, horror short - was a winner in David Lynch's 2014 Short Film Competition.
In 2019 David had his first novel, Night Waves, published, followed by Night Creepers, Polybius, and The Bloody Tracks of Bigfoot in 2020 - 2021 from Severed Press. Since then, David has become a Splatterpunk award-nominated writer for his '80s summer camp slasher, 'Don't Go To Wheelchair Camp.'
The moral of this story is to be weird and stay in your room. It pays off in the end.
In 2019 David had his first novel, Night Waves, published, followed by Night Creepers, Polybius, and The Bloody Tracks of Bigfoot in 2020 - 2021 from Severed Press. Since then, David has become a Splatterpunk award-nominated writer for his '80s summer camp slasher, 'Don't Go To Wheelchair Camp.'
The moral of this story is to be weird and stay in your room. It pays off in the end.
Ratings & Reviews
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
March 27, 2025
Let's kick this off with two of my favourite quotes from this book….
"He had the IQ of a mannequin with a head injury"
"He wasn't a child; he was a beast in a boy's body wearing a fright mask for a face.”
Do not be fooled by that sweet, innocent face of Mr Irons...turns out, he's an absolute sicko! 😂
A darkly humorous festive read, so dark it should be written in braille! There are some truly hilarious scenes throughout, you know, the kind you gotta check nobody can see what it is you're laughing at because they're so wrong!
And grim, so grim! This is a fucking WILD read and was very hard to put down.
There's nothing more Danny loves in life than Christmas, although “fucky" is a close second. This year Danny gets the best xmas present ever, and a pretty extravagant xmas dinner too. It's a white xmas, but it's a sticky, white xmas, with plenty of the reddest blood and gore mixed in... a real xmas mutant massacre miracle.
And all Danny's xmas' have cum at once..
"He had the IQ of a mannequin with a head injury"
"He wasn't a child; he was a beast in a boy's body wearing a fright mask for a face.”
Do not be fooled by that sweet, innocent face of Mr Irons...turns out, he's an absolute sicko! 😂
A darkly humorous festive read, so dark it should be written in braille! There are some truly hilarious scenes throughout, you know, the kind you gotta check nobody can see what it is you're laughing at because they're so wrong!
And grim, so grim! This is a fucking WILD read and was very hard to put down.
There's nothing more Danny loves in life than Christmas, although “fucky" is a close second. This year Danny gets the best xmas present ever, and a pretty extravagant xmas dinner too. It's a white xmas, but it's a sticky, white xmas, with plenty of the reddest blood and gore mixed in... a real xmas mutant massacre miracle.
And all Danny's xmas' have cum at once..
December 9, 2024
Review to come.
January 30, 2026
Yet another holiday horror read that should be read year-round, Deaf & Dumb Danny Does Christmas: just as depraved & fucked-up as I had hoped, yet so much more-so. To read David Irons is to know you’re in for a cinematic treat on paper, but when it comes to the detailed scenes we got in this one…that may be the LAST thing you wanted under the Xmas tree. 🤢
Danny was born from some pretty disturbing circumstances, where the holidays were his only saving grace. Even though he held them in a special place in his heart, it led him to make some…less than jolly decisions…let’s just say that. Along with a cast of characters that you pray are too inconceivable to be true, you have the perfect storm for so much depravity and destruction. The most fucked-up Christmas story ever told? Winner winner, Christmas dinner! 🍗
David definitely cranked up all his Ironisms for this one, which made for scenes that still live rent-free in my head. He’s never been one to shy away from much but this one…he threw whatever caution he had to the wind and we ended up with the Xmas gift we never knew we wanted. If the title doesn’t warn you, the (beautiful) cover will scream in your face. Check them triggers & prepare for some possible new ones.
Danny was born from some pretty disturbing circumstances, where the holidays were his only saving grace. Even though he held them in a special place in his heart, it led him to make some…less than jolly decisions…let’s just say that. Along with a cast of characters that you pray are too inconceivable to be true, you have the perfect storm for so much depravity and destruction. The most fucked-up Christmas story ever told? Winner winner, Christmas dinner! 🍗
David definitely cranked up all his Ironisms for this one, which made for scenes that still live rent-free in my head. He’s never been one to shy away from much but this one…he threw whatever caution he had to the wind and we ended up with the Xmas gift we never knew we wanted. If the title doesn’t warn you, the (beautiful) cover will scream in your face. Check them triggers & prepare for some possible new ones.
December 29, 2025
This book is not for the faint of heart or the easily offended; and that’s the point.
It’s offensive, cruel, grotesque, and unapologetically inappropriate. If you have thick skin and a dark, questionable sense of humor, you’ll probably find yourself laughing and immediately wondering if you should be. I know I did.
This book doesn’t aim to comfort, redeem, or soften its edges. It commits fully to shock, provocation, and discomfort; and it succeeds. If you know your limits and choose to cross them anyway, this is an easy 5 stars.
Proceed at your own risk.
It’s offensive, cruel, grotesque, and unapologetically inappropriate. If you have thick skin and a dark, questionable sense of humor, you’ll probably find yourself laughing and immediately wondering if you should be. I know I did.
This book doesn’t aim to comfort, redeem, or soften its edges. It commits fully to shock, provocation, and discomfort; and it succeeds. If you know your limits and choose to cross them anyway, this is an easy 5 stars.
Proceed at your own risk.
December 15, 2024
A revolting mutant of a human rapes a woman causing her be pregnant. This story is like a biography of the life and death of Danny. This book has many vile scenes and can be disturbing to some. Story has sex abuse scenes, language, torture, violence, blowing up a elementary school, mass murder, and pedophilia. Read at your own discretion!
December 16, 2024
Good as a splatter punk book ... Was a bit confused on how they survived the explosion especially when one of the characters created it! And everyone in the surrounding area died. Found lately alot of books have a big death scence yet a main character somehow survives. Over all was good :)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 22, 2025
A New Christmas Story Emerges!
A wild ride of a book with some hilarious dark humor. I laughed so much that I'm surely going to the sixth ring.
This book is not for everyone, but if you appreciate horror/splatterpunk, you'll enjoy it.
A wild ride of a book with some hilarious dark humor. I laughed so much that I'm surely going to the sixth ring.
This book is not for everyone, but if you appreciate horror/splatterpunk, you'll enjoy it.
December 19, 2024
3.5 stars. Review to come.
December 27, 2024
I have not laughed so hard from a book in a long time. A truly heartwarming Christmas tale that proves with a little bit of hope and some great poontang anything is possible.
March 21, 2025
I couldn’t look away/stop reading. Just read this, trust me, if you love splatterpunk
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews