The Love Lies: 10 Revelations that will Transform Your Relationships and Enrich Your Love Life

by Debrena Jackson Gandy

Foreword by Actress Kim Coles. The U.S. boasts the highest divorce rate of any country in the world and some of the highest relationship dissatisfaction rates. Yet, despite the endless amounts of advice and experts available to us, we continue to experience increasing levels of frustration, conflict, emotional breakdown, and failure in our relationships. What are we missing? What continues to elude us? What is inherently wrong with our understanding of what makes love relationships work? Debrena Jackson Gandy, two-time national best-selling author and founder of The Love Academy addresses these questions and the root causes of this massive breakdown in relationships in our country. Most of the advice and models given to American women only address the symptoms of this epidemic, usually applying simplified how-to techniques that tend to lead to more confusion than resolution. These are band-aids, and ineffective ones at that. The Love Lies delves deeper to unearth ten toxic beliefs that have been instilled in women since pre-school, influencing us through a wide range of ages and trapping us all in a web of illusions. These powerful "Love Lies" manipulate perceptions, create delusions and perpetuate behaviors that unknowingly sabotage our relationships. The Love Lies sets women free from chronic cycles of dissatisfaction and disappointment and offers a proven process to dismantle the lies, heal the mind and heart, and transform the American relationship paradigm forever.

210 pages, Hardcover

First published September 15, 2014

Reviews

[Kathi Clark · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is hilarious. First, there is a whole page of why the author is so great, based on how many talk shows and magazines she has appeared in. I had never heard of her, but I don't watch talk shows or read magazines. Then she says this entire book is not her idea, but that "god" was speaking through her. She talks about how girls get warped ideas about relationships, but I think she must have grown up on a different planet than I did, because not a single example applied to me. She explains that this process (described in the book) is a way of moving from being "in your girl" to "in your woman," but is unable to use the word "vagina" and instead refers to it as "the goodness." There are a lot of made-up terms and acronyms that she introduces, which just serve to confuse the writing. I found nothing in here that has not been covered in other relationship books in the past several decades. What sets this one apart is that the writing is painful to read and the author tries to come across as spiritual and mystical. That a comedian is the person she chose to write a foreword should have been my first clue. This book would be successful if it were meant as a parody of self help books, but I do not think that was the intention. FAIL.

[Krazybooklady · Rating 2 out of 5]

I started to give this book 3 stars, but here on Goodreads, 3 stars means "I liked it." 2 stars means "It was ok," so that's where this book ended up. It was just ok. I would not even have finished this book or wrote a review on it if I was not committed to reviewing it. There are many things I did not like about this book. First off, if you are married, there is no way that these 10 "revelations" are going to "transform your relationships and enrich your love life" even though in the description it clearly says it will "transform and strengthen ANY love relationship." One of these so-called "revelations" is about requirements lists that some single women may have about the characteristics of "the one" and one says dating is not how you get to know a man. Hello. How are revealing these so-called "truths" going to help ANY love relationship? Even in this book, it says it applies to married women as well as single women. I felt a little duped because I do not think the description matches what you actually get with this book. This book, at best, is a guide for single women. And I do use the word "guide" loosely.

Furthermore, the author says she received these Love Lies as "spiritual downloads" which came to her "directly from God." In more than one place, she even says God was actually talking to her, as in "God said..." Let me point out that I am a believer, but this was just too much for me. I also did not think these "revelations" were really anything different than most of us have read in millions of places.

Another thing that got me was how the author referred to "Debrena-isms." One of these "Debrena-isms" was "goodness" which this author uses to refer to your vagina. And this after we have just been given a mini-lecture about how we need to go from being "in your girl" to "in your woman." If the author is "in her woman," let's just call it a vagina and move on. Actually, many times when she used the word "goodness," she should have just said sex and left it at that. Another "Debrena-ism" that got me is how she says we are supposed to "man season" which means yes, you can change your man and you should. Of course, this book doesn't say anything about us being positively influenced by men as well to do things they might like because, of course, if we are "in our woman," we are perfect in every way and don't need changing, but those men sure do! I'm sorry, I just had to throw up my hands at this. If the "advice" in this book is followed, you could potentially run into a whole new slew of relationship problems.

So, in summary, while this book may be good for single women looking to attract a man, I think it should be taken loosely. And I would not recommend this to any married women that I know.

[Laura Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love a good self helf book;
however, this isn't one of them.

There wasn't anything here that was new, or unbiased. Also, the author attempts to try to take this professional approach in some places, but then refers to the vagina as the "goodness." I just didnt feel it flowed well at all.

[Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing it has completely transformed my relationship with myself and my partner. I am able to communicate effectively, take good care of myself, and I now understand my power. I recommend this book to any woman wanting to escape the bondage of mainstream thinking and walk into the freedom of truth. I love that this book uses God as a guide to make sense of all of it and to bring it all full circle. This book has blessed me in so many ways. I appreciate Debrena's transparency and wisdom, it made this book easy to follow. I have recommended this book to all of my friends and family members and those that have read it love it. I am no longer walking in my "girl" I am now living in my "woman" and my world has changed for the better.

[Dirty Dayna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Self Help Stars
When the love lies have entered your behaviors you tend to :

*look for the one
*have trouble sustaining a relationship
* settle
*have a what I want in a man list
* think your too independent
* open your legs too soon
---those few things are my current struggles

10 Love lies
1. Love is found – people characterize love as a noun something you can go get
2. A man completes you – you don’t have a void
3. I have a sole soul mate—people believe you get one chance at love
4. Self-love is optional—heck noo
5. I have a requirements list—a man is not a shopping list
6. I need to get what I want from a man – nooo
7. Dating is how you get to know someone – there is no magical scorecard
8. He should already know –he doesn’t
9. I can’t change a man – people are not set in stone they are forever changing
10. I am the follower—females typically lead
In this book which I recommend you buy the hardcover book as well as the companion workbook ( didyoubuythelovelies.com) and journal while you go along.

BLISS is also an amazing new anagram
Be your woman
Let go of old beliefs
Invoke your feminine leadership
Stop the communication insanity
Strengthen man seasoning skills (speak appreciation)
Seek healing and forgiveness
This is a really good Relationship book or even a pre relationship book. It doesn’t read well unless you have the book with you to earmark. I think it is a great addition to the self-help relationship world. Its simple its delivery but its words women often leave unsaid/unread

[Rain · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not know what to think about this book especially since the cover comes off a bit negative for something that is suppose to help you. I should first start by saying, I don't buy into the whole "God told me so," so I was immediately displeased with this book. Regardless of that, there was not a single thing in this book to help any negative aspect of my relationship. It may work for others, but it did nothing for me.