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Not If I Can Help It: A Family Lawyer’s Battles for Justice for Victims of Domestic Violence and the Poor
Meg Groff dedicated forty years of her life to fighting for justice for victims of domestic violence in rural and suburban Pennsylvania. Not If I Can Help It recounts some of the most harrowing, infuriating, yet inspiring stories from Groff’s work as a Legal Aid attorney representing women and children whose only resource is the sheer courage they exhibit every day. Among others, you’ll a penniless single mom whose multimillionaire in-laws sued for custody of her two young sons, only to find their high-priced attorneys outmaneuvered by the blue-jean-wearing Groff;Annette, who won two hard-fought family court cases with Groff’s help before being savagely murdered by her husband—who then tried to legally force their four children to visit him weekly in prison; andMuriel, whose estranged husband stalked and threatened her with impunity, until Groff—with the connivance of an understanding judge—devised an imaginative plan for his comeuppance.Groff took an unconventional path to her legal career. After years as a hippie, subsisting on odd jobs with her carpenter husband, she finished college at age 37 and entered law school driven by a passion for justice. She became an activist attorney, applying innovative tactics no law school can teach to tackle the crises that poor moms and families constantly face, victimized by callous bureaucrats, indifferent police, bigoted judges, and unjust laws. Groff quickly came to admire the tenacity and bravery of the women who dared to stand up to their abusers—and often shared the same risks at the hands of the violent, angry men who held her responsible for their loss of familiar power.
Against the odds, Groff won hundreds of exhilarating courtroom victories—and also suffered some heartbreaking defeats. In Not If I Can Help It, she brings these stories to life with vivid detail, deep empathy, surprising humor, and the boundless passion for justice that has driven her life and work. Readers who care about law, human rights, and the struggles of ordinary people will be captivated and inspired by this powerful book and the sobering insights it offers about the American way of justice.
“Groff’s masterful storytelling skills sculpt profound meaning from even the most terrifying of narratives, gifting readers with a deep understanding of what is needed to protect abuse victims and their children . . . Explosive memoir of a family law attorney’s fight for justice.”—Publishers Weekly BookLife (Editor’s Pick)
“Stories of criminal lawyers are common, but stories of those who do the critical unsung work of poverty law are rarely told. In her humble, witty, and compelling voice, Meg Groff shares the inside story of what it is like to be a family law attorney for Legal Aid, including the fantastic victories and traumatic losses that accompany the specialty of representing victims of domestic violence. This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to know what doing good by being a lawyer looks like.”—Joan S. Meier, NFVLC Professor of Clinical Law and Director of the National Family Violence Law Center at George Washington School of Law
“Not If I Can Help It renews your faith in justice and those who fight tirelessly for it, while also breaking your heart. You come away inspired and outraged, with important insight into the terrifying reality of domestic violence.”—Sasha Drobnick, Appellate Litigation Director, DV LEAP, Network for Victim Recovery of DC
“Everyone who reads this book will want Groff as their attorney-champion, but for now you will have to settle for her being your storyteller.
Against the odds, Groff won hundreds of exhilarating courtroom victories—and also suffered some heartbreaking defeats. In Not If I Can Help It, she brings these stories to life with vivid detail, deep empathy, surprising humor, and the boundless passion for justice that has driven her life and work. Readers who care about law, human rights, and the struggles of ordinary people will be captivated and inspired by this powerful book and the sobering insights it offers about the American way of justice.
“Groff’s masterful storytelling skills sculpt profound meaning from even the most terrifying of narratives, gifting readers with a deep understanding of what is needed to protect abuse victims and their children . . . Explosive memoir of a family law attorney’s fight for justice.”—Publishers Weekly BookLife (Editor’s Pick)
“Stories of criminal lawyers are common, but stories of those who do the critical unsung work of poverty law are rarely told. In her humble, witty, and compelling voice, Meg Groff shares the inside story of what it is like to be a family law attorney for Legal Aid, including the fantastic victories and traumatic losses that accompany the specialty of representing victims of domestic violence. This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to know what doing good by being a lawyer looks like.”—Joan S. Meier, NFVLC Professor of Clinical Law and Director of the National Family Violence Law Center at George Washington School of Law
“Not If I Can Help It renews your faith in justice and those who fight tirelessly for it, while also breaking your heart. You come away inspired and outraged, with important insight into the terrifying reality of domestic violence.”—Sasha Drobnick, Appellate Litigation Director, DV LEAP, Network for Victim Recovery of DC
“Everyone who reads this book will want Groff as their attorney-champion, but for now you will have to settle for her being your storyteller.
287 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 4, 2025
7 people are currently reading
78 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
April 23, 2025
I generally don't rate memoirs, but this deserves 5 stars. (And then about 500 more).
I finished the book last night and haven't stopped thinking of it since. These stories will stay with you LONG after you finish the book. Couldn't recommend it enough - I honestly think this should be required reading.
Meg Groff's career is almost as incredible as its origin story, when a barefoot woman in a nightgown came frantically knocking at her door one night. Meg Groff is endlessly advocating for her clients, whom you grow to love in every single individual chapter. A topic such as this could easily feel heavy, dark, overly dramatic, but Meg's conversational tone feels as if she's recounting the tales to you in the very same room.
The world is a much better place because people like Meg Groff exist. Thank you for sharing your story, Meg, and being such an incredible advocate for DV survivors and their families!
I finished the book last night and haven't stopped thinking of it since. These stories will stay with you LONG after you finish the book. Couldn't recommend it enough - I honestly think this should be required reading.
Meg Groff's career is almost as incredible as its origin story, when a barefoot woman in a nightgown came frantically knocking at her door one night. Meg Groff is endlessly advocating for her clients, whom you grow to love in every single individual chapter. A topic such as this could easily feel heavy, dark, overly dramatic, but Meg's conversational tone feels as if she's recounting the tales to you in the very same room.
The world is a much better place because people like Meg Groff exist. Thank you for sharing your story, Meg, and being such an incredible advocate for DV survivors and their families!
May 23, 2025
How does one sum up such a remarkable work? This memoir is thoughtfully written, personal, eye opening, and informative. The stories make you want to keep reading, even as your heart is breaking for the victims and survivors. Highly recommend.
May 1, 2025
This memoir is an educational and enraging book about one woman’s fight for social justice in Bucks County. The sharp yet empathetic writing deftly handles the complex cases. Her clients are unsung heroes and I cannot stop thinking about their stories. Meg is, simply, an inspiration.
October 30, 2025
This book is as important as it is fascinating. I finished it in a week and it has me thinking deeply about the roots of poverty and violence in America, especially now, as a spotlight shines on the massive number of people who, in one of the richest countries in the world, are unable to adequately feed themselves and their families when assistance is cut off. It has gotten me wondering how many people showing up at food pantries are living with violence at home with no one to turn to.
If you’ve been feeling hopeless about making things better, wondering if and how it’s possible, and if you have compassion for the poor and abused, I highly recommend this excellently written, deeply informative, and frequently humorous memoir. (Also, if you know anyone who might lack an understanding of how poverty and violence are perpetuated among innocent children who are often doomed to continue the cycle, this could be a good stocking stuffer, especially if they’re true crime fans.)
It’s hard to believe that one family law attorney could have saved so many lives with her bravery, knowledge, and unwavering devotion to justice over the course of 30+ years. But the common thread in each heart-rending story is Groff’s deeply held belief that ALL humans have value and that they ALL deserve the right to a healthy environment in which they are protected from abuse, be it physical, sexual, or otherwise. Groff masterfully transitions between narrative and exposition, explaining via specific cases how she had to work against laws and a culture that traditionally have not prioritized women and children’s right to safety above a father’s rights, especially when they are poor. As a result of our culture’s historic tendency to devalue the rights of women and children, many of them have been legally forced to remain with their abusers despite evidence of frequent and usually escalating violence, which in many cases has led to tragic, and preventable, results. Even now, as you learn in this book, many of our laws are not adequate, not adequately implemented, and not consistent from state to state. Groff tells story after story of wives, girlfriends, and mothers who first and foremost needed to be listened to, and next needed a (free) attorney who understood their rights under the law and made sure those rights were observed, because so often they simply weren’t, and often still aren’t. I was literally brought to tears by some of the close calls these stories relate, and full out wept when, sometimes, it was too late for Meg to save someone from a violent end.
Even though this book is about domestic violence, it is deeply linked to poverty, which is what has been sitting with me the most heavily. Sometimes we know why poverty and violence persist in our wealthy country, but it’s hard to understand how. I think this book draws back the curtain on a lot of the “how” at the micro level. The stories and information in the book culminate with the passing of Kayden’s Law, which was passed just a few years ago in PA and has inspired similar laws in many, but not all, other states, nor yet at the federal level. It’s almost a happy ending, but there is still so much inconsistency in child protection across the country and so many women and children suffering silently.
I really can’t recommend this book enough. It very clearly lays out how prevalent abuse and poverty are, how easily it’s ignored, and how crucial it is to have strong, clear laws and policies that will get at the root of the problem, which is that we have to stop excusing abuse and injustice, especially when a family is poor, and letting children grow up destined to stay locked in a world of violence and suffering that they don’t have the tools to fix.
If you’ve been feeling hopeless about making things better, wondering if and how it’s possible, and if you have compassion for the poor and abused, I highly recommend this excellently written, deeply informative, and frequently humorous memoir. (Also, if you know anyone who might lack an understanding of how poverty and violence are perpetuated among innocent children who are often doomed to continue the cycle, this could be a good stocking stuffer, especially if they’re true crime fans.)
It’s hard to believe that one family law attorney could have saved so many lives with her bravery, knowledge, and unwavering devotion to justice over the course of 30+ years. But the common thread in each heart-rending story is Groff’s deeply held belief that ALL humans have value and that they ALL deserve the right to a healthy environment in which they are protected from abuse, be it physical, sexual, or otherwise. Groff masterfully transitions between narrative and exposition, explaining via specific cases how she had to work against laws and a culture that traditionally have not prioritized women and children’s right to safety above a father’s rights, especially when they are poor. As a result of our culture’s historic tendency to devalue the rights of women and children, many of them have been legally forced to remain with their abusers despite evidence of frequent and usually escalating violence, which in many cases has led to tragic, and preventable, results. Even now, as you learn in this book, many of our laws are not adequate, not adequately implemented, and not consistent from state to state. Groff tells story after story of wives, girlfriends, and mothers who first and foremost needed to be listened to, and next needed a (free) attorney who understood their rights under the law and made sure those rights were observed, because so often they simply weren’t, and often still aren’t. I was literally brought to tears by some of the close calls these stories relate, and full out wept when, sometimes, it was too late for Meg to save someone from a violent end.
Even though this book is about domestic violence, it is deeply linked to poverty, which is what has been sitting with me the most heavily. Sometimes we know why poverty and violence persist in our wealthy country, but it’s hard to understand how. I think this book draws back the curtain on a lot of the “how” at the micro level. The stories and information in the book culminate with the passing of Kayden’s Law, which was passed just a few years ago in PA and has inspired similar laws in many, but not all, other states, nor yet at the federal level. It’s almost a happy ending, but there is still so much inconsistency in child protection across the country and so many women and children suffering silently.
I really can’t recommend this book enough. It very clearly lays out how prevalent abuse and poverty are, how easily it’s ignored, and how crucial it is to have strong, clear laws and policies that will get at the root of the problem, which is that we have to stop excusing abuse and injustice, especially when a family is poor, and letting children grow up destined to stay locked in a world of violence and suffering that they don’t have the tools to fix.
April 18, 2025
Tremendous book. Mixes poignant and engaging stories of the women and children fighting for their lives and happiness with clear explanations of the problems with the legal system that is supposed to protect them.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews