Takes More Than Love: A Memoir of Racial Trauma, Marriage, and Finding Your Voice

by Jenna Winters

If Jenn had known her husband's family before they'd gotten married, there might never have been a wedding at all.

Now she has to confront the reality that her new family holds ignorant—and, at times, racist—views, and that spending time around them triggers her ingrained trauma of growing up Black in the U.S.

Why is it so hard for her to speak out against their prejudice? And, more importantly, what does it mean that her husband is silent in the face of all this?

This transformative memoir follows Jenn as she confronts the past, helps her husband on his own journey to racial awareness, and finds the inner strength to be an advocate for others.

Both harrowing and uplifting, this book is for anyone who has ever been othered, as well as those in close relationships with those from different walks of life. It challenges us all to confront our unconscious bias and seek true reconciliation.

226 pages, Paperback

Published September 3, 2024

About the author

Jenna lives with her husband and four children in Omaha, ​Nebraska. Whenever she has a spare moment, she can be ​found enjoying a book (she carries one with her everywhere ​she goes). The only thing she loves more than reading is ​traveling. She believes that leaving the comfort zone of one’s ​own community is one of the greatest ways to build empathy ​for other people.

Reviews

[Leah T. Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Takes More Than Love” is a powerful and necessary memoir that left me both heartbroken and inspired. Jenna Winters is stronger than I could ever be—I would’ve walked out on so many of those condescending conversations she endured.
One unforgettable line that captures the absurdity of what she faced: “Is Obama a good black?” The audacity and ignorance in that question says everything.
I wish Ryan had been more supportive throughout her journey, but I think he was more oblivious than malicious—much like many people who don’t “understand” the importance of basic themes like “be kind in spite of differences” and “don’t be a part of the problem.” The excuse of “that’s just how older people are” is no excuse for being racist. Period.
This memoir is a reminder that love alone isn’t enough when people refuse to examine their prejudices and stand up against injustice. Winters’ story is appalling, eye-opening, and ultimately a testament to her incredible strength. Everyone needs to read this.
#Memoir #MustRead #TakesMoreThanLove

[Frank Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a difficult review to write for someone like me. What do I mean by that? I am an elderly white English man. I grew up in relative poverty but had the good fortune to be able to attend an exceptional school. Now in my eighties I have earned and saved enough to live comfortably in retirement whilst also benefiting from a generous state funded welfare system.
Many would say that makes me privileged and I would agree. It means, for example, that I don't have the necessary background to fully grasp the suffering of people of colour in a nation where, until comparatively recently, segregation was legally enforced and such people were denied many rights that we Europeans, and the descendants of Europeans in North America, took for granted.
This side of the Atlantic we may have been among the first to end slavery but we cannot escape the fact that we – or the most privileged of our ancestors – instituted the practice of shipping Africans across the ocean to support the colonies that ultimately created the wealth without which I, and millions like me, would not be able to enjoy the comfortable life I described above.
In the same way, there is a certain kind of smugness involved in believing that we have come a long way towards ending racism in my lifetime. There is a particularly affecting scene in Jenna's book in which her father-in-law is in tears during a conversation with his son in which he states his belief that, now that his generation have seen to it that segregation is ended and that people of colour now enjoy the same rights as those of European descent, there is no more to be done. He supported and welcomed those changes. How can his daughter-in-law call him a racist?
The reality is that you can change the law but you can't as easily change the cultural history of Europeans who for centuries believed they were superior to the indigenous people of the lands they conquered and behaved accordingly. Nor the hurt caused by that. Which is why this book needs to be widely read.
Early on in the book I was as guilty as her in-laws of dismissing her emotional response to comments that highlighted her different appearance. Her husband has the same problem. Jenna's memoir documents their journey towards understanding. Determined to save their marriage, both enter therapy. She comes to realise that her emotional response to minor slights is deeply rooted in her childhood.
She becomes a passionate advocate for the anti-racism movement, highly critical of those who are reluctant to call out racism whenever and wherever they encounter it. Such reluctance can be motivated by good manners when exhibited by people of European descent, not wishing to upset a friend or relative. Among people of colour it might be out of fear of the consequences.
Where I live racism is rarely encountered, although it has featured in recent elections in the UK and elsewhere in Europe. Interestingly, appeals to issues of identity in the recent US election seem to have failed. I'm not sure what that means for the future of race relations in that country. I do agree with Jenna that all forms of racist behaviour are unacceptable and should be called out at every opportunity. This is a book which will cause you to question your beliefs about race and equality. That's why I think you should read it.
I received a free copy of “Takes More Than Love” through Rosie Amber's book review website and am happy to award it four stars.

[Pupak · Rating 5 out of 5]

"If Jenn had known her husband's family before they'd gotten married, there might never have been a wedding at all."

Jenna Winters' "Takes More Than Love" is a raw, honest exploration of the complexities of interracial marriage and the devastating impact of racism. It's a story about love, loss, and the courage to find your voice.

Jenn navigates a minefield of ignorance and prejudice when she marries into a family that holds deeply rooted racist beliefs. Her personal journey of healing from past trauma intersects with the challenges of confronting her husband's family, forcing her to confront her own fears and insecurities.

This book is a gut-wrenching exploration of the insidious nature of racism. Winters doesn't shy away from the ugliness, but she also offers hope and resilience. Her ability to transform pain into power is inspiring. Not only does she survive, she truly thrives.

"Takes More Than Love" isn't just a memoir; it's a powerful call to action. It's a reminder that we all have a role to play in dismantling systemic racism. Winters' courage in sharing her story is a beacon of light in a world that desperately needs it.

If you're looking for a book that will challenge you, inspire you, and break your heart, this is it.

Five stars without a doubt.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me an E-ARC of this amazing memoir.

[Kass · Rating 5 out of 5]

I so admire the author's honesty and vulnerability regarding her journey with racial trauma that involved her husband and in-laws. The teaching points throughout the book entitled, "It takes more than love to..." are so powerful! The author gains strength during her journey of dealing with racial remarks that initially cause her to distance herself from her husband and in-laws. But I was so moved by her tenacity to push towards action for herself, her children, and all marginalized groups! We learn the most by listening to the journeys of others. Read this!

[George Whitbeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must Read

Beautifully written memoir, Jenn’s personal story pulls at the heartstrings. You can see yourself in numerous characters in this book, I think we all have blind spots and this book should be an encouragement to always choose compassion and empathy. But we also need action.

[Carolburk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Through the process of marrying her partner and building their family, Jenna realizes that systemic racism is societal, that white privilege creates ignorance to the experience of BIPOC and that just because you are family, does not mean you are safe.
This book is both Jenna’s unique experience and a view of a shared experience about the journey of personal learning and discovery.

[Doug Keel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was eager to read Jenna Winters book “Takes More than Love” because I was interested in her views on what it was like to grow up feeling othered in a society that seems to praise one standard of acceptance. I have dealt with similar issues growing up as the child of a biracial couple, and so it was refreshing to read that I was not alone in some of the experiences, both negative positive, that I’ve had.

Miss Winter‘s writes with such eloquence and thoughtfulness, I t’s hard not to be pulled into the drama that ensues and empathize with what she is going through.

Everyone who has thought about matters of race in our country should read this thought provoking book. I will look at experiences I have through a new lens after having read her work.

[Iona Lam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Jenna Winters' memoir in one sitting. I was gripped from the start with her story, about falling in love while abroad, the hope she brought into her relationship with her husband, Ryan, and the painful fallout of having to deal with his family's casual, thoughtless, and later, entrenched belief that their comments were harmless and didn't cause deep pain and trauma. She writes fiercely, honestly, and transparently about her thoughts, emotions and journey. A book that everyone who has a racialized person in their family or circle should read. In the end, both Jenna and Ryan embrace personal accountability and integrity in the stands they take in their families and in their communities. Definitely worth a read and re-read. Highly recommended.

[Juliana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot adequately put into words how much I appreciate this book. The writing is clever, thoughtful, humorous, deep, approachable, and brilliantly perceptive. The author carefully presents an extremely difficult topic while also delighting her audience with well-timed comedy and compassionate insights. If anyone still has a “why” in their mind about the history of racism and its impact in today’s society, this book answers the question in a deeply personal yet comfortingly conversational way. I laughed a lot, cried even more, but most of all I learned things I would not have had the opportunity to learn without this book. I want to thank this author from the bottom of my heart for her courage in sharing her story.

[Sandra Hodges · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book twice. Why? Because the first time I think I read it while holding my breath from the second chapter through the end of the book.
As the mother of a daughter in an identical marital situation my emotions were all over the place. I wept for Jenna while applauding her courageously brave resolve to stand up for herself.

This book should be a required reading for every sociology, psychology, teacher education and nursing course.
I was recently made aware it is now available audibly in the voice of Jenna herself. And yes, I am getting it so this will be my third and likely not the last time I read, “It Takes More Than Love. “

Highly Recommended!

[marissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly well-written book about a person's true lived experience. Authentic, candid, and personal are three words that immediately come to mind when describing this read. If you are interested in understanding your own or someone else's experience of racial trauma, then this is the book for you.

The author leaves you with the sense that there is obviously more work to be done, but that there is hope if one is willing. I'm curious to see how her story continues to unfold, especially within the context of her family in-law.

[Jana Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenna wove her love and heartache together masterfully in this inspiring memoir. At the end of each chapter, she provided a recap of why it “Takes More Than Love” to survive each of the experiences that she did. Thank you for giving us a glance at how to compassionately approach our interactions with family, partners, neighbors, or anyone anywhere, in this systematically messed up society. So glad that your voice was found so that you could then show others how to find their own. ☺️

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought-provoking and insightful memoir. I’d encourage everyone to read it and think about the myriad ways it applies to many situations.

[Kat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book overview: This transformative memoir follows Jenn as she confronts her past, mentors her husband throughout his own journey to racial awareness, and also discovers the inner strength to be a champion for others.

This was an incredibly honest and raw memoir, filled with moments that made me the feel the full spectrum of emotions, anger, disgust, shock, sad, happy, hopeful, and inspired. Jenna’s words strike to the heart of the reader. The part where she teaches her children was especially beautiful. In that teaching she was healing her own inner child.

There were many pearls of wisdom too. This author is a wizard with words and spins them into a beautiful web of expertise and enlightenment. There were many life phrases that I highlighted in my kindle. Here’s are a few of my favorites…

-“There should be no comfort in ignorance.”
-“No one gets to be the judge of my experiences.”
-“To explain why these things matter is basically pleading for someone to care about your humanity as much as their own.”
-“But we need love AND action.”
-“I'm going to tell them these things so that they know that an ordinary person can and should be an agent of change within their sphere of influence when something in the world is awry.”

The racism, utter ignorance, and vitriol she experienced had me breathless, it was revolting. Unknowingly, I would pause my reading during these times and just stare off dazed about what I just read.

However, even though it tackles the ugliness of racism and biases it also highlights how we can heal from our traumas, use our voices to help others, and be allies and champions together. Our voices have power and we need to start looking “at the people and places we can influence and ask ourselves where there is room for improvement.”

The author then ends her memoir with a little feel good send off and plan of action. I need everyone to read this when it releases on September 3rd and then talk with me about it!!! 😄😍♥️

[Al · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the many great things about reading books is how they can help us understand other people who are in situations much different than our own, which is what this book did for me. The opposite of that, seeing how someone struggling with the same things you struggle with and potentially getting ideas of how they deal with comparable struggles is another area where some books are very valuable, and for other readers out there, this book could well do that. Some might even find themselves on both sides in different ways, for example you might not understand the struggles of being a minority race in the US who has to cope with racism, but you might find yourself having to help a spouse understand why something is difficult for you because they have never experienced those situations (maybe helping a man understand issues that a woman encounters that he never would).

The point, of course, is that better understanding people from all walks of life, both how their lives are different and how they’re the same helps everyone. I’d recommend this book to anyone who wants to become a better person and improve their understanding of the world and those around them.

**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy. **

[Dawson Mckie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Takes More Than Love is the kind of memoir that reaches right into the quiet places where pain, love, and survival all live together. Jenn tells her story with remarkable honesty, and what unfolds is both deeply personal and painfully universal. This is not just a book about marriage. It is a book about what racism does inside relationships, inside families, and inside the body of the person expected to endure it.
What I appreciated most was how real this memoir feels. Jenn does not write from a place of easy hindsight or polished certainty. She writes from the hard middle of it all: the hurt, the silence, the self-questioning, the longing to be understood, and the slow, difficult process of finding her voice. That honesty gives the book its power.
This memoir is heartbreaking in the ways it explores prejudice, complicity, and the cost of staying quiet, but it is also deeply moving in its insistence that growth and reckoning are possible. Takes More Than Love is brave, eye-opening, and incredibly important. A meaningful read for anyone who has ever felt unseen, and an essential one for anyone who wants to understand what true love and accountability really ask of us.

[A S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir details the author and her partner's individual and relational journeys towards growth and healing from racial trauma. It is an open and accurate picture of what navigating the nuances of an interracial relationship entails, and it is presented in a way that is always kind in spite of the harshness of the racism that she experienced from her new family. This should be mandatory reading for mental health therapists, new and old alike, as well as for anyone who feels alone and "othered" in their families and communities.

[Moonyani Write · Rating 5 out of 5]

Takes More Than Love is a deep and engaging story of the dynamics of racism and how it can affect interracial relationships and the person on the receiving end. I loved how Jenna detailed the encounters in such a way that you can visualize and even indirectly experience the emotions for yourself. As a person also of African descent, I know all too well how America, a lot of western society for that matter, has brainwashed so many people and hence how we arrive at stereotypes. Takes More Than Love is definitely a must read.

[A.K. Adler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compassionate and eye-opening, this memoir is full of heart and hope. It was so inspiring to follow Jenn on her journey, as she not only found reconciliation within her marriage but shows a great example of how to advocate for others. If everyone read this book, the world would be a better place!

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jenn’s memoir is heart wrenching and heartwarming at the same time. She eloquently takes you through the ups and downs of being in an interracial marriage and has you rooting for their family. A must read.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author takes you into experiences that you can relate to and will have you up and down on emotions. Very heartfelt.

[Jenna Winters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my book. I poured my heart and soul into what I consider to be the thesis to my time in therapy. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time read what I've put into the world.