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The Muslim (M)other: Social and Political Commentary on Contemporary Muslim Motherhood
140 pages, Paperback
Published June 24, 2025
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September 5, 2025“You are either betraying women for not setting your sights high enough outside of mothering or compromising your femininity by doing too much outside of it.”
An observational work that explores the experiences and challenges of Muslim motherhood in the West, The Muslim (M)Other by writer and illustrator Mariya bint Rehan attempts to provide a glimpse into the societal, political, and cultural issues that shape the lives of Muslim mothers today.
Motherhood has always been a contentious topic of discussion and this has ramped up in recent times, largely due global declining fertility rates. Everyone is keen to give their two cents on what motherhood is and isn’t, and what being a “good” mother looks like. In The Muslim (M)Other, Rehan argues motherhood should be less about external perception and more about individual feelings and experiences as this will inform the values and teachings we impart to our children. This rings true for Muslim women who are forced to be acutely conscious of how they are perceived in a secular, Western context, and how that surveillance translates to raising Muslim children in Western society.
The Muslim (M)Other is divided into four chapters which consist of numerous essays varying in length and content. Due to the wide-ranging nature of the essays, it was necessary to deconstruct each chapter by topic to fully understand the structure and format of the work, and more importantly how it pertains to the core premise.
Chapters and topics include:
The Personal: Motherhood and The Self
Beauty industry; capitalism and consumerism; reproduction; stereotypes; Islamic values
The Digital: Mothering in the Socials
Right wing vs. left wing rhetoric; idealising motherhood; social media
The Political: The Muslim (M)other
Islamophobia; Muslims in media; AI art; Palestine and Israel; Prevent strategy; Trojan Horse Affair
The Cultural: PropaGender and Culturing the Muslim Mother
Gender roles; red pill and ‘Mincel’; social media; algorithms; ‘Trad Wife’
As shown above, this work goes far beyond the expected scope of Muslim motherhood and delves into a plethora of different issues—some of them linked to the subject matter, others less so. Due to this expansive scope, the work as whole felt quite unfocused and surface level; it felt as though the author was trying to cover too many bases at once without fully delving deep enough into any one topic to be truly analytical or satisfying. Whilst there were certainly points I found interesting, by and large I didn’t feel as though I encountered anything ground-breaking or profound. This could be in part due to my own extensive reading on these topics—I didn’t personally come across anything particularly new or refreshing. Perhaps those who aren’t well informed on the Western Muslim experience would benefit from this work as it provides a general introduction on a variety of important topics that can be further explored. For those anticipating a deeper analysis on the actual premise, this work may not quite hit the mark. My intention going into this book was to gain new insights into motherhood and understand how to practically apply the knowledge I had gained if I ever enter motherhood. There were instances where I found myself questioning how the point being made related to Muslim motherhood, or even motherhood in general.
One of the chapters I did find related to the subject matter explored cultural expectations and motherhood. In the essay, Rehan argues,
“Women are being bombarded with messages saying motherhood is simultaneously everything and nothing.”
Though I am not a mother, I have been married for several years and have found it challenging to navigate societal and cultural expectations when it comes to motherhood. Unfortunately, many cultures believe that the sole purpose of life is to get married, and the sole purpose of marriage is to procreate. It is entirely unfathomable to them that women may not want to get married in the first instance, and that those who do may not want to be mothers. Contrastingly, others teach that motherhood is outdated and a waste of time, that once you become a mother, your life is essentially over. You are reduced to being “just a mum”, which is quite dehumanising. This relates to another point the author makes around defying stereotypes; women have to go above and beyond to defy norms and be seen as more than “just a mum”.
Rehan also touches upon the issue of femininity and fertility and how these concepts have been conflated with beauty and desirability. This is a challenge particularly for Muslim women who observe modesty and resist what the author fittingly calls “optical availability to men”. The concept of perceived fertility equating desirability and a woman’s worth is prevalent in many cultures around the globe. The villainising of Muslim women and their reproductive capacity is seen in the UK in both the political and educational spheres. Rehan touches upon the impact of the Prevent strategy in schools and how it disproportionately targets Muslim students, resulting in false referrals and alienation. A peer in the House of Lords recently claimed,
“Radicals will take us over through the power of the womb.”
Charming.
One attendee at our book club mentioned how she, a middle-aged Muslim mother to children ranging from early teens to early twenties, felt as though this book didn’t resonate with her or her experiences of motherhood and child-rearing. As most of us at book club read this from the perspective of childless individuals in their late twenties/early thirties, this sister’s input was both eye-opening and refreshing. Social media (particularly TikTok) and the digital sphere were referenced heavily throughout the book, and whilst this is relevant to some, it doesn’t impact other generations of Muslim mothers. The hyperfixation on the digital world could (and did) cause readers to lose interest. Perhaps this would have been better as a memoir. Hearing the sister’s reflections made me think about how fascinating it would be read a work that truly captures the depth of the Muslim motherhood experience, perhaps through interviews or discussions with Muslim mothers across various ethnic backgrounds, generations and marital statuses. This comparative exercise would not only enable us to understand one another better, but to facilitate knowledge-sharing on marriage, pregnancy and child-rearing.
On several occasions in this work, Islam was brought to the fore to provide a moral and ethical framework for parenting. Though it was positive to see such references, it would have been even better to have this as a more prominent feature in the book, as at times it just felt like a side point. Viewing certain contemporary issues through the lens of Islamic history, female scholarship and the prophet tradition would have also been beneficial.
Regrettably, I must admit that on the whole I struggled to get through this book. My main challenges were with the writing, readability and editing—the latter of which I found appallingly deficient. The grammatical and formatting errors heavily detracted from the readability and accessibility of the work. From the excessive use of en dashes in a single short paragraph, to the strange use tildes and asterisks instead of hyphens and italics respectively, to random boxed director’s notes (why wasn’t this just part of the overall narrative?), to the inconsistent hyphenation of phrases, to obvious typos (“necropolotics”), the readability became increasingly difficult and the writing off-putting. It is burdensome on a reader to have to constantly mentally correct such writing blunders and come across them again and again. The onus is on the publisher and editor to revise and refine anything in the pipeline to be published. It is disheartening to see work come across as unprofessional or sloppy when this is not done as this in turn reflects poorly on the writer.
On to the writing itself, basic ideas and observations seemed to be presented in an unnecessarily convoluted manner; the verbiage made it difficult to decipher the actual point being made. I found myself repeatedly having to reread and deconstruct sentences to absorb the information. For a book that is supposed to be accessible, it proved in some ways to be a literary challenge. Not all ideas need to be relayed in a profound or philosophical way—in fact, the content I actually engaged with the most was written in a plain manner. The formatting and structure was also inconsistent, with short paragraphs one minute then huge ones that spanned pages and pages the next. All of this, again, should have been picked up in the editing process and it’s a shame that it wasn’t.
To be clear, I am not dismissing the content or nitpicking for the sake of it. I simply feel as though the book would have benefitted from a sharper focus, actual editing and better structure. As mentioned, the book covers a huge scope—every topic explored could have been a book in its own right. With all that in mind, I do, however, believe that this work has opened up the conversation around Muslim motherhood, and I look forward to seeing more literature in this field as it is much needed!
For anyone interested in similar works, I would recommend Veiled Threat: On Being Visibly Muslim in Britain by Nadeine Asbali (read my Substack review of that here) and Tangled in Terror by Suhaiymah Manzoor-Khan.
An observational work that explores the experiences and challenges of Muslim motherhood in the West, The Muslim (M)Other by writer and illustrator Mariya bint Rehan attempts to provide a glimpse into the societal, political, and cultural issues that shape the lives of Muslim mothers today.
Motherhood has always been a contentious topic of discussion and this has ramped up in recent times, largely due global declining fertility rates. Everyone is keen to give their two cents on what motherhood is and isn’t, and what being a “good” mother looks like. In The Muslim (M)Other, Rehan argues motherhood should be less about external perception and more about individual feelings and experiences as this will inform the values and teachings we impart to our children. This rings true for Muslim women who are forced to be acutely conscious of how they are perceived in a secular, Western context, and how that surveillance translates to raising Muslim children in Western society.
The Muslim (M)Other is divided into four chapters which consist of numerous essays varying in length and content. Due to the wide-ranging nature of the essays, it was necessary to deconstruct each chapter by topic to fully understand the structure and format of the work, and more importantly how it pertains to the core premise.
Chapters and topics include:
The Personal: Motherhood and The Self
Beauty industry; capitalism and consumerism; reproduction; stereotypes; Islamic values
The Digital: Mothering in the Socials
Right wing vs. left wing rhetoric; idealising motherhood; social media
The Political: The Muslim (M)other
Islamophobia; Muslims in media; AI art; Palestine and Israel; Prevent strategy; Trojan Horse Affair
The Cultural: PropaGender and Culturing the Muslim Mother
Gender roles; red pill and ‘Mincel’; social media; algorithms; ‘Trad Wife’
As shown above, this work goes far beyond the expected scope of Muslim motherhood and delves into a plethora of different issues—some of them linked to the subject matter, others less so. Due to this expansive scope, the work as whole felt quite unfocused and surface level; it felt as though the author was trying to cover too many bases at once without fully delving deep enough into any one topic to be truly analytical or satisfying. Whilst there were certainly points I found interesting, by and large I didn’t feel as though I encountered anything ground-breaking or profound. This could be in part due to my own extensive reading on these topics—I didn’t personally come across anything particularly new or refreshing. Perhaps those who aren’t well informed on the Western Muslim experience would benefit from this work as it provides a general introduction on a variety of important topics that can be further explored. For those anticipating a deeper analysis on the actual premise, this work may not quite hit the mark. My intention going into this book was to gain new insights into motherhood and understand how to practically apply the knowledge I had gained if I ever enter motherhood. There were instances where I found myself questioning how the point being made related to Muslim motherhood, or even motherhood in general.
One of the chapters I did find related to the subject matter explored cultural expectations and motherhood. In the essay, Rehan argues,
“Women are being bombarded with messages saying motherhood is simultaneously everything and nothing.”
Though I am not a mother, I have been married for several years and have found it challenging to navigate societal and cultural expectations when it comes to motherhood. Unfortunately, many cultures believe that the sole purpose of life is to get married, and the sole purpose of marriage is to procreate. It is entirely unfathomable to them that women may not want to get married in the first instance, and that those who do may not want to be mothers. Contrastingly, others teach that motherhood is outdated and a waste of time, that once you become a mother, your life is essentially over. You are reduced to being “just a mum”, which is quite dehumanising. This relates to another point the author makes around defying stereotypes; women have to go above and beyond to defy norms and be seen as more than “just a mum”.
Rehan also touches upon the issue of femininity and fertility and how these concepts have been conflated with beauty and desirability. This is a challenge particularly for Muslim women who observe modesty and resist what the author fittingly calls “optical availability to men”. The concept of perceived fertility equating desirability and a woman’s worth is prevalent in many cultures around the globe. The villainising of Muslim women and their reproductive capacity is seen in the UK in both the political and educational spheres. Rehan touches upon the impact of the Prevent strategy in schools and how it disproportionately targets Muslim students, resulting in false referrals and alienation. A peer in the House of Lords recently claimed,
“Radicals will take us over through the power of the womb.”
Charming.
One attendee at our book club mentioned how she, a middle-aged Muslim mother to children ranging from early teens to early twenties, felt as though this book didn’t resonate with her or her experiences of motherhood and child-rearing. As most of us at book club read this from the perspective of childless individuals in their late twenties/early thirties, this sister’s input was both eye-opening and refreshing. Social media (particularly TikTok) and the digital sphere were referenced heavily throughout the book, and whilst this is relevant to some, it doesn’t impact other generations of Muslim mothers. The hyperfixation on the digital world could (and did) cause readers to lose interest. Perhaps this would have been better as a memoir. Hearing the sister’s reflections made me think about how fascinating it would be read a work that truly captures the depth of the Muslim motherhood experience, perhaps through interviews or discussions with Muslim mothers across various ethnic backgrounds, generations and marital statuses. This comparative exercise would not only enable us to understand one another better, but to facilitate knowledge-sharing on marriage, pregnancy and child-rearing.
On several occasions in this work, Islam was brought to the fore to provide a moral and ethical framework for parenting. Though it was positive to see such references, it would have been even better to have this as a more prominent feature in the book, as at times it just felt like a side point. Viewing certain contemporary issues through the lens of Islamic history, female scholarship and the prophet tradition would have also been beneficial.
Regrettably, I must admit that on the whole I struggled to get through this book. My main challenges were with the writing, readability and editing—the latter of which I found appallingly deficient. The grammatical and formatting errors heavily detracted from the readability and accessibility of the work. From the excessive use of en dashes in a single short paragraph, to the strange use tildes and asterisks instead of hyphens and italics respectively, to random boxed director’s notes (why wasn’t this just part of the overall narrative?), to the inconsistent hyphenation of phrases, to obvious typos (“necropolotics”), the readability became increasingly difficult and the writing off-putting. It is burdensome on a reader to have to constantly mentally correct such writing blunders and come across them again and again. The onus is on the publisher and editor to revise and refine anything in the pipeline to be published. It is disheartening to see work come across as unprofessional or sloppy when this is not done as this in turn reflects poorly on the writer.
On to the writing itself, basic ideas and observations seemed to be presented in an unnecessarily convoluted manner; the verbiage made it difficult to decipher the actual point being made. I found myself repeatedly having to reread and deconstruct sentences to absorb the information. For a book that is supposed to be accessible, it proved in some ways to be a literary challenge. Not all ideas need to be relayed in a profound or philosophical way—in fact, the content I actually engaged with the most was written in a plain manner. The formatting and structure was also inconsistent, with short paragraphs one minute then huge ones that spanned pages and pages the next. All of this, again, should have been picked up in the editing process and it’s a shame that it wasn’t.
To be clear, I am not dismissing the content or nitpicking for the sake of it. I simply feel as though the book would have benefitted from a sharper focus, actual editing and better structure. As mentioned, the book covers a huge scope—every topic explored could have been a book in its own right. With all that in mind, I do, however, believe that this work has opened up the conversation around Muslim motherhood, and I look forward to seeing more literature in this field as it is much needed!
For anyone interested in similar works, I would recommend Veiled Threat: On Being Visibly Muslim in Britain by Nadeine Asbali (read my Substack review of that here) and Tangled in Terror by Suhaiymah Manzoor-Khan.
Displaying 1 of 1 review